Uncategorized

Commanding Solo Performances

It had been a hellish week.

On Monday
my lonely and tired AfricanAmerican husband
told me, as gently as possible,
that what I had hoped was a temporary separation
is to be extended into perpetuity.

This separation had been scheduled to terminate
when my Fetal Alcohol daughter turns eighteen
and can move into a new, more therapeutically endowed, home
not our non-group home
which could not feel like a private home to him
and to a more peacefully vulnerable me.

He told me his autonomy of residential sight
and sound
and smell,
temperature and feel,
thought and absence of forced transparent thought,
has grown ever more compelling for him,

Like a new life system
organically emerging from calcified minerals
mixed with melted wet.

This permanent separation,
less about not wanting to share a roof and walls
and multicultural floors
and more about wanting a more private
monotheistic habitat.

I had been working on my adopted daughter’s emergency group home application;
Her eighteenth, and first qualifying, birthday was Friday
of this same hellish week
filled with demands,
as usual,
but more so,
more self-prophetically entitled now;

A “big [supremely self-disempowering] girl”
as multiply messaged from school
and therapists
and family,
jonesing to live with submissive peers
who will best be lesser care receivers
as she intends to appropriate all care giving staff,

Demanding preferred foods,
and music
and stories
and dance,
and diaper change
and bed
and bath times
ignoring needs of lesser beings;

Like living with a constantly ticked off Gaia
showing us who’s our jealous Boss
in response to our climate endangering ways
of patriarchal colonization
disrespecting matriarchal communion,
ecological creolization.

Demanding routines she and I have evolved
since she was five,
unable to see up,
only downstream,
unable to hear well,
unable to speak in consonants
articulate enough to defy caregiver ignorance,
lack of subservient cooperation,
submission to her aggressively iron will,
triggering every slaveholder
property owner
reactionary nerve in my husband’s long-term
matriarchal-limned
unnerved memory.

Our more cooperative and trust-building relationship
soon took care of Gaia’s communication problems
but we created, thereby,
a princess entitled ‘I win so you lose’ monster
of immediate and really loud
NEED!

Yet, now that she is maturing to leave this nest,
how much do I need her
to keep me safely home at night
and off the larger terrifying climate stage
of degenerating ecopolitical performance?

On the following Sunday morning,
I was to sing “Let Your Little Light Shine”
a less popular spiritual,
and at least not unnatural,
gospel message;

A sung prayer from enslaved history,
humiliating origins surviving valleys of vulnerable despair
by holding up
and out
dim fading lights of hope,
sometimes accessible from other enslaved properties
with more resilient hope in green and brown and black
communion.

On Saturday night
my heart spoke of grief
lost in deep dark valleys
isolated
abandoned
down-sized
empty-nested
shallow-chested
ancient old person despair,

And my lungs sagged
pushing against narrow edges of freezing panic

Terror about forgetting left-brain words
and reminders of past sung and danced solo performances
not nearly as fun
enriching
fulfilling
health wealthy
as past group participation
in full-nested harmony
synergy
resonance
regenerativity
sacred communions spiritual
while naturally co-present

Green
and brown
and black,
ultra-nonviolet
and transparently clear.

On Sunday morning,
after earning a strategically planned
full night’s rest,
I felt much worse

Unable to imagine leaving my sanctuary
much less singing
much less performing
a song longing for the Lord
to shine even the faintest ray of hope
down into this valley of well-earned despair,

A grey climate of hopelessness,
nihilistic thoughts,
narcissistic preoccupations
trapped in a shrinking fragile egocentrism.

I took an anti-depressant
which got me to the church on time
but now feeling anxiously disembodied
within my own Beloved Sanctuary
too universally white
straight
and too removed from outside green
and family brown
and EarthTribe Native black resonant voices,
fragrances,
touch,
tasting and seeing.

I could not remember words,
or think of alternative reasonable sounds,
could not find my opening pitch,
felt deserted by a cappella
absence of accompaniment,
by a choir relegated to background support services
rather than foreground cooperative resonance
of care giving
co-passioning care receiving.

But, there was something else
bad,
REALLY bad,
a repugnance that stayed with me
through rehearsal,
through first
and then final performance
and on through the return home
after a technical tepid success
lacking the resonance of producing music
transcending rhythm and pitch and lyrics
demanding better held and managed light systems
for my self-isolating despair

Afraid of drowning
in this internal river valley.

Although not sure what happened Sunday night,
I awoke next morning to emotional fragility,
again
to fears of too much aloneness, loneliness,
worries about ageing in a place not quiet enough
from road rage
and too demanding of soil
and water
and energy stewardship,
warm accompaniment,
propriety of grace,
cooperative well-being.

What was different, on this reawakening,
was recognizing my,
and our,
monocultural misappropriation,
supremacist ideation
of “Let your little light shine”
as if we are, and I am,
the Lord’s great solo hope
for all the autonomous
disconnected
apartheid
indigenous nature/spirit
EarthTribe life-systems
of healthy care giving/receiving
singing and dancing in revolving circles
of gospel fire,

Choired resonantly together
in active shared home harmonies,
extending families back through enslaved ancestors
reminding an AfroCentric Lord
this light begins
from hope sung dance together
with multiculturally resonant intelligence

Leaving no one behind
trying to soulfully enlighten
my darkest valley of despair.

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Uncategorized

2020 ReWeaving Vision

Speaking With NonBully VoiceBoxes

Dissociative injustice,
like racist slurs and disinvestments,
retributive oppression
for not being SWM enough,
has ecological roots
in LeftBrain anthro/ego-centered fruit
of fragile disconnected autonomy,
against all competing odds
still struggling to win
against all other elitist competitors
for greatest capital gains
over losses.

Here,
in RightWing militarized marching squares,
LeftBrain monocultural EitherNature/OrSpirit dualisms
place anthropocentric narcissists
at the SWM Western apex
of a cognitive/emotive intelligence pyramid,
made in Father God’s whitest image,

Privileging SWMs over not-SWM also-rans,
and championing all loyal
trustworthy
humane Earth residents
as endemic only to USA
RedWhiteBlue
PatrioticLoyalTrue nationalists
jingoists
immorally and anti-redemptively overruling
the dark remainder
of ecofeminist systemically entrained
bonded
compassionate
warm and wet EarthWomb-inspired consciousness;

Lacking the LeftBrain verbal communication obsession
to imagine only the idea of God
as Other than self-identifying Gaian nurture presence,
health advocate
true defender of nutritional wealth.

Reflected in each holy living system,
a co-passioned win/win expression of,
and participation in,
this ongoing Great Transformation
of Gaia’s rebirth into indigenous LeftBrain consciousness
of RightBrain’s interdependent faces
resisting Earth HealthLoss
and mortal EgoLoss,

Gaia’s sacredly immanent warmth
required to feel safely connected
to cognitive/affective resonance
with Earth’s secular/sacred balancing climates
of yesterday,
and tomorrow.

With that said,
we warmly invite ourselves to ask:

How has my own eco/theo-logical
and anti-logical dialogue
with co-emergent God/MotherEarth relationship
entrained
double-bonded
constrained within internal/external holy communion
articulating global ecosystemic metaphors
favoring all communicating healthy,
nurturing,
nutritious
warm co-presence?

Yet, how do we still struggle with win/win active hope
left/right
west/east
north/south challenges, appositional
(both/and, not only either/or oppositional),
yang/yin competitions?

In this LeftBrain dominant RightWing USA
or the HighWay monoculture,
insufficiently responsive
to our ego and environmental health crises
overpopulating and carbon-burning Gaia’s former wealthy climate,
now facing self-effacing lose/lose trend-analysis
without healthy communication
of cognitive and emotive democratic co-authorizing resonance
today.

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Uncategorized

Peace Mediating Poetry

Thanks so much for forwarding
these John Paul Lederach stories
of un-learning academic approaches
to peace mediation.

I wonder if you remembered
my ongoing certification process
for justice-restoring mediation
in complex multicultural conflicting histories;
which are typically antithetical to resilient peace
through ongoing safe and healthy relationships.

With this background,
I was struck by “un-learning”.

To regain his poetic heart,
to remain resonant interdependently forward,
to give priority to emotional intelligence,
to remain actively curious about multicultural context,
and win/win strategic roots of issue-devolution,
we do well to relearn left-brain dominant communication lessons
to co-arise right-mind prominent compassionate listening
before speaking of how to win more,
or at least lose less,
through competitive win/lose
either/or assumptions
contrary to the opulence of Nature-Spirit
function and flow ZeroZone patterns
everywhere immanently transcendent.

From this non-dualistic place
un-learning academic cognition hierarchical models,
maps pointing up to win
and down to comparatively lose conflicts
of self-survival interest,
feels more like relearning both/and,
higher and wider and deeper points
of left with right minded skills,
loves within interdependent complex feelings
thoughts
passions
curious cooperative historical interests,
emerging courageously power-with
2020 re-vision anticipations.

May Sarton, sometimes a poet, observes
“It is good for a professional
to be reminded…
professionalism is only a husk,

That the real person
must remain an amateur,
a lover of the work.”

“…if to be a poet
means allowing life to flow through one
rather than forcing” love/life
“to a mold the will has” calcified;…

“If it means learning…
the day shape[s] the work,
not [just] the work,
the day,
and so live toward essence
as naturally as a bird
or a flower”

In a meadow
arrayed in warm-lit splendor
health and beauty,
healthy beautiful wealth
optimized by transcendent right-brain interdependence,
metaphoric neurological relationship,
analogical
ecological
theological re-communication,
holonic co-operation with Earth-wombed Mother’s
healthiest past through future.

We are increasingly invited,
by left with right minded correlations,
to want to do
what our healthiest ego says we must,
and to love what we ego-must
do to ego-eco-theo-logically want
to retain wealth of cooperative inter-communion,
healthy immanent/transcendent relationship climates
becoming/being the opposite of excommunicated,
the apposition of impeached
by disloyal and hate-filled over-reactions
heralded by the insufficient love
of our hierarchical and too-monocultural forefathers

Invites us to restore EarthJustice
one momentary win/win relationship choice
in a lifetime of sacred multicultural invitations.

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Uncategorized

Inclusive Epiphany

Your euphony
sounds like my epiphany
he explicitly noted.

Your polypathic resilience
feels like my polyphonic resonance
she compassionately warmed and comforted,
nurtured and nutritioned.

Your theologically divine relationships,
progressions through historical multicultural experience
think and feel my ecologically natural communions,
processions through polyculturing anticipations,
s/he silently sang,
imaginatively danced,

Not for future performance,
but from past inclusive participations,
investments,
compassionate regenerations,
dispassionate degenerations,
passionate incinerations,

Euphonic epiphanies.

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Uncategorized

The Powder-Free Vinyl Exam Glove

It occasionally occurs to me,

as I distractedly remove my right dominant
Powder-Free Vinyl Exam Glove,
after yet another young adult diaper change,

Perhaps getting lovingly laid
by a lifetime committed
caring and passionately consenting peer
filled with warm compassion,
active hope for tomorrow
would not be the worst conjoining thing
that could happen to neuro-alternatively-challenged intelligent beings
childishly preferring win/win cooperative outcomes
derived from compassionate climaxing thought-feelings together
while experiencing full-sensory resonant mental health.

Then again,
I suppose the same
powder-free examervation might apply
to economic and political narcissists,
and patriarchal double-binary
co-disassociative left v right hemispheres
runaway debating between lonely older aescetics
ordained to fulfill male dominant sublimation
through yin-recessive win/win co-passion’s ostracization,
diminution,
fragmentation,
cognitive-affective dissonance.

And then I wonder
how long will it take
to re-sacralize humane non-elite poop
as richly robust future compost
best for black gold richly embedded fertility,
as I race and gender and age
to throw out plastic scat bags,
filled with cotton and plastic diapers
and under/overpads,
and right dominant
Powder-Free Vinyl Exam Gloves.

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Uncategorized

Analogical Suggestion

Left:
What I have been suggesting…

Right:
You may call your reasoning “suggestion”
but that makes your voice no less urgent,
intrusive,
explicit as an analogy
suggests metaphoric interdependence.

Left:
What I might support–
We all live in and on double-binding Earth
double-binary mindscaped
and body-acting
motion suffering and pleasured natures
ego-identified,

And, right-hemisphere spirits of regenerate DNA strings and webs,
primal attachments
and pre- and re-attachments,
trusts
and mistrusts
and distrusts
and active restoring retrusts;

Double-binary bilaterals
like Yang power and Yintegrity,
like One known and Zero felt
like Ego being and EcoPolitical becoming,
like Resilient win/lose dissonance and Resonant win/win confluence,
like PolyPath egos toward PolyPhonic eco-muses,
like complex Polynomials regenerating not(not) MultiCultural His/HerStory,
like Horizontal equations and DeepVertical intersectionality,
like 3D Atoms and 4D spiraling WaveLinears,
like Space spheres and BiLateral Time global networks,
like InFormation unfinishably alive
and ExFlowation phishing life and death co-arisings.

Right:
[Warm co-passionate co-presence,
active listening,
responsive hope,
curiously immortal courage…]

Are we safer together than apart?
Do we mutually matter?
Are we still actively whom EarthTribes
are win/win becoming integrity?

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Uncategorized

Reforming Democratic Faith

Seems like advocates for cooperatively-invested dialogue
are concerned about indoor classroom experiences
that feel a lot more like debate
or merely academic,
detached,
cold analysis of win/lose evolutionary history,
in which might proves rightwing kleptocratic victories
while lefter democratic peace voices
fade into non-violent
non-verbal communications
just among our oh-so-tolerant lefty hugging selves.

I’ve been talking to our Faith Formation Director
about why Unitarian-Universalist Universities
are
and are not
appropriate educational dialogue multicultures
for any faith formation,
active hope reformation,
compassionate therapy development,
climate health rather than more climate pathology.

It seems that good faith formation
precludes bad lack of trust deformation,
disinformation,
egotistic debate cultures
where winners take all
and losers run off in search of some safer classroom.

For me,
outdoor classrooms feel safer
for win/win multicultural dialogue
between nutritionally communicating allies,
consuming and producing healthy natural elements
like richer soil,
cleaner water,
better air,
balanced ego/eco-systemic climates
where distinctions between wealth and health
are held collectively for further refinement,
and not hoarded autonomously
for further isolating definitions
into either-or thinking
without sufficient emotional intelligence
for both health and wealth of feeling.

Outdoor classrooms
endorse dialogue
about how ecology and theology,
like science and sentience
outside and inside,
refine good trusting faith formation together
more left and right hemispheric
rightwing and leftwing heuristic exploration
toward in-between mutually cooperative discovery
uncovery of win/win potentialities,

Rather than all that inside classroom
business as supremely left-hemisphere academic
egocentric
anthropocentric left v right debate
about whose cold calculating weapons
are best for overpowering warm organic tools
of Earth’s most polycultural producing healthy wealth.

Reforming left and right hemispheric dialogue
feels better,
naturally and spiritually,
holistically and holonically;
outside ecological relationships
forming good faith
of and for inside theological compassion.

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