Uncategorized

Too Long Past Due

What’s the point of suicide
when I feel already dead inside?

Too long past due
pulling breath’s last plug
last gasp
last primal scream
for and against capital colonizing campaigns
but acted out in dizzying silent mime,
rumored to be a scary thing
this last big surrendering event
before unconsciousness
of changing time
marching inevitably forward
and backward,
out
and back in
until no more back
or in.

But what frightens this fading identity most,
No one will know a difference,
notice I’m different,
least of all
decaying from within
me.

Already unconscious
subconscious,
merely skirting conscious life
precedes flirting with absence of awareness,
burning bridges
pulling life plugs
turning out my lights
already too dark to hear
fear memories
too alarming to feel
images
too disarming to care for power
for light

Too defining
future past experience
enlightening
too long
refining
past due
healing
organic capital investments
ourselves
too long overdue.

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Uncategorized

Queer Music

They lived across from each other
on and off the center floor dorm hall,
both on the much discussed
controversial LeftWing side.

Yang perused Yin’s CDs,
“I see you like that queer music,
Elton John
and Luther VanDross
and George Michael.
I didn’t notice that before.”

Yin responds quietly
calmly
amused:

First,
I don’t believe music is gay or straight,
but most everything related in-between
harmonic and dissonant,
diminished and replenished.

Lyrics may be queer or predictable
but usually flow well
either way
telling co-relating creation stories
of nature’s neural positives
and negatives
surfing back and forth
in and out
before and after
here and there
now and then
and yet to climax
polypathic health
as polyphonic wealth.

But, Second,
Feels to me all music,
maybe all muses,
are queer
when I think holistically about it,
us,
them,
verbally thought and non-verbally felt,
internally touched

By a rhetorical moment
we curiously know as music
without noticing how radically unlikely
regenerative processes
compassionate evolutions
could ever reproduce such homo-ingenious sounds,
rhythms,
patterns,
colors,
textures,
stories,
epic original empathic creations
and co-empathic octaved recreations
within such a LeftBrain heterosexual white privileged
RightWing capitalistic
narcissistically greedy
UnQueer Marching Against
the Great Historic/Futuristic muse and prophets
of harmony,
despite dissonance,
resonance,
despite fading resilience of Baby Xers,
polyphonic yin-mused light,
despite polynomial not not
climate of touch and feel dualdarkness.

Meanwhile Yang
couldn’t hear too well
since opening the window
facing spring
listening
to a cranked up RocketMan,
while athletically dancing to hot not unqueer music,
and Yin’s ears swayed tenderly after and before
queer musing
straight talk.

 

 

 

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Uncategorized

Difficult Discernment

We were discussing a line
between reasonable compromise
and unconscionable denial
in this time of rapidly escalating fragmentation

When I thought I heard a raw spot
deepened and widened by dissonant history
of disagreement,
antagonistic feelings about noetic consciousness
of past pathological
bad climate events.

Yet
when I ask how you feel
about how we are responding to your position,
story,
exposition,
entrenched in anxious missed communication opportunities
to share your own excitement,
You respond by blaming yourself
for not making your experience clear
quickly enough
given our limited time for co-invested commitment.

Is that your raw spot?
Our limited consciousness
about raw and bleeding climates of mortal turmoil
metaphysically remembered
through past regenerations/degenerations of limited time,
inevitable demise of relationship
currently valued by investment felt
in a more win/win
than win/lose history of personal communication,
communion,
mutually compassionate understanding
feelings of safe yet free dialogue
between appreciative teachers
who are first curious and compassionate listeners,

Listeners to now,
co-presence of ancient raw and therapeutic places
for terror and nurture,
for replanting and reharvesting,
for teaching and listening,
for articulating painful memory
and reflecting on therapeutic future response,
for win/lose plots within win/win commitment spots,
for curious thoughts
and feelings of emergent integrity,
experiential and yet re-membering
co-presently teaching here with active listening now
for past and future emotional voices,
some with, and many without, full consciousness
of responsive choices

For discussing discernment
between reasonable win/lose climates of compromise
and unconscionable denial
of life impeaching raw spots
in this time of rapidly escalating fragmentation,
where inclusive vulnerability
would better seek and find integrity.

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Uncategorized

Lovers Interdependence Day

Tell me less and last
about who and what and why you hate
with militant might.

Speak with me more and first
about who and what and why you love
with brilliant bright.

I will listen all this day
and next,
all my life
if your voice can positively project
long enough to leave no time at all
for hate
and anger,
envy and fear of losing
who and what and why we love
our synergetic health
and not our too violently fragmenting pathology

Rambling on
in front of unmediating microphones and cameras
about who and what and why
healthy nutrition and nurturing natures
of vulnerable Others
compete for your empowered disdain,

While no lover
with a healthy mind and heart
would ever care to listen
this day and night.
Nor our next,

We have so many warmer,
yet not too warm,
vulnerable,
transparent,
courageous,
curious interdependent days and nights
for peaceful dialogue,
discernment,
endearing conversation.

Even in that heated time
of Declaring Independence,
when hate and anger and fear
against privileged white male royalists
and their loyalists
and their unwealthy terrorists
and their unhealthy manufacturists
run revolutionarily high,
we speak in democratic constitutions of love
about historic hates.

Yet what lawyers
and statues of Liberty
and active peace lovers hear
in and on this day
are first through last restoring just prosperity
equal dignity
freedom for individuals
families
local communities
to pursue our healthy dignity and well-being together
with liberally lavish love,
democratically inclusive integrity.

The hate and anger and fear
are dark memories still within us
in our sacred independent State declarations,
yet these fade into our unloved history
of economic and political servitude
lack of benign royal gratitude,
and are not this today revolution’s healthy attitude
for who and what and why we love
this Interdependence Day.

Speak with me more and first
about who and what and why you love
with brilliant bright.
I will listen all this green and glorious day
and next,
all our loved and lover life.

 

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Uncategorized

Random Acts of Kindness

Random acts of kindness
and mercy
are right-brain experienced
as healthy invitations to stretch kindness
throughout all nature/spirit boundaries,
secular/sacred midways.

Random stories and kind myths of diverse cultures
have been transactionally told and retold
and transcendently heard
and transubstantiated as mercifully reheard.

Are marriage myths
merely derivative transactions
arranged between patriarchal super senior partners?
Or also a sacred transcendental logos experience
between dyadic
mutually communicating
climaxing
creatures?

Natures yang with yin
spirits out and in
noticing and prioritizing win/win
co-acclimating all events secular down
and sacred up
transcendent love, multipaths
co-relational poly-binomials
for deeper yet wider transactions
than a superficial economic justice,
where wins equal losses.

So too with birth memories
double-bonding only mother and infant
in a transactional immediate way
of felt needs for mutual survival
and yet inclusive of all EarthMother’s
sacred transcendent nature
and EarthBaby’s secular transactional spirited
energetic positive potential.

This mythic marriage of yin-oriented transcendental experience
of win/win empowering interdependence
and yang-strong transactional analysis
of economic and ecological
and theological and metapower win/win integrity
unfolds in stories,
omnipresent nurturing myths,
omnipotently healthy logos
resiliently co-acclimating

Life’s transcendental love
of win/win health outcomes
and win/lose curious confusions
and fear of reactive lose/lose images

Also Earth’s transactional meta-win/win experience
communing co-empathic climatic feelings
win/lose environmental survival needs
win/win thrival wants
active ecological/theological bilateral hopes,
multicultural faiths,
polycultural eternity
timeless double-bonding transcendent loves

Like transactional re-birth experiences
into transcendental marriage
changing stories,
co-acclimating healthy in-between myths
growing resilient ego/eco-logos

Active
and not the least bit incidentally fragmented
when ego/eco-coincidental

Like rebirth
into timeless win/win marriage,
carriage to re-marriage,
transactional transport
into transcendent win/win communion experience.

Random transactions of kindness
becoming healthy transcendental stretches
into wealthiest co-relational communions,
temporary through eternal marriages,
rebirths into everyday interdependent webs
of kind integrity.

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Uncategorized

Fractured Caregivers

“If I could turn you on,
if I could drive you out of your wretched mind,
if I could tell you
I would let you know.”
R. D. Laing

Ronald Laing
was a troubled psychotherapist
and a notoriously terrible non-dad
who heard dark voices in double-binding schizophrenia.

Knots of contradictory negative emotions,
needs,
troubling demands and troubled expectations
non-verbally underlying attachments,
sensed relationships
between two people
and within families,
and other,
larger
eco-politically Stated, and officious, Voices.

I need you
to want to be with me
not because I need you
to care for me
and about us.

I do not need you (society, Earth)
to want to be with me
because I need you
to care for me
and about us;
regeneratively double-bonded.

Laing could not see
these two “not”s
as both/and resiliently knotted
at peace with each other’s harmonic in-between strains;

The geometrics
of and in-between not-not
can equal a positive.

His solution was inclusive rebellion.
I wonder what mine will be,
has been.

I hope for a 2020 revolution
revisioning not-not
health-wealth
sexual-sensory
natural-spiritual
left/west-right/east hemispheric
yang-yin
strength-flow
outside-inside
precessive-recessive (B. Fuller)
outgoing-incoming
ex/preformed cognition-informative emotion
not yet/still polypathic-polyphonic
holonic integrity-holy synergy
ecological prime relationship-theological compassion

(+)polynomial + (-,-)polynomial = +/-,- Win/Win ZeroZone,
multicultural

Integrally co-redemptive bicameral 20-20 re-creations,
left-brain secularly metric
and right-brain sacredly mindful

Every sacred day and night
psychotherapeutic choice is more resilient
when right-brain integral attachment rooted
rather than left-brain detachment deflowered.

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Uncategorized

Healthing Voices

Personal identity,
like politically empowered/disempowered identity,
evolves within EgoSpirited voices

Exchanging feelings
with EcoSoul’s outside co-relational serenity,
uncovering ZeroZone bilateral Janus-faces,

Non-verbal language noticing co-relational
health and pathology
qualities sensed,
felt,
originally tasted

And

Verbal iconically quantitative patriarchal voices
for either Ego, or Eco
survivalist thinking
how to further colonize
Ironically matriarchal both-and thrivalist
ego/eco-feeling co-relative voices,
healthy serene
and un-easy dissonant

Ambiguously:
Eastern innocent infantile,
Southern sagely adolescent sensual,
Western secular/sacred fool
maturing ego/eco shape-shifting Win/Win climates inside
and out,
Northern maternal/paternal WiseElder
speaking and acting with polypathic compassion,

ReGenerative EarthSoul strains and stresses
hopes and faiths
come to reverse LeftBrain dominant Earth climates,
at last, at last

Yin-understory with Yang-canopy of heaven
upside down
revolutionary turning,
rewinding global wealth
as public healthy change
re-syncing Green New Deals
for 2020 taste and see cooperative multiculturing nutrition
outlasting more recent mechanistic,
competitive,
ballistic,
monoculturing toxins

Of merely legalistic
uniform
apartheid totalitarian
religious Win/Lose un-ecological equanimity
unchanging
fundamentalistic
dualistic
nihilistic
wounded voices

Still actively hoping
to conjoin more healthing choices
than a denatured unchanging
and therefore sadly dead
originally progenitive in-between voices way,
organically interdependent truths,
fully co-passioning life.

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