Dear Snickers, Incorporated:

FUN SIZE,
magically re-appearing each late September,
when compared to more everyday Thanksgiving size,
should be nearly endless,
as leisurely,
lavish,
and luxurious as melting summer vacation chocolate
on a warm Fourth of July grilling day

FUN SIZE
should not be short
and square
and spare
like a stink bug

FUN SIZE
needs to be long and wide and thick
as a ridiculous dildo.

With gratitude,

Size Queen Snickers