Uncategorized

Mother’s Mother

My mother’s mother and I were very close.
We needed each other
in diversely validating ways.

She needed to know
experience
hear and see and feel and touch
a healthier love of mutual regard
than she felt she achieved
with any of her three daughters.

I needed to feel
I was some loved adult’s most significant event,
most vulnerable and transparent grace
for who I felt and knew I was
yet to gay become
without any need to change
what I could not internally rearrange.

When I was a senior in high school
this grandmother became sick with cancer
and depression,
mortal doubts and fear.

I knew this
not because I had visited her
but because my parents
and aunts
whispered their hopelessness
before repeatedly reminding me,
There is nothing I can do
to help her
or prepare myself
for such great loss,
perhaps less great,
more relief,
for them.

But they were wrong.
Wrong about my grandmother.
Wrong about me.
Wrong about us, together.

I knew her favorite hymns.
I was her favorite voice.
We needed no other instruments,
percussive or lyrical.
We had enough time
to revisit our music lessons,
Lyrics are tools for young friendship
Not weapons against old enemies.

Precious Lord
take my hand,
Lead me on
when I can’t stand.
I am tired,
I am weak,
I am worn.
Through these trials,
Through this storm,
Lead me on
Precious Lord.

And so we sang
and so I danced
and told her favorite story
of beds too hard,
of friends too soft,
and a child who sings just might

Of Earth too hot
and river beds too soft
and motherlands too cold
and us, now growing distant,
yet singing this last time
just right.

 

 

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Uncategorized

Unfinished Exodus

As Exodus tells his story,
Moses was compelled by God
and then invited,
commissioned by inside/outside Voice,
and bv voices of Israel’s extended people
to lead them through forty desert years
of sometimes nomadic wins
and mostly immigrating losses
in a competitively shared wilderness.

Then,
just as they approached the Promised Land’s border,
now matured
multigenerationally seasoned
regeneratively prepared for entry
into this great Middle Eastern creolization journey
in-between Earth’s secular/sacred history
of multicultural peace-making,
win/win environmental envisioning
and compassionate planning
and cooperative implementation,

Just as Moses could climb a sacred yang mountain
and look across rich heavenly green Promise
in Yahweh’s chosen yin valley
of profoundly interdependent
complexly transcendent
co-presence,

Moses suddenly understood right then
right there,
he would die before he could live
among those who would cross over
to complete this epic historic pilgrimage
toward compassionate climate of Promise,
both secular and sacred majesty,
patriotic epiphany
of resilient
multiculturing
healthy demo/theo-cracy.

I see our post-millennial Boomer regenerative process
restoratively wandering through this win/lose forty year
post-industrial wilderness
toward epic climate pollution risks
and monocultural loss
for polycultural wins
of ego-left/eco-right opportunity.

Here,
with now,
on this very cusp of 2020 robust revision,
I know we will not live
to see health optimizing
resilient Promised land and waters,

Although I have lived and loved to locally
and globally,
personally
and politically,
ecologically
and economically long to grow
together
migrant green integrity.

And my autonomous left hemisphere feels disappointed
sad
unfairly deprived about this unfinished migration,
Frustrated because cooperative liberal love,
active compassion,
is so obviously healthier for all travelers riding Earth,
wealthier than competitive fragmenting mistrust,
conserving climatic rage
about our globally
and locally unfinished industrial business.

At the same time
my dipolar interdependent right hemisphere
remains timelessly silent
on topics of ego-left mortality.

S/he may not distinguish
between first yang-patriarchal inhale
and last yin-matriarchal exhale
because this Zen ZeroSoul,
this Holy Nature/Spirit
is one
with that of Moses,

With all Messianic pilgrims,
leaders,
facilitators,
mediators,
With all bodhisattva peace mentors,
With restorative peace and justice integrity Advocates,
wandering a post-industrial green wilderness.

Polypathic Moses
of Earth’s great exodus Rapture
into unfinished healthier life
wealthier transformational business
of regenerating Promise,
for transgenerating lands and waters,
mountains and river-valleys,
mortally unfinished transcendent Eminence
and immortally interdependent Imminence,
Yang universal being with Yintegral uniting
resilient becoming
yet unfinished Exodus
into climatic healthy Promise.

 

 

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Uncategorized

First SunRise Service

My first great faith journey
involved exiting EarthMother’s nighttime womb,
without even a first language
except what RightBrain inherited
from noticing emotive taste and feel
and healthy/pathological touch
memories prehistorically Win/Win
and Win/Lose
and Lose/Lose souled
unsoiled either happy or mad,
learning both/and health-resilient midways.

From such humble nutritional/toxic expectations,
and win/lose annunciations
of EarthTribe’s integral potential,
wealthy yang opportunities and yin-unhealthy risks,
through adolescent win/lose romantic invested engagements

On through my own forty-year corporate adult commodified faith journey
ensuing
pursuing my great white-male privileged American dream;

A win/lose business-as-usual pilgrimage
toward my more recent retiring win/win destiny,
for healthy wise-elder now
unhealthy other-wise then

Not really a chosen win/win destination
freely destined to and as begun
with integrity of ego-me inside sacred eco-Other
co-passion for positive
healthy
rational/nutritional purpose

And perennial meaning
this old pre-cortical WiseElder right brain
we have anciently learned interdependence
does not believe in autonomous ego-mortality,

Right brain emotive intelligence
is not overly invested in left brain ego’s embedded fragmentation
co-arising feelings of righteous predative anger
and leftist prayers conserving lose/lose fears
of YangGod’s universally autonomous climate genocide.

Ego’s de-individuation
away from Earth’s healthy habitat
rejoining MotherEarth’s timeless individulting wombs
reproducing integrity’s conjoined co-passioning potential,

ReBecoming as I began
win/win re-entering memories re- and pre-historically souled
unsoiled
inside EarthMother’s first pre-cortical dark night

Becoming bicameral felt
effectively co-caused/effective
neo-cortical ego’s individuating day

ReComposing my first great healthy transformational
co-arising in/ex-formational
re-journey
re-membering my first great transitional
sunrise developmental
co-passioning light/energy service
courageously multicultural
vulnerably global
and transparently personal.

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Sacred Presence

Few who have listened and watched through triumphant birth
and decomposing death
doubt these are most sacred events.

When did all experience in-between
become a sufficiently secular journey
necessarily devoid of unrealistic wonder and awe,
divine curiosity,
and holy wholesome courage?

To live for and with Earth solidarity
listening and watching sacred birth of dawn
and holy death of ultra-violet
non-violent dusk.

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Inconvenient Lives

Self confident
I would feel inconvenient
to be dead,

Yet relieved in freedom
from trimming toe
and finger nails
and receding hair
advancing down wrinkling neck
and softing shoulders.

Although not confident
I could grow
satisfied with fictional fame,
self-grandiosing glory,
I remain curious
how timelessly satisfying might emerge
historically famous fictions,
glories of grandly granted otherwise.

Confiding ancient secrets,
I could feel confluent
intuiting alive
resilience in freedom to survive
culture’s soft-spoken rhyming terror
flirting with authenticity
of memory’s patterned identity
and difference,
identically coincident.

Faith
masquerading hope,
Light
fading dual-dark air without
within,

True life
camouflaging trust’s pervasive love
Confident
I would feel false
to grow prematurely dead.

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Curious Journeys in Courage

As absence finds us silently saying goodbye
to everyone,
farewell to every place and memory we cherish

And absent any voluntary theological plans
in conscious development
to ecologically leave us with your absence
of both mind and body,

Pay close attention,
fully invest in,
what feels salutory,
salvific,
benign beauty,
peaceful healing

While calmly noting
what feels involuntary
and threatening,
unfair loss.

And, where you may hear
and see
and feel
All of holonic integrity above

Winning anything
but decomposing Loser usual

When absence of co-passion
finds us quietly saying goodbye
to every reductive relationship,

Farewell to each degenerative place
theology could never cherish.

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Uncategorized

The DisIncorporating Client

My most troubling client
told me he died last night.

While this did not appear to be his somber case,
nor, sadly,
did my home office silently resound
like this was his actual historical peace,
I did conjure up sufficient energy
to ask why he thought so
or felt so
or hoped so
or feared so
and probably all of the above.

Why not invite
this spectral tsunami
overshadowing life’s reverberating days
and nightmare nights?
I have no prior experience,
no words
for comparison or explanation,
he replied,
I realize I am not naturally dead
but feel spiritually disassociated,
withdrawn diverse inside
And not entirely out enough
as if
in my nocturnal half-life
I wandered lost last night
and failed to fully reassemble.

So this feels like spiritual and unnatural failure?

Failed to fully return
to business as daytime usual,
to orthodox reasonable integrity,
to all insanity of inhumane nature
out of interdependent touch
with outdoor Earth kin,
nature-spirit Elders,
ancient ring-wrinkling trees
witnessing history
already before Nina
Pinta
and Santa Maria,
cut and bound European cousins
arrived on Eastern Atlas shores…

You talk a lot
for one so dead.
Is there a difference
between Eastern Atlas space
and Eastern U.S. Atlantic bounded place?

Maybe this is a failure,
pacific weakness;
certainly a loss.
Each natural species opportunistically suspects
yet cannot risk imagining
what spiritual difference could remain
within what is left of natural Us.

Perhaps we feel drained
strained
de-brained
maimed
blamed
shamed
reamed by Herculean angst,
absence of health developed spiritual curiosity
and courage…

to pull all my self chosen gods and improper goddesses
together again
each morning resurfacing
into yet another cooperatively longing day.

Perhaps.
Although gods and goddesses do not sound sufficiently accurate,
nor historically courageous
resurfacing this discontinuity
before and after my regathering alarm,
bugled and bungled into each foggy day…

I feel, still, my sacred loss of outside presence.

To die our sacred disempowering death
To competing devilish inside challenges,
To belong cooperative EarthGarden awakened
gripped by supreme ego lost
shadow of light’s Source,
outdoor business time’s nature/spirit boundary
threshold of ZeroSum heart
playing organic EarthGame’s finest
green commons Paradise–
outdoor courageous success
behind indoor curious failure
to awaken quite wrongly dead again.

Natural secularizing life,
falling and failing through bilateral integrity
as Earth allied

All over again
this personal
and contractual
and constitutional well-born morning,
not quite competitively reassembled.
What remains
paid less to keep consuming
but more properly reimbursed to keep bothering to breathe
bad inside air.

As they say,
Shop till dead Time drops

dispersed
depersonalized
dissonant
desacramented
autonomous ego
ReAcclimating toward more cooperative eco-resilient
interdependent integrity…
As he continued disassembling
Ancient branched witnesses turned to enter deeper rooted notes,
Our most troubling spiritual student
dismissed us from domestic servitude
as s/he died last night
As if one human had exclusive rights
of nutrition empowering sovereignty.

We winked back
and said ThankYou
And don’t let that over-lumbered door
slap you down
on our way outside and in,
more competitively cooperating again.

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