Waking Up Lumpy

Wake up grumpy
much older than yesterday.

Day fifty-seven,
an irrationally
not nice
non-round number,
since defiantly challenging daughter,
with the contextual right-brain unhealthy intelligence
of a sociopathic alligator,
last came home from school
or anywhere without me.

Remembering her school’s response
when I suggested her six-hours-per-day aide
five days per week
not be switched out every week
or two.
She doesn’t do well with transitions
including interpersonal change,
lack of power to control
a significant Other’s time
to stay
and go.

While aware this is an issue,
their larger concern was burn-out.
Aides couldn’t tolerate the intensity
of her hostility
and constant need
need for attention,
for food,
for distraction,
for action,

Wondering how the best of her school supporters
would feel after 228 consecutive
six-hour shifts

Without any supervisor
capable of reassuring me
or him
or her
or them
or us
of how many more to go
without adequate social distancing
within our lumpy quarantine space.

No possible reassurance
or warning
we’re just getting started,
about to end,
over the hump,
or not so much,


Definite only about feeling humped out
and jumped in
lack of ease,
sucked out potential for unguarded rest.

Feeling sorry for myself,
but also for her,
and for all of us
who have taken risks
to give long-term care
where receiving care in response
is not a reasonable
or compassionate
expectation of hope-filled ways,
faithful truths,
loving lives

Quietly waking up grumpy
in unsolidarity
unsolitary confinement.


Marriage Quarantine

I wonder
if marriage could be less of a quarantine
from significant other relationships
and more of a prime relationship
in love’s easy and difficult lessons,
growing more resonant as opening out
to deeper and wider resonant caregiving
and receiving,
extending familial relationships
which, in turn,
do not predominately compete for time
but primally cooperate
with our initial attachment bond.

This feels like the opposite
of a marriage model
in which each partner expects,
sometimes demands,
that all attachment needs
for ecological
and theological
and biological
and sociological
and neurological connection
and healthy cooperative reconnection,
communion will become monoculturally
and magically met
by this one other mere mortal person.

I wonder, sometimes,
if marriage,
cooperative partnership
and management
and ownership experience,
of creolizing multicultural health
has devolved into a left-brain dominant theory
of humane relationship
sustainable only through threat
of punishing non-exclusive
non-supremacist relationships
emotionally isolating,
increasingly codependent
competitive lack of healthy eco-political
democratic co-governance.

Could marriage grow not only co-gravitating
bipolar passion
but also dipolar co-arising compassion,
resonant resilience,
resting in robust health/wealth
left/right communion?

Not so much a polyvagal theory
of partnership;
More of a polypathic experience
in- and ex-forming
EarthRooted healthy marriage,