I hope I would
find a difference
between cooperative masturbation
and making passionate love
if I could

I wonder if I should
recognize ego’s fulfillment
as more leftbrain secularized
and the other
as Old Green EcoSchool sacred
and red-blooded.

I hope a brief career
as a prostitute
was brief because I could not produce
a sultry fascinated look
for commercial leftbrain purposes.

I would not
because I could not
and perhaps it is not a flaw
in character
that the issue of should not
never co-arose.

I also wonder about my brief career
as a model.

I could not produce
the gift of an impassioned smile
for commercial purposes,
or at least not a smile
photographers found resonant,
nor sufficiently resilient
for longer term consumption.

Again, I would not
because I could not
force what my rightbrain felt
should co-arisingly
responsively flow from wealth
of safe and co-relational health,
secular and sacred.

I had a not brief enough career
as a commercial writer
for human development,
childhood
and young adult
and cooperative community development
agencies
for more warm than polite
politically empowering agency.

I could not fail to notice
how commercial professional fundraisers,
also known as beleaguered Executive Directors,
replaced original founders
whose hearts co-empathically arose
with compassion to serve,
and live in personal
and familial,
even tribal and global, solidarity
with all poor in spirit
disenfranchised from Earth’s sacred nature.

I retired
when I could not fail to notice
I was a white male privileged
commercial writer
for a straight white privileged
corporate culture
no longer even dreaming
of non-commercial solidarity
with those we were white privileged
to serve with increasingly secularized
mediocrity
of indentured servants
rather than rightbrain co-empathically committed
to robustly co-relational
co-passionate
cooperative attachments

Within EarthTribe’s unprostituted
organically whole
yet spiritually open
co-empowering relationships.

I wonder if I would
find a difference
between codependent political masturbation,
between Trumpian self-serving administration,
and founding democratic Fathers
making passionate non-commercial love
if I could
and should.