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ReCentering Domestic NonViolence

This brisk, sunny March morning, I return from delivering my son to his adult daycare van.

Upon opening The Norwich Times, I delight to read the new Center for Safe Futures “will be taking a huge step forward in how well we can serve the growing number of our neighbors who need help with domestic violence…”

After reading the article, I am delighted about this significant half-step toward a more integrated and holistic service structure to improve safety and well-being outcomes for victims and survivors of violence, assault, stalking, physical and verbal hate-crime abuse, black-market sale pricing for using powerless and unheard and unseen and uncared for human bodies commodified to provide third party capital profits, and other disturbing forms of predative trauma.

Violently polarizing drama threatens trust in neighborhood-felt survival, and our civil, compassionate community thrival, every time we hear, and, god forbid, exhaustively watch depressing, national history-making news brought to us by our uncivil, wounded and wounding retributive criminal justice systems; uncaring, unhealthy, and certainly not holistic empowerment systems for nonviolent reconciliation.

My colleagues on the Norwich Youth, Family, and Recreation Advisory Board have become used to my eagerness to celebrate half-steps toward win/win strategic restorative peace while simultaneously sternly reconsidering our missing nonviolent communication step away from retributive win/lose justice systems. World wide webs pitching prey against predator, cultivating my despair about polarizing dissociative drama rooted in divisive demonizing trauma systems that do not empower resilient health and safely resonant domestic wealth.

Down near the bottom of the first front-page column I read, “Service providers and community partners will work together to break the [systemic trauma] cycle of violence and abuse.” Wow! Now this is an unexpected good news mission statement!

On second thought, it does echo messianic scriptured messages about the Christian Prince of Peace’s salvific mission, and that, so far, feels like an aging, poor in spirit, and increasingly despairing half-empty step toward downsizing EarthJustice expectations for global nonviolent peace and justice.

In my wild decaffeinated morning meditations, this eagerly anticipated aspiration, to break the win/lose bonds of systemic trauma, reminds me of a huge covenant change proposed for discussion at All Souls UU, in New London.

“We covenant to dismantle racism and all forms of systemic oppression.” I wonder how we would practice such powerful “Beloved Community” passion. How could our faith communities help break the vicious cycle of violence, abuse, and emotional neglect fueling neurosystemic trauma?

Perhaps Restorative Justice and Peace Reconciliation practices of nonviolent communication could empower transparent and vulnerable dialogue between defendants and predators, so often brought together and stuck together by addictive codependence–which feels safer, and economically healthier than aching loneliness, emptiness, hopelessness, despair of punishment, shame, blame, Othering judgments that we do not merit unconditional warm regard.

My own therapeutic feelings of hope, informed by Multicultural Community Mediation, focusses on safer and healthier and emotionally wealthier compassionate relationships. Empowering intention and win/win designed retention I cannot find in this article. It misses a redemptive half-step that could prophetically declare we will not tolerate the “vengeance is mine” heresy that perpetuates future victimization. Excommunication brought to us by judicial and police systems inciting weaponized trauma among those voted least likely to succeed by disassociated peers.

Is it reasonable to hope this Center for Safe Futures, and all the best intervention and prevention practices advertised by an expanding Family Justice Center model may be fully baptized in the peace-making waters of Restorative Justice?

Will domestically healthy and safe mission statements survive the ribbon cutting to become resiliently saved from past systemic trauma sins of our Straight White Patriarchal fathers?

I guess I’m still waiting, as my acidic coffee stomach turns cold with impatient curiosity, for some other brilliantly brighter good news front-page article announcing the multiculturally grand virtues of neurosystemic trauma-informed therapeutic projects to ReCenter Healthy Bodies and Safe Mind Wellness Futures.

Compassionate futures that restore virtuous communion circles of therapeutic repair–and not viciously retributive, accountability trauma hierarchies continuing to promise more efficiently enlightened from-above services, still half-stepping toward managing a universally disunitarian pandemic of dissociative despair.

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Not So Great Expectations

My favored Muse
mysteriously asks
muted
kinda sexist
win/lose
either/or
complex bilateral questions.

Oppositional
defiant
nearly despairing quests
exploring why I have yet to find
Faith
Hope
or delightful Joy
as names for a boy

Who might be named
willful Father William
or Pastor warlike Warren
or Patriarchal terrifying Terrence
or even red Deacon Fred’s
bruising win/lose plots
against Reverend Bruce.

Vengeance is mine
says retributive justice
Preacher Justin
proclaiming blame
and shame
on monotheistic Religious Teacher
Shane.

Meanwhile
wise elderly EcoFeminists,
warming the pews
and cooperatively co-invested offering plates,
continue singing Joyful journey praises

Of Faith’s passionate commitment
inside EarthMother’s cathedral Grace

And Hope’s sometimes unsisterly
yet sincere advocacy
for paper straws
to win EarthTribe’s straining race
against ecocidal ocean polluting
patriarchal time
and desecrating capitalistic
commodifying space

Wherein my favored Muse
mysteriously asks
muted
musical
win/lose
either/or
complex bipartisan questions
of secular health care
and sacred safety shares,
music’s dissonant glare,
bemusing bewares.

Spiritual springtime
invites Aunt April
Matriarchal May
Joyful June

While natural full-summered lust
and bustling Buster
fluster hot
sweaty
sometimes angry
idolatrously crusty August
oppression
suppression
repression

Negative impressions
of Winny’s winter
wounded
advent womb

Emerging Tiffany’s
annual Epiphany,
favoring ecofeminist Muse
mysteriously musing
kinda amusing
win/lose
either/or
complex bipartisan questions.

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Uncategorized

After the RightWing Bullying Event

I woke up feeling better today,
in a post-trauma kind of way.

This prompts me to give priority to gathering notes
with supporting documents

And, of course,
to baking for the social in two days.

I don’t think my Attorney needs any further evidence
for a late-October hearing.
I suspect that when the Bully
reads our Attorney’s Corporate letter,
my need for a hearing
will quickly dissipate.

For some reason,
this She/Bully needs to read
ruminate
RabbitHole cold
hard Patriarchal-Capitalist
retributive justice lessons
speaking CORPORATE ATTORNEY language.

It would, of course, be much less expensive and traumatic
to restore nonviolent communication

Endorsing normal
civil-adult humility
of being quick to say,
as our mother’s taught us,
so they wouldn’t be raising no bratty kids,
“I’m sorry”
and, outside, to others,
“I forgive your temporary insanity”
And, inside,
“Thereby foregive my past excursions into temporary insanity
on a bad
RightWing offensive
day.”

All of which seems to suggest,
as the brownies cool,
that ecocidal ideation,
rather than inspired by warm
boundlessly inclusive
free forgiveness
cooperative win/win
sacred EarthTribal
Yin-tegral compassion,

Teaches win/lose
patriarchal-capitalist
cold
hard
and expensive ATTORNEY-speak
LeftBrain UberYang-dominant lessons.

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Restoring Peace

Yang+Yin optimal health economics
fueling wealthy cooperative politics

Leads to less survivalist
Yang v Yin
Also,
Yang x Yin
multiplies SunLight x EarthPower
cooperative empowerment
fuels enlightening reiterations,
integrations,
creolizations

As Yang/Yin divides
separates
disintegrates otherwise win/win
healthy systems.

So, just a quick restorative justice question–

Let’s imagine a homeless adolescent (Yang)
and an angry and resentful parent (Yin)
left behind
at what used to pass
as their peaceful white picket-fenced
house
home
habitat.

Do we assume the defiant
rebellious
often self-vindicating
PTSD and ADHD,
homeless adolescent
is typically at fault?
maybe?

Or
do we blame
and shame
the still housed adult
working one
or two
or three jobs?

Why not both
and why not avoid condemning
either Yang or Yin

Perhaps complicated
with trauma intergenerational histories
as old as slavery
and warrior rape
and tribal sacrifices
of adolescent trust
and beauty
and soul emptying absence
of win/win integrity,
secular intent,
sacred hope.

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Sketchy Boundary Issues

My left-brain dominant challenge
begs for a worldview
of unconditional warm regard

Which sometimes feels uncomfortably warm
through heated confrontations
confused about whose voice is rightfully speaking
respectfully with whom

And who is listening curiously
for
and with whom
to practice universal
uniting compassion,
employing warm organically-fed tools
sometimes slow as molasses
in January

Not cold steel weapons,
icicles aimed for the hearts
and minds of difficult Others.

On our best days
and nights
not too coldly distant
and not too heatedly dissonant

Even on our worst traumatic days
and narcissistic dramatic nights,
silent listening voices
urge unconditionally curious regard

To avoid slippery unsafe
unhealthy slopes
of anger blaming lack of patience
and self-shaming fear
reacting against Others’ impatience

Judgment
that I am not important enough
to respect,
to regard,
to notice,
to matter,
to value,
to appreciate,
to love
unconditionally

Outside my left-hemisphere dominant
claustrophobic box
of mere linear
cause-effect
univocal reason

And

Inside limbic right-hemisphere resonance,
dark/light
mindful inside/outside
enlightenment/empowerment

For integral indigenous mind/bodies
peaceful spirit/natures
recreating co-passionate ego/eco-spirals
transforming queer uniting mirrors
rebalancing yin/yang boundary treasons
reassessing Earth’s safe wealth/health seasons

For white male privileged
left-brain dominant challenges
continuing to punish and divide
insufficient time from sufficient sacred space
for unconditional warm regard.

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Dark Fruit

Strange Fruit choreography
speaks to me of seeing
and smelling

this strange evil fruit
of hatred
and bigotry
and fear

and straight white man
perpetual menace.

Choreographing trauma
only infrequently translates the words
of DarkHole poems

Rhetoric hoping to carry
the emotional shock of evil awe
and dark timeless burdens

Terrifying wonder
as perceived
within this Strange Fruit Dark VerbalView

Rather than the more interior non-verbal feelings
of profound inhumane disarray,
division,
hate climates
and monocultures

of straight white monotheistically judgmental,
capitalist-driven,
commodification
and disposition
of semi-domesticated talking animals
live stock,
breeding stock,
slave labor

Too smart for their well-endowed britches
and es

Strange Dark Fruit,
the enslaving racist face
frantically encircling
straight white fascism
in full flagrant,
strange southern fruit,
industrially resilient horror.

Strange Fruit Anthropocene,
with polyculturally felt choreography
of ecopolitical
disempowering/unenlightened
monochromatic lack of appropriate appreciation for color,
and drama,

and with way too much
Patriarchal-Capitalist
monotheistic
StrangeFruit trauma.

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Settling

Settling into love
for a person
for a sacred place
fertile
organic
rich growing space

Easy when felt
obviously
warmly
positively
copassionately
robustly returned

Difficult when mean
selfish
cruel
cold indifference
perpetuates competing
to not further communicate
multi-sensory win/lose
zero-sum rules

Less golden than intending win/win

Unlikely to age gracefully
cooperatively
happily
healthily
safely
steadfastly saving
positive protagonist
panentheistically felt sacred faced
fast-paced race
through insufficient reconnecting time

Settling into fear
against another angry person
against an anxious all-consuming place
threatening deadening space

Easier to be hard
to speak cruel
cold indifference

Forgetting impractical win/win curiosity
possibly both unorthodox and unsafe
cooperative economic co-investments
and politically transparent
vulnerable golden rules
predicting virtuous grow
of win/win co-passionate choice-making
for lose/lose Trauma
unconditional healthy-warm
and positively safe
from win/lose predative
degenerating toward lose/lose harm
for lack of win/win resilient
unconditional warm charm

Settling into love
for each interdependent person
for each polypathic sacred place
fertile recreation
organic speciation
rich growing
our neurosystemic healthy space.

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Blue Brush Witness

As she lays down her blue brush
in a blue-trimmed cream
dream stone basin
of darkening water

She realizes
inside voice has been thinking
about double negative paradox
as -x/-y
can’t win pathology

Of way too much Patriarchal Capitalist
dogmatic Business As Boorishly Usual,
monochromatic
monopolistic
monocultural
monotheistic

Describing
and prescribing her
BusyMess
is cruel
cold
calculating dismissal
disregard
don’t matter

Let her splatter!
while he eats
his white survival cake

Mindlessly unwoke
to future predative
desecration issues
promoting and marketing
trauma-inflation corporations
inviting frequent-flyer
evangelically missioned Narcissists

Who probably don’t think much
of a universal peak salvation experience
yet do feel deeply united,
maybe even energetically synergetic,
about their own sacred memories
of EarthMother’s original Win/Win
multi-colored co-invested
warm wet unconditionally cooperative
co-relationships

Through time’s changing
hue and culture and cry
LeftBrain verbally emerging
too dominant

Thereby, curiosity remains difficult to contain
to deeply listen for feelings to explain
this sound and sight for blue brushes
tinting her slowly turning water
growing
blueing
flowing sadly
back through Patriarchal
Capitalist
anthroprivileged time

Emerging blue
and grey
darkening ecocide.

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Therapeutic Synergy

Could chronic stress,
like sleep deprivation,
noise and light and air pollution
also derive
by avoiding barely still alive
high-risk trauma messes?

Sometimes sadly beginning
prior to economic and political puberty

Including multi-generational suppression
misogynistic sex tensions
and monotheistic depression
and homophobic repression,
hateful Othering paranoid impressions,
chronic monocultural climate despair,
uncivil disinvested oppressions

Endarkened
by a popular FirstWorld
anthro-privileged
secularizing, dividing, dissociating
evolutionary theory
of mutual assured predation
damnation
degenerating ecosystemic deflation,
ecocidal extinction
of once sacred synergetic EarthLove
elation

Or at least
co-empowering messianic missions
for restoring EarthJustice
mental ego-health is physical eco-wealth
co-relations.

So, go on
all RightWing
WrongHeaded;
service yourself!

But
I doubt you will find
your God’s RightHand solipsism
resiliently satisfying
much less sacredly edifying.

Uncovering ecofeminists
and recovering peace mediators
are done being your queer punishing bag!
Your indigenous justice
community resonance hag!

Did I hear that out loud?

Oh, any polypathic way,
Does chronic lifetime-anxiety disorder,
win/lose competitive stress,
contribute to multi-generational high-risk trauma histories?

Sometimes beginning long before adult maturing transition
from Either/Or fundamentalist childlike conditions
not Both/And exploring inside/outside
neuro-sensory double-boundaries
in-between healthy, mature win/win resonance
and lose/lose despairing dissonance,
positively and negatively
therapeutically and traumatically
correlated

In older adults
sometimes producing increased market risks
and opportunities of dementia,
with unfortunate paranoid demise

Rather than fortunate co-invested
peaceful
pleasured
mindbody post-traumatic surprise
of warm unconditional outcomes
in win/win Paradise.

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Sinning Saints Once More

When I was in seminary
my spiritual director advised me to notice,
as had he,
that there are two kinds of:

Clergy

Those who understand their calling
as to coldly forgive
and heatedly challenge
all bedeviled sinners

And those who feel called to mentor
gods and goddesses
and all transgender images in-between
to warmly engage
and repeatedly comfort
all divinely endowed
panentheistic
Holy Spirited saints.

Lay Leaders

Those who live for a vacation
from telling Others why they must not do
whatever trauma-afflicted compulsion
we might feel addictively drawn toward

And those whose felt sacred vocation
is to communicate compassionately with Others
to therapeutically understand
what we would most love to be
and become
co-invested in ego-health
and ecosystemic-wealth
re-associatively together

Unconditionally regarding
both categories of Clergy
and Ego/EcoTherapeutic Lay Leaders
and All PolyCultural EarthTribal Creatures,
verbally dominant
and nonverbally
co-passionately prominent

Comforting the nonverbally afflicted
more than verbally afflicting
the too win/lose oppressed
survivalist
StraightWhiteCorporateMale
Business As Usual
RightWing Evangelical
anti-ecofeminist gospel truth
is Holy Spirit anathema
comfortable
with cognitive/affective chronic
bicameral dissonance.

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