Uncategorized

Enrichment

What opposes enlightenment?

Endarkenment?
You know, like dusk,
evening,
end of a day
through end of time
on living Earth.

What opposes empowerment?

Disempowerment.

What might oppose Earth’s enlightenment
and/or empowerment?

For me
or throughout all multiculturing history?

Possibly both?

I see ego darkness,
depression,
fecklessness?
inability to cause
and/or perpetuate health,
safety,
individual powerlessness.

Do disease
and insecurity
and lack of effective power
feel like ways of experiencing poverty,
absence of healthy robust choice
for you,
as seems to be true of my experience?

Yes,
but poverty does not feel like a synonym
for dark feelings
or disempowerment.

Poverty, like racism,
feels more political,
economic,
more ecosystemic.

What is the opposite of ecosystemic enlightenment
and/or empowerment?

Ego isolation,
unsystemic pathological darkness
and/or disempowerment,
disease,
nonemployment,
absence of meaning or purpose,
economic depression,
recession,
political suppression,
dissociative sublimation,
narcissistic idolatry,
monoculturing rage,
violent zero-sum win/lose capitalism,
religious-cultural apartheid,
ecopolitical suicide,
globally generic genocide,
climate exhaustion,
ego-autonomous annihilation

Do these seem to oppose global
and individual
and local enrichment
for you?
as they do for me.

Perhaps what opposes positive multilateral energy
is always some unilateral form,
political
personal
familial
social
psychological
neurological
theological
ecological
economic
cultural
religious,
of impoverishing experience.

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Uncategorized

Waking Up Lumpy

Wake up grumpy
tired
much older than yesterday.

Day fifty-seven,
an irrationally
not nice
non-round number,
since defiantly challenging daughter,
with the contextual right-brain unhealthy intelligence
of a sociopathic alligator,
last came home from school
or anywhere without me.

Remembering her school’s response
when I suggested her six-hours-per-day aide
five days per week
not be switched out every week
or two.
She doesn’t do well with transitions
including interpersonal change,
lack of power to control
a significant Other’s time
to stay
and go.

While aware this is an issue,
their larger concern was burn-out.
Aides couldn’t tolerate the intensity
of her hostility
and constant need
need
need for attention,
for food,
for distraction,
for action,
for…

Wondering how the best of her school supporters
would feel after 228 consecutive
six-hour shifts

Without any supervisor
capable of reassuring me
or him
or her
or them
or us
of how many more to go
without adequate social distancing
within our lumpy quarantine space.

No possible reassurance
or warning
we’re just getting started,
about to end,
over the hump,
or not so much,
actually.

Perfect.

Definite only about feeling humped out
and jumped in
lack of ease,
sucked out potential for unguarded rest.

Feeling sorry for myself,
yes,
but also for her,
and for all of us
who have taken risks
to give long-term care
where receiving care in response
is not a reasonable
or compassionate
expectation of hope-filled ways,
faithful truths,
loving lives

Quietly waking up grumpy
in unsolidarity
unsolitary confinement.

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I Do When You Do

There is one word that can be the guide for your life–
it is the word
reciprocity.
Pearl Buck

There are several synonymous words
co-arising feelings
needs
co-gravitating wants
personal and social integrity
political and economic synergy
neurological and psychological
ecological and theological

That can guide life v death,
health v pathology
cooperative wealth v competitive disinvestment
regeneration v degeneration
love v despair
impression v depression.

These include words of passion–
Compassion
co-passion
passion story
impassioned v dispassioned v mispassioned.

E. O. Wilson speaks of biological Consilience
where linguists and political historians
recall co-gravitating Creolization,
peaceful co-enculturation,
rather than patriarchal greedy excesses
of one-power sided colonization.

Neuro-psychologists,
more positive pro-health
than negative anti-pathologists,
recommend Resilient-Resonance.

Ecologists and theologians
prefer sustainably regenerative ego-centers
and eco-systems.

Bicameral neurologists
commune left with right hemisphere
harmonic wants with feelings
for compassionate therapeutic communication.

Communication therapists
and mediators
speak out and listen up
for Enthymematic communication,
curiously and courageously opaque
and dual dark
reflective absence of cognitive-affective
left-right dissonance.

Priests
and Preachers
and Teachers invoke secular/sacred
natural/spiritual communion
communication
community
cooperative economics
and win/win political theology
preparing us to receive mysterious Transubstantiation
regeneration
creolization
resilient compassion,
polyphonic rhapsody,
polypathic reciprocity,

More like co-investing with Buck
than passing the buck.

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Uncategorized

What I Want

What I want,
probably need,
from people of compassionate
active
positive faith
in sacred covenants
in healthy energy democracies,
in cooperative co-empathic learning systems:

Integrity,
Impressive co-investments
rather than depressive divestment,
Integral cooperative ownership
more than autonomous competitions,
Intimately transparent management
stewardship
facilitation
multiculturally vulnerable mediation
among and within Earth’s holonic
holy
living webs of compassionate communication,
energy,
bicameral healthy/wealth

Intelligence, cognitive and affective,
deductive and inductive,
individual and contextual,
ego and eco,
left and right hemisphere nonduality
co-passion
co-invested balance in harmony
polypathic synergy
polyphonic
creolizing polycultural
polytheistic cooperative underlying values
for democratic global health
as EarthWealth

Is what I want,
intrinsically
intuitively need,
from people of compassionate
explicitly active
positive faith in sacred covenants,
in health-energy democracies,
in cooperative
co-empathic
deep learning communication systems.

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Humanity of Horses

My internal experience of depression
today shames
external ecology of elation,
all I might know as warm extended family
of profoundly peaceful impressions
still bare surviving
at end of this slow-fading thread.

This morning
one Epictetus sentence
speaks of blaming left-hemisphere dominant GodVoices:

“People are disturbed not by things,
but by the view they take of them.”

Similar to proving and approving:
Universal Gods are undisturbed not so much by peaceful events,
but by the transcendent view they own
by loving them.

Some days,
like yesterday,
I feel excruciatingly intolerant
of Earth’s
Losing healthy systems–LeftWing
and
Losing wealthy democratic resilience–RightWing
depression
suppressing what might,
more positively,
notice integral bilateral energy trends.

This synergetic,
yet distinctly negative,
degenerative feeling travels far beyond
compassion exhaustion
to despair.

Even an omnipotent God
could not have,
could not even evoke to grow,
further and faster extensions of sufficient compassion
for such death and dying misery;
absolution…
redemption…
all peacefully forgiven.

Among humans,
of course,
but extended to other dying
and already extinct species
reduced to fuel
for some predator species’ relentlessly extracting fire

And beyond all creatures here below,
to macro-political living systems
like self-cleaning rivers,
healthy surfing salt-water oceans
with multicolored coral reefs,
wealthy bones,

And topsoil organic life systems
and MotherTree forests,
and wild, complex boundary areas
of creolization,
interbreeding
petri recircling research and discovery
recovery
uncovery
incovery
excovery
anti-covery
pro-covery
positive covery
negative covery
expanding covery
shrinking covery
elation covery
depression covery
exhalation covery
inhalation covery
investment covery
divestment covery
empowering covery
disempowering covery
not not double-binding cooperatively owned covers,

Labels,
nomials,
variables,
experiences,
memories,
rememories,
memes,
images,
imaginations,
designs,
divine hopes and humane fears

I disagree with Epictetus;
This person is empathically disturbed by experiences.

Rape and violent militarized sadism
and politically sanctioned death sentences
come immediately to mind,
cold hearted starvation and dehydration
of innocent children,
ponies,
mothers,
mares,
peaceful fathers,
faithful stallions.

Meanwhile corporate gods drilling and fracking
greedily extracting
win/lose against future healthy regenerations
of Earth’s organic life.

Tell God:
A mother
watching her children stabbed
and/or starved to death
is not disturbed by events
but by the subjective view parents take of them.

If He agrees with you,
find a different Goddess Earth
with sufficient win/win compassion and hope
to change our competitive
Left v Right-hemisphere story.

All creatures are disturbed by negative events
and by Win/Lose
and/or Lose/Lose
views we take of degenerative ZeroSum violence,
eco-political
and neuro-psychological,
whether horse or dog
or cat or rat,
grateful and co-empathic predator
or cooperative divine-human nature.

But, my divine elation Right
unitarian yin climate,
reminds my humane depressive Left
universal Yang culture,
deductive proof of negative pudding
is in inductive gratitude for positive multiculturing outcomes,

All creatures are undisturbed by positive events
and by Win/Win views
and memories
and designing images
we receive for regenerative NonZero-Sum peace,
eco-political,
neuro-psychological,
theo-ecological.

I know
and deeply appreciate
an ecofeminist equestrian farmer
who says all this
depressing and elating stuff
much more simply,
“I trust the empowering humanness of horses
far more than the competitive horsiness of humans.”

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Uncategorized

Not That You Depressingly Asked

Not that you asked,
or ever would feel free to inquire,
yet perhaps you grow ready to listen
to a voice inviting exit
from your,
and our,
long loneliness,
self-contempt,
isolation so shelled-over,
so embedded,
you are sure we are each and all
unredeemably alone

In our envy of others,
the positive deviants
with apparently healthy organic
and resonant
and resilient relationships

While we remain powerless to conjure enough curiosity
to discover
and/or rediscover
our own win/win potentialities,
personal
and political,
economic
and ecologically regenerative.

Depression conjures
dark apartness messes
all your own too-competitive fault.

But, your depression,
emotional and/or economic,
political and/or environmental,
like my own,
is no more or less your fault
than is Donald Oompa Trumpa President
of all anti-ecological wisdom,
a new ungreen post-millennial oxymoron,
and Earth’s algorithmic degeneration
into lose/lose fragility,

And privileged human SuperEgo’s declention
disarray
dismay
despair into xenophobic rabidity
oligarchical madness
global depression
mutual suppression
liberally invested in every thing
but love,
curiosity
recovering win/win birth canal memory,
a magical moment of hope for Earth’s warm light
of lifetime win/win recovery.

Your depression is your fault
only in this warm right-brain accompaniment sense
of feeling and knowing we are a fluid,
yet stuck, State
that is our shared win/lose fault
of left-brain dominating culture
parsing compassion stingily,
saving for glorious and
win/win right-brain interdependent
un-lonely Rapturous sacred end.

But, as every community organizer
and integral permaculture designer
and restorative justice advocator
knows from win/win v win/lose v loselose
retributive v restorative justice experience,
we cannot end a resilient health-building project
that will include
any and all multicultural win/win faith
if we did not embody already inside
as we began
pushing through our original organic tunnel
toward Earth love’s first light
and unmuted sounds
of greeting,
warm accompaniment
universal co-present love,

Hope
faith in EarthMother’s warm feeding breast
from whence we each compassion came
come
and go.

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Uncategorized

Commanding Solo Performances

It had been a hellish week.

On Monday
my lonely and tired AfricanAmerican husband
told me, as gently as possible,
that what I had hoped was a temporary separation
is to be extended into perpetuity.

This separation had been scheduled to terminate
when my Fetal Alcohol daughter turns eighteen
and can move into a new, more therapeutically endowed, home
not our non-group home
which could not feel like a private home to him
and to a more peacefully vulnerable me.

He told me his autonomy of residential sight
and sound
and smell,
temperature and feel,
thought and absence of forced transparent thought,
has grown ever more compelling for him,

Like a new life system
organically emerging from calcified minerals
mixed with melted wet.

This permanent separation,
less about not wanting to share a roof and walls
and multicultural floors
and more about wanting a more private
monotheistic habitat.

I had been working on my adopted daughter’s emergency group home application;
Her eighteenth, and first qualifying, birthday was Friday
of this same hellish week
filled with demands,
as usual,
but more so,
more self-prophetically entitled now;

A “big [supremely self-disempowering] girl”
as multiply messaged from school
and therapists
and family,
jonesing to live with submissive peers
who will best be lesser care receivers
as she intends to appropriate all care giving staff,

Demanding preferred foods,
and music
and stories
and dance,
and diaper change
and bed
and bath times
ignoring needs of lesser beings;

Like living with a constantly ticked off Gaia
showing us who’s our jealous Boss
in response to our climate endangering ways
of patriarchal colonization
disrespecting matriarchal communion,
ecological creolization.

Demanding routines she and I have evolved
since she was five,
unable to see up,
only downstream,
unable to hear well,
unable to speak in consonants
articulate enough to defy caregiver ignorance,
lack of subservient cooperation,
submission to her aggressively iron will,
triggering every slaveholder
property owner
reactionary nerve in my husband’s long-term
matriarchal-limned
unnerved memory.

Our more cooperative and trust-building relationship
soon took care of Gaia’s communication problems
but we created, thereby,
a princess entitled ‘I win so you lose’ monster
of immediate and really loud
NEED!

Yet, now that she is maturing to leave this nest,
how much do I need her
to keep me safely home at night
and off the larger terrifying climate stage
of degenerating ecopolitical performance?

On the following Sunday morning,
I was to sing “Let Your Little Light Shine”
a less popular spiritual,
and at least not unnatural,
gospel message;

A sung prayer from enslaved history,
humiliating origins surviving valleys of vulnerable despair
by holding up
and out
dim fading lights of hope,
sometimes accessible from other enslaved properties
with more resilient hope in green and brown and black
communion.

On Saturday night
my heart spoke of grief
lost in deep dark valleys
isolated
abandoned
down-sized
empty-nested
shallow-chested
ancient old person despair,

And my lungs sagged
pushing against narrow edges of freezing panic

Terror about forgetting left-brain words
and reminders of past sung and danced solo performances
not nearly as fun
enriching
fulfilling
health wealthy
as past group participation
in full-nested harmony
synergy
resonance
regenerativity
sacred communions spiritual
while naturally co-present

Green
and brown
and black,
ultra-nonviolet
and transparently clear.

On Sunday morning,
after earning a strategically planned
full night’s rest,
I felt much worse

Unable to imagine leaving my sanctuary
much less singing
much less performing
a song longing for the Lord
to shine even the faintest ray of hope
down into this valley of well-earned despair,

A grey climate of hopelessness,
nihilistic thoughts,
narcissistic preoccupations
trapped in a shrinking fragile egocentrism.

I took an anti-depressant
which got me to the church on time
but now feeling anxiously disembodied
within my own Beloved Sanctuary
too universally white
straight
and too removed from outside green
and family brown
and EarthTribe Native black resonant voices,
fragrances,
touch,
tasting and seeing.

I could not remember words,
or think of alternative reasonable sounds,
could not find my opening pitch,
felt deserted by a cappella
absence of accompaniment,
by a choir relegated to background support services
rather than foreground cooperative resonance
of care giving
co-passioning care receiving.

But, there was something else
bad,
REALLY bad,
a repugnance that stayed with me
through rehearsal,
through first
and then final performance
and on through the return home
after a technical tepid success
lacking the resonance of producing music
transcending rhythm and pitch and lyrics
demanding better held and managed light systems
for my self-isolating despair

Afraid of drowning
in this internal river valley.

Although not sure what happened Sunday night,
I awoke next morning to emotional fragility,
again
to fears of too much aloneness, loneliness,
worries about ageing in a place not quiet enough
from road rage
and too demanding of soil
and water
and energy stewardship,
warm accompaniment,
propriety of grace,
cooperative well-being.

What was different, on this reawakening,
was recognizing my,
and our,
monocultural misappropriation,
supremacist ideation
of “Let your little light shine”
as if we are, and I am,
the Lord’s great solo hope
for all the autonomous
disconnected
apartheid
indigenous nature/spirit
EarthTribe life-systems
of healthy care giving/receiving
singing and dancing in revolving circles
of gospel fire,

Choired resonantly together
in active shared home harmonies,
extending families back through enslaved ancestors
reminding an AfroCentric Lord
this light begins
from hope sung dance together
with multiculturally resonant intelligence

Leaving no one behind
trying to soulfully enlighten
my darkest valley of despair.

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Too Long Past Due

What’s the point of suicide
when I feel already dead inside?

Too long past due
pulling breath’s last plug
last gasp
last primal scream
for and against capital colonizing campaigns
but acted out in dizzying silent mime,
rumored to be a scary thing
this last big surrendering event
before unconsciousness
of changing time
marching inevitably forward
and backward,
out
and back in
until no more back
or in.

But what frightens this fading identity most,
No one will know a difference,
notice I’m different,
least of all
decaying from within
me.

Already unconscious
subconscious,
merely skirting conscious life
precedes flirting with absence of awareness,
burning bridges
pulling life plugs
turning out my lights
already too dark to hear
fear memories
too alarming to feel
images
too disarming to care for power
for light

Too defining
future past experience
enlightening
too long
refining
past due
healing
organic capital investments
ourselves
too long overdue.

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Blah Friday

I need a vacation
from vacation unbreaks.

Bad Friday
falls seven days after spring break begins,
Which is a break for some kids
and teachers without kids,
but not for grandpa parent me,
and my sociopathic daughter,
who needs the structure of small
specialized classrooms
to get through her most resilient day.

It feels healing to step outside
into softer breezy voices
green with overly optimistic promise
that Everythin gonna be aright.

Rain threatens
yet wide patches of sky blue
promise western horizon hope,
for now

Faith that tomorrow,
which feels unforgivingly far from Now,
yet stuck in Here,
I will wake to compassionate forgetfulness,
lack of memory
of nearly all black bleak Fridays
transpired,
de-valued by my owned
and negligently managed
lack of parental investment
in larger self/other care;
that old ego/eco-balancing
narrow-way game.

Tomorrow,
just another Saturday/Sunday weekend,
between BadFriday wounds
and rainy Monday
school day blues
and jazz dance in the garden
with a Great Turning shovel.

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Lonely Nest

Loneliness,
of individuals,
families,
communities
and nation-states,
leads insufficient capacity
to prophecy everyone’s collective interdependence,
and thereby remains partially blind
to Win/Win optimal health/wealth outcomes,
which could not be monopolized
by experiential loneliness
felt internal monocultural sadness.

By inviting risk to shift,
nudge,
notice personal/political Lose/Lose depreciations,
bucket lists of long-standing tensions
causing unhealthy cognitive/affective dissonance
unresiliently stuck in slow ego-depreciating mortality,
absence of furthering resilient appreciative-inquiry belonging
within this
and each
and every
timeless Win/Win left-brain fragmenting
ego-prominent compassion-nest
self/other-perpetuating cooperative polypaths
implied within each unprophetic deeply pre-ingested
re-ingesting healthy/wealthy moment,

Irrational spiraling not not ego/ecotherapeutic self-care,
a dynamic healing ZeroZone
away from repressive solid OneNest walls
of silently atoning loneliness,
onelinest
healthy hoping toward impressive implicit webs
for pregnant metaphoric
meteoric Earthiness,
EarthTribe nest.

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