Uncategorized

Fear of Failure

I know you don’t want to hurt
or even disappoint
me

And I know you don’t want to hurt
yourself.

Yet still your shame
and self-blame hurt

Your self-judging
punishing closet frame
suffocates our transparent life
my caring curiosity craves,
and mutual vulnerability
our sharing courage braves.

Addiction to feeling happy
is not free
and connected to sensory satisfaction
nor to ego significant gratification
and certainly not natural and spiritual bilateral wealth
of healthy feeling substantiation,

Which, as you know,
I also recognize as body and mind healthy
choice voices.

Before you even small voice object,
I also recognize you may feel natural
or spiritual choice
has nothing to do with driving off
without “goodbye,
see you safely soon.”

If no physically tolerable choice
of resources to feed serotonin
and water dopamine,
I know, from years of isolated,
neglected experience,
how frightening loss of lonely ego-powered control
can feel.

Speaking not of choice,
but inside swatting interminable Voice
never still
until you self-shame
and blame
hiding hurts
and unfree frames
us both,
unhappy you,
not Here,

And me
loving enough for Us,
not yet Now

Still worrying
what will voiceless nonchoice happen
disempowered There
and unenlightened Then
suddenly Amen

Our silently uninvited End.

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Uncategorized

Peak Communion Addiction

When struggling with addiction
to uncontrolled
and biologically controlling agents
and competitive outside agencies

Earth is helpful in mentoring patience
with failures of humane self-control
to extend,
feed and water
and grow mindbody wealth
of unwalled health.

So, when possible,
as possible,
extend your compassion
away from impatience
with your own owned egocentrism,
from which we all LeftBrain dominantly suffer,
and, instead, turn toward actively felt RightBrain
curiosity

About understanding your addiction cycles,
addictive relationships
vacillating in-between fear and anger
over inadequately safe and nourishing
cooperative humane attachments,

Like, for instance,
the primal neuro-sensory positive
happy
healthy resonant co-empathic
co-relationship you ego-shared
with your original eco-EarthMother
red-blood empowering

And enlightening green MotherEarth cooperative
co-invested
co-passion.

This active curiosity
about your own history of feeling lonely,
unwanted,
detached,
shunned,
marginalized-marginal
unnecessary
dispurposed,
depressed

Is not where
and when
and how you might also remember feeling
curiously connected,

High seratonin
and deep dopamine enriched,
resonantly and resiliently climaxing
health optimizing ego/eco-mother
bilaterally enlightened connection

Re-connection to our Universal Sacred Promise
of each integral Ego’s portentous meaning,
secular purpose,
re-connection to pre-historic memories
of perfectly compassionate nature inhaled
and spirit exhaled

Naturespiralation warm and active
high and deep
light empowering internal/external
natural and spiritual
scientific and aesthetic
Truth and Beauty

Here and Now
resiliently co-climaxing
curious impressions

Of secular addictions
to sacred resonant re-attachment.

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Uncategorized

Liberating Addiction

I need to talk about addictions,
about my addiction issues,
and maybe yours.

Addiction gets a deserved bad rap
but that doesn’t mean we have no more
than mean-spirited possibilities.

Our first addiction,
and, for the lucky ones,
the functional extended multigenerational
multicultural families
and liberating tribes,
also the last,
is love.

Love,
hidden or wide unwalled open
for another human,
another species,
another culture,
another part of Earth,
and other, costly
medicinal substitutes,

Drugs and alcohol,
guns and loud danger,
cars and sex,
coffee
and comfort
and convenience,
beauty
and enlightenment
and luxury,
notoriety
and money
and security,
all poor substitutes
for the nurturing feel
and natural touch,
nutritional smell and taste,
native sight and sounds
of love.

I have two issues
with addiction.
One is my obsessive-compulsive need
for my next, even better, fix
what’s broken.

I find it humbling
to be cravenly overpowered
by physical and mental,
natural and spiritual, want,

By my longing to climax
resiliently
resonantly
universally embraced by Earth’s most incarnate
and eternal
esteem,
communion,
co-passion.

But, physical addiction
can be softened,
eased,
healed more readily
and stadily
if not for my shame
and hide in the closet
self-judgment,

If not for my weak
and sinful shadow nature,
My need to hide
my darkest fruit truths
about not being in control
of my own autonomous will power.

And, so it is,
I hide my greatest weakness,
my greatest internalized enemy,
and thereby feed and water feelings
of guilt,
self-blame shame,

A failure to grow vulnerable love for others
I cannot see in naked love
and truth
and transparent beauty
because I fear to meet judging eyes
and minds,
voices
conserving dismissive choices.

Secret addictions
have all my darkest powers
of steadfast
and cyclical disempowerment.

Acknowledged addictions
I can call out courageously,
then curiously explore
with my housemates,
neighbors,
teachers and parents,
children and listeners,
supportive groups of similar addicts,
medicating absence of love’s
spiritual wealth
without natural walls.

Fears and angers spoken
and named
thereby weaken
as love swells
for positive addiction,

Which, as long as not risked
stays absent,
even from our healing selves
grasping mercy
for becoming merely mortal
and expecting my birthright
of a health wealthy society
good faith community
family
with multicultural addiction values
and unlovely disvalues

Summarized in GoldenRule behaviors
and positively addicted open
vulnerable
transparent
courageous
actively curious gratitude
attitudes of cooperative disclosure.

This power of my unhealthy addictions
lies more heavily in hiding my self
secret depressions
repressions
suppressions
dark impressions
that true and beautiful,
resonant and resilient love
is too far above
my emotional pay scale,
worthy of our co-redemption,

Too big a reach
to try to open up again,
to share my weak addictions
and strong compulsions
to feel and touch
taste and see
where love was lost
while pursuing lesser
hidden things.

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Uncategorized

Attachments and Aversions

I wonder if
what Buddhist classic meditation teachings
refer to as “attachments”
and “aversions,”
a Western medical doctor
might label with different words,
such as addiction
and dissociative diversions.

In both frames
negative illusions may be recognized
and appreciated
as deep opportunities to learn;

Negative delusions are not accurately cognized
and are depreciated
as too risky
not to repress
and hide
from any therapeutic
transporting
transparent (not self-shaming)
and vulnerable (not self-blaming)
communication
with our contemplative EgoTherapist within
and our medical-model EcoTherapists without.

Positive illusions,
attachments and/or addictions,
may be accurately cognized
as sensory attractions,

Whether smells and/or tastes,
touch and/or feelings,
sight and/or sound,
eco-reception and/or mind/body communication,
exterior and/or interior,

May have potential
to therapeutically transport
away from addiction
and toward less ego-obsessive attraction,
and away from self-serving,
potentially predative, attractions
to positive sensory pleasure,
cooperatively intended
hoped
faithed
loved,
eco-politically
and personally
and bilaterally
and bicamerally healthy wealth
of becoming completely satisfied
sufficient
simple
centered in HereLeftYangSpace/NowRightYinternalTime
and in past sensory satisfying memories
and in future images
imagination of pleasures
climatically encompassing
all of the above.

Addiction to cooperative multicultural
multigenerational
regenerational
and bicameral
bilateral peak sensory experiences
could be a healthier opportunity
than addictions to competitive ego-monoculturing
and mono-atheistic
and autonomous predator/prey
sensory risk ambivalence

Where things don’t necessarily smell
or taste inviting,
don’t necessarily feel grateful to touch
or feel inside my mindbody,
don’t necessarily transcendently transport
when compromised win/lose beauty seen
and ambiguously uninviting truth heard,
falling short of healthy co-addiction
to Earth’s vast multicolored wealth
of sensory ultra-nonviolent
compassionate
EarthTribe Yintegrity.

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Uncategorized

Health Addictions

Health brings freedom to live
intentionally
resplendently
maturely
resonantly
integrally
regeneratively
compassionately
resiliently
kindly.

Freedom is personal,
but also social,
political
but also economic,
ecological
but also theological.

Health requires freedom from addiction
to beliefs:

Some people are born to rule
and own Earth,
while others are born to be serfs
and slaves,
laborers
and frightened/angry addicts.

Some people are born
to be born again,
while others are born
to be unredeemed,
idol worshipers,
poor,
sinners.

Some straight males are born to be White
Evangelical Supremacists,
while others are born
to be Other.

Some people are born to extract
from healthy Earth
as they choose to expand personal
and corporate materialistic “wealth”.

Others are born to be entertained by,
and sometimes envious of,
these violent stories
of capitalistic rape
and plunder.

Multicultural dreams of inclusive democracy,
expanding throughout all cooperative economic strata,
encompassing all politically engaged genders,
all nations and tribes,
all positive energy systems
to regenerate a global health network
of wealthy freedom
for all interdependent creatures
globally here below,
and those who fly,
and revolve,
and generate light
power
energy,

These are ancient
indigenous dreams
of non-addicted trust,
non-dualistic Truth,
polycultural free-trade outcomes
for EarthDwellers,
EarthPatriots
EarthLovers
EarthSabbath Worshipers.

Regardless of age
gender
race
left-brain dominant enculturation,
colonizing violent history,
capitalism’s win/lose supremacist games,
energy’s zero-sum secularizing theology,
degenerative ecological fears
and angry
unfree
fossil fuel addiction,
consumer-driven overpopulation,
lack of freedom to sleep safely,
to live healthy outside
in familial communion
with Original Sacred EcoFeminist Earth,
etc.

The Dali Lama,
born to sainthood?
a view I doubt he would support,
says his religion is kindness.

Perhaps his spirituality
resonantly respects EarthMother’s kindness
and unkindness–
much easier to do outside
than inside a dimly addictive
unfree temple.

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Uncategorized

Don’t Give Up

Don’t give up
on precise strategic resilience
and passionate communitarians
winning here and winning now,
now already won here
with and for those with 20/20 sight
hearing
thought with feeling,

Do give up blaming
only your own internal addicted climate
without also shaming your medicine-pushing society
of left-hemisphere verbal violent domination.

Do give up blaming just your ego
for self-medicating.
Medications, intended for ego- and eco-healing,
can become addictions,
sources of longer-term ego v eco-pathology.

Do give up substances
originally nurturing medication
and now become toxic starving addiction.

Do take up
addiction to water
and organic tea
sipped from ceramic mugs
and cups
and delicate shells
of creatures addicted to saltwater.

Do become addicted
to vigorously cleaning up
shaking out
cleverly planting resonance
carefully harvesting resilience
nurturing
giving and receiving health care
for and from
your eco-politically connected environment
habitat
Earth.

Don’t give up
worshiping Earth.
I’ve never heard of pathological side-effects.

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On Winning GameSystems

In a win or lose
either/or binary digital technology game
created from an original WinPlayer/WinGame
co-defining definition,
each player can play regenerative win/lose sequences
knowing
trusting
faithing that eventually a win/win outcome
emerges cumulatively from possible
toward probable.

And what does it mean for the individual player
to win this one individuating winner-contextual goal?
To “beat” the game
is for the game’s creator(s)
to win as well,
a cooperative embodied/intellectual endeavor
within a closed rule system.

It feels no great right-brain wonder
such win-ego/win-eco active hope
of probable consummation
within one mortal lifetime
would become addictive

As contrasted
to the immensity of lose/lose mortal risks
and ungraspable win/win immortal ambiguity
in the vastly grand theft stages
of Earth’s revolutionary
Open Whole EcoSystemic probabilities

Of achieving nutritional win/win opportunities
and avoiding sufficient toxic win/lose risks
of one mere mortal player,

An autonomous left-brain individual
unaware of an interdependent right-brain co-presence
individuating health-game wealthing processes
as timelessly eternal
as forceful Adam with resourceful Eve

As empirical closed rule game systems
emerging from lyrically open win/win harmonic ecosystems,
win/lose Yang endurance
with win/win Yin resilience,
Left brain wealthy strengths
with Right brain healthy sustainability,

Left cognitive intelligence
with Right emotive brilliance,
together holistically open
eternally interdependent
win/win ego/eco-gaming
health/wealth memory player systems.

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Uncategorized

These Liberating Truths

I’m musing with Jill Lepore,
historian (Harvard feminist, but definitely within brackets of general interest),
through eight hundred pages of These Truths
telling an other U.S. herstory.

She starkly says,
“Slavery is political”
while I had been thinking more of addictive economic
and punitive domestic relationships,
enslaving social absence of healthy relationships,
Dr. Lepore reminds me
about powerful natural/spiritual inter-relationships,
where overpowering addictions meet underpowering enslavement.

Nationalistically political
community-toxic apartheid,
personally oppressive-repressive ego-supremacist pathological
for both LeftBrain long-term smart investors
and RightBrain universal-frame cooperatively sentient property(ies) development.

LosePredator/LosePrey colonizing politics
again this historical effect
of insufficient interdependently synergetic web-spinning together
a healthier WinWin history/herstory
of ego/eco-normative
nature-spirit ZeroZones,
left-rights
yang-yins
Universal mountains of suppressed affluent strength
with
Unitarian eco-valleys of depressed effluent flowing grace,

Deductively autonomous truth labels
with
Inductively not-interdependent/not-fragmented flow
of ambidextrously apathetic suppression of impassioned feelings

Competitive Either/Or
with
CoOperative Both/And
nondual co-arising networks of communion,
ComPassionately owned nutritional RightBrain sentience,

Although perhaps not quite so much LeftBrain
dominantly effective/affective sentences.

ReImaging history
re-employing fertile/stagnant qualities
re-deploying LeftDominant language
of RightWing over-reactionary capital-royalist apartheid
competitively bought and sold with an ego-defeating loss,
disinvesting oppressions,
repression walls,
depression webs

RePlaced by healthier
more ego/eco-therapeutic
LeftThought and RightFeeling positive non-platitudes
actively hopeful re-creative tensions
interdependently webbed, networked
images for binding positiveYang with negativeYin,
egalitarian double-binary binding
negative past personal/political effects
inviting more positive WinWin future health causes,
more opportunities for deeply and widely trusting democratic communion,
natural and spiritual,
pan-sectarian
polypathic HereNow
ZeroZone spacetime
4D co-relational integrity,

Growth of cooperative power opportunities
for owning compassionate freedom,
and not so much LoseLose politics of slavery
and walls
and anti-herstoric
patriarchal LeftBrain dominant privilege

To invest in writing
and publishing
and reading eight hundred pages
of cooperative freedom v competitively enslaving U.S. life
pro-healthy political regenerative voice,
speaking truth to degenerative commodified economic
anti-ecological death of a healthy
multicultural future climate opportunity,
historically declaring cooperative integrity life
or death of violent non-solidarity.

 

 

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Uncategorized

FUN SIZE Snicker

Dear Snickers, Incorporated:

FUN SIZE,
magically re-appearing each late September,
when compared to more everyday Thanksgiving size,
should be nearly endless,
as leisurely,
lavish,
and luxurious as melting summer vacation chocolate
on a warm Fourth of July grilling day

FUN SIZE
should not be short
and square
and spare
like a stink bug

FUN SIZE
needs to be long and wide and thick
as a ridiculous dildo.

With gratitude,

Size Queen Snickers

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Uncategorized

Power Addiction

Habits and powerful addictions,
like love for PositivEnergy,
are not Either
Yes, I am.
Or
No, I’m not,
for most people
about most substances
and behaviors,
changes
and choices.

Vices and virtues,
virtuous Sacred RightBrain Both/And recycling
and viciously reiterating LeftBrain secular Either/Or cycles
live somewhere midway
searching in-between
restoring LeftBrain trusting just resilience
with RightBrain ego-ecobalancing peace,
harmony,
resonance.

LeftBrain chemical addictions
overruling RightBrain sacred RealTime eco-love
of WinWin health-wealth resolutions
can be difficult TippingPoints
to kick
around only with weapons of LoseLose
dissonant anger
and disharmonic fear management
without co-ownership tools,
developmental experience

Without divinely extended harmonic balancing privileges
of Left-Right cooperative bicameral family support,
trust rooted in WinWin cooperative EarthClimate-ownership
and therapeutic ego with ecological political governance
for health management
and wealthy executive
Left with Right
ego/eco balancing
cooperative Yang/Yin functions
skill-sets
rooted in
cooperative
nurturing
matriarchal-wombed NewBorn experience.

PositivEnergy loving more quality
of SacredTime’s co-present matriotic investment
and NegativEnergy Yang Patriarchal Addictions less:
Either Yes, I am LeftBrain losing
Or No, but I’m not not RightBrain winning health-wealth yet

Patriarchal Win/Lose Yang
without quite enough
Matriarchal transubstantiating YinYin
WinWin nature-spirits as
Both LeftBrain health, Yes
And RightBrain sacred wealth, Yes

Total Left with Right
Secular StrategicWonder
with Sacred OrganicAwe
cooperative healthyGame/wealthySystem co-integrity
Positiv/NegativEnergy BiCameral PolyPathic
AquaMarine/Green Climate Addictions

To cooperative habits of nature-spirit
egopersonal/ecopolitical
green-historical
identity ultra-violet non-violent empowering
enlightening

Resilient Zero-DNA game/systemic
unfolding WinWin
refolding LoseLose
notnot Addictions.

Only health
and climates
and gods
and goddesses change,
the vast remainder of Time’s sacred identities
stand reverently still in HereNow sacred Awe

Addiction.

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