Uncategorized

Planning for Grace

Last night I arrived very late
for a GRACE planning team meeting.
GRACE’s mission advocates against
all things racist,
whether systemic
or the normal chaos of hate
and sin
against everyday non-violent win-win
choices
policies
procedures
positions
platforms political and economic
sacred and secular
sociological and neurological.

I stepped into discussion of a thesis
that all policies are either racist
or anti-racist.

We were trying out various policies
to see if we could discover which they were.
This reminds me of a popular radio show
outing “HIDDEN RACISM!”

This discernment process
also reminds me of a hiring incident
in our Southern Region
In which a job description
with preference for academic credentials
over indigenous democratic leadership experience
led to hurt feelings of being disrespected
and concerns about systemic white male privilege
within our Unitarian Universalist Association
for egalitarian
and interdependent compassion.

Are budgeting procedures
that begin with authority of last year’s status quo
and are then incrementally nuanced
through recommendations of currently empowered authority figures,
like Treasurers
and CFOs
and Board of Invested,
often age Infested,
Directors,
racist or anti-racist?

Is prejudice just about policies
that must be bilaterally explicated
as healthy or unhealthy for inclusive empowerment,
or is white male privilege also hidden in our procedures,
our therapeutic proposals,
our strategic plans
to do more of the ZeroSum same,
whatever that may competitively be?

What about all our communications,
verbal and non-verbal,
personal and public?

What about all our investments
of time
and money
and positive or negative
or ambivalently uncommitted attitude?

And are all these things
just racist or anti-racist?
Or might they also be
egopatriarchal or ecofeminist,
ageist or multigenerationally inclusive,
nonbinary-phobic or pansexual,
aristocratic or democratic,
communal or capitalistic,
cooperative or competitive,
polycultural or monocultural,
WinWin or LoseLose,
NonZeroSum or ZeroSum,
RightBrain prominent or LeftBrain dominant,
non-violent or violent?

I can hardly wait to read more
about this thesis or antithesis
to find out what I may have missed
all my racist or anti-racist years.

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Uncategorized

Fragile Supremacy

Does it always feel good to be King?
Or Queen?
Diva?
PolyPathic Genius?
PolyPhonic Perfect Pitched Prophet?

White fragility,
like loneliness,
is the psychic
and economic
and disempowering risk we take

Each time and place
we consciously impress
subconsciously oppress
unconsciously suppress
anti-consciously repress
uneven
over-invested white male privileged opportunities

To recognize cultures as polycultural systems
and climates as polypathic networks,
sometimes health and wealth balanced polynomials
and sometimes more monochromatically problematic,

Played out
in win/lose economic capital advantages
and egocentric/anthrocentric
competing political game environments
habitats
eco-centers
assumed to be ZeroSum
by left-brain dominant win/lose energy conservationists
and also NonZero-Sum
co-arising dipolar 4-season revolutionary
by right-sacredmind win/win emergent progressivists,
change agents vulnerably fragile
and transparently eco-feminist privileged.

Games of physical aggression
too often produce violently wounding
fragmenting
punishing
retributive justice strategies
and spiritual
metaphysical detachment
dissociation
from disempowering privileged intent

Games of metaphysical aggression
grow out from leftbrain dominant language,
patriarchal-ism word and value choices
labeling win/lose natural realism v
win/win liberal in love too optimistic v
lose/lose conservative of static entropic death
too pessimistic
too fragile
too privileged to feel

Ecologic-rooted theologies on sacred Right
and theological ego/eco-logos
for win/win feminist Left

Physical fragile metaphysicians
inhaling
and metaphysically privileged win/win healers
exhaling.

Does it always feel good to be King?
And Queen?
And Diva?
And PolyPathic Genius?
And PolyPhonic Perfect Pitched Prophet?

Who would know
with ultra-nonviolet gratitude
this empowering East side
of Gaia’s BlueGreen Earth?

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Uncategorized

SelfThreatening Prayers

With all the impeachment talk,
worried about ecopolitical Trumpian aristocracy,
five more years of narcissistic nonsense,
of white privileged entitlement
of second and third deadened generations
of rich by kleptocratic filth,
Republican APart-heid Oligarchy

I keep wondering
and stressfully worrying
about lack of attention
to everyday Business As Usual
Republic for Religious WhiteRight
Oligarchy,

An overpowering sacred and secular government
in which all divine Power
is invested in a few WhiteFragile patriarchs,
a missionary dominant LeftBrain class,
evangelically predative,
corporately patriotic,
a self-anointed apartheid sanctuary for PeronsalDivineTruth
and xenophobic distrust of OtherTruths,

I smell a cancerously monocultural government
by the supremely self-selected few
made in God the WhiteFather’s true capitalist greedy corporate image,
jealous
self-righteous
competitive against Earth-worshiping beauty,

NeoFascists
of My One Way,
My Republic
for which Capitalist Business Stands In For Truth,
My smugly Elitist Life,

Heedless of Earth’s incumbent
radically democratic recombinant
all-inclusive
multicultural Death

Without any future hope
of further Oligarchical Republics
for RightWing Rapture.

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Sabbath Prayers

EarthMother’s unwilling Emissary
asked each faith community
and patriotic party
what they thought and felt
about God’s preferential option for the poor,
despised,
criminal,
homeless,
wounded and powerless women and children,
physical disabilities,
sick,
terrified,
rabid with anger and fear,
enslaved,
addicted,
insane.

Does this sound like an accurate description
of your congregation,
your self-empowering party,
your communion of saints,
your synagogue,
your sanctuary–
or are these those who best remain outside
your ego-celebrating walls?

Why are eco-they
not ego-you
on Saturday or Sunday morning
through midnight?

Why are these not Sabbath communion participants
holding mutually cooperative
and graced space
together?

What would it take
to heal this apartheid Ministerial NonAlliance?

Our homeless youth
play a young person’s avoidance game
in which all indoor human voices,
especially those of self-anointed authority,
ministerial power,
principals of punishing study
and exclusive EitherIn/OrOut system,
administrators of capital egocentric gains,
are suspect.

These same voices
have gathered from sandy shores,
river boundary habitats,
wilderness downstream spaces,
toxic dump places,
to lead competing Ministerial Alliances
in a guided poly-path toward meditation:

Imagine
you are an African black
and Latin brown
and Earth green
and Fire red
and SunLight yellow
and Moon ultra-nonviolet
and Water transparent
and Air invisible thread,
both natural and spiritual,
within Earth’s multi-regenerational systemic network,
a tapestry sunclock-wise woven,
sunset before sunrise unwoven
north with southern dipolarities rewoven
prewoven across a universe of Time.

You have regenerative
and degenerative experiences
thoughts
feelings
choices
absence of choice,
external debates
and internal discernments,
and dialogues
in-between your LeftBrain doer thoughts
to save us sinners
and malformed win/lose supporters
and RightBrain becoming together feelings
to reweave
to cooperatively heal
resilient natural Earth systems
with resonant spirit-felt EcoOrigins

From BlackHole Wombed potential
toward wealth rainbow not-not vaporous knots
of double-binding resonant climate health,
internally right hemispheric
as external LeftYang enculturing compassion
interweaving threads
learning intersectional co-passioning resilience
in four prime-revolutionary
space-time dimensions.

Imagine
how much more health we could do
and wealthy be
together,
rather than subclimates and subcultures
competitively
and resentfully
apart.

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Uncategorized

Commanding Solo Performances

It had been a hellish week.

On Monday
my lonely and tired AfricanAmerican husband
told me, as gently as possible,
that what I had hoped was a temporary separation
is to be extended into perpetuity.

This separation had been scheduled to terminate
when my Fetal Alcohol daughter turns eighteen
and can move into a new, more therapeutically endowed, home
not our non-group home
which could not feel like a private home to him
and to a more peacefully vulnerable me.

He told me his autonomy of residential sight
and sound
and smell,
temperature and feel,
thought and absence of forced transparent thought,
has grown ever more compelling for him,

Like a new life system
organically emerging from calcified minerals
mixed with melted wet.

This permanent separation,
less about not wanting to share a roof and walls
and multicultural floors
and more about wanting a more private
monotheistic habitat.

I had been working on my adopted daughter’s emergency group home application;
Her eighteenth, and first qualifying, birthday was Friday
of this same hellish week
filled with demands,
as usual,
but more so,
more self-prophetically entitled now;

A “big [supremely self-disempowering] girl”
as multiply messaged from school
and therapists
and family,
jonesing to live with submissive peers
who will best be lesser care receivers
as she intends to appropriate all care giving staff,

Demanding preferred foods,
and music
and stories
and dance,
and diaper change
and bed
and bath times
ignoring needs of lesser beings;

Like living with a constantly ticked off Gaia
showing us who’s our jealous Boss
in response to our climate endangering ways
of patriarchal colonization
disrespecting matriarchal communion,
ecological creolization.

Demanding routines she and I have evolved
since she was five,
unable to see up,
only downstream,
unable to hear well,
unable to speak in consonants
articulate enough to defy caregiver ignorance,
lack of subservient cooperation,
submission to her aggressively iron will,
triggering every slaveholder
property owner
reactionary nerve in my husband’s long-term
matriarchal-limned
unnerved memory.

Our more cooperative and trust-building relationship
soon took care of Gaia’s communication problems
but we created, thereby,
a princess entitled ‘I win so you lose’ monster
of immediate and really loud
NEED!

Yet, now that she is maturing to leave this nest,
how much do I need her
to keep me safely home at night
and off the larger terrifying climate stage
of degenerating ecopolitical performance?

On the following Sunday morning,
I was to sing “Let Your Little Light Shine”
a less popular spiritual,
and at least not unnatural,
gospel message;

A sung prayer from enslaved history,
humiliating origins surviving valleys of vulnerable despair
by holding up
and out
dim fading lights of hope,
sometimes accessible from other enslaved properties
with more resilient hope in green and brown and black
communion.

On Saturday night
my heart spoke of grief
lost in deep dark valleys
isolated
abandoned
down-sized
empty-nested
shallow-chested
ancient old person despair,

And my lungs sagged
pushing against narrow edges of freezing panic

Terror about forgetting left-brain words
and reminders of past sung and danced solo performances
not nearly as fun
enriching
fulfilling
health wealthy
as past group participation
in full-nested harmony
synergy
resonance
regenerativity
sacred communions spiritual
while naturally co-present

Green
and brown
and black,
ultra-nonviolet
and transparently clear.

On Sunday morning,
after earning a strategically planned
full night’s rest,
I felt much worse

Unable to imagine leaving my sanctuary
much less singing
much less performing
a song longing for the Lord
to shine even the faintest ray of hope
down into this valley of well-earned despair,

A grey climate of hopelessness,
nihilistic thoughts,
narcissistic preoccupations
trapped in a shrinking fragile egocentrism.

I took an anti-depressant
which got me to the church on time
but now feeling anxiously disembodied
within my own Beloved Sanctuary
too universally white
straight
and too removed from outside green
and family brown
and EarthTribe Native black resonant voices,
fragrances,
touch,
tasting and seeing.

I could not remember words,
or think of alternative reasonable sounds,
could not find my opening pitch,
felt deserted by a cappella
absence of accompaniment,
by a choir relegated to background support services
rather than foreground cooperative resonance
of care giving
co-passioning care receiving.

But, there was something else
bad,
REALLY bad,
a repugnance that stayed with me
through rehearsal,
through first
and then final performance
and on through the return home
after a technical tepid success
lacking the resonance of producing music
transcending rhythm and pitch and lyrics
demanding better held and managed light systems
for my self-isolating despair

Afraid of drowning
in this internal river valley.

Although not sure what happened Sunday night,
I awoke next morning to emotional fragility,
again
to fears of too much aloneness, loneliness,
worries about ageing in a place not quiet enough
from road rage
and too demanding of soil
and water
and energy stewardship,
warm accompaniment,
propriety of grace,
cooperative well-being.

What was different, on this reawakening,
was recognizing my,
and our,
monocultural misappropriation,
supremacist ideation
of “Let your little light shine”
as if we are, and I am,
the Lord’s great solo hope
for all the autonomous
disconnected
apartheid
indigenous nature/spirit
EarthTribe life-systems
of healthy care giving/receiving
singing and dancing in revolving circles
of gospel fire,

Choired resonantly together
in active shared home harmonies,
extending families back through enslaved ancestors
reminding an AfroCentric Lord
this light begins
from hope sung dance together
with multiculturally resonant intelligence

Leaving no one behind
trying to soulfully enlighten
my darkest valley of despair.

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White Dad Confession

I have USA raised
and LeftBrain Dominant branded
and capitalized
AfricanAmerican sons
disassociated from Earth
as a healthy,
caring,
inviting habitat for well-being,

Instead too narrowly focused on what Straight White Western Men think,
notice,
value,
monetize,
reductively compete to achieve

Too EgoCentric
AnthroCentric
Xenophobic
Earth-Alienated
to indigenously
timelessly cherish
what unwhite
unpatriarchal
unWestern
unviolent
uncolonizing
uncapitalizing
unhomophobic
Species of healthy wealth regeneration
cooperatively remember
and perhaps even 20-20 re-imagine
sensually
deductively
inductively
thought and felt,
yanged and yinned

ComPassion
Love
Solidarity
Integrity
Resonance
Resilience
Robust Regenerativity

So much more
than life-as-slow-dying objectives like
Avoid prison
Avoid police
Avoid criminalized economic behavior
Avoid shamed and blamed political misbehavior
Avoid Xenophobically Colonizing
Incorporatizing White Western Male
Capital MonoTheistic Ownership

Yet also
Avoid CoOperative CoInvestment
Avoid SacredEarth Communion
Avoid EcoFeminist Persuasions
Avoid Healthy WealthCare Giving and Receiving…

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Theological Mediation

I asked our local Unitarian-Universalist minister
if she could see God
as Original Creative Source of Earth (OCSE).

Eventually,
after a rather long pause,
peaceful, not anxiety producing,
she said Yes.

I asked the Shiloh Baptist Bishop
if he could know God
as Abba,
as did Jesus of Nazareth.

He thought about this,
a rather odd yet warm paternal question,
perhaps a trick?
a test?
But, eventually, trusted us enough
to add his Yes.

I asked the All Souls U-U minister,
Would she be willing to imagine,
to heuristically assume,
for the next hour,
that what she feels inside
and believes outside,
what she hopes and faiths,
compassions as OCSE
might be, or at least slowly become,
synonymous with the more patriarchal sounding Abba,
perhaps yangish Abba
to her OCSE yintegral felt intelligence.

She found this a lot to take in
hold
juggle
and yet listen and speak with integrity
all in this unsafe time of confrontation.
But, Why not?
she asked, rhetorically,
I assumed.

Then I asked the Shiloh Baptist Bishop
the same question,
in reverse,
with Abba still as yang
and OCSE as yin

This felt appropriate,
and not really unorthodox
and therefore theologically safe,
to AfricanAmerican him,
so he said Yes, of course,
history supports an AfroCentric
Original Creative Source
for all human natures.

From there
They seemed to enjoy co-discovering
ecological analogies
for theological regeneration
and degeneration
And theological metaphors
for ecological healing
and wounding.

With nothing much more for me to do
as multicultural mediator of eco/theo-logical peace
restoring win/win justice,
I began outlining
how we might join our choirs
in con-celebration,
singing gospel anthems
while engaging our combined sacred Body
in tai-chi stretches
into and back out of
fluid mindbody positions.

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