Tag Archives: Gratitude

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This Is UnFinished Feminist Us

It’s peaceful here in my backyard.
The crows sound happy
with warm October sunlight.

I just read about a deadly gathering in Las Vegas.
Absence of sun-drenched peace.
Inconvenient this time of lost loss.
Death is always inconvenient,
even when invited.

A veteran,
about my age,
this shooter.

I feel like it took more than one
to hold and fire this mental illness rifle.
In a sad and guilty complicit sense,
we have collectively achieved what we bought
and sold
and settled for.

This malformed soldier
is a remnant of what most believed we needed to create,
back in the 60s,
brainwashed into believing
we were protecting wives and kids, somehow
by killing Vietnamese husbands
and many times their wives
and napalmed children,
trees,
forest.

Not exactly breeding ground for growing healthy minds
and well-armed bodies.

I dimly and darkly recall
a much earlier disagreement
with the new commander of the U.S. Navy’s
Officers Candidate School.
A first woman commandant,
something atrociously surprising to men-only militia violence,
similar to Medea
planning an angry hostile life.

This earlier time also started peacefully alone,
but inside,
waiting to be called in to her office,
at the beginning of her second week
in her new exalted position
over new violence-empowered candidates.

I had just completed a gratuitous violence first week of abuse
and militarily precise neglect,
as ruthlessly systematic as racism,
in frigid first week of January,
Rhode Island.
We were so close to the Atlantic
it felt like we were in the ocean.

We had also been frigidly outside,
and hotly inside,
yelled at,
systematically starved,
force marched in gusty zero-degree 3 AM darkness
without coats or hats or gloves,
in fact I think we were in our boxers and Tshirts one night,
due to someone’s sin of omission,
whether contrived on schedule
or spontaneously erupting
from pneumonia reduced and disabled minds,
I do not know.

The hardest part for me
was less than two hours sleep per night.
Industrially guaranteed to reduce oneself to crazy.

When I was first ushered in
for my early exit interview
by none other than her Military Medea Mightiness,
she took one look at miserably civilian dressed me
and asked why would I think it appropriate to disrespect her
by not bothering to show up in uniform.

I started to mention that I had never been issued one
when she told my keeper
that we needed to do an about face
and try again when I looked right.
Or at least as righter
as I might become.

So, he had to go out among my now-former classmates
to beg and borrow,
hopefully he didn’t steal,
boots and belts and pants and shirt and hat.
Later that same long and tedious day
I was once again summoned
for a second shoot.

She wanted to know
why I thought it was OK
to be the first to go
from this new class of officer candidates.
Did my recruiter not explain about this first hazing week?

Well no,
in fact I thought he told me hazing is illegal
in most States.
We develop soldiers;
we don’t grow bullies.

I understand you didn’t make a total ass of yourself.
So if you want to change your mind,
now that we turned the heat back on
and keep the lights off all night
and have turned the verbal abuse down a notch,
or maybe two,
I might be willing to listen
if you beg me nicely to stay here
with us in Navy Officer Paradise.

No thanks,
said I,
I’m already quite disgusted enough
by your shocking lack of even militarized intelligence
to see this as a navy not invested in preserving,
much less protecting,
real live humanity
hanging onto some semblance of sanity.

Oh but you see
this is not true.
Our rules of first week operationalization
are to save your sorry ass
because,
as we all know,
teamwork builds through ego assassinations.

Well no,
actually,
your own recent research on these issues
lies at my fingertips.
Required reading for psych and communication majors,
attitude change and persuasion students
where I hail from in Michigan.

It is a clear and present common threat to survival
that most quickly grows cooperative trust and teamwork,
cooperative co-investments,
especially among those who have learned to trust and respect each other,
including for our recognized
and understood and
appreciated diversity
of talents.
and shared sufficient simplicity of sleep
and active co-listening for harmonic voices.
Or maybe that was just for choirs
and military orchestras.

Well this is fake news to me!
she exclaimed in her sternly patriotic face.

I believe you,
which is why
I want out
of this absence of healthy care
and any semblance of sanity,
disloyal to my family’s investment,
my nation’s rational self-governing future,
and anathema to Sacred Mother Earth.

Are you Native American,
asked she,
as if she couldn’t care less or more.

No more or less than you
I would surmise.

It came as no surprise
when she eagerly accepted
my request to be relieved
of further dishonored service
and cast aside my various borrowed parts
because of ecopolitical leaders
confusing noble grace of unity
with bare-knuckled
bare-headed
frozen uniformity.

I wonder how the Green Beret shooter
in lost loss of Las Vegas
might have suffered from this same sad loss
of militarized teamwork disabilitization,
chronic and critical climates of constant stress.

When the enemy is down
and out of sight,
we cannot afford to have disaffected grunts
sit on angry-fearfilled butts
rethinking who is truly in my ego team’s best interest
and whom we might agree to take out next,
because healthy mental care giving and receiving
has nothing to do with formation
of militarizing violence.

In this same way,
a Presidential God Bless You,
twittered to victims of our own militarizing violent formations,
feels so empty,
fake as the blesser
would do even lesser
mental health care and receiving
for all God’s militarizing
and industrious We Win
So You Must Lose
soldier candidates in deformation,
but also neglected children
and trees,
and starlight
which could bring us together
in one mind of great thanksgiving.

 

So I was feeling badly,
sad,
because I share our mutually complicit status
for my compatriot’s difficult terrorizing
chronic stress disordering
time.
I too have been there,
lost there,
to a more moderate extent.
I just walked away.

I wish I had done more at the time
in the Navy’s January frigid spaces
against cooperative ecopolitics,
about being of more general use
if fascist critical events of the mid-seventies had been recorded,
freezing dark military-academic preparation time
industriously repeating
away from deforesting further virgin ecofeminist Vietnam forests
and their matriarchally cooperative villages,
to become watched on YouTube
by all prospective soldiers
and NRA advocates,
by patriotic nationalists,
thinking about possible antecedents,
before Bad Ol’ Daddy’s Country-Western Concert
went so very wrong.

I wish we could have recorded
this matriarchal confused and frightened patriotic
loyal commandantish face
when I shared with her
I felt ecofeminist disgraced
by her
Bitch!
Shoot at me again and I will Take You Out!!!
defacement,
in a most homophobic frozen officious place
of mutually inflicted terror.

So then I was feeling a bit more glad,
but still sad
I had not actually said more,
done more,
so I began trimming my twining tendrils
enveloping what’s left of uprooted deadwood trees
malingering in my back lot
and having a rough go of it
as my hedging shears
are no longer what once they were.

As usual,
I tend to speak with my plant recruits
and candidates for future flaming victories,
and felt required,
“I apologize
for this jab
and grab
and pull
and pushy ecopolitics,
but Mommy needs sharper,
and probably newer,
scissors for shutting up her
RightBrain EcoFeminist Diva Voice.

Apologizing to the entire human race”
of potential soldiers and ballistic deadwood downsizers
for your not yet having seen
that anti-feminist patriotic face
glare me back into space
with timeless time exclaiming
BITCH!
Shoot your GLBT EcoFeminist mouth OFF AT ME?
I DON’T military anti-ANTIfeminist THINK SO;

but I wonder how I feel about being this predator
in this eternal frame of egopolitical ignorance,
lack of cooperative military research
and economic-educational-formational intelligence gathering.

As I continued with hacking scissors
and played-out ecofeminist sawsall balls off
and the big manly Yang chopper offer
with their underdog heads!
I kept going back to those January freezing eyes.

IF LOOKS COULD KILL!!!
BITCH!!!!!
YOU DO NOT KNOW ME
and think you can punk your gay white ecofeminist butt
in my guest chair
and think your MidWest Academic BullCrap
will even so much as reach one
WinWin Ping of inspiration
aspiration
hope,
YOU DON’T KNOW ME!
I might have majored in BullDike Fascist Terrorism!
YOU DO NOT KNOW ME!!!

and maybe I don’t either.
Who wants to be that angry lose-lose antagonist
of military industrial absence of intelligence,
would you?

I wish this imaginary spacetime scene had played out
in RealTime frames just that audio way,
but even without sound,
with just her
I AM NOT YOUR BITCH!
but you are not going to be mine
either.

She could not sign those exit papers fast enough,
continues visual only images
of how I still feel,
more or less
about these tangled vines
and tough deadwoods
hanging out in my wanna be ecofeminist backyard.

I will chop them up
and paint them
into diva totem poles
and frames
in which ecofeminists
always play in YouTube Blue and Green Estates
of most polyculturally
matriarchal peace in this back lot solitude,

Although occasionally the patriarchal husband
makes a cameo appearance
for a few All Lives Matter Moments,

But usually just me,
in an early October day
preferring to forget dark frigid January anti-feminist nightmares
of militarized neglect
of basic health assurance and safety
delivered by angry matriarchal commandants,
and hedging shear divas,
depending on which lens is in play,
the full-staged historical tragedy
within my more personal back lot comedy.

 

It’s still peaceful here in my backyard.
The crows have flown off
warning descent of warm October sunlight.

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Restoring Cooperatively Owned Education

When the last remaining Yang propagandist
against deeply yin-suppressed pedagogists
falls back in love with cooperative educational love,
we will learn to live forever
as one EarthTribe
with integrity’s richest bilateral potential.

When the last competing retributive jurist and counselor
and parent and ecopolitical leader
sees past his WinLose ecopolitical assumptions and theories
to find sufficient WinWin cooperative mercy
for bilateral yin-squared equals yang-fractal enculturation,
then
(0)-Soul restorative bilateral justice,
for both propogandist perp
and pedagogist victim,
reweaving 4D RealTime peace,
as Tranquility already repletes our deep democratic team learning
through village reforesting designs
for short-deductive through long sacred-inductive
non-violent and yet resilient terms
of and for ecopolitical re-education
restitution,
love’s restoration
as also grace
as also karma
reweaving (0)-Sum educational synergy
convexly co-arising secular space-here
with sacred time-now’s concaving bilateral co-gravitation
back through Yang/Yin co-listening bicameral strength
erupting notnot Yin’s timeless present double-binding flow,
you can’t go back again
nor forth
without ego’s eco-geo-bio-imaging whims
of reverse-RealTime 4D polypathic imagination,
polycultural folding/unfolding/refolding/prefolding instructions,
regenerative forward,
degenerative back through space as time’s co-gravitational balance.

When WinLose learning competitions end
endless reiterative notnot polynomial repetitions,
WinWin education cooperatives can,
will,
already do ecopolitically restore climate regenerative health trends’
our left with right-full place in WinYang-WinYin Gaian Principles
for your/our Department of Education’s
ReVolutionary ReForestation.

When the last remaining Yang propagandist
against deeply yin-suppressed holistic pedagogists
falls back in love with cooperative secular/sacred educational love,
we will learn to live forever
as one PolyPathic EarthTribe
with integrity’s richest bicameral potential.

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BreakThrough Boundaries to Trash

Transcending boundaries to trash
transacts through vulnerabilities to crash
into compost cash.

I see and feel strange conjoining
curious listening to speak with old as young.
We carry less allegiance to romance of patriotic memory
than reciprocity through mutual matriotic mercies
we all mighty multiculturally cherish.

Looking back and out across civilizing formations,
we move from active abuse of old and young
as justly disposable
when no longer,
or not yet,
useful
productive
of value to our more middle-aged maturing great transitions
toward Paradise Incorporations.

Still, we have monoculturing neglect.

Neglect of old as young
progressively democratic
replaces abuse,
physical, of ancient patriarchal conquering story,
and still venerable verbal abuse too alive and well.
Some still yell of hell
while old and young tend to degeneratively live there.

Neglect unveils a great transactional opportunity
to personally and politically correct a great wrong,
a failure to communicate less violently,
exclusively,
supremely,
royally,
less just
among our middle-aging Yangish selves.

While admittedy a caricature,
hyperbole of double-bound contrasting faces,
which in any one day
in one middle aging life
may ubiquitously shape-shift back to trash
and forth to compost treasures,
what we neglect through agism
and who we neglect through sexism
and why we neglect through racism
all goes back to two permaculturing ways
of communicating with and about
what is mere trash to LeftBrain dominance
is also potential curious compost
to RightBrain sacred ecology.

If too much energy
is wasted on our old and young,
that fits right in with a disposable,
and yet another overpopulated,
society with internal uncivil conflicts
about anti-social communications
against and about throw away allegiances
to Earth’s natural justice
as retribution for failure to succeed
yet, for our young,
and still, for our old.

But, we have this older matriarchal alternative principle
that Yang’s overwrought and under-valued Trash
is also yin’s wu-wei potential robust compost,
especially with a middle-age dominant culture
respecting full circles of restorative mercy
to listen and play with and work beside,
to drum and sing and dance with our old and young,
to vote and march and prayer circle with old through infant solidarity
praise as thanksgiving
as gratitude for once again
evolving our humane potential
toward cherishing our mutual reciprocities
more than dismissing and having to throw away
our oppositional allegiances
to mere middle class
middle age
heterosexual over bisexual fear of internal implied transexual
white v black v brown v red v blue v green mid-range inclusive confusions
presumably requiring some form and flow
of over-yanged retributive correction
back toward redistributing most of our mature and aging wealth
to an exhausted global middle-aged class
unwilling to post-millennially see
find
discover
uncover
recover restoration of mercy for all,
regardless of age, etc,
is a more tried and true polycultural outcome model
for regenerativity of healthy compost
rather than further degeneration of our worthless self-loathing trash.

I feel curious conjoining
of sacred ancient restoring ecotherapies
with infants learning profound differences
between throwing out old allegiances to lifestyles
redistributing unwanted trash
and cherishing our reciprocal restorations
of priceless future compost,
memories of song and dance and laughter and legislation,
of restored rage and marching and wheeling registration
toward infant through ancient polyculturing love
for regenerational restorations,
mutual mercies of personal as political compassion
incarnations,

Political incorporations
restoring middle-aging trash
to timeless treasured compost for all our ages
past through yet to become
fully more than infantile allegiance
to trashing RightBrain without LeftBrain languaged
compost creolizing imaginations

Transcending boundaries to trash
through vulnerabilities to crash
into bicameral cooperative compost cash.

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Tying Up The Second Coming

I was tying up her second shoe
when the second coming came.

The first had been the night before
when the bus demons dropped her off
to say they might be back
but weren’t exactly sure when,
while I tied up her second right foot shoe.

I asked her why she throws right shoes
and socks
and pants
and fairly stinky pullups
at the driver
and she tells me these are her second amendment rights
to blast or not
to throw or not
as she so whimsically pleases.

What shall I say
while tying up her second shoe
during this unexpected second coming
of her bus
to take her back to school?
Teaching through a culture of gratitude
where each personal right
also grows a political responsibility,
each right a gift of well-tied shoe gratitude
to be paid back with an avalanche
of positive attitude
for each unexpected second coming.

This second coming comes and goes
and I turn to my good news day
living in a sacred matriotic patriotic land
with property rights of responsible gratitude
owned right up to
but not extending past
the launch of MotherEarth’s second shoe
now flowing downriver
to tumultuous seas beyond all rights dominating FatherLands,
without waiting for this second shoe to drop
back toward any bus of positively responsible attitude.
Cultures of seasoned gratitudes
are also cultures of healthy wealth
for second comings
restoring matriarchal justice
overwhelming patriarchal retributive punishments,
reiterative angry rights
of First Shoe responsibilities
for freedom’s speech and active expression
with Second Shoe rights and responsibilities
of liberty’s gratitude
for restoring it’s original intent
carrying responsibility for protecting
this First Shoe’s positive gratitude potential
through responsible attention to this second coming time
to release MotherEarth’s second independent shoe
from further ballistic harms and fouls
and violent intent
to irresponsibly not address
a rightful culture of gratitude
for unexpected second comings,
as both feet,
right with left,
race together cooperatively gendered and re-aligned
for school
on her second coming bus.

Unfortunately,
I was still gratefully tying up her second amendment
gifted rights with pay-back cooperating responsibilities
of gratitude for all well-souled shoes
when the second coming left
without the rights
and responsibilities
of delivering my ballistically naked daughter
back to her well-schooled gratitude for rights
with concomitant responsibilities to and for each other
to never claim them in a way
that would deny their at-least-equal free
and safe
and healthy expression
to and with another.

Tomorrow morning,
there will be no second coming.
No need to tie up rights with responsibilities
for well-souled second shoes,
not intended for marching into militias
of revengeful angry justice
when schools enculture restorative mercies
for well-gifting forward second comings.

But,
that will be next Tuesday,
and right now we face a four day weekend
of restorational mercies
with both first and second grateful shoes
well-tied together, yet apart
rights restored first on right non-violent intent
with lefts for grateful second co-responsibilities
for never marching toward violence
where ballstage dancing to love’s anthems
is also gratefully offered
in home as school.
—————————————————–
Allegory wears an ecological precision
not intended,
yet implied,
here with now co-incidental,
cooperatively double-bound,
like seasonal reasons
for first grateful amendments first,
leaving second amendments
to restoratively readjust
responsibilities toward our first EarthTribe becoming
capable of cooperative speech
before and after all
through cultures of gratitude,

Multi-poly-enculturations of healthy-wealth amendments
all tied up in waiting
for our way too long delayed
first with second coming,
left exhausted then right more cooperatively becoming
untied at last together.

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So Let Me Tell You

So let me tell you,
if I’m looking between lives
with multicolors
and gentle genders
and green cards
in one graceful hand,

And Trump-heavy President fixation
away from restoring
Earth’s ecojustice for All
on the other RightWing denomination,

Then let me tell you
seeking Trumpish twitters
of self-congratulating trumphalism
as more patriotic
then loyal honored deep Yintegrity

On Gaian liberated knee
as if too matriotically humbled
to stand for Yangish
and self-righteous thee,
then let me tell you
I am so very quite sure
your poppa raised White elitist you
to spell anti-matriotism
with a positive patriotism Peee
only while standing up
as royal Thee.

And let me vice versa tell you,
if you find loyalty
and honor,
civility and mercy
and compassion taking on a matriotic knee,

Then your Momma,
well let me tell you,
she spelled patriotism ecologically right
with left,
bicameralishly.

Which, if you spell justice
with domestic peace of clear blue mind
you suspect dipolar
co-arising
matriots
of bipolar disarray
too wild left,
and let me tell you,
no way we’ll move love with Mother Earth diminished
down to a way out somewhat sleazy loose-lived girl
only good for lunch.

It just might become our hunch
hanging out with a more permaculturing bunch.

 

Note: For me this piece works best as jazz riffs rooted in the melody for

When I Fall In Love…

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Growing Organic Happiness

Mature and robust and resonant happiness,
like true wealth,
is made,
seldom simply found.

Happiness, spiritual gratitude,
unlike material wealth,
cannot be inherited by legal right.

Happiness,
like mental health,
and unlike cognitive-affective dissonance,
cannot be owned,
yet works best when shared,
cooperatively governed,
and can be as positively illusory and fleeting
as chronic stress can be negatively delusional,
like Robert Pirsig’s “gumption trap.”

Happiness is the currency of love,
as blossoms are to healthy
and trusting
and cooperative root systems.

Why is this as difficult to grasp
and hold onto,
this ultimate ecopolitical and psychological power
of healthy love,
spirit of cooperative gratitude
for Earth’s richly paid-forward Grace,
as it is easy to dwell on the fear and angry hated distrustful roots
of dissonance
and decay
and decadence
and decomposition?

Why would WinWin ecopolitics of happiness
grow any less dominant
than WinLose suboptimization
of integrity’s great and small transitional promise?

Why either LeftBrain successful outcomes
or RightBrain lovely happiness incomes?

Why Economic rationality
or EcoLogical sacred sanity?

Oh right,
I recall
here at last,
Mature and robust and resonant happiness,
like true wealth,
is cooperatively made,
seldom simply found.

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Universal Stories

All of us,
or nearly all,
have had both spiritual experience
and some religious teaching,
sometimes from prophetic pulpit ScriptureSpeakers
and sometimes through more maternal StoryTellers,
and all immersed in prodigal parables
bridging gaps
between internal spiritual experience
of nutritional love through toxic hate,
ecocentric good through egocentric evil
and sad,
and religious instructions
about how to do better,
more cooperatively,
next time,
gratitude co-investing Earth’s rich health grace.

All of us,
or most,
for cooperatively better
and Yang/Yin competitively worse,
have had both economic ecological experience
and prophetic,
and sometimes pathetic,
political teachings
about how best to govern
our YangLeft-RightYin regenerative selves,
our local communities of bicameral cooperative intent,
our counties and provinces and bioregions,
our nations
as our MotherEarth Planet
eco-cooperative place
of original embryonic Earth-Mother’s
matriarchally nutritional
spirit-nature nondual
co-arising Grace
as both God and Gaia Earth’s Creation
invite more gratitude together
than Yang v. repressed Yin
apart.

Which came first?
Spiritual and ecological embryonic experience?
Or political-religious-cultural prophecies
and laws
and legislation,
mediated dogmas
and political nominations
for your persuasion
and co-investment in
Anger Management EgoTherapies
and Love Abundance EcoTherapies?

Or
do they SpiritYin–
secular NatureYang–
co-arise
nondually
toward equivalent
polypathic
Grace abundant Gratitude?

In other words
each embryonic new birth
is also an ancient reforesting regenetic unfolding
of phylogenic instructions
for reforesting our lives in potential-Eden,
for Paradise perpetuation
from now
through at least 7-ReGenerations.

To paraphrase avid David Holmgren,
we best remember
gains and losses
from culling forests,
ecosystems external
and egosystems internal,
are made health and pathology possible
by Earth’s deep rich cooperative eco-learning diversity
of Patriarchal Grace
greeting integrity of Matriarchal Gratitude;
experience first intended
while still in loving Mother’s Spirit-Natured Womb.

Be careful who you deepest listen to,
are fed and bled by,
said TransGender Virgin Mary,
when reforesting your forests
in and out.
From thunderous tones of too Patriarchal Voices
and the flowing grace-octaves of original sensory experience,
you can usually delineate
those who know differences between culling and raping,
and those who not so much have first clues,
prefer to speak first
about their own ego-political competing issues.

If in their most important scripture stories,
the women,
and the poor,
and the marginalized LGBTs,
and the people of rich deep color,
have only bleeding parts
instead of speaking
and singing
and dancing parts,
then it’s time to shop
’til you drop
for a more polycultured Creation Story
of PolyPathic EcoPolitics.

Can you imagine,
asked the VirginMother of Her Son,
Where Yang spies swimming upstream
Yin also hears and smells and feels flying,
gliding,
sailing,
weaving and reweaving
more downstream
than up,
first concave inside
then convexly out?

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Contagious Gratitudes

Honey,
sometimes I feel my grateful care-giving
for our mutual care-receiving
grows increasingly under-valued by you
and so,
perhaps for that reason,
also under-valued by me.

Are you suggesting,
my generous lover,
that positive gratitude,
like negative attitude,
is contagious?

Yes, that.
But also I worry
you believe your ultimate gratitude
for my generosity
is to apathetically receive ever more of my care,
rather than to repay in-kind
over our relational time together.

Does expressing my gratitude
with civil please and thank yous
and you are greatly welcome
and with I owe you
some good care-receiving in return
count as at least partial care-giving repayment?

Yes,
and so would taking out the recycling basket
when you fill it,
rather than just leaving it over-flowing
with your Earth-resident care-giving
for me to take out
for us,
as if I were your care-giving robot
nutritionally-compensated for a robust future
by your mere past care-receiving
patriarchal presence
within us.

Are you suggesting
the absence of my care-giving actions
speaks louder
than the presence of my care-giving words?

Something like that, yes.

Well, thanks for that future care-optimizing feedback.

You are quite welcome
to act with care
even before you speak of our mutual care.

Is the recycle basket overflowing
with my care-giving again?

I thought you might have noticed
when your glass bottles
fell to the floor.

Oh,
I thought that was just matriarchal Earth’s gravity
saying ThankYou.

No,
that’s Her way of saying
it’s past time to clean up your care-giving act.

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ReGenerating Abundance

“Gratitude plants the seed
for abundance.”
Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass, p. 376

Attitude plants the seed
for growing love,
positive relationships.

Objectives plant the seed
for developing subjects,
stories of not only where we have been,
but where this indicates we are heading.

Love plants the seed
for growing integrity
with faithfulness to stories
already complete
and yet to arrive.

Hope plants the seed
for evolving faith.

Despair decomposes the seed
for dissonance,
absence of integrity.

Decomposition degenerates the seed
for regenerative development.

Competing alternatives plant the seed
for hybrid creolizing cooperatives.

Totalitarian WinLose intent
decomposes the seed
for healthier multiculturing WinWin democracy.

Darkness bilateral,
within and without,
decomposes the seed
for bicameral light.

Light plants the seed
for gratitude.

Gratitude plants the seed
for polyphonic plenty.

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