Uncategorized

Dark

Dark chances,
unhealthy and unsafe trauma
HiStories

Degenerating predative dogmas
not wanting to let go of ballistics
even for dawning light’s sacred promise
to grab full-immersion hold
and heal dark mythologies
lose now and again later ecologies
repeat rehearsed
inside-only voiced
dark passion narratives

Speaking out alarmed Betrayal
from those you were taught to Trust–
[it was Her job!
I have an unconditional contract
on a warm wet naturally wombed
and spiritually unwounded
birthright!

Defying Other’s Anger
about my gift-economy Hypocrisy
about my sacred Golden Rule restriction
win/win positive aspiration,
invoked by nature’s spiritual
Hippocratic Oath
to at least do no damage
losing trusted breath in
so losing full breath back out
again
and again
and repeat breathlessly again.

My own most difficult,
occasionally traumatic,
distressingly long, slow
letting go transition

Feels almost inevitably headed
for natural health-Lose
spiritual health-Lose
despair

Unless we all keep trying our best,
not just me
cleaning up your mess
to suffering servant impress

All us AnthroPrivileged victims
aware of traumatic over-populated
rabid traumatic
and pandemic health risks,
and runaway
emerging PTSD
and dementia
and suicide
and matricide
and ecocide

Make it almost impossible
to respect ourselves
yet not fear
retributive justice officers
and judges
and monolithic Yang-Jehovah

Dispensing punishments and fines
and shame
and blame
where the only obvious victim
I can see
is me.

My dark protagonist continues
to be victimized,
even now in aging memories

Every day past light
leads, at dusk,
to dark future
leads, at dawn,
to soon past light…

Yet my attachment to enlightenment
encourages me to disregard
co-arising dipolar dark empowerments
bicamerally re-associated

Yet awkwardly, sometimes
with high-risk trauma histories
monoculturally LeftBrain
EgoCentric predative Yang

AnthroPrivileged Voices
stuck on healthy and safe past orthodox
value systems
personal
and economic
and political
and separate and unequal
bi-sensory
and anti-sexual competitive dogmatic traditions

Not spiritually or naturally learning
so not wanting to let go
even for dawning light’s healthy promise
to grab resilient hold
and heal dark
post-traumatic lose/lose
zero-sum global
ecocidal winterish nightmares

Dipolar co-arising
unconditional warm sun rising
well-moisturized
copassionately co-invested day dreams
and horizontal dances,
core-chakra interpersonal win/win
exercises
nonviolent practice
practice
practice

Until we get our cooperative peak experience
sacredly awesome
and restorative ecojustice
left and right again

BiLateral
BiCameral creolization
in timeless tides
of over-swelling
regenerativity

Not quite
so bleakly alone
trapped in silent screaming stark
Dark.

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Silent Conspiracy

My car-ride silence
is not judging you;
maybe me,
but certainly
and more generously
unconditionally not angry
or shaming
or blaming
you for unpardonable sins
against sainted me.

With you in a powerless passenger seat
and me in a self-punishing driver’s
need to alone defeat
our unshared lonely demons
darkly frightened and angry
terrified trauma
repeat
repeat
repeat

Frozen in this mystical dark
threatening night
mile after agonizing
coldly silent mile.

Self judgment
for addictions to bright pleasure
to glaring peace
to sacred wombs
remembering comfort and joy;
and warmly quiet compassion
listening, hopefully,
for what you can not say
gratefully yet today

Until you are ready
to speak your overflowing feelings,
positive
and negative,
manic
and depressive,
conflicted in-between
comically up
and tragically down,
cooperatively spiritual
and competitively natural,
warm mind wants
and searing body needs

Your trauma narrative
and our therapeutic hopes
and win/win dreams
for terrifying partnered glory.

My silence
is not cold,
not condemning,
but warmly curious

To hear,
and thereby hope to help heal
less silent
more shared sided by side
struggles

Together co-arising
mostly compassionate wars
against past and present unhealthy addictions
passions

Empowerments
and disempowerments,
unconditionally warm
and sacred enlightenments
and calculating cold silent
and severing secular endarkenments,
retributive competitions
and restorative cooperations

Playing quiet conspiracy games
of who can hold his voice longest
and most sadly,
and how we warmly hold
our compassion choice
more gladly

For healthier peace
and wealthier best
Tragic Comedy Drama
in a daily soap opera
series

Of critical
trauma risks
and therapeutic opportunities
throughout this long bad day

Driving not only
lonely in a cold conspiracy
of silence;
more of a warm compassion context
for restoring
and restorying
nonverbal heart communion

Reweaving what you once said
or thought
or hoped
or feared
that time heals all wounds

Except incapacity to remember
how you got them
and how much they cost
us.

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Omniscient EarthMother

Back in my fading youth,
when teenage peers
monopolized my only monotheistic worldview
we trusted
to emerge with matriarchal Beauty health
and patriarchal Handsome wealth,

I learned to speak,
at least in public,
as if I were omnipresently heard
by my gracious GrandMother

When we were both sharing
our best GoldenRule win/win day

And not our worst win/lose day
veering angry
and/or afraid
into another traumatizing lose/lose nightmare
of defiantly oppositional
and claustrophobic disorder

On my felt repressive part
and, on her sacred Elder part,
“Trying to talk some sense
into your empty head.”

Now, at the other
more grandmotherly
end of this long
emerging communion narrative,
I listen to sacred MotherEarth
before speaking
within Her sacred omniscient
indigenous wisdom hearing

As transgenerationally transparent
enlightened
and ecowomanist vulnerable
co-empowering

As win/win ego/ecosystemically possible
on this cooperatively co-invested best
GoldenRule day

Less perniciously haunted
by dark win/lose shadows
of last night’s lose/lose traumatic
patriarchal-capitalist
loner anger
lone ranger
rabid stranger
nightmares

Going way back
to my fading youth
when teenage peers
monopolized a monoculturing worldview
I never trusted
as sufficiently compassionate
for resilient EarthMother Beauty.

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Uncategorized

Loving Jose

Yes, Jose,
this is another love letter
from anthroprivileged me
to LeftBrain dominant you
for multicultural us.

I’m still here
sinking into my deep blue camp chair
with feet resting on a weathered
wooden platform
for my monastic tent

Now folded
and masterfully squeezed into its storage bag
like a fat green sausage
with a thick
black fly zipper,
secure,
awaiting it’s next orgasmic coming out
to camp and play.

And you,
warm and glistening
listening you,
are still driving
west toward this transition
Saturday’s bittersweet sunset.

Perhaps already lonely
thinking
of what
and feeling whom
lies ahead
while all else feels left behind

Another week of adventure lost;
another week of memories gained

Yet memories have grown cacophonous
while adventures in knowing
new frontiers
grow old as shrinking Earth
grown bodies

Fading hope to feel
taste
see
hear
smell
touch abundantly enough
for this full life
experiencing love
quenched time

Comparing future now to back there then,
wishing we could have us all
warm and pleasant
in our head,
heart,
bed of intimacy
without embarrassing
premature limits,
boundary issues,
health precautions.

You tried to apologize
for not asking more
about my wounded kids

And I did not think to apologize,
but wonder, now, that I didn’t,
for not asking how you are feeling
and dealing
post prostate cancer

Remissions
feel like uncertain transitions,
undemanding admissions
both healthy opportunities
and diseased risks
lie beyond this day’s journey
toward Albany.

Perhaps you,
like me,
fear
and already feel
loss of intimacy
imagined
yet not touched,
thought
but not appreciably,
healthy needed
but not safely found,
sacred bound
for joy’s immense integrity.

When I walked into our group’s enclosed porch
this past Sunday
for my first check-in circle,
your first facilitation,
I thought of my former boss.

You look and sound
like Bishop Tafoya,
when he was your age
and I was half your age.

I had trouble
shaking this sage off.

It helps
that you sing
with warmth and passion
in fulsome baritone,
as the good Bishop
decidedly did not.

Nor could I imagine him
dancing with a white scarved fan
with integrity
flirtatious machismo
joyfulness
deeply resounding playfulness.

Do you have a type?
I wonder
Are you familiar with mine?

Those romantic,
erupting into erotic,
miracles of preference
we cannot control
or calm our appetites
to accept
AND appreciate,
anticipate
those with us
here and there
in and out of Gayla 44,
after and before
now heading west
away from east.

So much to hide,
to learn,
to unveil,
to set aside
for graceful aging,
and to warmly embrace
for compassioned wisdom
felt together,
rather than silently,
less sacredly,
apart.

The Center’s lunch bell rang
and now has gone

Absorbed by quiet shushing
and rustling
high in evergreens
baking in Mama’s summertime
weekend of commerce
and less commercial passions,
traffic rituals,

Pre-empting ancient natural liturgies
of sea,
flowing water
and strong mountains
inspiring bonfires
bond-fire between rising
and falling phoenix
conjoining
co-investing
multi-generational passions;
daddies and sons,
masters and slaves,
tops and bottoms,
poles and holes,
straights and rounds,
dipolar co-arising

Riding forward home
to what continues repurposing why,
reworking hidden meaning
as yet unredeemed
in sensory Business As Usual

Backward east
returning promises
of safe and healthy
bright happy new dawns
transcending broken hearts,
troubled mind’s
loss of time’s
most cherished values

Love’s integral compassions
resting first
returning last

Already
I miss you
ready to miss us.

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Uncategorized

When MultiCulturally Presiding

As no one
never said
about nothing,

“Calling in human health care options
might not imply
calling out
lack of Earth-wealthy choices.”

I could, possibly,
but certainly not prudently,
go all the way
back
back,

Even further back,
to European roots
to StraightWhiteMale monoculturalism,
Christian-Royalist monotheistic supremacy
over educational
dogma
and development systems

(not quite so sure
about the wisdom
of severing sacred church
from secular state,
especially on matters
of conscience,
theism,
sexuality,
gender plurality
and all that nasty
green ecofeminist
suspiciously pantheistic
ecopolitical analysis)

Or even further back,
to polycultural health root systems
of health democracy
of and for all the sacred v secular
business as sexy-capital usual
AND secularLiberal branch needs evoking
inviting
engaging sacred root systemic
EarthConservancy

PanEntheistic and also not merely Anti-MonoPolistic
as Compassion means more
than simply Not Violent
Green ReStorative Justice for Peace,

Embodied complex Feeling choices
informed by inviting Verbal ego-theistic
emergent unvoiced voices,

Either secularly Humane or sacredly Divine
choices felt either from within or from without,
and not both
NonDominating Humane/Divine dipolarity, co-arising
eco/theo-logically enraptured
patrician-ecofeminist greens
with indigenous declensions
both nominative Yang
prime lines
within oblique octaves of Yintegrity.

NatureEarth/Whole System Spirit Sky
of Integral Win/Win GreenHealth
optimization potential

for Earth’s ongoing
HealthySacred/WealthyCapital
ecological co-relational feelings
minimized
as underwritten
by ecopolitical
Fundamentalist EitherSaint/OrSinner
thoughts.

Disempowering individual bodies
without cooperatively enlightening
preparing
informing
educating
experiencing
healthy
wealthy
wise co-passionate minds

Favoring synergetic nonspecialization,
non-special case,
not not polynomial integral NonZero
fractal DNA dialectical 4Prime Resonant
global EarthTribe
building mountains
preserving rivers of
nominative-oblique
passionate-nonviolent potential.

PanEntheistic BiNomials
playing Win/Lose capitalism
instead of also preferring
and actually choosing
a global EarthTribe
healthy wealth default,

Win/Win Ecosystemic Green Games
spiraling toward Turquoise Meditations
on Ego/EcoSystemic co-binary balance
within Left/Right bicameral sensory-neural
systemic resonant default structures,
networks of cognitive/emotive language,
verbal and nonverbal,
liberally empowered
and sacred conservationally enlightened
healthy cooperative democratic
bipartisan non-apartisan organizations,

Originally intended/intending
to ecopolitically co-govern
with Green/Turquoise/AquaMarine
Earth healthing nonviolence

Balancing LiberalYang/Conservational-Yintegrity
(harder to say, easier to feel)
Universal EgoWealth/Unitarian EcoHealth

BiLateral complex trees
of ancient neurosystemic memories
spiraling co-binary regenerative strings
of power/light
left is right
day before night
binomial spectral metaphors
analogies
narratives
ecologies
theologies
love stories
back to AboveWind
WaterBelow.

Calling out for climate health options
might not imply
lack of green optimizing
economic/ecological co-invested
win/winning wealth-care
resilient choices.

Calling in EarthHealth options
might not not imply
dualdark
integral
regenerative health potential
to bicamerally balance
power/light
space/time
health/wealth
monopolistic nature/panentheistic spirit
polycultural/greenpeace climate
resonantly resilient
Yang/Yintegrity’s co-governing
healthy democracy potential

To call out,
To resist ignoring Win/Win default
health/wealth choices
rather than inviting
these wealth-resonant pleasures,
sacred meanings,
indigenous panentheistic peak experiences
sensory-neural systemic

Defaulting in favor of balanced health care
integrity of internal
liberalYang strength/conservingYin flow
bilteral roots of Earth’s polycultural design
and development
Green-Blue/SacredRed-Hearted
healthy democratic dialogue standards

For no one
who never said
nothing.

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Dancing Psalms

Dancing our epic song
inside images
dreams
narratives
ritual motions
rhythmic changes
disembodied

Can become dissonantly self-predative
depressing
exhausting
compressing

Claustrophobic mean remains
of darkly disabling
demonic Othering;
nothing left
for win/win choice,
wellbeing voice.

Dancing our song
dividing MeWe healthy humanity
in unhealthy ways

Sometimes therapeutically remediated
by better
silent outside
sacred listening,
for healing humane justice
in divinely green peace
forest Cathedrals,
desert sand drifting Paradise,
oceanic blue Heavens,
mountainous purple sunset Passions,
silent flowing rivers
of transparent Power
chasing
following vulnerable
wounding Light

Cooperatively active
inside/outside copassion
recklessly curious love
restoring EarthPeace
one dance at a time

For cooperatively revolutionary
mediations
resonantly YangSun sung
YintegralEarth danced

In and Out
Self and Other
therapeutically empathic
sacred muses
dancing our co-arising Psalms.

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GreenBacked Scenes

Oh the stories I’ve seen!
of Capital Capitol Green

Of ecocidal mean
homicidal means
mediums
medians
measures

Without theistic meaning
or even humane purpose

Toward tip pointed bleeding
killing
shooting
bombing
exterminating,
forced breeding

Although understoried
and less Capitalized survivalist
Vermin are not so patriarchal
when young families thrive
matriarchally attached
to future’s healthy green Commons
expanding regenerative Earth’s wealth

Green revolutions
not inhumanely win/lose
zero-sum invested
in our divinely inspired Capital Competition Scene
anti-ecologically unGreen
backed out mean
degenerative crushing devolutions

Chasing RightWing impressions
LeftBrain dominant verbalizations
growing green money machines
instead of honeyed organic
Integrity Love Scenes

Of blue sky peace
green salad justice
restoring win/win symbiotic grease
to Anthro MonoTheistic JustUs
mattering
splattering carbon frying
green dying

Earth’s last commodifying chance
for polycultural life communion,

Con-celebrating blue/green sacred song
sung integrity’s nonviolent dance,
polypathic
polymathic
nonzero soul
story EarthGreened,
healthy Truth staged,
wealthy Beauty screened.

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Speaking of Common Goods

What I wanted to say
the other day
when exalting healthy kindness
for potentially freeing us
from Straight White Men’s great meanness

Costing Earth’s Green Commons
and charging disinterest against
co-investing in healthy wealth
of all we cooperatively cherish
as good-wellness humored
for me
and win/win curious We

Surpassing them then
now here
and future well-humored there.

What I had hoped to say
and would have said
had I felt less concerned
I had already bled too much
and listened not enough
to you here YangNow voices
also listening for YintegralHere choices
of those long, yet immortally, dead

Classic classless classy prophets
of Goddess Earth’s climatic doom
sometimes fear-mongering,
too seldom cooperative kindness managing
Mystics of multiculturing
inter-religioning Creation’s kind absence
of permanent
monotheistic
LeftHemisphere capitalist gloom

Dark nights
predicting dawn’s healing brights
LeftBrain universal kindness thoughts
enlightening
RightMind unitarian nonviolent feelings
empowering

Two appositional
dipolar co-arising world views.

I would have more concisely spoken up and out
for Earth’s health and safety
optimizing our Polyculturing Communion,
positive Political Correcting
Common GoodHumored Good

Got the godly goods
with more catholic unitarian focus
on Pope Francis’s
Principle of the Common Good
(#156, Laudato Si’)

Might playfully confront
his internal intuitively wise Pope Franny
commonly and goodly,
healthy and wealthily speaking
of kind and kindred sacred ecology
inseparable from the notion motion,
and ecopolitical win/win revolutionary commotion
of Earth’s Green Common Good

RightWing seen and heard
through a dualistic Either sacred Or secular
evolutionary assumption
our best competitive nationalistic win/lose zero-sum right
to upper caste Patriarchal/Capitalist scarcity
promotes humorless defensiveness,
hoarding
un-encyclical anthrosupreme
nastiness.

And yet,
in a still small bicameral voice,
co-empathically sensed
as EarthMother’s ecowomanist choice
Polycultural Communion
invites a more positive win/win ecology
of politically correct kindness
free
and freeing.

This deductive Left and Right inductive
health wealth safety
synergetically speaks well-humored
scientific/aesthetic
Truth/Beauty CommonSense,
a central synergy
and interdependent integrity
Principle of EarthWealth Justice.

With a bit more timeless moment,
we could have,
and yet remain feeding
still eating from too gladly shared
Earth’s Common Health/Wealth Good

The exponential NonZero Sum revolution
of WinLeft/WinRight reconditioned evolutions

Invoked by pro-life ecopolitical co-investing groups
and our cooperative
UniversalLeft/UnitarianRight individual members
co-empathically co-enlightening,
thoroughly embedded nature/spirits
not so frightening,
empowering health green curious Common Good
access to our own
Polycultural Communion
positive humored fulfillment brightening

Not at mean expense
and exorbitant StraightWhiteMale
LeftBrain dominant disinterest
repressing hypocritical bad-humored faith
defiantly disenfranchising future EarthTribe regenerators,

Health positive prophets and mystics,
internally organic oceanic ecopolytheists,
with great health/wealth transitioning potential
through PolyculturalCommunion
shared kindness narratives
and not so much controlling PatriarchCompeting Win/Lose
me meanness Degeneration Stories
of coming Lose/Lose disinvested unhealthy futures

Death of PolyCulture
dual Left/Right dark
nihilistically sardonic
excathedral Papal Rapturous
eloquent uncatholic elegance

Unable to see ourselves drowning
in PatriarchalCapitalist
sacramentally scarce
unkind and meaningless
humorless
ego/eco-baptismal waters.

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Compassion Stories

What
to my LeftBrain appears
but Santa CapitalistClaus
and his eight domesticated
and monetized octaves
of neuro-sensory reindeer

To my LeftBrain
appears to not be
much of a healthcare giving
Creation ReCreation Story,
neither astutely ecological
nor gracefully polyculturing

Feels to my sacred Earth Right MindBody
like not becoming a wealthy grace receiving
PolyPathic ComPassion Narrative,
panentheistically theological
and nonviolently multiculturing

These two, together
recreating co-investing Stories
of and for
compassionate health systemic
redevelopment and restoration narratives,
natural and spiritual,
secularly sacred,

Scientifically polypathic,
integral, holistic, sacredly erotic
exotic
sensual climaxing WinWin systemic climates

Restoring healthcare
rooted in negatively redefining research
isolating violent neural ego/eco-crashing sensory
crushing Lose/Lose inside/outside withdrawal
and concomitant LeftBrain anthrosupremacist denial
of Earth climate
public outdoor wealth
and inside health degeneration

Where once lived regenerating co-empowerment,
ecological theory
of polytheistic divine nurturing light

On integrity’s potential
climaxing health experience
of polypathic theoretical wealth.

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