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Marriage Quarantine

I wonder
if marriage could be less of a quarantine
from significant other relationships
and more of a prime relationship
in love’s easy and difficult lessons,
growing more resonant as opening out
to deeper and wider resonant caregiving
and receiving,
extending familial relationships
which, in turn,
do not predominately compete for time
but primally cooperate
with our initial attachment bond.

This feels like the opposite
of a marriage model
in which each partner expects,
sometimes demands,
that all attachment needs
for ecological
and theological
and biological
and sociological
and neurological connection
and healthy cooperative reconnection,
communication,
communion will become monoculturally
and magically met
by this one other mere mortal person.

I wonder, sometimes,
if marriage,
cooperative partnership
and management
and ownership experience,
of creolizing multicultural health
has devolved into a left-brain dominant theory
of humane relationship
sustainable only through threat
of punishing non-exclusive
non-supremacist relationships
emotionally isolating,
commodified,
increasingly codependent
competitive lack of healthy eco-political
democratic co-governance.

Could marriage grow not only co-gravitating
bipolar passion
but also dipolar co-arising compassion,
re-connection,
re-generativity,
resonant resilience,
resting in robust health/wealth
yang/yin
universal/unitarian
left/right communion?

Not so much a polyvagal theory
of partnership;
More of a polypathic experience
in- and ex-forming
EarthRooted healthy marriage,
partnership,
communion.

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Wedding Questions

Honey…

Yes, dear.

When a woman and a man get married,
why does the woman traditionally stand on the man’s left,
rather than his right?

Most men are LeftBrain right hand dominant.
So they’re used to keeping that hand free
of unfortunate encumbrances.

You’re not very nice.
That couldn’t possibly be right,
or left, for that matter.
More likely they keep it free to take care of themselves
especially if they’re getting married for the first time.

Or the second, or the third…
But, how is that different from what I said?

So, when two guys or two women get married,
how do they know which one stands on the left
and which is on the right?

Maybe they flip a coin.

Would heads, then, stand on the right
and tails on the left?

Honey,
why do you think I would have the first clue?
Honestly, I suspect it has taken them so long
for us to be OK about how they untraditionally lie down together
that nobody, except you, is yet even wondering
how they should stand up together.

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RePlanting Times and Spaces

Moving into a new home
with anonymous neighbors,
whom you typically have not even met
before deciding where you will replant yourself,
and perhaps also your significant others,
sometimes including multiple generations,
and pets and plants,
all takes place before you have met
your new potentially significant neighbors.

In this respect,
moving within today’s urbanized BusinessAsUsual housing markets
is more like an arranged contractual marriage
than discovering that one great love of place and persons,
potential future homestead,
healthy and abundantly therapeutic for all your future generations,
if any of this should occur in your lifetime.

Arranged marriages were also primarily contractual relationships
between families or tribes.
The evidence is unclear that they were, or are, any more
or less
successful in the health and happiness ever after ecopolitical department
than those more complexly hormonal choices of erotic love
and mutual sensory pleasure;
over the full duration of a mutually therapeutic-intended lifetime.

This absence of therapeutically significant difference
is itself remarkable, perhaps significant to recreating healthier climates and landscapes.
Shared residence, shared household arrangements,
is largely about economic and political synergy, integrity,
maturing into mutual acclimation
within primal organic relationships,
families sometimes extending right out into cooperatively healthy neighborhoods
with environmentally therapeutic acclimations,
transformations into choices to cooperatively search for mutual WinWins;
to not allow ourselves to go to bed
unsettled by a WinLose event,
much less a LoseLose decision toward run-away competitive economic with political co-relational lives.

I am not sure how we move away from BusinessAsUsual real estate decisions,
toward more ecotherapeutically intentional neighborhoods
that are also about home and family and cooperative health opportunities,
minimizing risks of further climate pathology.
Especially younger adults seem more permaculturally inclined
toward nutritional challenges of/for healthier and happier,
more cooperatively prosperous global-through-local network acclimation.

But, it does occur to me that,
once having replanted ourselves and all our fellow householders,
we might begin with listening and learning about our new neighbors as ourselves.
Which nutritional dreams we share toward cooperative ownership
of our lives together,
and which pathological nightmares we could avoid,
stuck in playing and working suboptimally side by silo-side,
more age-appropriate for toddlers than adolescents and adults.

These pre-arranged property with people marriages
search for stronger, more resonant, cooperative ecopolitical intent
to create our most abundantly co-arranged home opportunities,
for this particular place on Earth’s cooperatively owned network
of nutritional opportunities,
by avoiding more egocentrically toxic risks
of mutual immunity and more competitive, even paranoid, assumptions
that our neighbors would choose sociopathology
over an open co-therapeutic invitation
to play in WinWin conversations over coffee,
or whatever substances we choose to feed our time together,
more cooperatively,
less self-isolating,
evaporating co-immune ego-supremacies,
competitions to build ever-higher,
more impermeable, fences,
rather than seek opportunities for cooperative multicultural gardens
which,
come to think of it,
would probably increase economic and political values
of living in this pre-arranged neighborhood
within the near-nutritional future,
and enhance values for future new neighbors to replant
in these more fertile inviting soils.

So, why not send a copy of this
along with an invitation to discuss,
to your own family and friends and next door neighbors?
See if they appreciate it as you do,
or not,
and why and why not,
and what really is in our best cooperative political and economic interests
for co-investment in each day and night
in and on this cooperatively owned space
of anthrocentric Earth.

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Primal Questions

I was thinking about Eisenstein’s view of our relationship with Earth as a sacred economic relationship with Beauty and Health (although the latter seems to be largely implied, but is more explicit in Riane Eisler’s highly compatible thought and concerns and hope). At the same time the statement “There is no excuse for ignorance.” (Jamie Dunmore?)

A few weeks ago I had been thinking about debt using the icon of a mortgage on one’s primary residence, and comparing this to questions  we might ask prior to considering to enter into any domestic relationship, investment of time. Now I find myself wanting to apply these questions to prospective vocations, and decisions about how to invest my life in abundantly beloved eco-consciousness, rather than more ignorance.

So, in that context, I revisit these questions, and would love to know if you also find them helpful for vocational and domestic relationships as also sacred political and economic relationships:

Do I want to only look at new ones,
never been used,
or is that a too restrictive market,
too competitively priced
for virginity of place and relationship on Earth?
And, is such redemptively-intended virginity
an asset or a deficit,
in which ways?

Could I rather shop in a wider market,
someplace more gently used
and well-maintained,
someplace with smooth natural wood and stone,
rich in character
and not the smell of fresh acrylic paint,
when I could have wisteria and roses
lavender and mint
wafting through those big brown
or blue
or grey
or hazel door and window frames.

If this prospective relationship
does not bring sanity and health and pleasure and beauty
then is that not a contract violation
and time to be thinking about separation
so Self and Others can get back into our confluent market
for a better fit with this Time;
not a decade ago?

Have my needs
and wants
and preferences changed,
while my life partner’s and vocation’s may feel
boxed in,
no more room for additions,
lack of flexible floor plan,
too big or too small?

It happens.

Have I changed my definition of paradise
“beloved community”
is not who I am still investing in.
My fellow pilgrims, and places, and their path,
seem entrenched in incompatibility.
They have grown older,
more cracks in the plaster,
wear in the not-so-natural rugs,
missing some shingles on the roof.
Does the view from outside
look more like a weedpatch,
than my intended investment in paradise?

While shopping used expands your permacultural potential,
it also brings its baggage.
All that good and/or bad karma
yours for a down payment
but not always part of what you bargain for.
Did I ask if anyone had ever been murdered here,
or how many toxic fantasies cast their shadows?
Is this place/person service/product/plant
swimming in carcinogens,
tumorous habits growing mold under the roof?
What is prior experience with abuse,
neglect,
deferred maintenance?

Do I have a right to know, to be informed? Could I ask prior co-habitors and contractors with a prospective position/vocation/place/person:

Why are the two of you going your separate ways?
Was this your decision or did it feel more like
your house/spouse/employer gave you no choice?
If it was your choice,
if you have moved on
to something more to your liking,
rather than merely running away
from a smelly situation,
then what does your current relationship
offer you
by way of contentment,
and peace,
with justice and beauty and health,
that is lacking in my prospective investment?

Perhaps there were reasons unrelated to your vocational satisfaction.
Maybe you couldn’t afford to stay any more?
Is this place/person high maintenance, do you think?
Too heavily taxing,
bleeding you through inflated costs of living,
working,
divesting,
dispossession of responsibility
and/or authority,
too much Win-Lose gaming?

Are there problems in the neighborhood/extended family
that I should know about?

Does the plumbing still work?

Are the lights on but nobody’s home?

Would you recommend your house/spouse/job
to your best in-the-market friend?
Why or why not?
What interior and exterior landscape and design issues
did you have?
What did you find were your interior and exterior relational strengths
for future development?
Knowing what you have learned
through your own investment experience,
who do you think would be the ideal partner
for this former place now in my face?

Too much information, or appropriate responsibility to be informed
of which economic and political incarnations we embrace?

 

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Home Shopping Interview

Shopping for a house,
hunting for a spouse,
same difference.

Do I want to only look at new ones,
never been used,
or is that a too-restrictive market,
too high-priced for domestic virginity?

I’d rather shop in a wider market,
someplace gently used,
well maintained,
someone with smooth varnished natural hardwood,
rich in character
and not the smell of new paint
when I could have wisteria and roses
lavender and mint
sage and dill
wafting through his big brown
or blue
or grey
or hazel open windows.

Houses and spouses,
if they’re not bringing you security and pleasure
then that’s a contract violation
and time to think about a divorce
so they can get back in the market
for a better fit with changing times and circumstances;
not stuck with a decade ago,
or two,
you’ve both changed.

Your needs and wants and preferences evolve,
while your spouse/house may feel
boxed in, no room for additions,
lack of flexible floor plan,
or any kind of plan,
too big or too small,
it happens,
you’ve changed your definition of paradise
and its not who you’re still living in.

The spouse/house seems entrenched in incompatibility,
it has only grown older, not better,
more cracks in the plaster,
wear in the rug,
missing more shingles on the roof,
the view from outside looks like a weed patch,
and you had intended to mortgage paradise.

While shopping used expands your market
it also comes with baggage,
crap in the attic
and stuff in the basement
others left behind.
All that good and/or bad karma
is yours for a down payment
but not part of what you bargain for.

What if somebody was murdered in here?
What if he’s swimming in toxic carcinogens,
tumorous habits
growing mold and fat deposits under the roof?

What is your house/spouse’s experience with abuse,
neglect,
deferred maintenance?

I’ve developed this list of questions
I would like to ask prior co-habitors,
before signing either a marriage or mortgage contract:
Why are the two of you going your separate ways?
Was this your decision
or did it feel more like your house/spouse
gave you no choice?

If it was your choice,
if you have moved on to something more to your liking,
rather than slinking away from a smelly situation,
then what does your current relationship offer you
by way of contentment,
peace with some justice,
that is lacking in my prospective investment?
If you don’t mind my asking?

Perhaps there were reasons
unrelated to your domestic satisfaction,
or lack thereof.
Maybe you couldn’t afford your house/spouse anymore?
Is he high maintenance, do you think?
Too heavily taxing,
bleeding you through inflated costs of living
and gaming?

Are there problems in the neighborhood
extended family
that I should know about?

Does the plumbing still work?
Are the lights on but nobody’s home?
Would you recommend your house/spouse
to your best in-the-market friend?
Why or why not?

What interior
and exterior landscape
and design issues did you have?
Is this a job for a barber or a bulldozer,
a therapist or a demolition contractor?
What did you find were your house/spouse’s interior
and exterior strengths for future development?
With your lived-in experience,
who do you think would be the ideal domestic partner
for your former home?
And, don’t just say it would be me
because you’re tired of the alimortgage payments.

Seems like if they’re not f***in’ with you
then they’re bleeding you blind,
or both.
But,
when they play nice,
inside and outside,
then I can’t imagine why
anybody would mortgage with me.

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License to Contract Co-Intelligent Life

Partnerships contract primal economic,
civil,
cultural rights between consenting mutually subsidiary parties;
ecojustice solidarity mentors relationship-building.

Marriage contracts regenerate deep ecological sacred rite,
a liturgy of procreative mutual polarity and parity
bi-naturally systemic.
Iconic of nature’s quintessential binomiality,
bi-normiality,
bionically balanced as dipolar “tension” or intention
and daily life-recommitted liturgical practice
of mutually subsidiary economic
and ecological perma-cooperative Union.

Ecology includes biological systems,
but also binomial self-regeneratively organized information systems,
patterns,
organisms,
paradigms,
language,
and natural systemic Yang/Yin balance
and root-systemic nutritional flow functions.

Ecotherapeutic contracts evolve best
composted equal partners
of Wisdom’s gravity frequency patterns
AND Light’s sensed humor functional flow rhythm.

We evolve a darkside for every exegetical Truth,
just as we revolve a lighter side to every False-False,
Fear of Fear Itself,
Hating Haters,
Love of Beloved Bicameral WeSelf
Not Negativing our Double-Binding
spacetime Positives.

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