Uncategorized

Purple Princess

My eighteen yeared daughter
living and dreaming with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome,
As she grows up and out
hopes to become

“An old princess
with long purple hair
living in a GroupHome.”

I’m not sure if this indicates
I did a shockingly good
or alarmingly bad
job as a thirteen-year dad
with positive therapeutic intent.

Until she smiles,
looks up at the blue-grey sky
with unimagined delight.

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Uncategorized

A Climate of Integrity

Societies,
religious and secular,
nation-states,
corporations,
extended families,
tribes,
colonies,
property owners,
owned properties
are caught in,
invested in,
an inescapable network
of climate mutuality,
cooperativity,
multicultural communion,
tie-dyed,
camouflaged in a single Earth habitat
of green-blue spectral destiny
rhapsody
rapture.

Climate injustice anywhere
is a threat to health
and justice
and peace
everywhere.

There are some climates
in our social
political
economic racist system
to which all EarthDwellers
ought to be maladjusted
divested
struggling to breathe free,
to dream expansively
inclusively
theo- and ego- and eco-logically.

Internal and external climates
of hatred and bitterness
can never cure
the disease of fear,
only mutually-owned ease,
an inside/outside climate of love,
can do that.

We must win/win evolve,
for all human climates of conflict,
a strategic method
which rejects revenge,
retributive win/lose punishing injustice,
aggression,
and retaliation
rather than therapeutic climates of restoration,
non-violent
co-passionate peace.

The religious
and spiritual
and empowering
and enlightening foundation
of such a healing method
is nonsectarian love,
integrity,
multicultural climates of warm
synergetic
active appreciation.

Before it is too late,
we must narrow
this gaping theological
anti-ecological chasm,
maladjustment
between our proclamations of separate but equal peace
and our own privileged and elitist investments
deeds
words
thoughts
feelings which culturally precipitate
and historically perpetuate
win/lose war
violence
aggression
competitions in mutual disdain,
detachment from mutual appreciation
social cooperation
resilient wealthy empower nation
of resonantly healthy enlighenment,
consciousness,
awareness,
multicultural climate noticing,
EarthCentric appreciation.

One day
we must come to see
hear
feel
touch
smell
taste this EarthClimate of peace
is not merely a distant goal
dream
theological and ecological conjoined objective
that we cooperatively seek,
but a means by which we arrive
at this mutual climate of non-violent peace,
our goal,
destiny,
fulfillment of multiculturing,
creolizing,
transubstantiating secular and sacred humanity.

We must pursue peaceful climate ends
through win/win restorative justice means.

We shall hew
carve
design
develop out of this maladjustment mountain
of climate despair,
a stone,
a cooperatively-owned pearl,
an equal and integral communion,
global theist and atheist alliance
of resilient EarthClimate hope.

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Uncategorized

Congressional Grace

I’m still reading Your Resonant Self,
by Dr. Sarah Peyton,
speaking of how contempt
destroys relationships
formerly cooperative
and, thereby, healthy.

Disgust about oneself
and contempt against Other
are interrelated,
like ego and eco,
like Yang and Yin,

“Humans seem to be capable of disconnecting from others
[and our disgusting selves]
on a large scale
or small scale.” (p. 209)

I’m reminded of listening to the Trump Impeachment Debate,
hearing contempt for democratic dialogue,
for loyalty to trust,
transparency,
vulnerability to unmediated light,
healthy curiosity,
courage to choose compassion,
for self and other,
for ego and eco,
rather than contempt.

Not that congressional debates
are suddenly plagued by partisan win/lose rhetorical strategies.

As a communication
and a psychology major,
I learned ancient techniques for persuasion,
for attitude change.
But, an underlying safe
non-partisan environment
of mutual trust,
of loyalty to a healthy Earth,
precludes giving way to the contagious temptations of contempt
against any OtherParty,
disgust about endemic economic and political corruption
of my own run-away win/lose internalized Party.

But, I have two points
seen more clearly through Dr. Peyton’s “Resonance”:

One,
we are capable of national disconnecting shared-identity contempt
against threatening Other
because we were born win/win capable,
from warm attachment healthy birth
of cooperative compassionate development
toward healthy adult/adult resilient relationships,
rooted in our shared destiny
as bicameral EarthDwellers,
EarthTribe,
Mother EarthWomb Integralists.

Second,
contempt grows nationalistic partisanship
because localized compassion can also go viral,
global,
universal
contagious wealth of health-empowerment values
making resonant living systems possible,
re-creative potentiating

As darkness
can be noticed as dark
only by those capable
of remembering light,
power womb enlightenment,
empowerment,
passion,
compassion,
advent,
Christmas Birth,
Lent,
Easter EgoDeath,
Republic elitism,
Democrat non-elitism,
rhetorical contempt,
non-violent narrative,
red rightwing rage,
green leftwing synergy

Wishing all ego-parties
and ecosystems
healthy wealth of EarthPassionate ChristMass
political body-minds
economically double-bound nature-spirits
secular-sacred cooperative co-investors
both out and in
within Earth CoPassion.

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Uncategorized

Stories Are Not Songs

But songs are a musical story.

I know a difference
between telling a story
and voicing these same lyrics
of anxiety and ease,
of bearing and healing injustices,
medicine for well-earned peace.

I feel a difference
between progressive story telling,
between historically accurate autobiography,
and singing cultural passion narratives,
felt experiences,
perennial sensory moments
of nutrition and starvation,
light and dark,
health and pathology,
resilience and fragility,
privilege and responsibility,
resonance and ongoing anxiety,
harmony and yet mystery,
acceptance and hidden avoidance,
integrity, yet irritating dissonant echoes
either empowering verbs
or neither un-nouned knowns
win/lose explicating with shy win/win implications

Why grateful Yes!
suggests, more hesitantly Not Not Yet?

Being, yet still becoming
Left with indigenously
endemically
regeneratively curious Right
earned ease.

I know a difference
does not mean I can make sense of it.

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Uncategorized

More Questions

Why is music
more emotionally important than rhetoric?

Why is grace-full dance
healthier than verbal prance?

So many questions
more important than private answers…

I question why
my faith community
provides sanctuary to legally-challenged immigrants
24/7,

And yet, has not actively opened our sanctuary
to local homeless and health-challenged emigrants from outside places
on Sunday mornings, nine to noon,
and during Wednesday evening choir practice,
and during Tuesday evening Green Sanctuary meetings
about Earth justice
and internal/external environmental-contextual fragility,
and other health challenges
for building multicultural well-being,
faith,
active hope

Resonant throughout this local place
and resilient throughout our global pace
monocultural race
of eco-theological climate space
and nurturing time

Sung in transparent octaves of music
more intuitively significant than rhetorical debate;
one heard cooperatively
and the other spoken to win ego-support
and loss to ecopolitical competitors,

Which is not criminal behavior
yet perhaps worthy of impeachment
and excommunication
for anti-communion behavior.

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Uncategorized

Commanding Solo Performances

It had been a hellish week.

On Monday
my lonely and tired AfricanAmerican husband
told me, as gently as possible,
that what I had hoped was a temporary separation
is to be extended into perpetuity.

This separation had been scheduled to terminate
when my Fetal Alcohol daughter turns eighteen
and can move into a new, more therapeutically endowed, home
not our non-group home
which could not feel like a private home to him
and to a more peacefully vulnerable me.

He told me his autonomy of residential sight
and sound
and smell,
temperature and feel,
thought and absence of forced transparent thought,
has grown ever more compelling for him,

Like a new life system
organically emerging from calcified minerals
mixed with melted wet.

This permanent separation,
less about not wanting to share a roof and walls
and multicultural floors
and more about wanting a more private
monotheistic habitat.

I had been working on my adopted daughter’s emergency group home application;
Her eighteenth, and first qualifying, birthday was Friday
of this same hellish week
filled with demands,
as usual,
but more so,
more self-prophetically entitled now;

A “big [supremely self-disempowering] girl”
as multiply messaged from school
and therapists
and family,
jonesing to live with submissive peers
who will best be lesser care receivers
as she intends to appropriate all care giving staff,

Demanding preferred foods,
and music
and stories
and dance,
and diaper change
and bed
and bath times
ignoring needs of lesser beings;

Like living with a constantly ticked off Gaia
showing us who’s our jealous Boss
in response to our climate endangering ways
of patriarchal colonization
disrespecting matriarchal communion,
ecological creolization.

Demanding routines she and I have evolved
since she was five,
unable to see up,
only downstream,
unable to hear well,
unable to speak in consonants
articulate enough to defy caregiver ignorance,
lack of subservient cooperation,
submission to her aggressively iron will,
triggering every slaveholder
property owner
reactionary nerve in my husband’s long-term
matriarchal-limned
unnerved memory.

Our more cooperative and trust-building relationship
soon took care of Gaia’s communication problems
but we created, thereby,
a princess entitled ‘I win so you lose’ monster
of immediate and really loud
NEED!

Yet, now that she is maturing to leave this nest,
how much do I need her
to keep me safely home at night
and off the larger terrifying climate stage
of degenerating ecopolitical performance?

On the following Sunday morning,
I was to sing “Let Your Little Light Shine”
a less popular spiritual,
and at least not unnatural,
gospel message;

A sung prayer from enslaved history,
humiliating origins surviving valleys of vulnerable despair
by holding up
and out
dim fading lights of hope,
sometimes accessible from other enslaved properties
with more resilient hope in green and brown and black
communion.

On Saturday night
my heart spoke of grief
lost in deep dark valleys
isolated
abandoned
down-sized
empty-nested
shallow-chested
ancient old person despair,

And my lungs sagged
pushing against narrow edges of freezing panic

Terror about forgetting left-brain words
and reminders of past sung and danced solo performances
not nearly as fun
enriching
fulfilling
health wealthy
as past group participation
in full-nested harmony
synergy
resonance
regenerativity
sacred communions spiritual
while naturally co-present

Green
and brown
and black,
ultra-nonviolet
and transparently clear.

On Sunday morning,
after earning a strategically planned
full night’s rest,
I felt much worse

Unable to imagine leaving my sanctuary
much less singing
much less performing
a song longing for the Lord
to shine even the faintest ray of hope
down into this valley of well-earned despair,

A grey climate of hopelessness,
nihilistic thoughts,
narcissistic preoccupations
trapped in a shrinking fragile egocentrism.

I took an anti-depressant
which got me to the church on time
but now feeling anxiously disembodied
within my own Beloved Sanctuary
too universally white
straight
and too removed from outside green
and family brown
and EarthTribe Native black resonant voices,
fragrances,
touch,
tasting and seeing.

I could not remember words,
or think of alternative reasonable sounds,
could not find my opening pitch,
felt deserted by a cappella
absence of accompaniment,
by a choir relegated to background support services
rather than foreground cooperative resonance
of care giving
co-passioning care receiving.

But, there was something else
bad,
REALLY bad,
a repugnance that stayed with me
through rehearsal,
through first
and then final performance
and on through the return home
after a technical tepid success
lacking the resonance of producing music
transcending rhythm and pitch and lyrics
demanding better held and managed light systems
for my self-isolating despair

Afraid of drowning
in this internal river valley.

Although not sure what happened Sunday night,
I awoke next morning to emotional fragility,
again
to fears of too much aloneness, loneliness,
worries about ageing in a place not quiet enough
from road rage
and too demanding of soil
and water
and energy stewardship,
warm accompaniment,
propriety of grace,
cooperative well-being.

What was different, on this reawakening,
was recognizing my,
and our,
monocultural misappropriation,
supremacist ideation
of “Let your little light shine”
as if we are, and I am,
the Lord’s great solo hope
for all the autonomous
disconnected
apartheid
indigenous nature/spirit
EarthTribe life-systems
of healthy care giving/receiving
singing and dancing in revolving circles
of gospel fire,

Choired resonantly together
in active shared home harmonies,
extending families back through enslaved ancestors
reminding an AfroCentric Lord
this light begins
from hope sung dance together
with multiculturally resonant intelligence

Leaving no one behind
trying to soulfully enlighten
my darkest valley of despair.

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Uncategorized

DisOrganized Religion

As traumatized as I am
by the history of organized elitist creeds,
including religious and judicial,

I am even more terrified
by my experience of disorganized natural spirituality,
dissociated bicamerality,
unenchanting mono-laterality,
win/lose egocentrism,
narcissism,
lose/lose climates of nihilism,
anthropocentrist chauvinism,
inhumane unnatural straight white male business as usual supremacy,
left brain dominant elitism.

I get it,
I notice,
unpopular conflict of legitimate interest decisions
have followed win/lose monotheistic
competitive
stress-inducing
sleep-depriving
evolutionary economic modeling
of mortal depression trends,

But,
we could expand this win/lose left-brain dominant assumption
to include confluence of multicultural interests,
multiplication where lies monoculturing divisions,
summations where now lie win or lose negations
of all that lies outside patriarchal structures
of incorporated militarized competitions.

We might, together, warmly notice
chaotic decisions follow monoculturing elitist paths
of least win/lose Business As Colonizing Usual memory patterns.

We might refocus
away from in-toxic-ation with lose/lose mortal nature systems
oppressed by win/lose monopoly, at best, future aggressive prospects
for EgoCenters v EcoEarth natural power economies,
eventual inevitable loss,
depression,
degenerative ultimate pathology trends
of dissociation.

We might notice
who chooses to make elitist SWM corporate
retributive justice decisions.

We might notice,
with more win/win warm empathy,
disproportional placement of military-industrialized young adult wounds,
reducing sacred MotherEarth to a convenient waste disposal site,
natural (so un-spiritual?) resource extraction,
repression,
and anthro-centric theft,
pollution of air,
water,
soil,
left-brain dominant minds,
win/lose informed deformed anti-bodies.

We might notice
several displaced non-elite subcommunities
subclimates suspicious of SWM enculturation
having been history’s stress absorbers,
racist
and elitist
and sexist
and homophobic dissociation,
segregation,
apartheid,
non-elite capital income prejudice
and win/lose ecopolitical perpetuation,
limited win/win communication access,
left/right co-empowerment life-skills,
co-relational peace intelligence,
co-empathic intention toward healthiest wealth,

We might win/win notice
limited access to mind and body health resources,
assurances,
restorations,
reweavings,
regenerations of integral wealth and value polities

Listening with more multicultural right-brain intelligence
and speaking with less monocultural left-brain verbal dominance,
on behalf of noticing
rigvht’brain’s long matriarchal ecofeminist herstory
of interdependent
domestically and globally intersectional metaphor,
poly-paradigmatic health systems
for win/win EarthMother thrival.

We might notice
this 2020 bicameral revolution
revisions every win/lose Business As Usual
systemic thing

Into an interdependently living
organic
global, yet universal
integral
synergetic
multicultural communication
co-relational
regeneratively resilient
energy democracy.

As traumatized as I am
by the history of organized religion,
I am even more terrified
by Earth’s subclimate of succeeding spiritually
without also winning EarthRight naturally.

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