Uncategorized

Silent UnPrivileged Stories

When I was a Big Brother
for Jason,
an African-American 10 year old male,
we went into his apartment
so he could look around
for a long overdue library book.

As I accompanied him
from room to sparsely furnished room,
looking in nearly vacant closets,
cupboards,
drawers,
the only book we found
was a phone book,
looking silently neglected
much more than actively abused.

My first white male privileged
feelings about his Mom
had to do with blaming her
for probably not even feeling ashamed
for her irresponsible choices
while economically and politically administering
their bookless house
in this pre-WWW information age.

But, then I began asking questions.
What could Jason tell me
about his Mom’s life
when she was his age?

What were stories
familiar to her,
read
or retold
or experienced
and re-experienced,
therapeutic or traumatic?

Through this widening narrative moment
of multigenerational conjecture,
hypothesis,
questioning,
contemplating,

I also learned to question
what traumatic straight white male stories
are experienced by gay
and bisexual
and transsexual 10-year-olds,
regardless of racial identification,

And by 10-year-old girls,
perhaps regardless of racial identification,
or even further amplified
by being doubly,
and silently, outside
straight white patriarchal privilege.

I found myself
suddenly
tearfully
incapable of briefly imagining
much less deeply,
unflinchingly contemplating
the trauma
of growing up poor
and lesbian
and black or brown
or too red
or too yellow
without any books
or stories,
read
or retold
or experienced
about how her 10-year-old life will matter,
could be healthy, someday,
would ever be felt safe,
unless held shamefully silent,

Not appropriate material
for books
or retelling
or experiencing straight
white
male dominant stories,
economic
and political narratives
about retributive trauma
and not multicultural
restorative
democratically inclusive therapy.

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Uncategorized

Fragrance v Odor

My new forest and park neighbors,
mostly birds
squirrels
and strangely curious
and ravenous rabbits,

Have become accustomed to,
spoiled by,
fragrant green sanctuary
ancient fertile memories.

But, today
our neighborly horse farm
must be cleaning house.
This smells of too rich compost
upstaging even more gracious green.

This downgrade
calls to me
recalling former toxic smells,
fossil fuel exhausting,
were sooo… much more degenerative.

Horsey compost
lies between love’s light life fragrance
and dark skinned death
of odorous Earth.

Yet, comparing distances
between green forest
and horse fragrance
and transported stinky fractures
through sacred climates ecological
resonant and resilient airs
and gusts
and breezes,

Comparative distances
continuously,
yet consecutively, change
what one might argue
is a contrasting wealth of difference,
+1, to -1, with midway
horse-powered zero neutral

Feels more like two-thirds healthy fragrance
and only one third toxic

Feels closer to three-fourths salient
to one-fourth punitive memory
from here
and now perspective,

Feels closer to seven-eighths
to one-eighth formerly deranged
of a revolutionary
resonantly regenerative
fractalling
resiliently redundant
multicultural sensory/spiritual
nurturing
re-communicating natural octave
of Golden Ratio/Rule comparison,

At last
resiliently resonant.

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Local Living Matters

I hear things right side down
and bottom left side up
as I get older
so consider the source.

Anyway,
I hear Colchester Connecticut Democrats,
and some cross-registering Republicans,
want to establish
a multicultural health commission
concerned about military
and local police mercenaries
feeling discriminated against,
picked on,
unloved,
left out,
under-valued,
ignored,
neglected,
abused,
shot at.

T Rocko is concerned
such a vast investment
in multicultural respect,
solidarity of resonance,
integrity of long-term resiience
through commitment to public dialogue
rather than contentious debate,
could only be justified
with quantitative data

Adding up how much
anti-militarism
and anti-police prejudice
exists
and costs
in Colchester.

In this political
and economic moment
of social cooperative distancing,
dissociation,
scape-goating,
rabid polarization,
toxic partisanship

We need a baseline,
says he,
of mutual disregard,
to measure regenerative progress
and/or degenerative retrenchment
from community integral investments
in health remediation,
inclusive wealth
for future cooperative governing generations.

Rudko,
self-appointed sole guardian
of our public investment purse,
responds,

Supporters of Armed Lives Matter
are “making a generalization…
not based on facts”
that silence means discontent,
speaks echo-chamberly
of feeling an unhealthy
lack of mutually fulfilling safety

Too risky
for speaking up transparently
to listen vulnerably
to all cooperative opportunity “Other”
and “Alien”
and “Immigrant”
And especially Not Straight Male Dominant
voices,
narratives,
aggressive predation stories
of relentless win/lose debate
rather than cooperative win/win dialogue
with social and multicultural intelligence.

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Steadfastly Unsure

I remain unsure
of how to reliably
robustly
resonantly
resiliently
and yet autonomously distinguish
between contemplative leisure
and contempt provoking laziness.

I remain unsure
why Eastern metaphysicians,
spiritual/natural nondualistic teachers
continue to describe
ego as not only ignorant
of identity’s leisurely origins,
but also lazy-eye False;

And,
in a positive corollary,
I remain steadfastly unsure
Why ego’s experience of living Earth
is not merely an insufficiently delusional lens
but also is taught
as an unnecessary laziness of mind illusion

Blocking truer natural polypaths
and more beautiful polyphonics,
octave harmonies of sight and sound,
air and water
and tables of cooperative/competitive
electronic-fractal contents
of touch with feeling,
physical with metaphysical experience.

This confusion,
about necessary ego individuality
and unnatural EarthMother detachment,
not normal segregating experience,
insufficient multicultural health
to thrive wealthy resilient EarthTribes,

Leads to teaching Ego and EcoExperience
as entirely False
because only partially TrueHealthy
is a stumbling block
for straight white western patriarchal minds
dualistic consciousness
theoretical awareness
capitalistic investments and
social-cultural transfers
through win/lose eco-politically privileged
distorted education systems
not provoking deeply nutritious
and widely nurturing
polycultural design and outcome education
for Beautiful Truths
artistic sciences
theoretical/experiential musecological metric systems

Of LeftBrain dominant entitled EarthDwellers
as autonomous real estate owners
experiencing some measure
of white patriarchal
fundamental dualistic success
in sacred eco-health v. secular ego-wealth
win/lose propaganda wars

Where ego identity
is necessary to secularly survive
but hardly sufficient to spiritually thrive
ecosystemic resilience

And experiencing Earth’s healthy climates
is not only naturally True
leisurely ego-wealth
but also more than sufficiently lazy
spiritual Beauty

Power for both nondualistic
reliably unsure hemispheres
to declare egos
and Earth health
and pathology phenomena False
feels unnaturally lazy
and unspiritually rushed,

Like rightbrain expansive East-West
dialogical communion Wisdom
being compressed
into True or False
leftbrain dominant soundbites.

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Visiting the Buddha

We were visited by a baby
yesterday.

It felt good to bow
into her glittery brown eye level,

To speak of whatever came to mind
which was mostly about her truth
and blossoming beauty

Knowing she would not judge
and would listen
patiently
as long as I might care
to continue our song
of aging story.

Her response,
to continue sleeping
or to smile
while feeling
feeding eye to eye
mutual warmth

This is what I remember
wanting most
to speak about,

To remember
on this Memorial Day

Visited not yet by a victim
of war
but by a wise innocent
for peace.

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Imposed Unemployment

These matters of imposed sequestration,
home health quarantine,
residential segregation,
safety zone re-education

Can also become
contemplative solitude
growing sacred mindfulness,
healthy wealth revision,
2020 wealth of health
bicameral precision,
monoculturing capitalist rescission,
dipolar non-division;

Social,
political,
economic communication
significantly emerge from personal preference
but also left-hemisphere patriarchal enculturation
no different than propaganda
if delivered with both left and right-hemisphere
collusion intent,
unnaturally sinister,
calculating desecration,
the stuff of deep state
and dark conspiracy theories

Either True or False
or both/and complexly
ego/eco-bilaterally ambiguous,
subtle,
nuanced thought with unpolarized feelings
for interior nurtured spiritual intention
and exterior nutritional natural extension,

Discernment of which solitary seeds
and subterranean root systems are health watered
and wealth weeded,

And which are treated like worthless weeds,
not to be watered with contentment,
fed with commitment,
nourished for cooperative values,
cherished within ecosystemic futures,
compassioned.

This weediness of ego-neediness
prays for non-preying return
to ecosystemic communal fullness.

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Waking Up Lumpy

Wake up grumpy
tired
much older than yesterday.

Day fifty-seven,
an irrationally
not nice
non-round number,
since defiantly challenging daughter,
with the contextual right-brain unhealthy intelligence
of a sociopathic alligator,
last came home from school
or anywhere without me.

Remembering her school’s response
when I suggested her six-hours-per-day aide
five days per week
not be switched out every week
or two.
She doesn’t do well with transitions
including interpersonal change,
lack of power to control
a significant Other’s time
to stay
and go.

While aware this is an issue,
their larger concern was burn-out.
Aides couldn’t tolerate the intensity
of her hostility
and constant need
need
need for attention,
for food,
for distraction,
for action,
for…

Wondering how the best of her school supporters
would feel after 228 consecutive
six-hour shifts

Without any supervisor
capable of reassuring me
or him
or her
or them
or us
of how many more to go
without adequate social distancing
within our lumpy quarantine space.

No possible reassurance
or warning
we’re just getting started,
about to end,
over the hump,
or not so much,
actually.

Perfect.

Definite only about feeling humped out
and jumped in
lack of ease,
sucked out potential for unguarded rest.

Feeling sorry for myself,
yes,
but also for her,
and for all of us
who have taken risks
to give long-term care
where receiving care in response
is not a reasonable
or compassionate
expectation of hope-filled ways,
faithful truths,
loving lives

Quietly waking up grumpy
in unsolidarity
unsolitary confinement.

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Uncategorized

What I Want

What I want,
probably need,
from people of compassionate
active
positive faith
in sacred covenants
in healthy energy democracies,
in cooperative co-empathic learning systems:

Integrity,
Impressive co-investments
rather than depressive divestment,
Integral cooperative ownership
more than autonomous competitions,
Intimately transparent management
stewardship
facilitation
multiculturally vulnerable mediation
among and within Earth’s holonic
holy
living webs of compassionate communication,
energy,
bicameral healthy/wealth

Intelligence, cognitive and affective,
deductive and inductive,
individual and contextual,
ego and eco,
left and right hemisphere nonduality
co-passion
co-invested balance in harmony
polypathic synergy
polyphonic
creolizing polycultural
polytheistic cooperative underlying values
for democratic global health
as EarthWealth

Is what I want,
intrinsically
intuitively need,
from people of compassionate
explicitly active
positive faith in sacred covenants,
in health-energy democracies,
in cooperative
co-empathic
deep learning communication systems.

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What Is Love’s Difference?

What is the difference
between an anti-theist
and a pro-humanist?

What is the difference
between a terrorist
and a terrific zest?

What is the remainder
when subtracting NonZero-Sum WinWin EarthBodied outcomes
from Zero-Sum WinLose capital incomes?

Why do
Permaculture Designs
and Restorative Sacred Justice Resolutions
share the same healthy wealth goals?
If they do,
and why don’t they,
if they don’t?

What is the health value comparison
between competitive LeftBrain dominant educational disciplines
and cooperative Right/Left predominate deep learning co-invitations?

What is the therapeutic value
noticing differences between invidious comparisons
and virtuous contrasts,
between bipolar oppositions
and dipolar co-arising appositions?

What is difference
and sameness
within non-violently healthy communication
and compassionately wealthy co-empathy?

What are cooperative tipping point systems
in-between ecological LeftBrain health-cultures
and theological RightBrain sanctuary climates?
Between secular
and sacred,
nature
and spirit,
exhale
and inhale,
compete against pressure
and cooperate with atmosphere?

What is the difference
between a win/lose agnostic
about Earth’s sacred integrity
and a Win/Win bicameral humanist
within Earth’s health-optimizing
revolving
returning
recycling
repurposing
reweaving
redeeming
resonant
resilient
regenerative synergy?

What is cooperatively owned
pantheistic DNA
and profoundly democratic-trust energy,
bicamerally trans-humanistic,
polyculturally self/other empowering,
Win/Win co-investment
in wealth of health nutritional
bio- and geo-systems,
ego- and eco-therapeutic networks
yang- and yin-healing operations?

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Climate Rise Up

As I write this, thousands of people are gathering to listen with each other, to sing, perhaps to dance more than walk in striking solidarity for climate health. I have been thinking of this moment, this event, this day, this strike on this sacred Earth all week.  And, each time this gathering comes to mind, so does Cassandra Batie and Jennifer Decilveo’s 2016 anthem, “Rise Up.”

This variation on Batie and Decilveo’s lyrics I sing in tears of joy and deep sorrow with those who are on their way, drawing near toward the sound and sight of each others’ voices.  I would love to join you in person, but old bones and heart and mind have learned that my climate anxiety flares into manic hope at such events, and then I pay the suicidal ideation price on my way home, feeling alone, hopeless.

I believe for every face and voice seen and heard at a Climate Strike gathering around the world today, there is at least another, and probably several others, with you in swelling heart, in passionate mind, in loving soul, but, like me, have learned that our Great Transition role, however resonant, will best remain resilient as we Rise Up on our front porches and back yards, in our forests and ocean shores, on our rivers and lakes, to sing to Earth’s tired trees, to dance to aching birdsong, to remember when we were young, more hopeful, more proud of what we can yet accomplish within Earth’s sacred solidarity.

Humbled now, this is dedicated to those more visible, to know we are millions already belonging together within this shared Great Transition, Great Turning, Great Reweaving with you; and with gratitude to Cassandra Batie and Jennifer Decilveo for Rise Up, embodied and well-sung hope.

I have been your living Earth;
I will live and die through you.

I will be your blood born sap;
You will live and die with me.

This Great Transition
into owning competitive responsibility
for climates of pathology and health,
inward and outward,
composed of all past energies,
small co-arising transitions
reweavings
regenerations
now contained in Earth’s soil,
Her rebirthing baptismal waters,
Her buoyant air,
Her fertile winds
and purging fires.

Earth’s broken down
and tired
of living love
on this unmerry-go-round,

And I can’t see Her lovers
but I hear life in you
so we gon’ rise Earth up,
Move mountains,
we gon’ walk love out
and heal oceans.

And we’ll rise up,
We’ll rise each Earth’s day,
We’ll rise up,
We’ll rise unafraid,
We’ll rise up
and we’ll love life a thousand times again;

And we’ll rise up
high like Earth’s waves,
We’ll rise up
in spite of life’s ache,
We’ll rise up
and give love a million times again,

For Earth,
For you,
Earth, for you;

When our silence isn’t quiet
and it feels like we’re growing hard to breathe
and we know Earth feels like dying,
Then I promise we’ll raise the Earth to Her feet,
Heal forests,
Bring Earth’s tribes to our feet
and move mountains.

All we need,
All we need is hope
And for faith we have each other,
And for peace we have each other;

And we will rise
we will rise
we will rise
we will rise,

We’ll rise like Earth’s day
We’ll rise up,
We rise unafraid,
We rise up
and we’ll love life a thousand times again,

And we’ll rise up
high like Earth’s waves,
We rise up
in spite of hate’s ache,
We rise up
and Earth does love a million lives again.

For Earth,
We will rise
we will rise

We will rise
for you,
Earth will rise with you.

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