Silent UnPrivileged Stories

When I was a Big Brother
for Jason,
an African-American 10 year old male,
we went into his apartment
so he could look around
for a long overdue library book.

As I accompanied him
from room to sparsely furnished room,
looking in nearly vacant closets,
the only book we found
was a phone book,
looking silently neglected
much more than actively abused.

My first white male privileged
feelings about his Mom
had to do with blaming her
for probably not even feeling ashamed
for her irresponsible choices
while economically and politically administering
their bookless house
in this pre-WWW information age.

But, then I began asking questions.
What could Jason tell me
about his Mom’s life
when she was his age?

What were stories
familiar to her,
or retold
or experienced
and re-experienced,
therapeutic or traumatic?

Through this widening narrative moment
of multigenerational conjecture,

I also learned to question
what traumatic straight white male stories
are experienced by gay
and bisexual
and transsexual 10-year-olds,
regardless of racial identification,

And by 10-year-old girls,
perhaps regardless of racial identification,
or even further amplified
by being doubly,
and silently, outside
straight white patriarchal privilege.

I found myself
incapable of briefly imagining
much less deeply,
unflinchingly contemplating
the trauma
of growing up poor
and lesbian
and black or brown
or too red
or too yellow
without any books
or stories,
or retold
or experienced
about how her 10-year-old life will matter,
could be healthy, someday,
would ever be felt safe,
unless held shamefully silent,

Not appropriate material
for books
or retelling
or experiencing straight
male dominant stories,
and political narratives
about retributive trauma
and not multicultural
democratically inclusive therapy.


Paying CreatorEarth Back

I hear at least two national conversations
that seem mutually contradictory
and equally impossible,
or at least revolutionarily improbable
as compared to normal win/lose capital extractive
hoarding habits
in robust cooperative investment accounts,
business as not necessarily healthiness usual.

I listen to “Third World” people of color
and colonization-enslavement history
more recent than the white serfs
and spear-carriers
of my own “First World” long-term memories.

Pleas for remediation
precede unpleasant declarations of independence
precede demands for remuneration, please?

But what does remediation look like,
sound like,
feel like
in the fracturing face of ongoing resource acquisition?

How are demands for independence
from First World aristocracy
different, and the same,
compared to demands of interdependence
for ecotherapy of win/lose global climates?
Internally heading south
in a negative lose/lose external way
and a pathological internal,
left-hemisphere capital-headed,
narcissistic way to play

Courageous warrior
against our own right-hemisphere curious feelings,
emotional win/win intelligence,
attachment within this interdependent web
womb of healthy EarthMother
creative regeneration stories
for ego-healing
ecotherapeutic remediation.

How would we begin to afford
to heal our win/lose capitalism colonizing history?

How could we undo past degenerative evolutions
of multiculturally thriving bioregions,
health-wealthy robust ecosystems,
ecofeminist cooperative healers,
peace-warrior creators
“carrying all the eggs,”
nutritional communication womb carriers,
yin-flow remediators of extractive historical violence
against each First through Third World other
and in capitalistically defined wealth
at war with compassionately refined health
of cooperative win/win
ego/eco-therapeutic systems within

And anthro/Earth-therapeutic global
through local
healing win/win systems health-wealth
fragmenting remunerative new birth trends
as integrity regenerative.

Perhaps declaring my own interdependent attachment
with She Who Carries All Earth’s Eggs
begins my internal reparation
for all the left-hemisphere dominant capitalistic win/lose games
I have loved
simply by honoring my Father over Mother

Rather than restoring my cooperatively interdependent EarthMother
bothNature/andNurture healthy co-arising circular first
and FatherSun
left-hemisphere enlightenment
eitherLight/orDark wealthy deductive
linear cause/effect second.