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Death of Dreams

Our children must not die
before their parents
or parental dreams die with them.

And, for those without children,
this is easily empathized
because our dreams must not die
before we do.

Without them
our best selves have already left
whatever misery and boredom remains
for further degenerating absence of purpose.

As our own remaining children
step into young adulthood
wise parents often continue listening
for their dreams.

In this way,
as our own immortal dreams and fantasies fade,
younger dreams become our own extending future.

Here,
in the imperative parental vocation
of restoring therapeutic justice
and peace to dream love’s future,
is where I hear resounding
Millennial Generation Silence

Absence of healthy economic and political dreams
for healing over-heated competing climates
and landscapes.

Restoring inclusive predator and prey recycling justice
and healthy pre-recycling parenting
and dreams of timeless youth
all begin with loving to know Why?

If you have parented a healthy verbal two year old,
you may remember
these challenges of Why
and concomitant insufficiencies of time
to sufficiently reply
Why not?

Why do we dream in language
and icons of mythic sacred relationship?

Why do I dream
of a revolving Fallen Eden
evolving restorative forest-garden relationships,
sacred and secular Paradise Dreams
revisited
revised
rewinding
reweaving Millennial ReGeneration Dreams?

Healthy ecopolitical futures
still Yang with Yin eating from fruit trees
of Sacred Loving Dreams
and Secularized NonDual DarkDeath
we cooperatively own and appositionally manage
root systemically together

ReStorative Yang EdenSpace
with ReDistributive Flowing YinNurture Time–
spiraling bilateral timeless Mythic EcoLogosed Times
of and for PostMillennial Therapeutic Dreams
asking how and when
and cooperating where already
and why not?

A healthy parent
must not lose sacred-secular Dreams
or we all die dreamless forever,
retributing further anger
and fearing frustrating injustice
language and icons of unweaving Earth
fallen eternally to burn
for asking God WhyNot?

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Uncategorized

Broken Planting Oaken Tree

We have tree traditions,
still accessible in diverse backward
and forward
reforesting cultures,
of planting a commemorative tree
when a great and portentous series of loving events
comes to its untimely rest.

Recently
my middle son’s lifetime friend
decided it was time to travel with the starlight
and so he left us heartbroken,
trying to be happy for him,
and sad without him,
to become OK with his decision
that he had uncovered enough sadness
despair
depression.
His final vote was cast
and no one else was invited
to participate in his great transitional selection.

So, my son and I
will go into our messy forest
also known as the back lot,
where former residents have dumped asphalt roofing shingles,
and buried an entire breaking down garage.

If we were to dig deeper than necessary
we would probably find other mislaid treasures.
Shattered glass bottles and hearts
and open rusted food and toxic feeling cans,
and plastic of all dismembering colors
and ugly unshapely shards of angst,
but this day
we will dig only as deep as we must.

We will first visit a handful of oak babies
sprouting up under bushes in the side yard
and among poison ivy on the north side
so my son can choose which of these
will become Greg’s oak tree of new life
not beyond
yet still after suicidal death.

We will prepare this sapling’s new home,
digging a deep and wide welcoming hole
among back lot brambles of our thoughts and feelings,
then clear away potential choking vines and voices
now covering a clearing
surrounding trees have left
just right enough for a growing Greg
Large shade tree
to hug my son’s grandchildren,
and their Greg the OakTree loving children.

Then we will uproot our chosen new life tree
with reverence
and baptize her future MotherTree roots
of sacred fertility,
and as we sprinkle holy compost
to shade her vulnerable transparency to shaded light,
we will sing our allegiance to gratitude
for each life created through Father Sun,
nourished with Mother Earth,
sadly smiled with sacred GrandMother Moon,
sprinkling sounds of thanks
for each day
of each life
this oak tree,
as Greg,
will continue bringing us.

We will read and look and listen as Jesus taught
it is ungrateful sacrilege to remain angry
about not having received more grace
than we could have earned with more generosity of time,
when we could choose instead
to give thanks for each day shared with us
doing the best we can,
to give care as we would continue to receive.

Our love for Greg
grows through this oak tree’s future shade,
and west wind protection
for all our future days of thanksgiving
and suffering lost loss,
security for our children’s
healthy and happier children
knowing
remembering
feeling
sensing
this canopy grown Greg
still choosing flight
with starlight nights.

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Uncategorized

Death Sentences

Death leaves a sacred hole
where once lived a whole relationship
with both potential future
and a now more cherished past

Still seen
and heard
and smelled,
tasted and felt, sensed
and incensed
through an echoing hole of darkly bitter loss.

I would be a hypocrite
and a liar
if I were to condemn
our sons and their cherished friends
for cowardice
or craziness
for choosing to end their lives.

When government sanctioned taking of life
goes on and on and on
we call this the cost of just wars
or a death penalty
rather than a life forfeit.
Yet it is the living
who repay this price.

It could be more honest
to call these deliberate extractions
a death investment
and perpetual re-investment
of a culture not yet sure of how radically vulnerable
compassionate life could
and should
become.

Death investment repeated as long as politically expedient,
and also personally poignant
whether self or other inflicted
or something in-between.

I do not grieve his loss of future
but my own

For to grieve my own lost future,
all we might have yet become together,
is honest,
and holy

While to grieve his lost future
is to dishonor his choice
and his compulsion
to part ways
when life felt too dishonest
to bear another traumatic day.

To be born
before or after
or beside and aside one’s right-felt time
and nurturing place
is already loss of future
sent through messages past
as love grows too thin and faded
lust for life descends too jaded,
loss of faith
for hope
arising futures now lost.

I would not dishonor,
too easily dismiss,
suicidal loss of life
as complete insanity
as if I could claim,
with full integrity,
that inhumane and too-patriarchal living losses
are not shy of full-grown sanity.

As this day closes,
this time and place
in tears of loss
without fanfare,
without deadly sentences
much less farewells,
I yet lack courage
of my own despair
about our future of continuing death investment
as measured by my own limits
for tolerating inane insanity,
vitriolic violence,
absurd abuse
of calling deliberate death investments a penalty
as if any life were something reasonably erased
through ultimatum fines
for having had an unfortunate birth day.

This death leaves a sacred hole
where once lived a whole relationship
of futures cast together
now gently placed
apart.

What did he see
that I have not yet felt
strongly enough
to choose to never see again?

This question changes those left behind
for the rest of our haunted days and nights.

Why him,
and not yet me,
not yet us?

 

In honored memory of Greg, lived Large, yet much too short, measures of suicide and other death investments.

 

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Uncategorized

Primal EcoPolitical Choice

Paranoia feeds on dark roots.
In full bloom, everything and everyone that happens against me
happens for a sinister conspiratorial reason.
This is my felt conjecture,
to which I am compelled to respond
by struggling against trust
in Other’s monopolistic monocultural Wins,
so I might survive to nakedly win
yet another scrappy day of paranoia.

Pronoia feeds on everything and everyone
not out to get me
but more in to let me
happen for a blessed season
with which I am invested to resonate,
including my fair share of struggling with,
but not against,
my WinLose enculturation
so we might thrive to mutually WinWin
yet another multiculturing
polypathic
Beloved Community Way.

This is our primal ecopolitical choice,
Both-And over Either-Or,
made each moment in time’s evolving articulation
deep learning incarnation
of days and nights
within this ecopolitical identity,
risk with opportunity,
life.

But, even should this become postmillennial political science,
let us not delude ourselves into a hypnotic state of academic neutrality,
ambivalently pretending either choice is equally healthy,
when outcomes are so clearly etched in exegetical stone of climatic history.

Love’s mutual promise clearly points toward evolutions of multiculturally embracing healthy wealth,
while fundamentalist paranoid terror favors ecopolitical suicide,
afraid of our anthro-supremacast dark shadows.

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Suicidal Notes

Do you sometimes wonder about your self identity
seen through your lens for suicidal risk as opportunity?

It interests me that this lens
evolves as we age.

In later adolescence,
we often look in the face of transition
from good nutritional outcomes on a small stage
about to enter more competitively sharkish waters
within a significantly larger landscape.

Or so I focused my lens in my younger lack-time of wonder.
Not sure why or how these same transitions did not also apply
to nearly all those nonsuicidal 18-24 year olds,
enjoying a more Positive Psychology.

But now, in later adulthood,
I more often look in the face of a potential suicide
as one with at best mediocre outcomes
on a too-small stage,
often familial, or lack thereof,
about to enter no stage at all,
thinking maybe why postpone this mortal inevitability
of decay.

From younger suicides,
“What would be the point of continuing
this WinLose Game,
when we all feel RealTime drill,
you never clearly win
until you stop losing,
and you never stop losing,
until you stop playing.
Clearly I am about to lose
what I don’t feel all that great about
ever having won
at others’ expense.”

From older suicides,
“What was the point
of taking so long
to end this rigged Lose to Lose
death-embracing game
called life?”

It feels like these despair and suffering questions
co-arise within exponentially more of us,
asking echoing silos
as our encultured Earth moves
into a new revolutionary millennium.

Given the now nearly inevitable demise
of our polyculturally and climatically climaxing
exterior and interior lenses
of healthy hope v. toxic pathological
and monocultural decline
of ecological
and economic
and political balance,
how do we know
we are more than an overpopulating parasitic blight
riding Earth’s mortuary-in-waiting
where Elders remind was once
a healthy regenerative place
to continue living?

Yet it is so important to notice
not only all despairing souls
jumping off roofs
but also healthfully repairing souls
building polyculturally positive-deviant landscapes
of organic and synergetic opportunity,
cooperative networks of resonant resolve
sounding Time’s dipolar appositional
issues of despair as opportunities to repair,
still seeking reasonable,
yet deviant,
hope for shared regenerational vocations,
with WinWin reiterating integrity.

No ego is autonomously responsible
for feelings or thoughts,
ideation or even beliefs.
So it is no one’s right to judge feelings,
our own feelings,
the feelings-beliefs-ideas of others
as unacceptable or somehow cosmically dysfunctional,
condemning or worthy of global applause
is to take all that we have been given
far too personally,
too unrealistically removed from comparative
and nuancing context
to discern how we might choose to carry on.

It is our responsibility,
personally, and as a species,
to notice trends of suffering and despair,
compared to trends of multisystemic diversity,
polycultural density of nutritional choices,
ranges of harmonic freedom and healthy cultural balance,
as they appear to reflect
and not reflect
our shared experience to date.

Not to judge and condemn failures and despair,
but to praise our most regenerative successes
and love for equitably accessible hope
to include all Earth’s cooperative economy
among our emerging synergetic Tribe
of curious interests.

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Breathing Through Design

“…making this shift [from ego to Authentic ecoSelf] usually requires inspired [inductive Right to Left +health-reiterative messages] intention and consistent, diligent effort [and a supportive vocational and residential and eco-logically balanced environment.]”

“And the way this is achieved is through using the greatest gift that evolution has given us: the power of [polyculturally healthy or monoculturally pathological] choice [for ourselves as for our potential future regenerators].” Andrew Cohen, “Evolutionary Enlightenment”, 2011.

PermaCultural HumanNaturalOnly Choice:
ReGenerative Health/EcoTherapy for all
or degeneration of Earth’s bio- and eco-systems,
including political and eco-not-so-normic deductive-competitive,
bicamerally-unbalanced,
enculturation system dominance.

Free Choice to intend and will Exterior Landscape behavior
confluent or dissonant with
Interior Landscape
metaphysical language enculturing ecosystemic iconically
analogical information,
exegetical rich-resonant normative strings
of historic WinWin “Yes” polycultural choices of genetics,
PositivePresent-OVER-
DoubleNegative FoldFunction and FlowTrend memory,
regenerative (RNA/DNA) iconic syntax,
in either PresentAptic Polycultural tense and ionic-elational distension (concaving),
or PastAnger SynAptic Predicates FutureFear avoidance,
cognitive-affective personal and cultural dissonance.

FutureFear Choice Corollary:
Monocultural Lose-Lose decay
and decompositional preparation
for composting future natural health/ecotherapy
co-arising regenerativity of time’s incarnation into space;
reverse-temporal-neural double-dimensioned (bilateral-linear)
therapy WinWin clockwise self-perpetuating polynomial health-rationality
OVER
egoLeftYin/ecoRightYin chronic cognitive-affective stress
of trying to find regenerative health
swimming through a sea of mediated and immediate
dissonance-pathology hell.

Present CoPresence as DiPolar Bicameral Basic Attendance Corollary:
Positive DiPolar Meets and Greets and WinWin intends
Mutual-Positive-Namaste
as AngerPast Teaches FutureFear
how and why and when to co-arise
(-,-) Double-Negative LoseLose
equals Double-Positive PolyNomial-PolyReGeneration
WinWin as YinYin Balancing DoubleNegative
PositiveYang Politically EcoNormic.InFormating
SelfOptimizing CoGravitational SpaceAsTime 4D Systems.

The logical conclusion of overpopulating
overly-competitive and aggressive human natural dominant trends,
of suicide and other irrationalities
and errors in self-enculturation
through evolutionary cooperative sciences and arts and history
and myth and logos-icons of symmetric rhythmic exegetical (0)
ecobalance
CoPresent Soul of ReGenerative
Balanced CoGravitational Time,
deciding to head toward hell of anger and fear anyway,
not taking time to recall these are Angry Prophets of Past Sins,
predicting lack of even hellfire’s last flame of Fear’s SelfHatred,
awash in self-perpetuating not-not reiterations
of disbicamerolling negentropic chaos.

Then stop
notice,
you still empathically elate positive nutrients,
all heading in a more cooperatively polycultural direction
appositional nondual dipolar bilateral-linear
reversed wu wei Tipping Point
of an endosymbiotically positive-positive CoPresence
ReVolutionary inhale with exhale economics.

If you are still breathing
you have already begun this practice
of absorbing both positive nutrition and toxins,
co-arising collateral negatives, fear and anger,
teaching your oppositional anti-death MidWay WinWin,
while those FearAnger Twins inevitably follow
planned or unplanned
eitherway increasing consistently aggressive Yang ballistic Way,
toward Ego’s ever-faster inevitable demise.

Ego without EcoRight CoPresence
always loses in Ego’s own Win-Lose dominating way.
Incarnations die to fuel further regeneratively healthy incarnations.

This ecology of diastatically rational life
predicts continuing BusinessAsUsual,
breathing positive self-dominance
while intentionally absorbing more anger-fear fighting nutrients
than love-peace synchronously-flying menu choices,
and to thereby emerge
ecopathologically even further anthro-centric,
monoculturally fixated,
hypnotized by our own fear of fear of ego’s death,
absorbing further toxins and collateral corporate insult,
injury,
self-abuse and other-neglect,
violence and cognitive-affective dissonance,
addiction to possession and dispossession
of ego’s increasingly constipated
anger-fear ruminations,
with negative loser messages.

WinWin cooperative co-regeneration optimization
would be just the opposite of competitive monocultural,
dissonant-trending
ecosystemic political and economic
private and familial
BusinessAsUsual double-binding negativity.

Our ecological and economic cooperative project
of natural regenerativity
as also spiritual ecoconsciousness
basking in love of health and timeless co-relational security,
empathically and deeply attends,
sitting within LoseLose competitive decomposition,
embracing our shared BusinessAsUsual predative/co-messianic
culture,
dis-assembling each dominating seasonal stage
of LeftEgo’s struggle with RightEco’s Present CoPresence
Love of Harmonic Balance,
Symmetry
Septum DiPolar Yang/Yin Dynamics of Time as Breath.

Ego, alone and bereft of an exegetically co-arising
sea of ecoconsciousness environment
and nutritional culture
and cooperative political and economic networking capacity,
plays “lose” intentions with Other,
and Earth,
substituting short-term survival
suboptimizing anthro-centric designs
for Eco’s Right brain inductive
regeneratively deep eco-normic meaning,
healthy choice of life as love,
Golden Rule positive assumption with and for each Other,
written into bilateral Yang/Yin time
within this EarthBound
Balancing
neural networked
Ego(+/-)/Eco(-/+) Bicameral-Fractal WinWin
Co-ReIteratively
EcologicalExterior/AnalogicalInterior
CoPresent
Neural-Temporal Bionic Network Systemic
TransParent
Universal/Integrating EcoBiNomial Fold-System
Positive Psychological Identity
Resilience
Resonance
ReSolution
ReGenerating PolyNomial-PolyPathic Time.

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Dearest Cooperative Ego

When Oliver dropped out of high school, after his sophomore year, he went to UConn. We never understood why, other than the obvious, that the main campus was our back yard, and he didn’t like to drive, or use toilets outside our home.

He thought the whole academic degree industry was suspiciously rooted in Win-Lose Game Theory assumptions, which didn’t necessarily have to be true if we would all just wake up some morning and decide to go with Win-Win instead. Even so, he sailed through his GED exams and then spent over a year deciding whether to take some classes at UConn, or just continue writing prose and lyrics and gaming on-line with his intercontinental team, with a representative from each populated continent except Africa–an exception that he found not just irritating but actually embarrassing.

About the time he was deciding not to go back for his junior year, Oliver shared his “Dear Ego” letter with me. We were both surprised, I think, because he almost never wanted me to read his work, or play, as he preferred to think of it. But, this one he correctly thought I would find helpful:

Dear Ego

Please notice that “evil” is not only “live” spelled backwards, but it also is backward, or the reverse of, healthy living.

You do your evil, not-live, acts to test me, to learn justice, when you are wise enough to listen to our eco-logical response.

You evil out of ignoring y/our larger interdependent identity, to discover your individual and collective responsibilities, potential integrity, how and when and whom both live and not-live choices coalesce and differentiate.

Evil is about what and whom we don’t do and become that we could do, we could become, with sufficient power, individually and collectively.

You do not do evil to learn the causes and effects of generosity, to uncover our individual v. collective accountability for gratitude, for mutual redemption.

You both do and do not evil to mutually mentor fair balance of redemptive generosity, mercy, kindness, giving care, nurturing; to evolve Us, your SuperEco Co-Intelligence, to proactively practice peaceful resolutions, love’s fully inclusive resonance through time’s healing, synergy’s revolution.

You and I deliver this not-live evil of climatic competitive transactions, relationships,to spring loose love’s cooperative Boddhisatva Occupation of Earth’s eco-logically harmonious co-arising habitat.

Namaste my Beloved Sub-Climaxing Community.

Your Left-Hand Dominant Right Brain,

SuperEco Elder

 

I don’t know if this was a suicide note, or why I found this copy in front of his cold not-living, but still generously beautiful, body. It’s not even clear to me that Oliver’s death was a suicide, at least not as we usually understand this violence and sadness and despair against one’s future.

The medical examiner said he had never seen anything like it, although he had read an account of a chronically depressed dolphin living in captivity, who signed farewell to a favorite caregiver and then simply stopped inhaling air. Apparently that’s what Oliver did, or chose to not do anymore.

I miss Oliver’s deep beauty, his humor, brilliant integrity, even his profound sadness about our climatic disarray, our chronic insufficiency of loving the cooperative juice of eco-logical health flowing through his veins and neural system.

How I wish that I could redeem his not-live lack of healthy loving environment enough to persuade him to take in one more breath. But, Oliver was always like that. Not confidant that he deserved to breathe the polluted air he inherited from me, from us, from our choices.

I wish we had planted trees together. It was lonely planting that weeping willow in the ashes of his cooperative evil choice.

 

 

 

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