Uncategorized

ForeGiving CelEmbracions

We all have had worst days and best days,
good and bad days and nights
works and plays.

My own largest part of learning to forgive myself
for bad days
of WholeEarth neglect
and win/lose interpersonal compromises,
for bad historic days
of letting go too easily,
too conveniently
forgiving my unforgiving
and unforgiven apartisanship,
for sins of Othering heritage,
for anthro-
and ego-centric supremacy

Is to celebrate our connecting
and reconnecting
wealthiest viral health
safe return
to humanity’s multicultural Home

Silently celebrating my ego’s
largest ecosystemic spaciousness,
deepest wisdom,
widest win/win compassion.

As we learn to con-celebrate
EarthTribe
re-exploring our nondualistic
indigenous
natural/spiritual heritage,

We embrace integral
holistic
holy
transparent
and vulnerably compassionate communications

Restoring green peace
through EarthJustice,

Remerging
regenerative
redemptive co-passion
celebrating my
and our
green eco/theo-logically peaceful
GoldenRule humane/divine identities

WellBeing constellations,
healthy bicameral democratic structures,
harmonic choruses,
fire-circle heated dancers,
multiculturing communion celebrants
cooperatively fore-giving our worst days
becoming our con-celebrated best days
and nights,
works and plays.

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Uncategorized

Employment Trauma

My protagonist today,
a Gay Black Religious Mature Male,
not quite ready for silver-grey Obama temples

Is off this morning
to a new full-time job,
8 to 5,
Monday through Friday.

He has been out of his calming,
regular custodial collared routine,
for over two years,

And has long been anticipating just this kind
of post-traumatic economic morning.

Up with the sun,
shower,
shave,
dressing just showman right–
not shaman flashy
but not beatdown polyester–
lunch in his red and white pristine cooler
generously filled with fresh
wholesome food

He is not feeling
like he will be able
to eat.

His stomach is Post Traumatic Employment Stress
churning.

He looks into his refrigerator
while telling me
he is in knots
and at least half a mind wishing to not show up,

To tell them he doesn’t think right.
Doesn’t feel he can get through his uncontrolled fear
and self-loathing for not manning up
while They background check
his suffering character references.
He doesn’t think or feel he can survive this day
even though he has no doubt he can do this job
better without Them.

He wants to give up,
walk away if he can’t freeze
in his more health and safety habitat place.

I am stunned into silence.
This is hard to hear,
to link up with how excited he was
to apply
and to get a call
from his would-be “nice guy” supervisor,
after meeting suspicious him.
He told me how surprised he was
to feel like this Straight White Male
was one of the good,
reasonable,
non-toxic guys.

Eventually,
after our anxious potential hero heads out
with heavy feet
and knotted stomach,
I recall how he might have felt
when he left his last full-time employment day,
dismissed
without notice.

His employment record reads “tardiness.”
But, off his common knowledge record
is a victim of systemic racism,
a supervisor’s personal superiority prejudice,
global heterosexist homophobia.

Victimized by StraightWhiteMales
for being who he is,
and not getting support from brown-skinned guys
he thought were potential allies
because he has no proper heterosexual credentials.

Talk therapy may be widely used
to prepare his LeftBrain to reconstruct
past traumatic experiences.
The therapeutic goal,
to resolve through better contextual understanding
in a LeftBrain verbal
rational way.

This can be helpful, I suppose,
but PostTrauma disordered victims
need PreAbundant nurturing anticipations
fading frozen fears
of further victimization,
economic and/or political trauma
due to personal identity rejections
that have historically been cause for criminalization,
colonization,
enslavement,
sending out evangelical missionaries,
in nationalistic Patriarchal/Capitalist
drunken salvific supremacist history.

Dissociative experience of eco-political trauma
is as deep margins felt
in our RightHemispheres
interdependent serotonin/dopamine fading flight
outside our BusinessAsCompetitionUsual,
patriarchal-capitalist,
Either in
Or out,
deductive verbal labeling LeftHemispheres

Capable of calmly,
curiously,
courageously distinguishing thought-out purposes
for our win/lose past behaviors
within an overwhelming evolutionary
Fight Makes Patriarchal/Capitalist Right
competitive manly worldviews
justifying punishing severances.

Trauma,
to ecological
and psychological
and economic
and political relationships,
deeply retains fear and/or anger
neuro-sensory systemic
terrifying memories

Post-Loser re-victimized
by re-experiencing active distrust,
dissociation
as the opposite of Attachment’s sacred experiential promise
of cooperative peace,
Win/Win behavioral and verbal communing safety,
personal health prosperity
on a planet growing in eco-wealth anticipating provisions.

In my protagonist’s developmental
special employment case,
I also hear theological trauma–
deeply felt shame
and blame,
and White-righteous Straight Capitalist/Patriarchal
judgment.

Such deep trauma responds most resonantly
to having a positive gain experience today,
this morning,
while filling out pre-employment paperwork,
feeling those he meets are divinely delighted
and delightful.
Then he may feel already a bit relieved.

He may, thereby, rediscover sufficient environmental resonance
therapeutic courage
to continue showing up with a positive,
let’s get it cooperatively done,
nonviolent gratitude attitude

To open sufficient hope
for potential healthy and safe team players,
we all need respect
for human and civilizing rights,
but we are transformed
by downright resiliently appreciative
multiculturally experienced values.

Each day, at work and play,
can invite affirmation
for polypathic transparency

The gospel’s “Poor in Spirit”
are our vulnerable person-ego identities,
expecting merely reasonable
eco-therapeutic compassion
and actively hoping
for polyculturally intelligent communication.

Best therapeutic practice
for anger
fear
hate
greed
exploitation
enslavement
criminalization
colonization
predation experiences
ruminating traumatic employment narratives
are new compassionate work and play environments
of cooperative courage
to get through our shared sacred vocations
in this another EarthBeauty
and SacredTruth
re-education day.

All Mattering Employment’s vocationally Great Again
meaning is found in our economically felt
politically experienced solidarity,
our cooperative win/win generosity,
our co-investment
in pro-active peace
and co-passion;

Not our traumatic enslavement,
repressive employment,
and past discrimination
by retributive Patriarchal/Capitalist
straight white gatekeepers
who have also had traumatic losses.

Perhaps our collective traumatic experiences
are more systemically acute
for those with more difficult personal
and political
and economic births
into a Straight White Patriarchal/Capitalist religion
where one’s own dark and queer embodied experience
may be unjust
unhealthy cause
for a traumatic can’t win Loser
Life is a slow
unfair death sentence

Uttered by LeftBrain dominant
Patriarchal/Capitalist
anti-peace communications.

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Uncategorized

Fear of Failure

I know you don’t want to hurt
or even disappoint
me

And I know you don’t want to hurt
yourself.

Yet still your shame
and self-blame hurt

Your self-judging
punishing closet frame
suffocates our transparent life
my caring curiosity craves,
and mutual vulnerability
our sharing courage braves.

Addiction to feeling happy
is not free
and connected to sensory satisfaction
nor to ego significant gratification
and certainly not natural and spiritual bilateral wealth
of healthy feeling substantiation,

Which, as you know,
I also recognize as body and mind healthy
choice voices.

Before you even small voice object,
I also recognize you may feel natural
or spiritual choice
has nothing to do with driving off
without “goodbye,
see you safely soon.”

If no physically tolerable choice
of resources to feed serotonin
and water dopamine,
I know, from years of isolated,
neglected experience,
how frightening loss of lonely ego-powered control
can feel.

Speaking not of choice,
but inside swatting interminable Voice
never still
until you self-shame
and blame
hiding hurts
and unfree frames
us both,
unhappy you,
not Here,

And me
loving enough for Us,
not yet Now

Still worrying
what will voiceless nonchoice happen
disempowered There
and unenlightened Then
suddenly Amen

Our silently uninvited End.

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Uncategorized

Liberating Addiction

I need to talk about addictions,
about my addiction issues,
and maybe yours.

Addiction gets a deserved bad rap
but that doesn’t mean we have no more
than mean-spirited possibilities.

Our first addiction,
and, for the lucky ones,
the functional extended multigenerational
multicultural families
and liberating tribes,
also the last,
is love.

Love,
hidden or wide unwalled open
for another human,
another species,
another culture,
another part of Earth,
and other, costly
medicinal substitutes,

Drugs and alcohol,
guns and loud danger,
cars and sex,
coffee
and comfort
and convenience,
beauty
and enlightenment
and luxury,
notoriety
and money
and security,
all poor substitutes
for the nurturing feel
and natural touch,
nutritional smell and taste,
native sight and sounds
of love.

I have two issues
with addiction.
One is my obsessive-compulsive need
for my next, even better, fix
what’s broken.

I find it humbling
to be cravenly overpowered
by physical and mental,
natural and spiritual, want,

By my longing to climax
resiliently
resonantly
universally embraced by Earth’s most incarnate
and eternal
esteem,
communion,
co-passion.

But, physical addiction
can be softened,
eased,
healed more readily
and stadily
if not for my shame
and hide in the closet
self-judgment,

If not for my weak
and sinful shadow nature,
My need to hide
my darkest fruit truths
about not being in control
of my own autonomous will power.

And, so it is,
I hide my greatest weakness,
my greatest internalized enemy,
and thereby feed and water feelings
of guilt,
self-blame shame,

A failure to grow vulnerable love for others
I cannot see in naked love
and truth
and transparent beauty
because I fear to meet judging eyes
and minds,
voices
conserving dismissive choices.

Secret addictions
have all my darkest powers
of steadfast
and cyclical disempowerment.

Acknowledged addictions
I can call out courageously,
then curiously explore
with my housemates,
neighbors,
teachers and parents,
children and listeners,
supportive groups of similar addicts,
medicating absence of love’s
spiritual wealth
without natural walls.

Fears and angers spoken
and named
thereby weaken
as love swells
for positive addiction,

Which, as long as not risked
stays absent,
even from our healing selves
grasping mercy
for becoming merely mortal
and expecting my birthright
of a health wealthy society
good faith community
family
with multicultural addiction values
and unlovely disvalues

Summarized in GoldenRule behaviors
and positively addicted open
vulnerable
transparent
courageous
actively curious gratitude
attitudes of cooperative disclosure.

This power of my unhealthy addictions
lies more heavily in hiding my self
secret depressions
repressions
suppressions
dark impressions
that true and beautiful,
resonant and resilient love
is too far above
my emotional pay scale,
worthy of our co-redemption,

Too big a reach
to try to open up again,
to share my weak addictions
and strong compulsions
to feel and touch
taste and see
where love was lost
while pursuing lesser
hidden things.

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Uncategorized

EcoLogical Paths

EcoPolyPaths:

Avenues for restoring Earth
VillageCulture
and
Regenerative Justice

Usually inspired by asking

What would I/We look
sound
taste
smell
touch
feel like
making win/win healthy and safe love
with this
room
yard
forest
desert
body of water
state of soil
mountain
river
home
family
tribe
species
relationship?

With this severed win/lose,
yet potential win/win,
integral
inviting
next situation?

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Uncategorized

Money Nerves

Not wanting to make anyone nervous,
pandemics can be unsettling enough
without economic and political surprises,
inconvenient systemic insights,
more expansive circles of empathy
positively impressing
more than negative deep
steep hierarchies
practicing neglectful shallow sympathy
for Others
on distant pagan shores.

These government checks
that come and go in the mail
or by direct deposit
between you and the IRS,
these speak up for

“From each according to her/his financial ability;
to each according to his/her immediate need”

Which sounds suspiciously Karl Marxian
and that Engels white labor-activist guy

Than speaking empowerment efficacy of
and up
and for more competitive evolutionary
Capitalistic Voices
fossil-fueling financial systemic choices

“From each consumer and taxpayer
as much as possible;
to each producer and legal resident
as little as possible
in return.”

These pandemic support checks
are public welfare investments
in our cooperatively held economic
and healthy democratic wellbeing future,
and healthy wealth of future multicultural
generations

With resilient ability to pay back
and long-term financial need
to cooperatively thrive
more than competitively survive

Economic investment values
usually attributed to scary words like
“Socialism”
and “Social Engineering”
but also speak of cooperative win/win
long-term healthcare thinking
more than BusinessAsUsual
competitive win/lose scheming,
nightmarish climate pathology
escapist dreaming.

When these twelve
and six
and fourteen hundred dollar checks come
from our federated governing system,
this is closer to Cooperativist Economic Behavior

Than to Communism,
where the State owns all the assets
and capacity to produce cash at will
and redistribute monetized wealth
not based on earnings
but on the number of human mouths to feed
and water
and keep relatively comfortable with sufficient healthy food
soil
clean water
non-toxic air,
reasonably non-traumatic
unruly
and highly erratic fire
and weather
and rabidly depopulating epidemics…

So, when your fourteen hundred dollar check
peacefully arrives in your checking account
or in snail mail,
please remember,
with personal gratitude and political respect for integrity,
this is sacred GreenCommunion
at our cooperative federated best;
social democracy of an extended kinship kind.

You and I have no further reason to worship
at the monocultural altar of unfettered Capitalism,

A system patriarchally designed for predators
against their unprivileged prey,
without becoming uncomfortably aware
of our cooperatively unmeasured hypocrisy.
about unpatriotically not supporting
multicultural EarthTribe democracy.

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Uncategorized

Privileged Choice ValentineVoice

My problems
include discomfort
with Money overwhelmingly talks
and talks
and talks political privilege

When not monopolistically
monotheistically
monoculturally screaming
about short-term survival issues,
international violation
of national resource systemic tissues,
long root ego-systemic win/lose fissures.

My Here/Now bigger
eco-empowering global system
concern,
our patriarchally uncivil
red-winged capitalist
runaway extractionist
EarthMother-rapist
climatic issue,

Suffering,
sense of epic historical
left and right winged cooperative loss,

Money’s monopolistic verbing Voice
thereby unilaterally revaluing
safe EarthSurvival choice
in Her claustrophobic
polluted
soul starved
dehydrating
degenerating sacred Chamber
of my own monotheistic wombed
LeftBrain-ranting mind,

Thinking about safe short-term survival
when we would be more prudent
to cooperatively feel reassured
about our long-term global win/win
thrival of love-life on Earth–
including my own EgoIdentity

Which would not silence money’s multi-polyenculturing
co-invested Voice,
empowering healthy democratizing influence
on health and safety EarthChange Choice,

Better
in a lower
and more resonant tone of resource key
for worshiping all EarthTribe Lives
copresent Here with Now

Also with those sacredly curious compassions before
and those naturally recycling nonviolent communions
yet to offer sufficient silence

So I might more actively hope to hear
our more cooperative
globally unmonetized thrival Voice
for restoring health wealthy climates
of green
HereNow
peace-graced Choice
through EarthTribe joyful justice.

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Sacred Falling Stars

Once upon a time a gymnast teacher told a girl,
and all her classmates,
to gather around the trampoline
to spot the student currently bouncing on the trampoline.
They circled around
to volunteer a ring of imperfect
but positively intended
desire to help,
should the witnessed bounce go horribly
accidentally wrong.

This same request for a spot was one familiar to this same girl,
and these same classmates,
when they were bench pressing at the gym,
not because the teacher asked,
but because the fully abled weight lifter asked
if they could work out together,
and spotting each other during the bench press
was simply Standard ReAssurance Operating Procedure
for humane care givers
and receivers.

Anyway,
the unfortunate girl bounced sideways when one of her knees gave out
and she came flying directly toward our spotter
who did her very best to get out of the way,
to go to the other side of the street,
to walk on by,
to pull out her cellphone camera
to get it all delightfully recorded
for the more proper punishing authorities.

The teacher was
(1) concerned for the wounded
splattered girl on the matted
and yet still not inviting
floor, and
(2) furious with the spotter turned distant recorder.
When the classroom administrator asked, “Why?”
the girl said her father told her not touch others
at risk of injury
on their way down
because she might be liable for post-touch injury
and, besides, it’s not like she’s going to be financially rewarded
should she be successful with mitigating harm,
so, there is no “on the other hand” potential reward system
worth mentioning.

It’s the same reason she,
and those witnesses huddled
in a supportive constellation around her,
pulled out her star-gazing
witnessing camera
while George Floyd struggled to “I can’t breathe” communicate
while being deliberately suffocated
to overpower him when he was already down,
and about to blink
wink out.

The liability attorneys
and corporate accident insurance actuaries
get paid bigger bucks to tell front-line administrators
why touch
and help
and prescriptions
and medical procedures should be denied,
because the risk of trying to care for each other,
when it just isn’t enough,
is a last touch liability.
And, on the other hand,
there is no reward for the person,
the agency,
the health care giving and receiving
reassurance win/win anticipating
corporate system
doesn’t economically
cooperatively exist.
Compassion doesn’t pay–
it just regenerates more health care risk
and personal star witness liability.

Care giving,
especially for those who have already sustained transparent
vulnerable losses
in their compromised physical and mental health lives,
is responsible for first and last caring touch of hand and voice
every day,
every custody minute of care,
whether standing behind,
in best-effort solidarity,
or standing nearby,
spotting each win/win cooperative constellation,
reassuring wounded OtherStars.

Care giving opportunities,
health care spotting for each other, pays poorly,
when compared with what star corporate liability insurance attorney
and accountants
use to buy second homes;
sometimes including financial bonuses
for successfully avoiding any realistic possibility of harm,
unnecessary financial loss.
Care giving with active compassion
bears a long patriarchal tradition of being feminist underpaid
to believe cameras up,
but hands and eyes down,
deflect,
stand back,
don’t get involved–
are not politically disempowering
run-away capitalist actions and inactions.

Potential financial risk for helping to prevent further harm,
for doing your win/win best,
for cooperatively investing in all sacred stars,
for health care compassion,
for nurturing at-risk humanity in the face of immediate injury,
wounds,
losses,
suffering,
especially falling risk to marginalized persons of color,
it doesn’t pay well to the left brain dominant
patriarchal corporate
win/lose zero-sum mind–
but really is what life is all about,
at its most invigorating compassionate best chance
of win/win solidarity success
to the right brain feminist
constellation of enlightening hearts.

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Uncategorized

Advent of Silent Waiting

Advent of waiting

for 2020 to end
for 2021 to begin
for Christmas
for Hanukkah
for a new federal healthcare administration
for an old misogynistic maladministration to leave
for new hope
for renewed faith
for multicultural communication virtue
for green global communion peace

can be a taxing time of competitive ego-impatience
and/or a time of active
but silently curious ego/eco-systemic
polycultural healing,

A potentiality space
for transformative compassionate communication,
for deep listening
for time’s healthy systemic possibility
to induct anticipation of resonant resilience
peacefully
quietly overwhelming dissonant disabling anxiety.

Multicultural cooperative community intentions
lighten hoary histories
of personal and collective wounds
and straight white patriarchally privileged competitions,
disappointing divestments
from resilient green social-ecological capital

Curiously accessible
only through narrowly balancing
interdependently collusive health systems
devoid of internally win/lose competitive-bullying tantrums.

Dramatic tantrum competitions
are no substitute for long-term strategic
cooperative healthcare systems
courageously supported
by curiously dipolar co-arising appreciation
for multicultural spaces
in compassionately communicating TransitionTimes

Curious 20/20 Ways
anticipating 20/21 green Means
without need of passive patience
and with great cooperatively-held wants
compelling win/win curiously copassionate
global health communication wealth.

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Uncategorized

When THEM Changes To US

When does their health
become essential
to our public health system?

When does global human health
become compassionately communicated intrinsic
for preserving
protecting
providing
liberating
conserving
nurturing our climate health-cooperative
biosystem?

When did we LeftBrain max out
opt out of,
give up on,
unhealth unsystemic uncare about
Earth’s green democratic conversion process,
Gaia’s sacred regeneration progress?

From newborns and young pups
and kittens
who clearly understand all personal attributes
and assets
are gifts from regenerations past
forthcoming,
paid forward,
fore-gifting,
mercifully fore-giving
ego-sacrificing in hard win/lose survival,
and eco-sanctifying in easier win/win thrival
health care giving and receiving times

Entirely codependent relationships
increasing in interdependently maturing
autonomous, yet still multiculturally informed
historical democratic win/win experiential choices
and cooperative will power

Healthy adolescent environmental
ecologically systemic,
biologically organic,
non-violent
democratic health communicating
bicameral intelligence

Became capable of win/win co-passionate communication
culminating in civilized co-responsible physical/metaphysical,
left/right,
natural/spiritual
sensory/sexual peak experience, Perhaps

this may be that young adolescent
worshiping “CHANGE” transition
as quickly as that first cooperatively felt
co-invested mutual climax,
slow-grown and wave-linear
and ejaculatively atomic blast
as long a revolutionary maturing process
double-edging co-empathic
Elder self-smiling private reminders

Of why we were first motivated to ask
When did I LeftBrain max out,
last fully invest in
Earth’s virile green democratic conversion process?
Gaia’s sacredly cooperative
regeneration progress?

And if your answer
has anything to do with the day you were baptized,
or the moment you first believed
in Christ’s universally redemptive love,
then you have clearly missed
God’s still green speaking
scripted
enscripted
scriptured win/win messianic
coredemptive
HolySpirit of love,

Known by our co-empowering
enlightening fruits of souls
mutually listening for
global non-violent communications
of PeaceProtecting Princes
green ecofeminist

Poor in patriarchally competitive
leftbrain dominant
unholistic spirits
of zealously independent
fundamentalistic Might Makes Right
lose/lose angry fear

Rich in matriarchally cooperative opportunity
through rightbrain therapeutic fruits
of multiculture celebrating
spirited
active
compassionate listening
before monotheistically speaking
your own competing SuperPowers

Again motivated to LeftBrain max out,
opt in,
give up on competing autonomous wealth,
receive down under evangelical impassioned health

Multiculturally systemic
cooperatively therapeutic
eco-organic care for
Earth’s green democratic conversion process

LeftBrain friendly communications
RightBrain bicamerally felt
EgoYang/EcoYintegral
Universal/Unitarian
Space/Time ZeroZone GreenPeaceful,

Gaia’s sacred
slow grown natural-light and spiritual-power,
heavenly wind above earthly waters,
regeneration progress

To ask again
with last gasp
20/20 climate cusping
pandemic compassion exhaustion,

Why do I LeftBrain max out,
opt out of,
give up on,
unhealth unsystemic uncare about
Earth’s green democratic
win/win maturation process,
Gaia’s compassionate
sacred communication progress?

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