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MisGuided Meditations

I am sorry
about my judgmental,
sadly disdainful,
tone
in earlier messages.

Even worse,
I remain embarrassed
for spreading it out
for key staff
and leaders
to well-positioned see
and hear
and feel,
touched by toxicity.

My training
and experience
includes community mediation.

Within this mindful context,
I have tried to understand
what you want,
what you are learning,
what feeds and waters you
in your Presidential Position.

Your responses:

  1. that you know
    and care
    about our residential members,
    AND
  2. that you have unusual expertise,
    skills training,
    and/or Business Administration experience
    not available from other members,
    at least not any
    willing to step up
    and out into saying,
    Yes, I’ll help.

I failed to fully fit these
with past mediation interviews.

I was not as surprised by the second one,
as by the first,
because usually those seeking arbitration help
feel they live
in a high-risk win/lose
zero-sum system
punishing loss,
while looking for
their personal most loss-avoidant path
toward personal gain.

More closely regarding #2,
that you have unusual contractor,
business and project budgeting,
business management,
and significant financially successful property management experience

I was impressed
with what you bring
to our leadership table

And yet this does not,
in and of itself,
speak to skill sets
for PRESIDENT
of the Board.

On the contrary,
it seems to me
all this volunteer work
must detract from where your most cost-effective
personal focus needs to be
on your too busy workdays,
probably extending into evenings
and family/friend-lost weekends.

With regard to #1,
knowing and appreciating
win/win health and safety feelings
for residential members

This also did not sound
quite like my personal experience
could typically recall.

When I ask for personal motives,
usually what win/lose business men
speak of begins with financial motivations,
sometimes secondarily supported
by ecological concerns,
occasionally theological beliefs,
political aspirations,
retaining a positive community relations image,
community leadership aspirations,
wanting to be perceived
as a good and competent leader,
legislator,
teacher,
and/or,
in the case of religious constituencies,
wise spiritual Elder.

I have clearly failed
to understand why
you want to continue
Presiding over the Board.

This remains a mystery
shared by everyone I’ve asked.

When I share with them
your two responses to
“What’s in Presidency for you?
this fits with their
Successful Business Leader view
but raises dissonant questions

How could you afford to donate
this much time
and personal interest
without any personal financial return?

This dissonant mistrusting feeling
grows further
by those who have been residents
for many years
yet still do not feel seen or heard

So how could you know
and care about us?

As a mediator
with therapeutic,
nonviolent communication
intent

What do I do with my inability
to accurately and compassionately empathize
with you
on your journey toward fulfillment,
success,
happiness,
prosperity
and, preferably, unconditional regard?

To truly understand
and support you
in your personal and social
health and safety self-interest,
and to continue as our business leading
Presider?

I do not know how
to do both of those things,
and no one who encouraged me
to join the Board
wants me to support you.

That said,
one way sure not to help you
or me understand
and support you
is to publicly judge,
shame
and/or blame you
for circumstances beyond your responsibility
and authority to control.

If I have done that,
when I have done that,
while I am doing that,
I have not been a good person,
I have been a disappointing
multiculturally trained to listen
community-mindful mediator

And,
I have not practiced
even basic nonviolent communication skills

And,
you
presumably
are experiencing further high-risk
chronic trauma
as a result of my negligence.
For these failures on my part,
I apologize.

I often recall
a line of self-discovery
learned from a favorite
and famous spiritual director

“Who,
in your life now,
and perhaps in your past,
has been with you
at your most passionate
positive best?”

These are often romantic,
and sometimes earlier
healthy and safe parental
win/win relationship histories.

“How would that person,
or those people,
probably describe your sense of humor?”

If you have no idea,
you might want to start there
to therapeutically respond
to deeply engrained
trauma-avoidant
chronic stress disorder.

If you do have an idea,
some warm and welcoming ideas
about what helps you laugh with yourself
(not at yourself)
and with another you trust
and have found attractive,
compelling,
in some integrally soulful way,
then try to use that co-passion tool
to feel better about yourself,
your personal relationship history,
and your potential
for future healthy
and good-humored
win/win
nonviolent communication
for achieving resiliently co-mediated
health and safety outcomes.

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Why Meaningful Space Heals Purposeful Time

Why did you think then
and
Why do you feel now

You are OK to park here?
drive here?
breathe in here?
stop breathing out here?
love here?
live here?
eat here?
defecate here?
urinate here?
peak here?
fall apart here?
exercise here?
sleep here?
practice here?
reflect here?
act here?
heal here?
destroy here?
appeal here?
repeal here?
unravel here?
reweave here?
fornicate here?
make love here?

Play here as now?
Work here, and now?
Demand here, more now?
Invite here as now?
Initiate here, and now?
Conclude here is also now?
Breed here as now?
Feed here, and now?
Devour here, more now?
Regurgitate here feels now?
Learn here, as now?
Teach here and now?
Meditate here now?
Preach here is now?
Prophecy here will become back there?

Exhort here as now?
Impress here for now?
Repress here against now?
Suppress here was also now?
Oppress here loves now?
Invest here and now?
Divest here as not now?

As compared to there?
As part of liberally rooted
thinking Now
conserving felt back Then.

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Rooting Around With Values

The economics student
was gaily rooting around
absorbing nutrients
like compassion
investing in deep learning
positively resonant roots
and negatively dissociative
branching values
and toxic disvalues

When s/he had a bold
green epiphany

These cooperatively positive values
were
are
will also inspire
“Nutritional health
co-arises green economic wealth.”

An ecofeminist textbook
not yet streaming
polyculturally accessible
thus continuing
a chronic NorthWest Hemisphere dominant
monocultural
monotheistic
cultural mystery

Why two negatives
trust equality
of positive
polypathic energy
regenerating nurturing integrity
of synergetically fused co-passion

This economic empowering
and enlightening principle
applied throughout any polynomial
YangTime 1
equals polymathic Yintegral Whole 0 Space

Spreading Open EcoOrganic Green Systems
empowering squared-fractal
dialectical binomial spiraling

LeftBrain dominant integrity
1-positive
equals RightBrain bicameral NonZero-FullSum
0-not(not) dipolar co-arising balance
also not-not

Dominant Capital Yang
monoculturally overpowering
Recessive but Positive
Yintegral Nutrient Flow

1 Whole EarthSystem
naturally over under-spirited
0 full encircling systems
co-binary valued
as Positive Universal-Yang/Unitarian-Yintegral Balance

Green EcoFeminist economics
also health/wealth cooperative politics

Positively eco-politically regenerative
LeftBrain healthy space
dipolar co-arising
not(not) degenerating RightBrain wisdom

Indigenous wisdom time
revolving toward integrity’s green Earth
economic potential
for investing
in natural love song infesting
enjoying this spiritual co-passion
dance reunion

Restoring
healthy
happy wealthy
ecofeminist enlightened
masculine empowering poli-statistics

Peaceful green cooperative
global revolution
resonating revoiving values
of indigenous LeftBrain winning
ego-nature
is also winning
for RightBrain feelings
about EcoFeminist Earth

Economic spirit
of nutritional systems
NonZero WholeSum designed

To harbor
and co-passion,
conserve
and co-liberate,
universal health integrity
of green uniting wealth.

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Fear of Failure

I know you don’t want to hurt
or even disappoint
me

And I know you don’t want to hurt
yourself.

Yet still your shame
and self-blame hurt

Your self-judging
punishing closet frame
suffocates our transparent life
my caring curiosity craves,
and mutual vulnerability
our sharing courage braves.

Addiction to feeling happy
is not free
and connected to sensory satisfaction
nor to ego significant gratification
and certainly not natural and spiritual bilateral wealth
of healthy feeling substantiation,

Which, as you know,
I also recognize as body and mind healthy
choice voices.

Before you even small voice object,
I also recognize you may feel natural
or spiritual choice
has nothing to do with driving off
without “goodbye,
see you safely soon.”

If no physically tolerable choice
of resources to feed serotonin
and water dopamine,
I know, from years of isolated,
neglected experience,
how frightening loss of lonely ego-powered control
can feel.

Speaking not of choice,
but inside swatting interminable Voice
never still
until you self-shame
and blame
hiding hurts
and unfree frames
us both,
unhappy you,
not Here,

And me
loving enough for Us,
not yet Now

Still worrying
what will voiceless nonchoice happen
disempowered There
and unenlightened Then
suddenly Amen

Our silently uninvited End.

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Parts and Holes

“You are a part of me
I do not yet know”
claims interdependent Valarie Kaur

And I wonder,
Is she speaking to me?
Or rhetorically asking any stranger
except me,
already known
because I feel her same unitarian way
already grown

Ego/Eco-centering balanced
symmetrically integral
as a social individual

And not so much economically
and politically privileged,
lethargic,
overfed
and drowning in domesticated leisure
overgrown inside
ruminating infamous monoculturing nightmares.

I hope Valarous curiously speaks
quietly yet surely
with hope tomorrow
having turned from overly familiar
anthro-privileged yesterday,
still a part of haunted
and blessed me
I do already know
less optimistically,

And I am awed
inside this great faith transition
and timeless merciful humor
passing by a personal premonition
tomorrow may be already written
rhymed,
numbered and counted,
bought and sold,
accounted yet too messily empowered

Speaking in a language learned
by well-hearted healthy hope
in new starlight
night promised memories

Premembering to continue regenerating
indigenously wise Earth
continues writing
and restructuring DNA recultured feelings
on this beautiful and precious known landscape
formed from yesterday’s most cooperative subclimates,
collaborative EarthTribe economics
empowering intersectional politics

Whose future energetic numbers
are embedded in prime multitudes of creative
and recreative organisms

LeftBrain labeled history
and RightBrain Win/Win
future bicameral integrity
Blue/Green EarthCommon Squared
enlightenment poly-rhythmically
empoweringly commodified
in yesterday
and tomorrow’s Yang Yintegrity
unitarian
universal knowing
cognizing
recognizing

Prime NonZeroZone space
and polyculturing time
eco-deductive and theo-inductive
spatiaLeft/TempoRight felt
compassionate 4D-fractal regenerative co-relationships

Restoring polypaths
between wealthy unknown tomorrow
and healthy felt yesterday
was today
tomorrow’s
short-term memory
statically sustainable
in this sadistic stuck satiation
silent station.

Here
and Now
my internal doomsday fear
against more global Loser queer
anthropocentric eco-politics over valued
while EarthTribe organisms
also die to Lose
tomorrow’s anthrosupremacist
dipolar eco/theo-logic
unhealthy in/unwealthy out
disvalues

Do not sanctify,
in fact, desecrate,
any cooperatively owned timeless corporation,
any intersectionally eating and living
giving and taking organism

Any numeric
iconic One-plus balances
(not-not) negative dipolarity
in a NonZero binomial development zone
for systemic health

Not from reading
memorizing
reiterating God’s one true holistic wealth
mathbook,
as if calculating
and deducing LeftBrain verbal communication
were the last alone apartheid Word
of yesterday’s final bottom zero-lined zone
not also tomorrow’s
Trust as Yintegral Beauty

In a WholeEarth
universal Open EcoWomanist
EgoPatristic SubSystem
choosing tomorrow’s healthiest win/win game

Fulfilling Her HistoEcological
Multicultural Health
promising today’s remediation
for resilient Blue/Green Wealth,

A part of tomorrow
I could not yet feel
alone
a part of me
I do not yet anxiously know
how to anticipate.

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Listening for GodWords

I don’t know,
S/He said,

(right winged left
exhaled downstream
past everyone’s egopaled head)

If God is dead
and also much too Capitalistic,
LeftBrain dominant hegemonalistic

(like water to a philosophical shark)

If God is straight
and white
and a patriarchal supremacist accountant
calculating monoculturally ambitious values

Then maybe also monotheistically antagonistic,
or at least apathetic,
about polyculturally healthy
ecopolitical womanist wealth,
without apartheid walls.

Surely not both,
disempowering abuse
and unenlightened neglect,
that couldn’t be,
replied S/He
choosing His verbal LeftBrain voice

(Either/Or reductive,
conservative,
reactive,
sometimes deafly patriarcolonizing)

stressed by harmonic Both/And resonance
and timelessly reconnecting RightBrain choice

(polycultural ego as ecotheistic).

S/He thinks
God must not be

an angry white capitalist old man
in the sky
to vengefully judge
and win/lose evolution justify
historic cash reparation millions
of Winning CapitalBuilding patriotism,
so Lose unempirically marginalized
brown-skinned Goddess Worshipers,

S/He feels
God must not remain
an Original Natural Law Judge
too comfortably drinking
from homophobic
xenophobic waters,
issuing AnthroHomoSupremacist decrees,
dogmas against win/win indigenous
body/mind health care issues
exceeding His own RightBrain
multicultural mediating experience
with brain dead and yet body alive
expertise.

S/He multiculturally senses
God must not prevail
as a MonoCapitalist Banker
abusively over-investing in right wing
lose/lose ecopolitical,
Earth terrorizing,
violent communication conflicts,

S/He polyculturally postulates
Win/Win God could also feel Goddessness
if not so theologically upset and disrespectful
when healthy natural women
wear short-sleeved political shirts
and long-legged economic pants,
and when two natural men
have holy spiritual sex
with each Other,
and not with
(abusively punishing
Straight Judge
violently shaming and blaming)
Him.

S/He remembers
Goddess could also know
how He feels
competitively monotheistic dead,
or at least asleep,
with a secular/sacred vocation
inherited from abusive
and/or neglectful
patrilinear designs from Above

SunGod LawGiver
enscriptured by Straight White Hims
cannot be Yintegral Hers,
not Queer BlackGaian Goddess scribes,
ecstatic worshipers,

(not quite so much dogmatic
dualistic
ecopolitically privileged reconstructionists)

indigenous fire-circle dancers,
recycling Full and DualDark
light night empowerment Wonderers,
awesome enlightenment Wanderers…

But, instead choosing only to become
this DeathCulture God
of StraightWhiteWesternMale Crusaders,
Fight makes Right jihadists,
colonizing inquisitors,
misogynists,
homophobes,
evangelical Capital-gaining pastors,
fundamental dualists

(violently abusive nature survivalist
against Spirit neglectful unthrivalist),

against ecowomanist enlightened empowerment.

S/He reconnectively learns
to this EarthDay
deep win/win regenerative mysteries
of His LeftBrain win/lose universe

(of Either/Or reductive ego monopolitics)

Win/Lose competitive
mono-LeftBrain anthrotheistic
StraightWhiteMale CapitalBuilding patriartick
with punishing judgmental authority
to damn multiculturally undressed
lack of punishing codes

Shunning
and imprisoning
and enslaving
and monetizing neuro-reproductive behavior
of all ego-sensory EarthTribes
engaged in violent through compassionate
interconnected multicultural communication
and religiously nutritional neuro-sensory systems

(for sacred health enlightenment
and secular safe empowerment,
S/He said
hopefully
before SunGod is BlackHole
lives splattered dead).

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Climates in Round Color

I could be wrong,
but feel right in guessing,
most straight men
don’t understand

Feminists, too,
just like them,
long to answer perennial questions
no one has yet asked
in published forums
for restoring EarthJust dialogue.

What is our unasked climate question?

Hiding deep inside
surgical silence of denial
erasing prior presumptions
of noble humane noises
neglecting wilderness of outside voices,
proEarth choices.

I can feel this holy aspiration
to multi-culturally know,

Or, at least listen for sacred hope
outdistancing secularized
demonized
criminalized despair

That longs for profoundly democratic healing
outside loudly pacing threat

Against transparently discussing
what peace costs
transubstantiating active distrust
of space empowered
time enlightened Others

Who might not forgive us
for trespassing against their safe manna-fed breath,
securing our full
round
securely colored sight lines
multigenerational spaces
sacred places
for and of silent solitude.

Where does realistic cultural compromise
resonantly close begin?

When does win/win multi-partisan climax of victory
most resiliently open end?

Does whole EarthYang health fill in
as aggressive extraction
of silent singing EarthBeauty
flows Yintegrity ailing out?

Why does ancient enlightening spiritual wisdom
lack sufficient natural empowering knowledge?

How does silence
interrupt
and erupt
Earth’s best natural/spiritual questions?

What will we become
outside inside
full grown up and down
and all around
our octave keys
and fractal clues
emerging radiantly complex
full-sung complex silence
of compassion?

Who would love to outside dare
such self emptying green peace
without inside red despair?

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Liberating Addiction

I need to talk about addictions,
about my addiction issues,
and maybe yours.

Addiction gets a deserved bad rap
but that doesn’t mean we have no more
than mean-spirited possibilities.

Our first addiction,
and, for the lucky ones,
the functional extended multigenerational
multicultural families
and liberating tribes,
also the last,
is love.

Love,
hidden or wide unwalled open
for another human,
another species,
another culture,
another part of Earth,
and other, costly
medicinal substitutes,

Drugs and alcohol,
guns and loud danger,
cars and sex,
coffee
and comfort
and convenience,
beauty
and enlightenment
and luxury,
notoriety
and money
and security,
all poor substitutes
for the nurturing feel
and natural touch,
nutritional smell and taste,
native sight and sounds
of love.

I have two issues
with addiction.
One is my obsessive-compulsive need
for my next, even better, fix
what’s broken.

I find it humbling
to be cravenly overpowered
by physical and mental,
natural and spiritual, want,

By my longing to climax
resiliently
resonantly
universally embraced by Earth’s most incarnate
and eternal
esteem,
communion,
co-passion.

But, physical addiction
can be softened,
eased,
healed more readily
and stadily
if not for my shame
and hide in the closet
self-judgment,

If not for my weak
and sinful shadow nature,
My need to hide
my darkest fruit truths
about not being in control
of my own autonomous will power.

And, so it is,
I hide my greatest weakness,
my greatest internalized enemy,
and thereby feed and water feelings
of guilt,
self-blame shame,

A failure to grow vulnerable love for others
I cannot see in naked love
and truth
and transparent beauty
because I fear to meet judging eyes
and minds,
voices
conserving dismissive choices.

Secret addictions
have all my darkest powers
of steadfast
and cyclical disempowerment.

Acknowledged addictions
I can call out courageously,
then curiously explore
with my housemates,
neighbors,
teachers and parents,
children and listeners,
supportive groups of similar addicts,
medicating absence of love’s
spiritual wealth
without natural walls.

Fears and angers spoken
and named
thereby weaken
as love swells
for positive addiction,

Which, as long as not risked
stays absent,
even from our healing selves
grasping mercy
for becoming merely mortal
and expecting my birthright
of a health wealthy society
good faith community
family
with multicultural addiction values
and unlovely disvalues

Summarized in GoldenRule behaviors
and positively addicted open
vulnerable
transparent
courageous
actively curious gratitude
attitudes of cooperative disclosure.

This power of my unhealthy addictions
lies more heavily in hiding my self
secret depressions
repressions
suppressions
dark impressions
that true and beautiful,
resonant and resilient love
is too far above
my emotional pay scale,
worthy of our co-redemption,

Too big a reach
to try to open up again,
to share my weak addictions
and strong compulsions
to feel and touch
taste and see
where love was lost
while pursuing lesser
hidden things.

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Healing GrandMother’s Earth

Could you more faithfully believe?

Your enemies do not sacrifice their first born children
right before they eat them

And they do not worship
big
predative Jewish
and colonizing Muslim
ruthlessly bought and sold
international pagan terrifying corporations,

Could we believe?

Healthy cooperative democracy
and green polyculturally robust
new spring communion ages
win/win empowering
enlightening health wealthy climates
are less safe
than unhealthy plutocracy
and red monoculturing violent
old autumnal ages
win/lose BusinessAsUsual stealing
from Earth’s future resilient
resonant residents
of highest and best ecosystemic
consciousness.

Could we restore belief?

In health-optimal wealthy EarthJustice outcomes
robust
resonant
resilient
for at least seven indigenously wise
win/win ecopolitical cooperative regenerations
in global sacred-integral solidarity
AND secular empowerment
actively governing EarthGreenPeace
quietly restorying
win/win health-paradise justice.

Do we actively believe?

In Christ’s patriarchal kingdom
in this democratizing SecondComing moment
within revolving
salvific
inspiring spiraling
redemptive embodied hands

Connected
processive/progressive
egalitarian/interdependent
evolutionary/revolutionary
left/right
bicamerally interdependent wings

Do we believe?

Hellfire and brimstone eternal punishment
of StraightWhite VengefulGod’s privileged preaching

Our fundamental win/lose capitalist
left-brain dominant economic experience
and politically disempowering
devolutionary SundaySchool
and academic schooled teachers
predict a hellish
anti-Rapturous
anti-demonic Earthly natured
secularized future climate
for appropriately punished
pathologically sinful generations

of GodMan’s original
unspiritual
anthrosupremacist idolatry

Remorsefully turning away
from Creation’s Green/Blue Revelations
to follow sickly fallow former-democratic win/win
now mortally win/lose remains
of paradise Eden organic gardens

Where natural
means not spiritual

When human
means not divine

While secular
means not sacred

dualistic
monotheistic
monoculturing unhealthy patriarchal minds
and unsafe impure animated bodies.

Could we multiculturally believe?

We feel healthier
and safer
and even cooperatively win/win
polycultural golden rule wealthier

CoInvesting in ecosystemic engaging
cooperatively communing
speaking and listening
deep matriarchal green learning

How to optimize healthy theological experience
with synergetic truest win/win sufficient wealth
ecologically energetic for all
great and small
grandchildren of regenerative Earth’s Creation
and ReCreation process,

Progressing interfaith volution
through sensory gospel revolution

Power and light
democratic empowerment
and non AnthroPublican enlightenment
equity and interdependence
universally co-redemptive economics
and win/win unitarian co-empathic powertics

Bicamerally nonpartisan polyways
interfaiths
multiculturing hope
metaEarth polyvagal
win/win long-term health
becomes re-connecting
re-ligioning ecosafety.

Could we believe, yet again?

Restoring EarthChild Justice
could SecondCome
messianically
GreenEarth progressive

And not so direly
paranoid for certain
only our enemies
are known by their dark fruits

Sacrificing their first born grandchildren
on the altars of nationalistic redwing wars
right before Earth vengefully eats them,
burns them,
drowns them,
starves them,
enslaves them,
whips them,
lynches them,
criminalizes them,
mercifully suffocates them.

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Funner to be Kind

Sublime unitarian longings
stewed in outdoor green/blue sunshine
produces universal solitude belonging

Within this green/blue
multiculturally resilient solidarity
I likely feel compassionate warm win/win
communication in/on Earth’s most gracefilled
vocationally sacred shared
interfaithed intent

To find every day
with green
ecofeminist allies,
mother tree nutritional systems designers
and other sacred indigenous grandmothers

Wisdom camouflaged in nonempires of translucent peace
warriors of subconscious anonymity
two-sided waiting for sufficient deep
and wide,
power
and light sounds

Of ultra nonviolet circles
spectrals pristinely nonviolent
unclapping
unwhistling
uncalling
unspeaking
unseeing
unhearing
untasting
unhistoric

Resiliently compassionate unattachment
yet re-membering ego

Individualistic Yang autonomous
competitive
without sufficient Win/Win Yintegrity

Longing for immortal resilience
yet competitively extracting capital
for furthering patriarchally red
monoculturing led
ecofeminist hunts,
predative multigenerational identity strings
of sounded white male straight things
reactively unregenerative

Punishing
revengeful empty of heart
competitive mind Win/Lose monotheistic Path
Devolutionary Lose/Lose devoted
to long-term Death Culture
as a necessary unnatural evil
for short-term capitalized spiritual gains

Desecrating Green/Blue EarthHealth
dividing secular new/from sacred old
deals co-invested in gospel recommitment
redemption

Post-millennial
post-pandemic
post-climate trauma
ego-salvation

Engaged InterFaith EarthVocations
for ecosystemic power and light
cooperative democratic,
not quite so relentlessly RightWing
LeftBrain overpoweringly autocratic,

Indigenous green wisdom
about interfaith power and lights
steer multigenerationally generously wide
of further Business Ain’t Pretty
unnecessary win/lose compromises
between business bottom green ecological lines
and religious upper
outer blue/green recycling
revolving horizons
theological

Sublime unitarian longings
natural power and spiritual light stewed
in sufficient gratitude
for outdoor green/blue solitude
reproducing universal co-invested peace
through everyday grace,
CoPassionate BeLonging.

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