Uncategorized

My History of Mystery

We are ecological science
and con-science
and unconsciousness.

We are story
and egological storyteller
and unknown
unheard
unseen.

Earth’s humane act
and actor
and theologically transcendent stasis.

The dance
and dancer
and deaf
and frozen

The song
and singer
and silent
muted
anticipation
and anxiety.

The play
and player
and absent
uninvited
worker.

The thought
and thinker
and feeler
and numb.

The garden
and gardener
and consumer
and starving.

The Earth
and EarthTribe
and Ego
and Interdependent
DNA and RNA place-timed relatives,
matriarchal regenerators
regenerations
degenerations
ungenerated energy
entropy
untropy
anti-morphic
metamorphic
metaphor.

We are leftbrain either/or polynomial
rightbrain polyphonic
ecopolitically polypathic
positive trust energy democracies
health/wealth
ego/ecosystems
bilateral
bicameral
binomial nonzero-sum balancing

The science story,
and consciousness storytellers
and yet unconscious
unfelt
unknown,

The patriarchal history
of and for eco-matriarchal mystery.

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Uncategorized

Restoring Deeply Conservative Progress

Our old nemesis,
capitalism,
is much older than democratic theory,
and even older than profoundly resilient democratic practice,
which is rather like Christianity–
often communion preached
and seldom democratically and multiculturally proficient,
fruitful,
viral,
contagious,
multiplying economic loaves
and politically empowering fish.

Capital-rooted values
derive from tribal chiefs,
professional healers and clergy,
and, more recently,
in the era of empires and nation-states,
royalty miraculously arriving by divine right
and sacramental enlightenment
of Elite EcoPolitical Persons,
recognized by exclusive rights of supremely royal birth–
entirely dissociated from loyalty of natural systemic rebirth.

When democratic political theory of inclusive,
non-elite,
eventually ecofeminist empowerment developed
into our straight white patriarchal U.S. Constitution,
we did not have enough multicultural experience,
and ecologically regenerative understanding,
to recognize that democracy is rooted in feelings of trust
and economic cooperative experience,
co-investment in what Game Theorists define as

NonZeroSum Win/Win ecopolitical outcome resilience

Resonant experience of cooperative ownership,
stewardship of compassionate properties
that can only be immorally misunderstood
as autonomously purchased with capital
and therefore ethically owned
controlled
exploited
deflowered.

Organic self/other
ego/eco
left/right bicameral management
remains conservatively rooted
in feelings of historic and cultural solidarity
on progressive journey toward resonant secular meaning
and resiliently sacred purpose.

Instead of noting that health
and well-being
and prosperity are endemic to cooperative win/win health systems
more than the chronic stress
typical of competitive win/lose strategies,
U.S. democracy is conservatively assumed to protect and defend capitalism,

Exclusively private wealth-accumulation,
and later incorporated anthropocentric self-investment
dissociated from OtherEarth Matriarchy,
becomes de-royalized personal patriarchal ownership.

Divine powers
and personhood
become disassociated from royalty
by right of birth,
and democratically re-associated with everyday inheritance
of anthropocentric royalty
accompanied by requisite meritocracy
of past familial,
and private corporate,
capital-wealth accumulation.

God the Father’s blessing
is evinced by bounteous ownership of currency;
not to be confused with natural energy democracy,
powers of naturally recycling currents of motion,
emotion
immolation
demotion
re-motion
premonition

At this point,
democratic health
and ecological/theological resilience
have been dissociated from moral virtue,
divorced from cooperative win/win wealthy systems
and divested from multicultural womanist networks
of co-empathic empowerment.

Our task,
rooted in this historic-cultural ecology of theological history,
Left/Right bicameral analysis,
may be seen as how to win more resources for and with non-elites,
left marginalized by win/lose rightwing capitalism,
no longer aligned with a green democratic trust
non-violent agenda for peace restoring EarthJustice;

As Jesus of Nazareth probably said,
we will always have the poor with us,
within us,
even if only poor in anti-natural,
unlovely and felt unloved, spirit.

We might also see this Great Transition
as a multicultural challenge
to deeply conserve healthy democratic progress,

Great opportunity to Reweave capitalism
into cooperatively-invested health care,
matriarchal giving while patriarchal receiving empowering
win-Self/win-Other models
for non-violent relationships
with Earth’s global climate,
with Interpersonal EgoSystemic CoOperating CoInvestment climates,
and MultiCultural EcoSystemic climates

Cooperatively polypathic/polyphonic,
left/right
universal/unitarian
yang/yintegrity
atomic/wave-linear co-relational
envisioned/deeply sensed empowerment,
renewing enlightenment era democratic resilient health
as also resonant economic wealth,

Promising compassionate
polycultural-nutritional-deeply prosperous
natural/spiritual outcomes.

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Uncategorized

Congressional Grace

I’m still reading Your Resonant Self,
by Dr. Sarah Peyton,
speaking of how contempt
destroys relationships
formerly cooperative
and, thereby, healthy.

Disgust about oneself
and contempt against Other
are interrelated,
like ego and eco,
like Yang and Yin,

“Humans seem to be capable of disconnecting from others
[and our disgusting selves]
on a large scale
or small scale.” (p. 209)

I’m reminded of listening to the Trump Impeachment Debate,
hearing contempt for democratic dialogue,
for loyalty to trust,
transparency,
vulnerability to unmediated light,
healthy curiosity,
courage to choose compassion,
for self and other,
for ego and eco,
rather than contempt.

Not that congressional debates
are suddenly plagued by partisan win/lose rhetorical strategies.

As a communication
and a psychology major,
I learned ancient techniques for persuasion,
for attitude change.
But, an underlying safe
non-partisan environment
of mutual trust,
of loyalty to a healthy Earth,
precludes giving way to the contagious temptations of contempt
against any OtherParty,
disgust about endemic economic and political corruption
of my own run-away win/lose internalized Party.

But, I have two points
seen more clearly through Dr. Peyton’s “Resonance”:

One,
we are capable of national disconnecting shared-identity contempt
against threatening Other
because we were born win/win capable,
from warm attachment healthy birth
of cooperative compassionate development
toward healthy adult/adult resilient relationships,
rooted in our shared destiny
as bicameral EarthDwellers,
EarthTribe,
Mother EarthWomb Integralists.

Second,
contempt grows nationalistic partisanship
because localized compassion can also go viral,
global,
universal
contagious wealth of health-empowerment values
making resonant living systems possible,
re-creative potentiating

As darkness
can be noticed as dark
only by those capable
of remembering light,
power womb enlightenment,
empowerment,
passion,
compassion,
advent,
Christmas Birth,
Lent,
Easter EgoDeath,
Republic elitism,
Democrat non-elitism,
rhetorical contempt,
non-violent narrative,
red rightwing rage,
green leftwing synergy

Wishing all ego-parties
and ecosystems
healthy wealth of EarthPassionate ChristMass
political body-minds
economically double-bound nature-spirits
secular-sacred cooperative co-investors
both out and in
within Earth CoPassion.

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Uncategorized

Commanding Solo Performances

It had been a hellish week.

On Monday
my lonely and tired AfricanAmerican husband
told me, as gently as possible,
that what I had hoped was a temporary separation
is to be extended into perpetuity.

This separation had been scheduled to terminate
when my Fetal Alcohol daughter turns eighteen
and can move into a new, more therapeutically endowed, home
not our non-group home
which could not feel like a private home to him
and to a more peacefully vulnerable me.

He told me his autonomy of residential sight
and sound
and smell,
temperature and feel,
thought and absence of forced transparent thought,
has grown ever more compelling for him,

Like a new life system
organically emerging from calcified minerals
mixed with melted wet.

This permanent separation,
less about not wanting to share a roof and walls
and multicultural floors
and more about wanting a more private
monotheistic habitat.

I had been working on my adopted daughter’s emergency group home application;
Her eighteenth, and first qualifying, birthday was Friday
of this same hellish week
filled with demands,
as usual,
but more so,
more self-prophetically entitled now;

A “big [supremely self-disempowering] girl”
as multiply messaged from school
and therapists
and family,
jonesing to live with submissive peers
who will best be lesser care receivers
as she intends to appropriate all care giving staff,

Demanding preferred foods,
and music
and stories
and dance,
and diaper change
and bed
and bath times
ignoring needs of lesser beings;

Like living with a constantly ticked off Gaia
showing us who’s our jealous Boss
in response to our climate endangering ways
of patriarchal colonization
disrespecting matriarchal communion,
ecological creolization.

Demanding routines she and I have evolved
since she was five,
unable to see up,
only downstream,
unable to hear well,
unable to speak in consonants
articulate enough to defy caregiver ignorance,
lack of subservient cooperation,
submission to her aggressively iron will,
triggering every slaveholder
property owner
reactionary nerve in my husband’s long-term
matriarchal-limned
unnerved memory.

Our more cooperative and trust-building relationship
soon took care of Gaia’s communication problems
but we created, thereby,
a princess entitled ‘I win so you lose’ monster
of immediate and really loud
NEED!

Yet, now that she is maturing to leave this nest,
how much do I need her
to keep me safely home at night
and off the larger terrifying climate stage
of degenerating ecopolitical performance?

On the following Sunday morning,
I was to sing “Let Your Little Light Shine”
a less popular spiritual,
and at least not unnatural,
gospel message;

A sung prayer from enslaved history,
humiliating origins surviving valleys of vulnerable despair
by holding up
and out
dim fading lights of hope,
sometimes accessible from other enslaved properties
with more resilient hope in green and brown and black
communion.

On Saturday night
my heart spoke of grief
lost in deep dark valleys
isolated
abandoned
down-sized
empty-nested
shallow-chested
ancient old person despair,

And my lungs sagged
pushing against narrow edges of freezing panic

Terror about forgetting left-brain words
and reminders of past sung and danced solo performances
not nearly as fun
enriching
fulfilling
health wealthy
as past group participation
in full-nested harmony
synergy
resonance
regenerativity
sacred communions spiritual
while naturally co-present

Green
and brown
and black,
ultra-nonviolet
and transparently clear.

On Sunday morning,
after earning a strategically planned
full night’s rest,
I felt much worse

Unable to imagine leaving my sanctuary
much less singing
much less performing
a song longing for the Lord
to shine even the faintest ray of hope
down into this valley of well-earned despair,

A grey climate of hopelessness,
nihilistic thoughts,
narcissistic preoccupations
trapped in a shrinking fragile egocentrism.

I took an anti-depressant
which got me to the church on time
but now feeling anxiously disembodied
within my own Beloved Sanctuary
too universally white
straight
and too removed from outside green
and family brown
and EarthTribe Native black resonant voices,
fragrances,
touch,
tasting and seeing.

I could not remember words,
or think of alternative reasonable sounds,
could not find my opening pitch,
felt deserted by a cappella
absence of accompaniment,
by a choir relegated to background support services
rather than foreground cooperative resonance
of care giving
co-passioning care receiving.

But, there was something else
bad,
REALLY bad,
a repugnance that stayed with me
through rehearsal,
through first
and then final performance
and on through the return home
after a technical tepid success
lacking the resonance of producing music
transcending rhythm and pitch and lyrics
demanding better held and managed light systems
for my self-isolating despair

Afraid of drowning
in this internal river valley.

Although not sure what happened Sunday night,
I awoke next morning to emotional fragility,
again
to fears of too much aloneness, loneliness,
worries about ageing in a place not quiet enough
from road rage
and too demanding of soil
and water
and energy stewardship,
warm accompaniment,
propriety of grace,
cooperative well-being.

What was different, on this reawakening,
was recognizing my,
and our,
monocultural misappropriation,
supremacist ideation
of “Let your little light shine”
as if we are, and I am,
the Lord’s great solo hope
for all the autonomous
disconnected
apartheid
indigenous nature/spirit
EarthTribe life-systems
of healthy care giving/receiving
singing and dancing in revolving circles
of gospel fire,

Choired resonantly together
in active shared home harmonies,
extending families back through enslaved ancestors
reminding an AfroCentric Lord
this light begins
from hope sung dance together
with multiculturally resonant intelligence

Leaving no one behind
trying to soulfully enlighten
my darkest valley of despair.

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Uncategorized

God’s Imperfect People

While I do not doubt
God has chosen to use imperfect people
as powerful leaders
throughout history,

I also do not doubt
imperfect people have chosen to use god
to justify their narcissistic degenerative purposes
throughout history,

And I also do not doubt
God has not chosen to use
many unqualified and imperfect people
for effective public office
throughout a healthy democratic global history.

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Uncategorized

Capital Investment Problems

A cold and calculating problem
I see
is finding resonantly warm motivation
for resilient employment
by following mere capital short-term acquisition norms
for sacred vocational gravitas,
and maybe a smidge of gratitude–
where “smidge” is warmly defined
as the opposite of cold hegemony.

Back in the golden age
of NeverLand,

Perhaps still more accessible to poor and suffering populations
like repressed girls
and people of color
and diverse ethnicity,
and, of course, Queer TransBinaries,
tree huggers
ecofeminists,
mentally and physically
spiritually and naturally challenged prisoners,
slaves to capital-driven hedgemonies,

We found,
once upon a timespace image,
our cooperative care-giving/receiving vocations
by looking for that primal warm relationship
between where we were most appreciated
safe
win/win anticipating

And what we felt most inviting
of mutual gratitude,
now, and for all foreseen future moments
of integrity investment
ownership
management
task administration
therapeutic event planning
compassionately restful and healing communication
with warm, not too hot and not too cold, Earth
soil
water
air
fire
ice
nature’s subclimates,
other prophetic predators,
other soulful prey,
culture’s subdivisions,
universally uniting democratic energy systems,
interdependent health networks,
polypathic paradigms
becoming polyphonic wealth
giving and receiving memes.

That was back awhile
when mutual vocational appreciation
evoked warmer invited and inviting exchanges,

When an artist
or a mediator
or a developer
restoring healthy compassionate peace
might be paid in goats,
fruits and vegetables,
incense,
cattle,
ornaments,
a kayak,
a canoe,
a hut,
a lake,
teepee,
yurt,
a horse or camel,
a wife
or husband;
apparently not both.

Then
coins and currency
made their capital-infesting way
into patriarchal leftbrain dominance,
and now vocational planners
speak of deathtime cash accumulation residuals
and not at all
of lifetime warm appreciation,
gratitude for seamless care-giving yang
and care-receiving yin,
left with right
west with east
north with south
patriarchal Elite with matriarchal NonElite co-investments
without too much capital self-invited infestment.

Of course,
back then,
more outdoors than indoors,
skins and hairs tended to start out darker for today
and saving silver for aging later,
which feels like some appreciative association
between indigenous wisdom traditions
of Earth’s egalitarian interdependent economy
between nature-spirit energy sources
resourcing natural care-giving/receiving vocations
evolving spiritual and spirited appreciations,
warmly individual,
vulnerably personal
and cooperatively communal
communions,
warm hearths and refreshing chalices,
freshwater ponds,
lakes,
rivers,
ocean surf
exploring sandy beach boundaries
shifting
reshaping

Wet wombs
and inspiring first through last breaths
of safety
and warm co-mattering reassurance

This win/lose trauma too
will pass
into win/win warm vocational paradise.

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Uncategorized

50th Reunion Remembrance

Thinking back on my all White
but One,
all Right
but One,
classroom learning experience,

I can see why
many of my straight white male classmates,
especially those with early varsity team excellence
and above average grade point systems
tipping toward future capital-valued employment
might feel disappointed,
sometimes angry,
about what feels like insufficient lifetime affirmation,

Hungering for more
environmental messages:
We are positive providers,
a healthy addition to history,
a wealthy contributor to our military-industrious society.

Yet,
to receive globally ubiquitous messages
warning of climates degenerating
instead of continuing business as formerly usual regenerating,
as we become run-away capitalist libertarians,
kleptocratic,
educator- and clergy-led to disproportionately expect
from generous Gaia
or fair and merciful God
active support for listening to straight while male prophets
of sin and dualistic gloom
and retributive judgments from an OldSchool
Angry
Jealous
Conservative of White StatusQuo God,

Rapturous EndTimes that do not remember
elite histories
of varsity team excellence,
and first chair performance
in all straight white adolescent symphonies,
and above average discernment of strategic tipping points,

Eternal Raptures
that predict sinful Earth will flood
and hurricane
and melt
and quake
and burn
burn
burn

While all straight white hats
and RightWings of angels
and saints arise to an escapist Heaven
free of healthy green ecological systems
and unfree of multiculturally wealthy theological egosystems,

To live happily
and uniformly unstraight and ungay and untrans
and unmale and unfemale
and unblack and unwhite
and unbrown
and unchanging
and unyoung and unold
and unrepublican and undemocratic
and unautocratic
and unkleptocratic
and uncooperative and uncompetitive
and unfamilial and uncommunitied
and unapartheid and unmonocultural
and yet maybe polypathic
and polyphonic
and even rationally polynomial

In some abstract trnsmutation
inside/outside bilateral ways and means
of timeless
eternal revolutionary theological understanding.

All this unrapturous Rapture confusion aside,
It still seems petty,
to my gay white male frame of mind,
that so many of my straight brothers and sisters
and classmates,
and Sunday School extended family,
claim discrimination against us
when our actual experience has, at worst,
known and felt insufficient affirmation
for all our elitist climates of fragility,
ecological,
theological,
economic capital,
psychological,
sociological
monocultural,
ethological,

Habitually addicted
to concluding all sinful nature
is a pathological win/lose risk,
rather than hopeful,
diversely embodied,
healthy spirits
of integral win/win resilient opportunity

To heal climates
inside/outside restorative
and 2020 revolutionary.

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