Probably few of us
have capacity
to see ourselves
as both Angel
and Demon.
Many of us
have had the experience
of demonizing
and punishing ourselves
for sins of the past
extending into our present
festering
unresolved trauma.
Hopefully many of us
have also had the experience
of forgiveness
and saving ourselves
from sins of the future
because someone shared with us,
in some effective way,
that nothing
is always your autonomous fault
If only because
no organic creature,
anthro or otherwise,
is born
or can survive
radically autonomous
from non-ego centers.
Personal identity
follows interpersonal
ecosystemic individuation
developmentally
causally
and effectively.
I hear healing opportunity
in this responsible
yet not solely responsible
both/and way of consciousness
As well as traumatizing risk
of denial,
too cheap self forgiveness,
too easy hiddenness
of our secret
most private
feelings of guilt
about harming another
Both intentionally
and without malice,
accidentally.
A woman’s reluctant decision
to abort may feel unresolvable
between angelic win/win desires
and demonic win/lose fears
and angers
As might
her reluctant decision
to buy a gun
and several ominous rounds
of deadening ammunition
To protect herself
and her children
from traumatic demons
at her flimsy door
Not considering
her lack of experience
with braver angels
hoping to reassure her.
Therapeutic angels
may also wait,
curiously
and impatiently,
outside that same door,
searching for health’s
most wealthy bell
to dispel
shared dark shadows
In-between silent demons
we abhor
and sacred angels
we redemptively adore.
gdill52 