Uncategorized

Advent of Climate Depression

After required Thanksgiving Day
and depressing night
I awoke surprised
by release into ego-homelessness.

What could sad night despairs mean?
Reiterating loss of identity
mysteriously appearing on this habitat’s coldly absent roof
of sacred grace
space.

Why would capital depression,
RightBrain suppression
and historic patriarchal suppression
suddenly gang up more gracefully,
less threateningly,
on ZeroZone ego-homelessness
freely chosen
before rudely thrown out
for lack of paternal place.

RightBrain fullness of soul
remains ZeroZen timeless re-identification
one empty homeless side without exterior shelter.
But, for how long could eternity reweave
temporary housed DNA souls
becoming Earth’s healthy resilient lifeline?

Advent invites homeless nurturing adventures
into matriarchal kindness, silent advances
into wildly blind blizzards
binding sun’s enchanting rainbow promise
of watery return to Earth’s temporary spring sanctuary
refueling DNA’s homeless
yet robust
absence of living boundaries

Toward, rather than against, Earth’s healthy wealth
future identity transgenerating
transubstantiating temporary sanctuary
in humane health-identity space,
Earth’s co-arising sacred time
of ego’s secular summer
for ecology’s climate climax.

Mutually homeless failing falling theology pilgrims,
EgoYang and EcoYin polypathic souls
overshadowed
by Earth’s great green sanctuary assigned
to re-study timeless regenetic root systems
playing WinWin ZeroSoul revolutionary games
for homeless trusted identity, sheltering
from wildly wounded wandering
within chronic asylum anxiety,

Lost in lonely inside forests
quaking,
outside breaking,
patriarchal fake-sanctuary voices
inside cooperative matriarchal wombing choices.

A lot of cold windy Dad talk
trumped
in each infant WinWin womb
by Mom’s resolute inside nutritional walk.

Homeless ego child
re-connecting this eco-womb,
preparing to journey home again
each sacred light of wintry advent’s dawn

After thanksgiving days
and depressing night
re-awakening surprise
of ego’s wandering
health-rooted
adventurous soul
revolution dawning in darkest brights.

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Uncategorized

Can’t Make You Stalk Me

Turn up the lights
Fold up the bed
Turn up those voices
outside my head
Lay out for me
Feed me with lies
Just hold me up, your patron saint
Do matronize me

‘Cause I can’t make you stalk me
if you won’t
You can’t make your mind think something
it don’t
Here in my light,
in these early hours
I will pick up my heart
and not feel your power
But I can’t, no I won’t
‘Cause I can’t make you stalk me,
when you don’t.

I’ll freeze my eyes,
then you won’t see
The heart you don’t feel
when you’re not holding me
Evening will come
and you’ll do what’s wrong
Just give me till then
to give up this song
And you could give up our wrong

‘Cause I can’t make you love us
if you won’t
You can’t make your mind feel something
it don’t
Here in our light,
in these late hours
I will pick up my heart
and I’ll feel our power
But I can’t, no I can’t
‘Cause I can’t make you stalk peace,
when you don’t.

 

With apologies to Allen Shamblin and Michael Reid who cooperatively wrote one of my favorite songs.

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Uncategorized

Love Seasoned Health

Negative Yin flows
pride’s depression
as Negative Yang down-blows
humility’s oppression,

As Positive Yin knows
bilateral awed impression
as Positive Yang grows
healthy-wealth wondrous compassion,

Winter in as Summer out
WhiteHouse down as GreenHouse up
Yin back as Yang forth,
BrightHole Alpha
as Matriarchal (0)Mega Womb

Depressed Alfalfa
as oppressive OliveOil,
in another LoseLose childhood dream.

These four faces of change
are like four-horse seasons
of worship,
liturgical summer life
through winterish death
of ego’s LeftBrain Robber Baron dominance.

Negative Yang with Negative Yin,
both self-oppression and other-depressing,
represent winter
as advent of creolizing chaotic rebirth
through grief and messianic weakness.

Positive Yang with Negative Yin,
self-compassion with residual depressing memories
of winter’s coldly violent revolutions,
nightmares of loss,
hibernation of interdependence,
usher spring’s replanting schedules,
organic developments
for environmental and interior rebirth.

NewBorns cooperatively search
and knock
and find
summer’s PositiveYang-PositiveYin
co-passion with awed self-esteem
climax,
Yet late summer Musing maturity
already predicts Autumn,
early harvest stages
of WiseElder beloved community discernment.

PositiveYin with NegativeYang
speak up
for a healthier Left with Right ego-eco balance,
a return to secular/sacred worshiping
health quantities and love qualities
of ElderRight procreator
with YoungerLeft co-awed
intra-interior personal
inter-exterior political compassion,
impression,
harvesting our best WinWin seeds,

Rejecting LoseLose historical experience,
Negative Yang with Negative Yin
eternal winter
predicting
both Ego and Eco-demise
rather than
PositiveYang health
with PositiveYin wealth,
wondrous FullSun compassion for myself
impressed by awe with sacred EarthTribe Other.

Regarding what we will
now more polyculturally
polypathically plant
this polyphonic WinWin
ZeroZone Spring.

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Uncategorized

Dillen’s Continuing DMV Adventures

I wrote a sad but true urban legend called “Dillen and the DMV” last week.
Here follows an update.

Background Review:

One of my health care employees, Dillen, has wicked ADD, borderline intelligence, not qualifying for disability supports, which are few
and those few minimal at best anyway,
but also challenged by things like getting to work on the right day at the right time,
challenged by processing verbal communications,
whether written or spoken more slowly than Business As Usual pace and pattern would permit,
challenged with struggles to establish and maintain healthy positive social relationships,
much more challenged by intimacy,
so often settling for companionship that does not foster mutually therapeutic co-mentoring,
challenged by his felt urgency for speed while driving,
challenged by States Attorneys who persuade him it’s OK to accept guilty as charged
for driving 45 in a 35 mph zone on his way to work,
never mind that so were all the cars in front of and behind him,
not to worry that this will inevitably result in a 3-month suspension of his license
because he can get a Work Permit,
except, oops,
never mind,
the DMV will not give Work Permits to suspended drivers
with more than three moving violations,
encouraged by State Prosecutors to go right ahead,
send in that Work Permit application
with his $100 nonrefundable fee
because the DMV is really all about punishing DUIs,
of which Dillen has none
because he doesn’t drink
because, in part, he knows it is bad for his mental health,
especially his chronic issues with depression.

In “Dillen and the DMV” I write to the DMV Commissioner,
the Chief States Attorney, and the Attorney General
about this series of unfortunate events.

Update:

I hear back from the DMV.
This letter patiently reviews Dillen’s multiple infractions.
Two involve having others in his car with marijuana or concomitant paraphernalia,
(why not just “supplies” or “equipment”?)

“Marge, did you order the paraphernalia for the copier machine yet?”
Word choices in the public sector often distract me.

but Dillen was not charged with driving stoned,
because he wasn’t.
He was the designated driver for his “friends”
who did not have their Medical Marijuana cards on them.

Then there was the time he might have been going 35 or 40 and hit black ice,
totaled his car
which ended upside down,
for which the local police felt they must issue some form of moving violation,
after all, we do have those towing charges
and the need for all those emergency folks to stand out in the freezing ice storm,
and there are these two drug-related violations on his driving record
so he was probably stoned anyway, right?

And then there was this time,
when Dillen was pulled over
ostensibly for speeding,
but really this was about driving on a suspended license
without a Work Permit
which he didn’t have because
(1) DMV didn’t have a current address to send him his notice,
so he didn’t know he was driving on a suspended license, and
(2) no one had told him,
including the Police Officer who pulled him over,
there is this Work Permit thing
which would have covered his butt
on this particular adventure in high speed suburban crime.

However, this letter from the DMV Director of Programs leaves out some details,
as does my summary.
Then the Program Director reassures Dillen and I of her concern for Dillen’s mess,
which someone else might have called unemployment
and yet another round of couch-surfing homelessness,
but CT’s pesky State Statutes wouldn’t allow her to refund his application fee,
and, besides,
the application form says right on there that it won’t be refunded
even if the application is rejected

Apparently for reasons that remain in the shadow of the public eye.
My two page letter was too subtle for government comprehension
of our own collective abuse and neglect.
She confirms the DMV does have explicit standards for rejecting applications,
including more than three moving violations,
but fails to apologize for designing her Program’s communication plan
to be sure that disproportionately young urban minority low-income males
with mental health and self-medication issues
would be fleeced of their last $100
ripped out of their hungry pockets
to apply for a Work or Education Permit
that State Statutes prohibit her,
so sadly,
from handing out like mother’s milk to a starving baby.

She also does not speculate about why State Prosecutors Dillen has met
are all apparently unaware of stipulated public, but effectively private, criteria for rejecting
pricey applications.

She also fails to mention what she might do to correct this situation
of not providing transparent public information
in a way that allows respected residents of the State of CT
to make a fully informed decision about wasting their money
by further investing in the future miserable outcomes
of shoddy DMV Programs.

She also does not explain where we,
the tax-payers of CT,
were when concerns about the need for job security,
especially for those in hard-to-employ populations,
where we were when needs for food and housing,
healthy wants for continuing education and training,
including the need for continuing education and training,
including the need for reasonable transportation,
even in the winter,
where we all were when these were not being weighted sufficiently against risks,
allowing licensed drivers with complex histories
to continue on their journey
the best they can.

Personally, I know Dillen responds much better to a warm hug,
a patient smile,
and expressed appreciation for continuing to improve,
and encouragement to continue with work
and sticking with a healthy daily routine,
which does not include speeding,
even if everyone around him is racing to nowhere good.

Yesterday I was mesmerized for several hours by a TV series
“Underground”
about the Railroad prior to the U.S. Civil War.
A champion anti-slavery attorney
confesses to his Northern wife,
as a younger attorney he used to settle estates,
including estates of slave-holders,
which sometimes led to the awkwardness of arranging for resale of people,
families,
often resulting in the tearing of children from their mothers’ arms,
and other similar heinous crimes against nature
and mental health.

For some reason
I kept thinking about that clerk at DMV,
reading Work Permit applications,
after depositing the enclosed nonrefundable $100,
looking at the high security publicly invisible list of reasons not to help
depressed people living mostly in their cars
have a modestly better chance at life,
as if what is a right for him or her
on his or her way to work and home again,
is a too luxurious privilege for a fragile at-risk criminal population,
enslaved by their need to self-propel their freedom futures.

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Uncategorized

Miraculous Powers of Hypocrisy

I was listening to Cornell West,
who described our catastrophic tolerance of disvalues for others,
situations we would never tolerate for ourselves,
disvalues like homelessness and hunger,
but also like random violence,
abuse and neglect,
lack of caring,
as a “conspiracy” of a dominating, oppressive, and competitive culture.

Conspiracy theories make me nervous about the theorist,
but West reassured us that he shares this concern,
yet even with all that concern taken into account,
perhaps this is a conspiracy
in the same sense that cultural and climate evolutions
always appear, in hindsight,
as if genius inspired,
intelligently planned
and spontaneously networked
a magically coincidental outcome.
Positive sometimes,
and sometimes more about this mystery
of tolerating oppressive and suppressive disvalues for others,
with apparent equanimity,
unaware of any cognitive dissonance,
without active antipathy,
or even passive empathy,
the total absence of compassion,
lack of mindfulness,
lack of consciousness;
unconsciousness.

Our own hypocrisy of self v. other values v. tolerable disvalues
are hypnotic conspiracies?
Magical miracles?

Yet, conspiracy or not,
if self-contentment is possible
while hypocritically accepting intolerable losses and suffering,
abuse and neglect, for other:
species,
Earth-plus-atmosphere ecosystem,
nations,
cultures,
neighborhoods,
even other family members,
then we sometimes would choose words like
irrational,
rabid,
irresponsible,
lack of appropriate accountability,
lack of capacity for empathy or bonding,
lack of awareness, consciousness,
hateful,
stupid,
mental disease,
sociopathology,
ecopathology,
a hypocritical living death cuts by a thousand ego-feathered knives.

We work this magically competitive hypocrisy with each other,
on each other,
against each other,
and sometimes with each other–
we call that humor.

I do not feel possessed
when my internal ecological voice
tells me that my monocultural competitive economic environment
is over-invested in undervaluing significant dimensions
of who we naturally and cooperatively (permaculturally) are,
our care-giving and loving,
our tenderness and justice-seeking,
our tendency to side with the underdog and the understory,
our endless fascination with root systems and nutritious blossoms,
seasonal development patterns and the weather,
birdsong and surf sounds,
regular breathing and heart-beat rhythms,
blood flow nutritional capacities,
the consumption and production of nutrients
within any paradigm that might come to mind.

I get it that I live in a culture educating ourselves,
about Darwin’s “evolution is the survival of the fittest cooperative relationships”
by simply omitting the last two words;
cultural hypocrisy miraculously conspired through our sins of omission,
more salient than our grace of cooperative inclusion,
because of collective cognitive dissonance
where we need collective cognitive confluence.

Perhaps a more resonant resolution of consciousness
calls us to slow down and decompose our analysis of deviance
as sometimes negative and sometimes positive
but always some of both.

I struggle to hold a heuristic safe-space for positive deviance.
My cognitive dissonance radar
learns to perceive dissonance itself as having two faces.
In this way
I begin to claim my positive deviant place
in our shared orthodoxy of truth and goodness,
beauty and diverse polycultural integrity,
in our “unitarianism” our synergy (B. Fuller),
our love.
If I am challenged to include you in this shared orthodoxy
(of truth and goodness and beauty and justice, etc.–the “positive values”)
then my sense of ecosystemic balance
is dissonant enough to exclude you
from your rightful place in our radically cooperative eco-space.

I tend to over-react to your negative deviance,
all that nastiness, really?!
because of our culturally collective cognitive dissonance
about your coincidental positive deviance,
OK, so you are loyal to a fault and a good cook,
and the clothes actually do smell and feel better when you do the laundry,
although it is the environmental expense that we actually disagree about,
whether it is significant to our collective future,
or not,
or something in between,
some place that we might actually find
and consensually agree about
and then go on to those other kinds of sensuality,
but I think I have side-railed here.

Perhaps we enjoy solidarity in rooting for the underdog
in empathizing with those who appear
with a magical potential of a positive deviant outcome.
We so hope the underdog might win this round
in part
because we thereby retain a ray of hope
that we too may someday win
with all our undervalued, unsung, underdogged traits,
cooperative preferences,
nurturing instincts,
suffering and struggling with
my over-dog egocentric cultural landscapes,
my environment,
my internally encultured ego (Left-brained) consciousness.

I always cast my ego in the role of underdog,
just as my Right brain casts our permaculturally cooperative eco-consciousness
in the role of Superdog.

This internally chaotic conspiracy of self-doubt
about ego’s capacity to live fully,
integrally,
creatively,
honestly,
compassionately,
with appropriate integrity of self-disclosure,
without the embarrassment of closeted hypocrisy,
dropping our considerable weapons of mutual immunity
and cognitive dissonance,
is also the boundary face of rediscovering our Right-brain’s ecocenter,
our Beloved non-verbal Communication center,
comprehensively conscious,
resonant and resolved,
optimized and polypathically densely nutritious,
only through bicamerally synergetic confluence,
active peace,
love,
integrity of shared meaning and purpose
to the very core of our mutually messianic
mutually mentoring
co-redemptive
ego-and-eco balanced chi-soul.

Interior Landscaped Ego (left)
and Cooperative Exterior Landscaped EcoEarth (right-elder)
DNA/RNA fueled and functional frequencies
coincidentally confluate,
stir
decompose
to regenerate.

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