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Dillen’s Continuing DMV Adventures

I wrote a sad but true urban legend called “Dillen and the DMV” last week.
Here follows an update.

Background Review:

One of my health care employees, Dillen, has wicked ADD, borderline intelligence, not qualifying for disability supports, which are few
and those few minimal at best anyway,
but also challenged by things like getting to work on the right day at the right time,
challenged by processing verbal communications,
whether written or spoken more slowly than Business As Usual pace and pattern would permit,
challenged with struggles to establish and maintain healthy positive social relationships,
much more challenged by intimacy,
so often settling for companionship that does not foster mutually therapeutic co-mentoring,
challenged by his felt urgency for speed while driving,
challenged by States Attorneys who persuade him it’s OK to accept guilty as charged
for driving 45 in a 35 mph zone on his way to work,
never mind that so were all the cars in front of and behind him,
not to worry that this will inevitably result in a 3-month suspension of his license
because he can get a Work Permit,
except, oops,
never mind,
the DMV will not give Work Permits to suspended drivers
with more than three moving violations,
encouraged by State Prosecutors to go right ahead,
send in that Work Permit application
with his $100 nonrefundable fee
because the DMV is really all about punishing DUIs,
of which Dillen has none
because he doesn’t drink
because, in part, he knows it is bad for his mental health,
especially his chronic issues with depression.

In “Dillen and the DMV” I write to the DMV Commissioner,
the Chief States Attorney, and the Attorney General
about this series of unfortunate events.

Update:

I hear back from the DMV.
This letter patiently reviews Dillen’s multiple infractions.
Two involve having others in his car with marijuana or concomitant paraphernalia,
(why not just “supplies” or “equipment”?)

“Marge, did you order the paraphernalia for the copier machine yet?”
Word choices in the public sector often distract me.

but Dillen was not charged with driving stoned,
because he wasn’t.
He was the designated driver for his “friends”
who did not have their Medical Marijuana cards on them.

Then there was the time he might have been going 35 or 40 and hit black ice,
totaled his car
which ended upside down,
for which the local police felt they must issue some form of moving violation,
after all, we do have those towing charges
and the need for all those emergency folks to stand out in the freezing ice storm,
and there are these two drug-related violations on his driving record
so he was probably stoned anyway, right?

And then there was this time,
when Dillen was pulled over
ostensibly for speeding,
but really this was about driving on a suspended license
without a Work Permit
which he didn’t have because
(1) DMV didn’t have a current address to send him his notice,
so he didn’t know he was driving on a suspended license, and
(2) no one had told him,
including the Police Officer who pulled him over,
there is this Work Permit thing
which would have covered his butt
on this particular adventure in high speed suburban crime.

However, this letter from the DMV Director of Programs leaves out some details,
as does my summary.
Then the Program Director reassures Dillen and I of her concern for Dillen’s mess,
which someone else might have called unemployment
and yet another round of couch-surfing homelessness,
but CT’s pesky State Statutes wouldn’t allow her to refund his application fee,
and, besides,
the application form says right on there that it won’t be refunded
even if the application is rejected

Apparently for reasons that remain in the shadow of the public eye.
My two page letter was too subtle for government comprehension
of our own collective abuse and neglect.
She confirms the DMV does have explicit standards for rejecting applications,
including more than three moving violations,
but fails to apologize for designing her Program’s communication plan
to be sure that disproportionately young urban minority low-income males
with mental health and self-medication issues
would be fleeced of their last $100
ripped out of their hungry pockets
to apply for a Work or Education Permit
that State Statutes prohibit her,
so sadly,
from handing out like mother’s milk to a starving baby.

She also does not speculate about why State Prosecutors Dillen has met
are all apparently unaware of stipulated public, but effectively private, criteria for rejecting
pricey applications.

She also fails to mention what she might do to correct this situation
of not providing transparent public information
in a way that allows respected residents of the State of CT
to make a fully informed decision about wasting their money
by further investing in the future miserable outcomes
of shoddy DMV Programs.

She also does not explain where we,
the tax-payers of CT,
were when concerns about the need for job security,
especially for those in hard-to-employ populations,
where we were when needs for food and housing,
healthy wants for continuing education and training,
including the need for continuing education and training,
including the need for reasonable transportation,
even in the winter,
where we all were when these were not being weighted sufficiently against risks,
allowing licensed drivers with complex histories
to continue on their journey
the best they can.

Personally, I know Dillen responds much better to a warm hug,
a patient smile,
and expressed appreciation for continuing to improve,
and encouragement to continue with work
and sticking with a healthy daily routine,
which does not include speeding,
even if everyone around him is racing to nowhere good.

Yesterday I was mesmerized for several hours by a TV series
“Underground”
about the Railroad prior to the U.S. Civil War.
A champion anti-slavery attorney
confesses to his Northern wife,
as a younger attorney he used to settle estates,
including estates of slave-holders,
which sometimes led to the awkwardness of arranging for resale of people,
families,
often resulting in the tearing of children from their mothers’ arms,
and other similar heinous crimes against nature
and mental health.

For some reason
I kept thinking about that clerk at DMV,
reading Work Permit applications,
after depositing the enclosed nonrefundable $100,
looking at the high security publicly invisible list of reasons not to help
depressed people living mostly in their cars
have a modestly better chance at life,
as if what is a right for him or her
on his or her way to work and home again,
is a too luxurious privilege for a fragile at-risk criminal population,
enslaved by their need to self-propel their freedom futures.

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Primal EcoPolitical Choice

Paranoia feeds on dark roots.
In full bloom, everything and everyone that happens against me
happens for a sinister conspiratorial reason.
This is my felt conjecture,
to which I am compelled to respond
by struggling against trust
in Other’s monopolistic monocultural Wins,
so I might survive to nakedly win
yet another scrappy day of paranoia.

Pronoia feeds on everything and everyone
not out to get me
but more in to let me
happen for a blessed season
with which I am invested to resonate,
including my fair share of struggling with,
but not against,
my WinLose enculturation
so we might thrive to mutually WinWin
yet another multiculturing
polypathic
Beloved Community Way.

This is our primal ecopolitical choice,
Both-And over Either-Or,
made each moment in time’s evolving articulation
deep learning incarnation
of days and nights
within this ecopolitical identity,
risk with opportunity,
life.

But, even should this become postmillennial political science,
let us not delude ourselves into a hypnotic state of academic neutrality,
ambivalently pretending either choice is equally healthy,
when outcomes are so clearly etched in exegetical stone of climatic history.

Love’s mutual promise clearly points toward evolutions of multiculturally embracing healthy wealth,
while fundamentalist paranoid terror favors ecopolitical suicide,
afraid of our anthro-supremacast dark shadows.

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Trumping U.S. Political Health

Not that I’m such a great fan,
but I was just now taken by surprise
to read the Republican Nominee for U.S. CEO
has somehow raised questions about his mental health.

Really!?

I live in the U.S.
I have questioned the mental health of any candidate
for elected office
hoping to live with mental health in Washington, D.C.
This question has been on my mind
for about as long as I could spell Washenton and Columbian.

This question has evolved more recently.
Now I ask if this candidate presents
more bipolar passive-aggressive
or just full-out psychotic-rabid?

Usually we get at least one of each
here in the U.S.,
which could be why we continue with more of an angry red plutocracy of wealth
than a cool green democracy
of, by, and for, cooperative residents of mental health.

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Conspiracies of Kindness

Pronoia’s Paradise of CoEmpathic Trust
is what happens in
and on
and as a holonic soul of
Earth
when we expect,
anticipate,
the absence of Business As Usual (BAU) Paranoia.

Paranoia is the mutual suffering in fear
and concomitant chronic anger management
and ambivalent self-hatred
of LeftBrain dominant
anthrocentric-languaged enculturation,
non-expectation,
absence of active RightBrain agapic love
for Pronoia,
an EarthTribe originally intended
with co-empathic political, economic,
as ecologically bilateral trust.

EarthTribe’s Pronoia Cooperative
conducting relationships and transactions of Basic Trust Attendance,
as empathic faith anticipated within mental health itself,
the Positive Psychology progenitor of Gratitude.

Gratitude for Earth’s kindness
is the belief/feeling medicine,
Moose/Owl Medicine,
for arriving in Pronoia internal paradise.

The larger landscaped challenge for us
is how to arrive in Beloved Communities of Pronoia Paradise,
Basic Trust Cooperatives (BAC),
rather than continuing on so much with BAU,
monopolistic anti-trusts.

For this,
we would best Pay-Gratitude-Forward,
actively love the positives you can hunt and gather today,
plant and harvest for tomorrow,
to starve the BAU negative cultural weeds
of competing Paranoias in yourself,
as in Other.

Both states of becoming are highly co-empathic,
and therefore autonomically contagious,
but paranoia feeds on anger, fear, and hate,
while pronoia feeds on good humor, beauty, and co-empathic ecologic,
(0)-balanced dipolar co-arising political/economic trust,
anticipation of pregnant Earth’s richly fertile,
fluid,
nearly timelessly reincarnating possibilities
for even further polypathic integrity
of becoming
evolving TaoTime OurSelves.

So let us say Grace together
by sharing our complex responses
to “Who are you?”
List your magical powers
and scratches and dents of suffering character,
lost opportunities to have become someone else,
comprising who you are so far,
your conjoining toward this climatic time and place
of co-celebrating grace
you bring to us,
and we bring to you,
this banquet of mutually pronoiac feeding
on who we are becoming
gracious nutrients,
this meal of pronoiac communing on grace ourselves
and what grace has brought to this table
this day,
this now,
this incarnation of co-empathic divinely gorgeous trust
in Earth’s fertile conspiracies of kindness.

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What You Take

What we take
without asking first,
thanking second,
what is rightfully our property,
our valuables,
our commodities and loves.

Yet we also take
what we are too ashamed to ask for,
then thank
for receiving selfless hand to open hand,
or hate for selfish lack of yes,
or resent negotiating maybes
or strings attached
further growing far more than your rightful share
of shame.

Shame,
engaging high risk acquisition choices
rather than trusting Earth’s grace,
cooperative evolution of relationships
between those who have
and those who want to live healthier,
without shame and guilt
for addictive needs, attractions,
aversions from others’ shame and guilt offerings,
final intimate NO in face of your hungry appetite
for self-regenerative identity,
less shame,
absence of guilt
for having become who you are,
for not having become
as you more lovingly intended
yet.

When did you start asking first
if I want to make our bed together?
Right after I took your breath away
with I would rather do it myself.
Right before I froze your love
because you don’t do it right.

When we take love without first asking
fertile thanks rebounding back,
we grow shame for guilty needs
squeezing out what healthy love
could otherwise breathe in.

What Ego takes without asking
Eco string attaches
Yang to Yin
Left to Right
to LeftRight EcoConsensousness,
asking Ego’s untimely Death first,
thanking Eco’s revolutionary holonic primal life,
second.

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May Fog

This foggy sky
darkly and relentlessly rains
especially for an early May morning.

He is not prepared for darkness
seeping in from new-born leaves,
not yet full grown
into this year’s tree-lacing dress,
soaking in from saturated soil,
slurping into his complexly relaxing empathic soul.

Perhaps this open quality
endears him to those few who could ever know him
enough to watch him,
watching,
noticing,
hoping for less rain inside today,
each day,
all Earth’s Days.

Wet liturgical Mays
dissolve his Taurean ways.

Yet, for him, right now,
such dark openness yawns too large
for even one dreary lonely hour
of self-isolation.

His two medically complex clients have gone,
as usual,
Monday morning until late afternoon.
Today, as he contemplates his decadent ways,
he misses their distracting charms.
Each so different.
YinYin so loudly Trumpian,
post-millennial triumphalist,
but also with some significant undiagnosed bipolar control issues.
Meanwhile Yang,
unable to speak or sign,
so hidden,
yin-shy shadow of rich warm love,
immersed in life’s right-now ripe composting time,
each moment,
graciously emerging from his co-arising past
to spin toward future yang-yin equipoise memories
of time’s karmic grace.

But, right now he must sustain thru dark raining dreams of suicide
without them.
He suffers withdrawal from feeling needed,
unworthy of becoming truly wanted.

Ironic,
a PermaCultural Family EcoTherapist,
actually achieving good polycultural outcomes
with his broken clients,
the one highly de-specialized professional wheelhouse
most needed to accelerate global networking
cooperative outcomes,
challenging each family and all climatic systems
with Yang-encultured dominance,
right here and now in this post-millennial generation
of ecologically balancing great and small,
daily transitions,
yet he feels hopeless,
not knowing where he could ever begin again
so late in this biological incarnation
already showing concerns that “Black Lives Matter”
but maybe not so much old black,
or white,
or even green lives matter
beyond their retiring biofunctional usefulness.

We all help make great compost when we die.
It’s getting in there,
completing the job,
embracing the vocation,
once and for all,
that continues to challenge life as EgoDeath love.

How does one retiring PermaCultural Therapist
best contribute to this time,
this ecosystem,
this community,
this family,
this primal relationship with Earth
and all Her tribal dialects
and languages
and species
and multicultural diversities of life and death cycles
and recycles,
and repurposes?

Probably reading F Scott Fitzgerald’s issues about cultural decay
and ethical integrity of bodies and minds
ingesting and regurgitating Earth’s generous beauty
is rather like sitting under a rain-drenched tarp,
writing stories of suicidal dissipation,
while Earth calls for Revolutionary EcoTherapists
to heal Her as she cries,
this early May morning,
under foggy dripping skies.

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Families That Stay Together

The family that bathes together
stays together
until every mindbody smells better together.

Is that like
biology is ecological timing,
hunting healthy polymorphic synergy?

Perhaps.
If yes, it loses something in abstraction.
If no, you might need to stay in your bath a bit longer,
and extend your polycultural definition of family.

Is that like
baptism from monocultural ego identity
into permacultural EarthTribe individuation
thru rainbow colors of TransParent thru BlackHole
DiPolar CoArising Temporal EcoConscious Presence?

Only when baptism
merges a global extended family
immersing into EarthTribe’s Solidarity Revolution,
haunted by Earth’s nutritional DNA/RNA mutuality memories
of polypathic Ego/Echo BiCameral ReIterative Synergy.

Bathing with our Exterior Landscapes
as we would have Earth Goddess and SunGod
continue TransParently eco-mentoring
our Interior EgoLandscapes.

How about,
all souls bathe together
stay together
until every form of nature’s regenesis
smells and looks
tastes and feels and sings thru prime crystal revolving light,
harmonic dialects of family fragrances,
together?

It sounds pretty enough,
but I still don’t think it smells deep rich composted
quite enough for EarthTribe’s baptism
into Great Transitions of post-climatic full-blending octave fragrances
of time as light’s perfume of regenerative choice.

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StepSister Princess

No! Cut this piece here!
No! Not there!
Why didn’t you cut it right?

says Princess StepSister’s
hyper-ventilated syndrome,
jonesing for her next pork chop.

I would have finished
but you bellowed me away
in your Ugly StepSister voice
demanding from open refrigerator door
that collard greens must stop evaporating
behind your eyes.

Ugly StepSister?
Did you just call me a StepSister?

I’m just saying
you think you’re a Whatever Princess
but you don’t act like one
because, as you know,
princesses are always kind
and say please and thank you
and not whatever,
and seldom if ever bark and bite
at the hands created to lovingly feed them
for the next several years;

while Ugly StepSisters
act like whatever bullies,
talk like ballistic assault weapons.

Which is why
Cinderellas are originally selected to dance
with Prince Charmings,
and thereby become kind Princesses,
rather than stuck in Ugly StepSister roles and rules,
harping at Prince Charming Dads
to cut their pork chops faster,
and better,
and now,
if not yesterday.

Oh…
Would you cut my pork please, in smaller pieces,
and not take your usual gimpy time, thank you?

Why of course my Princess,
I love to live your Prince Clumsy.

 

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Terror Asylum

On another Thames River,
with steady rural New England flow
toward Long Island’s warming Sound
then on and out toward whispering drowned memories
of Atlantis,
slumbering on eastern bank,
surrounded by Pequot Elder spirit grounds,
ruined medicine’s monolithic altars
worshiping insanely labyrinthine proportion,
crumbling mental-physical stately asylum carcasses,
sagging with trembling memories
of cultural inability
to remember empathic presence,
basic nature’s noticing of potentially present voices
speaking through cracked window and door frames,
peeling exterior landscapes,
collapsed roofs with rotten root foundations,
mumbly murmuring memories
of past river fogged-in days
and nights of terrorism,
ruled by despots of exegetical sanity
applauding wild bacchanal voices
jumping into tidal swollen,
then shrunken,
yet steady and wise-stately,
reasonable flow away out
toward wilder presence downstream
outstraining severed screams
of inpolitic madness.

Intended to grow up a school for sanity,
collaterally invested dust and decay emerged a prison
of abuse and neglect,
oppressively irrational exculturation.

Wild voices dismembering
loving presence of person,
too entrapped by past terrors,
chronic, climatic, psychotic prison
for muttering conversations between Ego’s Anger voice
berating left-handed fear of Fear ambivalence,
quivering recrimination reiterating through dungeon drugged nights,
layering medicated mindless attendance
over basic neural noticing,
thereby inducting rot
briefly intuiting tender absence of co-mentored narrow path
toward polypathic enculturation,
hiding in a forest
of cracked and crumbling drives and walkways,
seductive viral toxic infestation
of history weeded over.

On this other Thames
visitors violate serene gloom of despair,
turning our backs to return to safer grounds,
no less trespassing wilderness
but more profane,
slinking down an overcrowded river
of ubiquitous investment
in tumble-down sane urbanity.

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Christian RePublicans USA

So, Doc,
I have this huge black looming doubt
it is possible
in this disUniting State
to remain both Christian and Republican.

Really? Because…

Well,
because “Christ-like RePublican”
begins to sound like an oxymoronic hybrid
for self-dissonant identity,
encouraging those who bear this cross,
as I emergently do,
to perpetuate some identity
as Publican
but also Co-Messiah.

Like a rich advocate for the poor.

Like a rich extractor from the poor
without intent to return anything of value.

If we do our political and economic and cultural analysis
of the ecosystem including Nazareth
about 2000 years ago,
Republicans recast themselves as Publicans
and Christians regenerate as eco-polyculturally cooperatively networked
RePurposing Messiahs,
reiterating messages of globally cooperative love
as evolutioning synergetics,
dissonant with hate and fear and elitist anthro-centric
self-defense,
the anti-Christian hell of devolutionary over-reactionism,
over-commodified,
overly domesticated deposit accumulator,
Re-Publicanism.

Well, now that you mention it,
but I thought you were a Taoist,
and a Democrat.

Ohhhh.
Maybe that’s what I need to talk about?

Well, I have heard that you don’t always
get your yang political universalists
lined up with your yinyin cooperative economic integrity.
Sometimes engaging Win-Lose campaigns
hoping to achieve Win-Win outcomes.
Again,
not sure you can be a Taoist Democrat either.

Maybe I’ll just go off and build my own little garden
and evolve as a PolyCultural DeComposer of Cynical Paradigms.

But, if successful,
you risk re-emerging as a Christ-like Publican.

Maybe an EgoPurged so EcoGlobalPublican Cooperative Revolutionary Christian.

Hmmm. yes, someone should try that.
Sure hope it isn’t me.

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