Uncategorized

Slow-Cooked Conversion Stories

I was raised in one of those white nationalist churches,
passing itself off as a Christian evangelical Bible church,
where “evangelical” meant fundamental
and “fundamental” meant we did not interpret scripture
but accepted it as God’s literal trans-historical Word
of universal white male dominant
Bible thumping supremacy,
transcendently un-changing like…
like…
like nothing I’ve ever seen or heard
or smelled or tasted

Which is why we call not-Him-or-Her “God”
and not “SuperEgo”
or multicultural “Gaia”

Or anything else.
It turns out “God”
is a bit like not saying Valdemore’s name;
As Yahweh
is more about the ambiguously missing vowels
than their YHWH
YYXY
Either/Or-Both/And
bicameral structure.

Anyway, enough about sacred bisensory ecology.
While at People’s Bible Church
I was told, by all the white heterosexual adults
supporting and educating me
that being born again is not a gradual thing,
like growing into a pubescent body,
but instant,
like convenient oatmeal
or inferior mashed potatoes.

If I could not say,
with one hundred percent persuasion,
that I was reborn in Christ
on May 8, 1964
at 2:53 PM
Eastern Savings Time,
Just as I was originally born
on May 8, 1952
at 2:53 A.M.,
much to my mother’s inconvenience–
finished just in time to get home
to our dairy farm
for an unleisurely visit with “The Girls”
during her morning milking parlor gig–
Then the deviant
devilish mark of Satan
still clouds my not so milky white
not straight enough
not truly pure soul.

Such instant and yet resilient grace
felt unlikely to me.

I did not instantly lose hope
for a hot SantaDaddy
sliding down our family chimney
emerging from the family wood-burning furnace,
scorched of unnecessary
and superfluous clothes
to give me all the fruited manly gifts
I have felt so empty without
warm and wet accompaniment,
accomplishment.

Gradually,
over several years of neglecting this Santa myth
as cultural fantasy,
I did not wake up on May 8, 1956,
at 2:53 A.M.
and announce to all those not listening,
“I no longer believe in Santa Claus.”

De-mythification progress
seems to take me
about as long as my left-brain
dominating commodification process
took to grow into queer adolescence,
feeling unsafe,
unwanted,
with a best case possible future
of invisible insignificance,
hidden deeply beneath healthy humility.

Just as it took awhile to comfortably acclimate
to the toothlessness of myth,
It took me all my development years
on into late adolescence
to be sure that I would never safely
or resiliently convert
into a heterosexual.

When we were mutually experimenting grade school boys
during not much sleep overs
I was sure we shared the same destiny–
future heterosexuals,
Mr. Cleavers,
Mr. Smiths
not all too fascinated with Mr. Johnsons.

I didn’t suddenly realize,
“Oops. I failed to convert.”
Maybe I was a late bloomer,
just as some girls get pubes
and teats
and mensies later on
which seemed like more unfair girl pressure
than just sprouting new hair in old moist places
and growing at least somewhat less girlish voices.

Just as there was no May 8, 2:53 P.M.
of any year
when I knew,
“OK, that’s it.
It’s done growing
in both length and width.”
I had no day or night
when I said,
“OK, that’s it.
I choose to be queer”
so I can be the target of hate crimes,
bad jokes,
white Christian heterosexual predators,
bigoted employers,
homophobic police
and teachers
and parents
and siblings,
and preachers

Fully capable of witnessing against me
the exact date, time, and year
they began their life long love affair
with white male Jesus Christ,
straight (presumably) Jewish carpenter’s apprentice,
Son of God and…
and…
God,
who finished creating Earth,
and at least our entire Solar System,
exactly seven days
after He started, on May 8th
at 2:53 A.M.,
year 0000.

I have developed health-considered faith
in win/win progressive processes.
I accept that faith actively hopes in unseen relationships,
unheard communications,
unnoticed actions and reactions.

Still,
I find an always changing
transparent
vulnerable,
courageously curious difference
between left-brain statements of verbal instant faith,
and right/left-brain emerging lifeskill learnings
conversions
healings
redemptively felt economies,
salvific co-relational powers,

And I have trouble believing
that such ubiquitous differences
between slow-grown processive maturation
and imitative instant role-playing
is only accessible to queers,
white, black, brown, red, purple, green, or ultra-violet,
born on May 8, 1952
at 2:53 A.M.
much to the inconvenience
of busy heterosexual
pre-millennial dairy farmers.

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Uncategorized

Green Sanctuary Propositions

Who are you most longing to become?

How we answer this is different for an ancient rooted tree
than for a recent immigrant
searching for a niche of stable self-sufficiency.

Who we already have become together
feels more important to thriving groves of WiseElders
than to adolescent immigrants
actively learning creolizing bilingual skills
still coming together for survival.

So too, offering Sanctuary,
becoming Sanctuary,
inviting Sanctuary,
is rooted in Green complex nutrients
for feeding
and warm wet watering
whispering easier
cozier
more accessible nutrients
for everyone–
but especially appreciated
by more recent emigrants
to a new garden of hospitality,
of multicultural cooperation,
of shared cooperative residence
and patterns of safe,
sometimes exciting, new transport
toward healthiest wealth.

A gardener’s intent
to both offer and share sanctuary
may provoke well-nurtured gratitude
in a recent annual immigrant,
but a more sleepy and self-satisfied entitlement
in mature seniority of perennials,

Yet, primordially feeling and speaking,
we are all immigrants newly becoming together
with each new dawn,
and determined to cooperatively rest
in grateful dreams
with each renewing dusk.

Who are we most belonging
by becoming Green Sanctuary
together?

Some guilds of mutual interest
and investment
invite growing a cooperative sanctuary for food,

Other teams choose cooperatively owned and managed shelter,
gardens,
farms,
transporting cars and trucks
and bikes and horses,

Others focus on cooperatively owned and managed soil,
observing that democratically co-invested compost,
like capital,
recalls healthy savings in a nutritional bank
for cooperative food constituents.

And so it went,
whether Republican or Democrat,
Libertarian or Green,
Who we want to become together
is more cooperatively resilient,
more robustly compassionate
and co-empowering,
so less aloof
alone
smug and self-satisfied
about our competitive win/lose economic
and partisan histories of colonization;

When, truth become remembered,
we are all reborn naked
and needy
immigrants.

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Uncategorized

Teaching Future Vampires and Pirates

Students conservative of body-health care
invest as necessary
in bowing and submitting subservience
to orthodox heterosexual vampirate mentors,
fundamentalist badnews evangelicals
sucking on pre-meditated rapture
of Heavenly bloodsucking EarthNatures.

To meet conservative RightWing
LeftBrain patriarchal
student membership classroom requirements
of monoculturing monopolistic
indoor health-safety classrooms,
research circles grant
and otherwise enculture
incubate
feed and water
co-invest in
most desirably vamping
healthy nature-spirits
with most polyphonic eco-predator integrity

Positive with notnot NegativEnergy
post-millennial therapeutic
eco-reverse of vampiratic
therapeutic healing classrooms

Restoring PositivEnergy ecojustice status
of vampirate transubstantiating bodhisattvas
notnot capital-blood hoarding
through LeftMind winning
and RightSpirit sacred losing
with nature/body LeftYang Supremacist
binomially unbalanced
bilateral voices co-arising
Nature speaking with MatriarchalSpirit,
more than
Toxic-Devolutionary PatriarchalNature
against SacredYin HealthyMind FlowingWealth

NotNot LifeBlood sucking
vampiratic NegativEnergy Tabloid competitions
in FakeNews
BadNews Gossip Fascinations
with YangEnforcer
RetributiveJustice
PreDuctivist
OneSided Dualistic
MonoCultural LeftBrain Dominant MisEducation.

Absence of Beautiful and True Red Lifeblood Giving information
steals from eco-challenged
outdoor homeless
residents
co-investing in our lifehealth-hoarding RedBull McMansions
for further parasitic vampiratic behaviors,
personally
theologically oppressive of NegativEnergy nonbelievers
atheists
and anti-theists
are economic atheist hoarding
instead of sacred ecological
EarthStewards
against
political vampiration classroom competitions
for the bully-pulpit teacher’s desk
with loudest YangDominant LeftBrain microphone
droning WinLose evolutionary devilutionary dialects
and geometric fractal ZeroZone tongues
of co-ecstatic YangYin worship

For healthcare taking and grabbing and sucking
and victim ducking and shooting and blowing up
and sending off to learn war and post-climatic stress,
oiled and automated gunfire blood-letting chronic WinLose dissonance
as also classrooms of
notnot reverse-healthcare
co-vampiratic potential WinWins
appositionally reverse of LoseLose
monoculturing bloodthirsty NegativEnergy

Co-Operative Green ownership
of co-invested vampiratic WinLose pasts
invites WinWin giving love
within sacred ecological Left
secular reverse trans-vampiratic theological
RedBlood Grace
as RNA GreenNatured cooperative love
as brightly bought
C-YinSquared WinWin
Yang speed of YinYin-light.

Contemporary eco-vampiratic bicameral politics,
Yang v Yin egopractice
of ecologically overcrowding unconscious business,
deep sacred green learning
cooperative co-arising nondual meditations

Confronting vampiratic secular green-nature historical bodies
with sacred redblood for internal spirit
lights co-empathic health-rescuing and resonant
DNA with ElderRNA
ego/ecosystemic re-memories
salvifically resilient
and resonantly Green-Red holonic
polypathic spectrals
polyphonic octaves
polynomially transparent-bilateral
ZeroZone
notnot polynomial dualdark EarthTribe
four-season reasoned enlightenment ecology.

NotNot vampiratic reverse-temporal
historic mythic co-empathic
RightBrain speechless minds
remind of horror isn’t healthy.

Vampiratic dualdark
ecosmological messages
with sacred ecological healthy climate subtexts
media large capitalist WinLose
NorthWestern population percentage
looking for a plausible vampiratic lie-group
for LeftBrain dominant conversations
WestYang over submissive victim SouthEastern Yin
vampiratic challenged victims
in RightBrain pain of WinLose normalcy
dissonantly
everyday in ego-anthrocentric NorthWestern therapy

Inside LoseLose vampiratic evolving suppressive teacher voices
of secular reason WinLeft
to lose TransVampiratic Terrible Sacred ElderRight
arts and crafts
and music and class clown entertainments
vamping demonic fake-terror memories
inducing real nightmares
of relentlessly violent LoseLose
co-vampiratic reverse notnot
anti-ecological self-engorging
economic and political and personal absence
of LeftYang with RightYin health care

Investing in co-arising healthlove instead
as having GoldenRule received
orthodox DNA with RNA
Green STEAM vocational
deep learning health-wealth skills
in reverse vampiratic planting and co-harvesting WinWin
cooperative RedBlood co-investing
in secular-nature with sacred-spirit
co-arising green STEAM
outdoor classrooms
for deep learning
LoseLose-yin reverse WinWin
Yang RedBlood DNA-invested
4D Cytosine-squared polyphonic
PositivEnergy classroom Green outdoor-indoor
double-binding vampirate PositivePositive climates
of and for healthy wealth democratic research,
design,
and EarthTribe CoOperative CoInvestment.

Vampirate PositiveStudents
conservative of DNA supported body-health care
invest as historically necessary
in bowing and gratefully submitting
to divinely Green RNA eco-partnerships
for orthodox polycultural health education,
outdoors as indoors,
above as below
NorthYang as SouthYin
BiLateral Flow
of 4D sacred ecological RealTime
ZeroZones
notnot WinWin
trans-vampiratic
sacred-organically RedBlooded
Green eco-centric.

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Uncategorized

Necessity of Grace

What is necessary
To sacred grace
and secular humane dignity
of wealthy space–
To life as HealthyRights,
and not so much MonoCulturing Wrongs?

If sufficiently encultured,
embedded,
centered,
balanced–
If vulnerably innocent
RightBrain WiseElder transparent
with nutritional desire,
active longing,
camouflaged RightBrain belongings,
reactings,
recreations–
We grow interior with exterior
mutual WinWin integrity

Integrity organically old and refined
as DNA enculturation
enveloping RNA-rooted selves
with other EarthTribe species now past.

PositivEnergy flow-strength,
reincarnating,
re-spiraling,
re-orbiting
What EgoStrength has been
is where bilateral EcoNow poises
both becoming and unbecoming
innocent deep learning co-presence
silently inductive
and Left-with-Right deductive-inductive integrity
of identity’s ZeroZone
ego-eco-transparency,
in-out transubstantiation,
patriarch/matriarch transgendering,
German health time transportation
with space re-communication
SouthAfrican multiculturally celebratory.

Perhaps I am not yet sufficient
to refine and define dialectal echoes,
eco-sacred theological
reincarnating spiraling Grace–
Yet entirely necessary
as transparent ZeroZone Eastern Ta(0) Innocent
(0)Rigidal Septic DiPolar Wu-Wei Organic Intent,
intense trans-4D-tense Awe,
Secular/Sacred EarthTribe Members and BiNomials
of and for CoOperative 2020 Revolution Wonder.

Wondering why
and how
and when
and where
we invite PositivEnergy to grow
4D-squared
and NegativEnergy language issues to recede,
Either/Or LeftBrain despairing dissonance
giving sacred wu-wei space
to
Both negative monocultural risk
And wealthy positive healthcare opportunity.

Dipolar ego-ecometric integrity
of notnot Positive
(0)Riginal Intent Harmonics.

Life as organic health
could never have grown
revolving revolutionary RNA
with DNA sacred 4D Octaves
of double-binding
secularized goodfaith theology
exterior WinWin memories
speaking silent RightBrain feelings
without restorative healing
ecological development
ethological processes.

Evolution,
revolutions
necessarily and sufficiently ZeroZone
bicamerally transporting
into secular awed PatriarchalYang
with SacredWonder
of MatriarchalYin,
all tucked Left-Right together
inside ZeroZones of potential integrity wombs.

All double-binding bilateral roads
and seed fertile routes
lead me,
on this my 66th birthday,
to historic co-messianic presence
as ecologically and humanely 33
nature-spirit messianic equivalent
with Eastern WinWin 4D nondual
Bodhisattva Peace Warriors,
on vocational sacred research
four-seasoned holiday
recreating in ZeroZone
Future and Past Research
BiLateral WinWin
secular left-brain spaces.

Born Yang-Yang,
Left-Right Taurus dipolar,
and gay,
my earliest childhood memories
love to not see or hear
in a WinLeft-LoseRight
Either WinWin straight or LoseLose queer
roleplaying camouflage of decades past
making survival sense of me.

Always for,
and never against,
WinWin restorative love optimization.
Yet for short-term stronger and more fluid
exterior life WinLose camouflage
compromising interior risks
to longer-term integrative organic health.

My WiseElder
has become our co-messianic
wu-wei deep secular-sacred
WinWin path toward health optimization.

I cannot appreciate,
cannot feel gratitude for,
invite,
invest in
further WinLose LeftBrain privilege,
patronage,
nationalistic patriarchal fake-patriotism,
RightWing retributive monoculturing outcomes,
Either Fight Or Ego Will NOT Make It Right
supremacy,
oppressive fascism.

We cannot WinWin grace
as also positive karma
without noticing
LoseHealth to Lose WealthCare negative options
are also
All important notnot Positive ways
to also notice
opportunities for WinWin co-investment
in cooperative ecopolitics
and ego-eco organic
ZeroZone resonance,
resilience,
longtermed health-wealth sustainability,

By tipping our YinSquared nurturing lights
in our other polypathically healthy
WinWin Eastern
WiseElder CoOperative WuWei.

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Uncategorized

Searching Paradise Memories

Future Searching:
Why do YangBrain domination problems
recognize YangYin bilateral WinWin
resonant health resolutions?

We can deductively search
back in our own life-lines
to when we last felt we lived
within Ego/Eco peace
and restorative justice
healing times,
space,
organically connected place,
holy absence of Win/Lose retributive race.

We each,
alone,
as couples,
extending families,
neighbors,
community residents,
can engage deep PositivEnergy Democracy,
Ego/Eco sacred ecological learning.

We can each
imagine ecology
historically rolling time backward,
seasonally spiraling multigenerational
multicultural
polycultural
polypathic
polyphonic life-lines
in multi-regenerational reverse
of most resilient 4D RealTime.

Trees cannot do this.
Nor birds.
Or maybe they ElderRight-Left collateral can.
I cannot remember a co-invested time
when I could have doubted such well-seasoned solidarity.

But, for each innocent Us,
our last WinWin memory
of childhood
or beloved adolescence,
or mature healthy mentoring adulthood,
or WiseElder cooperative
creolizing moments
deep knowing LeftBrain ecology
as also Sacred RightBrain organic developmental theology,
rooted in Gaia as EarthParadise
solar and lunar
multi-regenerational experience,
feels inductively seductive,
non-reductively together wanted
longed for most
to become to-gathering
a unique and cherished enlightening sweetspot,
a sit-spot
of active contemplation
walked Ego and talked Eco

PreBeginning our WinWin
more than WinLose
joining toward Earth’s Yang-Yin WuWei

BiLaterally BiCameral BiLancing
Ego/Eco
Therapeutic ZeroZone time ourselves

Within re-imaged Space
secular/sacred EarthParadise Place
polycultural-polynomial-polyphonic
WinWin Revolutionary Race

Toward equity of EgoHealth,
patriotic western animus,
and EcoLove,
MatrioticEastern AnimaMundi
grace,
love,
positive karma,
Gaian Hypothesis Ecology,
GoodNews ZeroZone CoRedemptive Theology.

Resonantly mythic mystery
lies within each ZeroZone cusp
of nature seeking spirit,
secular finding sacred,
ecologos transubstantiating theomythos.

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Pertinence of Compassion

Impertinence of Zealotry

Impertinence
reminds Roshi Susan Murphy,
refers not only to Trumpian rudeness,
but also irrelevance
to Earth’s Kingdom
at Compassionate Hand.

I was watching “Silence” last night
about zealous colonizing missionaries
learning creolizing compassion
of growing relevant to cultures
languages
indigenous to unwashed aliens
suffering the zealous impertinence
of selfishly empowered elites.

This, in turn,
reminded me of Trumpian impertinence
regarding health and safety defensive care
of a people,
a democratically inclusive nation,
but also,
in this time of growing climate pathologies,
a health-impassioned species

Interdependent with thousands of indigenous alien species,
all breathing air
just as fire ebbs and swells,
all drinking water
just as Earth’s skin absorbs
and impertinently dries out
burns out
plays out
compassion for human zealot impertinence
evaporated
like clean air
and pure and pertinent waters
of Earth’s primal baptism.

Impertinence is deaf and blind
and therefore zealously dumb
in abusive reaction against Earth’s relevant sacred health care voices
and creolizing intentions.

When Trumpians campaign and vote against ObamaCare
of pertinent compassion,
We are not bicamerally remembered,
heard
and felt
and supported
and well represented
by past legislating Democrats and Republicans
and all creolizing in between
who would not deny any creature
an Affordable HealthCare Act
should not be confused
with UnAffordable DeathSupporting Actions.

Including those most likely to suffer first
from lack of pure and pertinent drinking water
for people
and our interdependent plants,
and troubled by smoke and fires
zealously colonizing dried out compassions
for more bicameral creolic pertinence
in recent
better healthcare climates
wealthier past.

Wise and pertinent missionaries,
like all permacultural designers,
like all compassionate facilitators
of and for restoring therapeutic justice,
arrive on Earth’s frontier shores
of new adventures
in growing co-empathic love,

First to listen
and learn
indigenous health and climate care values and disvalues
already implanted
through Sacred MotherEarth’s
Green-Blue Voices

Speaking of what is least likely resonant
to violently and zealously forget
to see
and hear
and think
impertinence of rude Red
climates and internal landscapes

When surrounded still
by Earth’s creolizing Green-Blue chorus
of more quietly passioned living waters
and Restoring Peace Circles
regenerated near warming fires
under cold Advent FullMoon skies
pertinent with gracious light compassions.

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Uncategorized

Jesus Told Me

Jesus taught and lived
Those who follow the Way
Truth
Life, rather than punishing death,
would be known
by our love,
especially for our enemies.

He did not say, or live,
Those who punish themselves and others with death threats
and war planning
and technology design
and nihilistic absence of healthy purpose
would be TruthLivers
known as restorative peace-makers,
inheriting the Kingdom of God at hand.

For LaoTse
we are Way,
Truth,
Life known
by our Yang/Yin harmonic balance
with darkYin as antagonist of stubborn ignorance,
reflecting unkind outcomes of MotherEarth
and Her thunder and lightning Heavens
bringing cold winds of Yang-dominant terror
and warm flows of Yin-Yang wu-wei
in-between
Tipping Pointed selves as enemies
restoring peaceful balance,
within-egoYang,
as without-ecoYin.

To love your enemies
as yourself
is to actively seek restorative justice
peace-filled balance for all parties,
including anti-let’s-party! haters
and monoculturing weedish and prudish supremacists,
fundamentalists,
evangelists,
zealots,
terrorists,
slave-owners,
racists,
sexists,
homophobes,
missionary colonizers,
AntiSemitic
AntiCreolization
trauma-inducing predators and parasites,
and, Jesus’ favorite love to hate, Pharisees.

To be known by our love for enemies,
is to know our enemies as ourselves,
to love ourselves as both victimized protagonist
and antagonist,
provoking angry retributions,
fear-filled victims
of our own,
and our Elders,
violent misjudgments.

To love ourselves
within this heuristic balance,
doing our best
is to love our larger selves
as traumatizing enemy of love
and yet therapeutic lover of self-inflicted,
other-afflicting,
enemies.

Thich Nhat Hanh
shares a restorative council agenda
as anciently practiced in his Buddhist tradition.

Community facilitators
with unusual strengths for compassion,
begin by telling a personal story
of an event in their owned history
when they have known the shame of offending against love,
against active and integrative cooperation.

Then they apologize for this offense
against those assembled victims.
Atone for their lack of sufficient love,
trust,
faith.

Then, and only then, they invite victims
and offenders
to do as the facilitators have themselves mentored,
to tell their most recent shared story
of victims and offenses
against restoring cooperative love
within this community
of EarthTribe lovers.

For instance,
voting against universal health care giving and receiving
as a basic application of our multiculturally advocated
Golden Rule,
constitutionally protected
as pursuit of resident Welfare
and a more perfect Unity
(NOT fascist military-industrialized uniformity).

I try to picture what stories of restoration
facilitators would invite
if FirstNation CEOs
were to host a Peace Circle
with Christian Evangelical Missionaries
and Military-Industrial Generals,
grandsons of rifle-holders
for ecopolitically racist assumptions
of spiritual therefore naturally endowed
Manifest Destiny Supremacy,
and WhiteMan CEOs,
including grandsons of slave-holders
for HeavenlyMansion and Mammon Goals,
all WesternPatriarchal classroom read and propagandized
as Protagonists in a Western InterContinental Patriotic History of Love,
yet recognizing great-grandparents
in light of larger love’s Win-Win capacities,
now appear as repressive Retributional Antagonists,
rooted in fear and anger and hate,
not always so much trust and faith and justice,
for a polyculturing history
of love as ego-eco balance
between loving oneself
as both related to past Protagonists
and Antagonists
of Earth’s restorative peace
and therapeutic love
for Win-Win bilateral justice.

It is in our most vulnerable shame
for lapses in co-passionate love
that we are most likely to therapeutically recover
shared memories of blame,
and active hope to restore love’s balance
more polypathically inclusive next time.

This rhetorical agenda,
for mentoring facilitators,
is their second-mile walk,
their turning of violently struck both cheeks,
their opportunity to offer a time of personal shame
to open double-binding gates
of collective Lose-Lose blame
and it’s ecological apposition,
Win-Win restorative cooperation
of active Love.

Golden Rules
to do as you would have done justice
and not do and judge
as you could not not do without greater co-passion,
active love for Win-Win restoration
of peace councils,
internal and external,
practiced best each moment
of each grace-filling balanced karma day.

Willing and able to see oneself,
and one’s extended family,
as both sacred protagonists
and sinner antagonists
of co-evolving historic love,
fulfilled in HereNow potential health integrity
of each moment’s Sacred EarthRestoring Wisdom.

Jesus taught and lived
Those who follow this ReStorative Way
Truth
Life, rather than punishing death,
would be known
by our love,
especially for our enemies,
within egos
and without eco-conscious balance.

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