Uncategorized

CoOperative Mindfulness

Every newly innocent day
after complexly creolizing night dreams
I hear and smell and taste and see and feel
some thing
some co-related becoming
that more and less
kills me
with delight and terror,
that leaves and comes over me,
another weedy needle
in Earth’s haystack
celebrating integrity’s light.

This is what I am born and unborn for–
to taste and see
to ecologically speak and theologically listen,
to lose my fragmented ego
inside this just-right healthy spirited world–
to instruct our virally competing RightWing dominance
over and over
in co-acclimating joy
and Left-wealth of Right-health acclamation.

Nor am I thinking and feeling
about the ecstatic exceptional,
the terrifying LoseLose fearful,
the madly dreadful,
the lavishly extravagant
loves and hates–
but of the everyday.

The green commons,
the ordinary grey-scaled drab,
the daily ego-withering practiced presentations
competition principles
WinLose evolutionary policies
LoseLose devolutionary powers.

Good bilateral intelligence
of deductive thought
with inductive feelings,
EcoSoul reminds EgoSelf,
How can we help each Other
by healthing our Selves?

Egos grow wise
with such WinWin teachings
as both these and not not those–

The untrimmable in-between Left with Right bright
of Earth’s co-acclimating enlightenment,
Ocean’s fertile shine,
Prayers nutritionally offered
out of strong-rooting common grass…

 

Note: Structure, some word choices, title all influenced by Mary Oliver’s “Mindfulness”

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Uncategorized

Meta-Poly ReGenerative Paths

Verbal thoughts of LeftBrain polynomials
follow feelings not not RightBrain polyphonic
when both respect our interdependent polypaths,

Because harmonic feelings,
unlike thoughts of flight or fight,
are much more fleeting
effluently failing and fading away,
while midway winning and gaining toward
RightBrain autonomically faster than plodding LeftBrain calculations
nominations
labeling stagnations
enthymematically static staging stations.

Slower LeftBrain thoughts,
but in-between manically
and depressingly essential
for healing obsessive Win/Lose fighting words against non-verbal actions
and compulsive Lose to Win another day-fleeing absence
of effective Win/Win polypathic thoughts
and cooperatively communicating eco-political responses

Resolutions toward geo-empowering/disempowering climates
of internal/external polynomial healthy bilateral
Zero SoulZones
of EarthRights life,
not EgoWrong death,
chosen bicamerally Win/Win wealthy health

Where verbal LeftBrain thoughts and non-verbally hearted feelings polyphonic
follow RightBrain temporal healthy/pathological feelings
not yet polynomially balanced
and yet not not truly
and synergetically polypathic
integral
nutritional DNA’s long-term healthy wealth
optimizing integrity’s thought/feeling potential.

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Uncategorized

Dear Ivy

Dear Ivy,

I am sorry we did not receive even just a moment to say goodbye
and thank you to each other
for all those school bus rides we took together,
you in your harness,
and me in my wonder
about what’s coming next
from your talking head
to mine.

It is time for me to move on
to another student,
but I am happy to leave you in Miss Josie’s care.

I know she will enjoy your time
invested in each other,

Listening and taking turns speaking kindly with each other,
Singing and maybe even a little dancing together,
reading and drawing as light and bumps allow.

Maybe you can teach each other
some new KnockKnock jokes.

KnockKnock.
Who’s there?
Sandi.
Sandy who?
Sandy sandwiches
are not good for you.

KnockKnock.
Who’s there?
Josie.
Josie who?
Jo see for yourself,
Open the door!

I am grateful to have so many silly and lovely memories
of you
to take with me.

And, the greatest farewell gift you could give me
is your reassurance
that these same warm and happy memories
of us
are what you will carry with you
throughout your great adventurous journey
into well-being.

Warmly yours,

Sandi

Sandi who?
Sandy snacks
are not so good for you.

Note:

My behaviorally disordered ADHD and fetal alcoholic daughter, with abandonment issues and deep-seeded food anxiety issues, suddenly lost her long-standing school bus aide, probably to compassion burn-out.  Ivy can be a profound motivator of impatience in those around her, even with deep and widely developed caregiving and receiving skills. This is the farewell that I think Ivy would have found more therapeutic than the isolating complexities of disappearance without explanation or expressed gratitude for what did co-relationally work for so long.

To be clear, not saying goodbye was an administrative decision from above; not what Ivy’s aide wanted for herself or for Ivy.

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Uncategorized

The Neighbor’s Wife

He’s been struggling with depression,
She said, so then have I.

It’s our bad news
that competing depressions
breed more contagiously
than our cooperative feeding happiness.

Yet our good news grows:
Depression and positive impression
are equally contagious passions
pastimes
eruptions into changing flowstreams of consciousness,
evolving conscientiousness,
naked intention,
interdependent awareness,
enchantment and disenchanting stories,
natural causes spiriting effects causing co-acclimating affects,
positive and negative passions,
pressures,
impressions,
compression.

I’ve been struggling against his self-repression,
she said,
so then he worries about his oppressive powers
financial and political and emotional,
physical and mental.

He doesn’t hit me
or any sentient being
but scares me when he hits
and manhandles against his phone,
kicks against his car,
strikes against his walls and doors and windows,
his property he most interdependently cares about,
relies upon.

This chronic environment of fear,
seeing his violent anger
causes our climate anxiety
and a lack of safely transparent expression,
chronic non-vulnerable repression.

The difference between my suppressed fear feelings
of repression
and his depressed anger feelings,
threatening to disinvest oppression
despite his great attraction to Us,
is a real-talk difference
only if we both know
we are each free to affordably leave,
cut our future health-opportunity losses,
without threat of violent and impoverishing repercussions.

While a free Get Out Of Jail card
and a blinking Safe Exit sign
over our back doors
and front doors
and aside windows
are not much for sharing journeys toward active compassion,
co-operative wonder,
interactive awe,
mutual health and happiness,
prosperous food for mental fitness,
Yet neither is flood insurance
a sign of bad faith in safe and dry land
mutually affordable re-assurance.

Oppression
is aggressive repression
without freedom to exit

And ego repression
is eco-systemic depression
without mutual freedom to catch and re-catch compassion
with and for each faithful interdependent Other,
sentient and sensed as a safe alliance
for absorbing resonance

And practicing mutual reliance,
practicing re-alliance,
practicing integrity of positive contagious co-passions.

Negative depressions stem from lonely longing
origins internal and external,
As positive impressions
grow from practiced compassion,
Solidarity belonging and bred
within eco-cooperative fed
root nutritional systems,

Fitness energy for actively appreciating
each wounded and wounding Other,
including hims
and hers,
transparently discussing fist-vulnerable hands
and heads,
and stomping, kicking feet,
and bad-news phones
and unreliable cars
and imprisoning homes
and patriarchal supremacists

As if all lives
and interdependent relationships
mattered
for continuing depressive competitions
and for altering impressive cooperations.

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Compassion for TeleMarketers

I’m still waiting for my first automated rifling phone call,
Scripted to begin:

Hello Gerald Oliver Dillenbeck!
What would you like to health invest in this wealthy day?

So I could answer with
Compassion, even for telemarketers
of narcissistic death technologies.

I’m still waiting for Donald John’s first non-automated
non-violent internal recall:

Hello Donald John!
What would we,
NorthAmerican democratic residents
and global Allies of Earth,
like to health invest in with you?
Pursuing WinWin outcomes,
today and every compassionate day and night
to lead by following deep silent “we” listening.

To let go of ego’s Narcissus fascination
To grab hold of reborn EarthMother compassion,
co-operative enchantment,

To uncover even more patience with mutual disenchantment,
disdain,
To discover loyalty to domestic and international non-violence,
To recover choice to avoid aggressive WinLose
and nihilistic LoseLose strategies
in blind and deluded bad faith
that short-term loss of nutritional sufficiency
is essential for eternal redemption.

Artifacts of steadfast compassion,
polypathic
polyphonic
multi-nomial
have never been found
in seeds of violence,
monotheistic or polytheistic
and all realistics in-between
elitism and compassion for narcissism
within and without,

Sometimes grieving for ignorant foolish sins and sinners
and sometimes briefly triumphant, manically ecstatic,
despite inevitable losses
to demon death.

Newborns bond most robustly without such fears
yet,
and most resiliently when matriarchal compassion
is not unduly compromised
by aggressive patriarchal corrections,
violent domestic warnings,
threats to defer and extinguish a positive
healthy
compassionate primal relationship.

MotherEarth,
Green Goddess Gaia,
AnimaMundi,
Holonic MatriarchalSpirit,
when newborn
and revolving toward future mature networks
of organically sustained lifelines,
experienced Her just-right sacred sanctuary space
and perpetually revolutionary NowTime
in FatherSun bright
and darkly outside night

CoPassion of a personal planet-wide resilience,
Her familial nature Spirit
historically emerges
from this compassionate positive light/dark nondualistic balance
more prominent than merely nurturing patriarchal narcissism,
cultural dominance,

Until YangLeft finally sleeps
longing to reconnect within YinRight’s dualdark matriarchal compassion.

Sacred or secular cooperative outcomes of compassion,
like health and climate care,
can be narcissist seen as ego-building experience.
Narcissism is not only egotistically privileged
but politically distorted against democratic principles
of nature/spirits, co-operative.

Autonomy of EgoManiacal obsessions
ignores both interdependent nurturing root systems
and future flowers of compassion’s healthy redevelopment,
healing narcissism’s past aggressions.

Gaian compassion,
EarthMother co-operativity,
EcoFeminist resilience,
personally salvific evinced
by historic political empowerment
in those days before a dangerously toxic distinction arose
between economic and ecological compassion,
One calling for more capital co-investment
and the other calling us toward global communion.

When HeteroSapiens were yet a NewBorn species,
a glint in Golden Ruler CoPassion eyes
of FatherSun
with MotherEarth’s cooperative light
already empowered ecotherapeutic compassion.

Meanwhile,
I’m still waiting for my first personal phone call
to begin:

Hello Gerald O Dillenbeck!
What would you like to compassionately invest in
this personal and political co-operating day?

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Uncategorized

Discomfited By Growing Integrity

I wonder how many parents of students
suffer from studying and teaching white nationalism
against tides of multiculturing change.

And I wonder what our school boards
and state departments of children and family thinkers and doers
feel about child abuse
and neglect to actively love especially wounded children
too familiar with chronic stress
disabling pathological fear,
paranoia
mentally unhealthy domestic anger mismanagement,
demonizing races and integrative mandates
against reporters of conspiring monocultural and/or monotheistic abusers
and multicultural neglecters.

And I wonder how Green EcoSchools
in resilient ecovillage cooperative democratic communities
might one day mentor families better,
and healthier for individual egos,
eco-nomic and eco-logical multicultural restoring design,
implementation,
planting and cooperatively harvesting Future Searches
mutually investing in non-violent ego-divesting communication
of unnecessary and unhealthy monocultural mental illness
and un-historical inaccurate monotheistic unspiritual pathologies
like white nationalism.

And I wonder why
the brilliant mother and doctor
grows uncomfortable with politically correct optimization of democratic health care,
which could be ego-therapeutically recentered
for optimally robust EarthTribe empowerment outcomes
if also ecopolitically centered
on eco-therapeutic political healing
of monocultural threats
and monotheistic supremacy theories
like cancerously autonomous nationalism.

And I wonder if monoculturing/monotheistic nationalism
comes in diverse colors
like white and red and blue and green and black and brown
and ultra-violet
and polycultural genders
and polyphonic classroom harmonic experiences
of WinWin loving synergetic relationships
immunizing against racist and sexist voices at home
and/or white nationalist church
in ZeroZone secular learning and sacred listening
ego/eco-harmonic mentorships.

I wonder if my dad’s
and his dad’s racist nationalism,
disguised as white Christian patriarchal supremacism,
originally intended as WinWin spiritually divine/humane integrity
would have remained abusively within me
active and consuming as global cancer
and simulcast absence of a multiculturally intelligent boundary system,

Able to discern climate healthy GreenAllies
from race and gender patho-unlogical RedPredators,
within my own gated paternal skin
if I had not met, and loved, at public enculturing school
teachers,
administrators,
secretaries,
nurses and social workers,
therapists and cooks and dishwashers,
male and female leaders,
black and brown and white,
Catholic and Protestant and Jewish and Muslim and Buddhist and Taoist and Hindu, and Rastafarian, and Bahai and Jain and Native American EarthWorshipers, and Agnostics and Atheists and Humanists…
more non-violent in words and dance and song,
light and breath,
natural ecology and spiritual theology naturally robust
invited more than the most glorious monoculturing white national conspiracy theory competitions
against overwhelming ancient polyculturing gospel grace
of this sacred PositivEnergy cooperating Earth
inviting each multiculturing species.

I wonder why I experienced communion best
when part of a nurturing fire-circle
warming starlit nights
in a robustly timeless fertile forest.

I wonder if it is not the politicization of health care
that concerns fire-circle me
more than last night’s lack of sleep.
Rather it is de-politicization of wealth,
the anti-democratization of healthy subclimates
measured as long-term true relational wealth
which theoretically happens,
special case,
because of competitive Win/Lose business creation models
for economic medical care delivery
disassociated from our healthier profits
trusting
wise commitments to EarthCentric democracy,
commitment to true polypathic flowing rivers, inside as outside,
through resilient mountains
in communion, inside as outside,
preventive health care, inside as outside,
regardless of pre-existing political conditions
and child abusive conspiracy theories.

 

 

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