Depression is like dying
without hope this process will end well,
without remediation
at least not for my closely held ego-identity,
and despair
this turning inward
creates a cocoon by avoiding outward.
Focal awareness of ego mortality,
immanent and emanant,
eminent,
turns inward,
returns inward
in despairing response against outward;
the whats and whos of external metaphysical life.
Depression brings tacit fixation on mortality
while advanced notice of irremediable pathologies
brings focal awareness
this is ego’s final stage of turning in,
away from out,
now already on that other side of a great timeless ego-boundary.
Those who die alone,
whether through depression or physical decomposition,
live inside a cloud of memories,
worries and anxieties
within which hope of further actively interdependent relationship,
experience of therapeutic communication,
may evaporate
especially if this is how we have lived apart together.
These alone with worries easily overwhelm
abandoned within our depressed boundaries
against others,
against possibility of natural experience as joy,
wonder
curiosity
compassion
love within further health becoming.
Depression, especially as it grows chronic,
within an individual,
within a played-out political culture,
within a longterm economic trend,
can be accompanied by paranoia.
Fear of turning terminally inward.
Worry that there is nothing inside
still becoming part of outside,
without capacity to influence, effect, affect,
other than to infect with further contagious
anger and depression about isolation
and deprivation,
neglect of healthy relationship,
violent ego-abuse
craving therapies for self-administered escape.
Internal voices become an anxious debate
about over-consuming
and under-producing life.
Not measuring up to original hopes
and intent of co-creating Paradise.
Depression is typically humorless,
especially when accompanied by flights of paranoia.
Humor, whether manically fluid
or dryer, more cool sardonic,
more vulnerably exposing of ego’s childlike dispositions,
and adolescent gender-related predator and prey articulations,
is not accessible from within paranoia’s cocoon
of fear
that ego’s core is empty white cold disassociating noise.
Manic oppression of others
erupts into the geometric opposite view,
what was concave depressed grows convex anger,
even rage.
Ego becomes SuperEco,
equivalent with Earth’s polypathic interdependent
ecopolitically self-justifying powers,
entitlement to terrorizing extremes
to take
to use
to enslave
to exploit
in return against Earth’s profound disappointments
and unfairness suffered in the name of others’ claims for freedom
to own whatever and whomever remains outside Left-your/Right-our
self-identified cocoon of integral becoming.
Love and humor and regenerate faith
lie midway between these two extremes
of manic Yang interdependent ecopolitical empowerment
and negative dualdark Yin,
both depressed for reasons of past mutual oppressions,
and feeling antipathically paranoid
about this great emptiness inside.
Both love and humor
evaporate this great barrier reef
between tragic depression
and comedic obsession
with our overpowering egotistic LeftBrain dominant charm.
Capitalism,
as contrasted with cooperatively co-investing capital,
is in idolatrous tension
with therapeutic roots
of Catholicism
and all forms and rituals of Messianic Saviorism.
Here lies our incapacity
to both serve a regenerative healthy God
and a degeneratively reified,
desacralized,
depressed Mammon,
organic Creation
without nutritional Creator.
Capitalism grows ever more virulently rabid
as my ultimate Win
always and everywhere must be at your Lose expense;
investing in manic ego is my higher priority,
and should be,
in dubious fact,
due to laws of competitive predator nature,
must be above cooperative organic investing
in ecoEarth as holy Other.
Whereas positive faith systems,
including all dialects of Judeo-Christianity and Islam,
Buddhism and Taoism and Hinduism,
teach, and sometimes behave,
following WinWin cooperative Golden Rule
as Original Intent of regenerate Earth
iconized as God
and/or Goddess
and/or Allah
and/or Atman, etc.
So, when we hear,
through our too often depressed
and repressed
and suppressed ears,
that military threat and violent arms
are our ecopolitical first choice
to grow economic freedom away from depression,
we can also hear the satanic voice of Capitalism
growing freedom toward
totalitarian manic monoculturing Yangism.
Capital,
removed from a sacred ecological resource for health co-investment,
becomes degenerative of wealth for interdependent freedoms,
rooted in this equivalence
between universal co-relational identity with Earth,
our original embryonic Paradise cocoon,
wombing empty integrity,
(0)-sum ego-ecopolitical
cooperative nondual co-arising intent
as timeless interdependent/empty co-identity
within RealWorld cooperative spacetime.
This barrier reef of Left with Right identity
includes both polypathic comedy
and antipathic tragedy,
yet never all of one
unless some of other,
each side searching WinWin applications
reiterating Left-Right Golden Rules of Tao-balance,
recreating freedom
synonymous with both heady capital
and nondual dipolar tailish eco-equity
co-investing fairness.
Freedom from depression toward sublime multiculturing wonder;
freedom to elate subprime depression’s passing.
gdill52 