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A Healthier Patriotism

My own patriotic U.S. extended family,
historically,
and currently
remains StraightWhiteMale privileged
in our collective memories,
if not imaginations,
of spiritual communion
with all the more privileged saints
present,
past,
and future

But, we have also suffered
from rather too much faith in capitalism,
which, like democracy,
is frequently faulted as miserable,
but also lauded as better
than all the socialistic
communistic
devilistic
totalitarian
fascist
foreign
threatening
terrifying
anger-inducing alternatives.

Capitalism of our encultured
multigenerational minds
with left-hemisphere dominant brains
favoring natural secularized competitions
between saints and sinners
of diversely threatening monocultural privilege,
persuasions fundamentally supremacist
for democracy in theory
so long as not in perceived conflict
with self-serving capitalism in daily personal practice,
natural and spiritual,
secular and sacred,
ecological and theological.

We are egocentric
sometimes narcissistic
always bootstrap individualistic
evangelical redemption ecopoliticals
but focused on BadNews
of our need to invest in violent self-defense
against Marxist communism out there
in Hell

Not to be confused with commitment to GoodNews
of sacred divine communion
within our privileged StraightWhiteMale places
of apartheid worship
in awe and wonder
dogmatically committed to our StraightWhiteMale God

Made military-industrialized
in our best capitalistic,
not really quite so democratic paternalistic
image of left-hemisphere
StraightWhiteMale rightfully empowered
historical/cultural dominance.

So, there we have it,
this chaotic bilateral dissonance
between our powers of political democratic enlightenment
through whole open-systemic dialogue,
and our confusion about economic uncooperative self-empowerment
at the necessary (either/or thinking) cost of Other disempowerment,
gone sadly win/lose awry
through endless polarizing debate assumptions

That if someone wins,
then all others playing our eco-political game
must lose,
which sounds very much like
survival of the fittest
rightest
left-brain dominant species
OVER AGAINST
Earth’s whole open system
green/blue
ecological/theological success.

Like our dominant left-hemisphere academic theory
of secularized win/lose evolution
is more anthropocentrically capital-headed
and self-righteously defensively effective
than Earth’s sacred WINblue/WINgreen
ego/eco-politics
of polypathic political dialogue
empowering through GoldenRule democratic resilience,

And right hemisphere
polyphonic economic enlightenment
co-invested through Golden Octave Ratios
in interdependent multicultural dialogue,

Holonic nonzero sum,
polynomially left GroupTheory
and polyvagally bicameral right/left Win/Win GameExperience

My extended global
multicultural family
history and future
with more resonant
healthier cooperative democracy
embedded in Earth’s ecosystemic wealth,

Co-invested across multi-generations
of MotherEarth’s wise-dialogue
win/win eco-political
eco-feminist regenerators

Not of colonizing political
and anthropocentric economic privilege
but of democratically co-invested integrity
in sacred green/blue communion.

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Winter’s Writing Choices

Approaching winter…

OK, maybe encroaching mid-winter
of life’s seasonal span
with resonantly compelling grace,
perhaps even transparent vulnerability,
feels controversial,
too laissez-faire

Too much courage
in declaring preliminary success
with too little curiosity
about what happens next
on planet Earth

Continuing to revolve all four seasons
dynamics
holistic lenses.

I recall the poet’s admonition
to not go quietly
into this winterish
cold night.

Life’s final reflective opportunity
does not invite quiet
so much as impassioned peace
of a windless snowfall
blanketing all I can see
and more faintly hear,
touch and awkwardly feel,
smell and bittersweetly taste
unsafe passage.

I recently moved from autumn habitat,
a creative tension between summer’s midlife climax
and this new winter habit
above Connecticut’s exquisite Salmon River.

This is a compromised writer’s winter hermitage
shared with my son who cannot speak
but can roar,
who cannot walk by himself
but can scoot
and belly laugh at his own internal sensations
and my external sensational sounds.

And, following Daquan
from my fall habitat
to winter’s eremetical search for peace,
however coldly displaced,
with social
and political
and spiritual
and natural distancing,

Behind Daquan
are daily in-home nurses
and his most avid companion,
my romantically distanced husband.

He comes bearing gifts
of clothes,
cleaning supplies,
far too much meaty food
for a proper hermitage
and not enough
for sufficient redemption
and for self-forgiveness.

He comes unaware of my ecofeminist wintering spirit,
longing for Earth’s warm womb justice
restoring peace
resilient through all four seasons
of present
past
and future Earth lives.

My ecofeminist lineage
feels too white to him,
not a journey for him
and our two brown sons
and my brown and cerebral palsied daughter
and Daquan.

So, this writer’s winter hermitage
remains newly compromised by past fall
and summer
and even spring
of extended multicultural family life.

May it always be so
or no,
I’m not sure which to pray for
or against
as I quietly write
into this warm and peaceful night,
just right,
not too dim or bright.

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Stretching Health Care

My oldest friend,
and older, too,
has a daily yoga practice
of self-care,
which I would healthier emulate.

But, when I mentioned this
as rich in comparison
with my own brief leg stretches
while tube-feeding my son,
and occasional too brief dancing
and jumping
with my cerebral palsied daughter,

He responds
to my neglect of self care
with self-deprecating acclaim
for my daily investment
in young adult bodies
inhabiting wounded child concerns.

I recognize this response
in literature of sacred messiahs
and family health care martyrs
and extended family matriarchs
and secular ecofeminist mentors
of selflessness,
ego annihilation,
empty nesters,
nonself-investors.

While all such roleplays,
diurnal through eternal,
are counter-cultural,
with redemptive value
and stretching of compassion,

I question their/our capacity for resilience
as even the most cooperative
win/win co-invested economist
would question total eco-investment
through absolute ego-divestment,
outgoing care for health
while bleeding out all internal wealth
of energy
power
light.

Yoga stretches internal minds
to resonantly balance
external bodies
fully re-creating
co-acclimating
resonant resilience.

This stretching,
toning
touching
feeling
balancing
centering
communicating
cooperative empowering
compassionate enlightening
I could do with my son
and my daughter
daily,
and perhaps timelessly,
with sufficient commitment
and imagination,
creativity
and regenerative health
intent to optimize
our shared systemic wealth

Stretching from where we are
toward when we will become
together in shared passion.

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Family Memory Daze

My family
remembered now
and in our projected
integral future,
in this eco-political body
of spirited
natural Earth,

Birthing
and dying,
regenerating
and degenerating,
easing
and diseasing,
healthy
and pathological,
good humored
and bad hearted,

Unconsciously contemplating,
co-template-recreating
cooperative memorable days
and deep matriotic nights.

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Commanding Solo Performances

It had been a hellish week.

On Monday
my lonely and tired AfricanAmerican husband
told me, as gently as possible,
that what I had hoped was a temporary separation
is to be extended into perpetuity.

This separation had been scheduled to terminate
when my Fetal Alcohol daughter turns eighteen
and can move into a new, more therapeutically endowed, home
not our non-group home
which could not feel like a private home to him
and to a more peacefully vulnerable me.

He told me his autonomy of residential sight
and sound
and smell,
temperature and feel,
thought and absence of forced transparent thought,
has grown ever more compelling for him,

Like a new life system
organically emerging from calcified minerals
mixed with melted wet.

This permanent separation,
less about not wanting to share a roof and walls
and multicultural floors
and more about wanting a more private
monotheistic habitat.

I had been working on my adopted daughter’s emergency group home application;
Her eighteenth, and first qualifying, birthday was Friday
of this same hellish week
filled with demands,
as usual,
but more so,
more self-prophetically entitled now;

A “big [supremely self-disempowering] girl”
as multiply messaged from school
and therapists
and family,
jonesing to live with submissive peers
who will best be lesser care receivers
as she intends to appropriate all care giving staff,

Demanding preferred foods,
and music
and stories
and dance,
and diaper change
and bed
and bath times
ignoring needs of lesser beings;

Like living with a constantly ticked off Gaia
showing us who’s our jealous Boss
in response to our climate endangering ways
of patriarchal colonization
disrespecting matriarchal communion,
ecological creolization.

Demanding routines she and I have evolved
since she was five,
unable to see up,
only downstream,
unable to hear well,
unable to speak in consonants
articulate enough to defy caregiver ignorance,
lack of subservient cooperation,
submission to her aggressively iron will,
triggering every slaveholder
property owner
reactionary nerve in my husband’s long-term
matriarchal-limned
unnerved memory.

Our more cooperative and trust-building relationship
soon took care of Gaia’s communication problems
but we created, thereby,
a princess entitled ‘I win so you lose’ monster
of immediate and really loud
NEED!

Yet, now that she is maturing to leave this nest,
how much do I need her
to keep me safely home at night
and off the larger terrifying climate stage
of degenerating ecopolitical performance?

On the following Sunday morning,
I was to sing “Let Your Little Light Shine”
a less popular spiritual,
and at least not unnatural,
gospel message;

A sung prayer from enslaved history,
humiliating origins surviving valleys of vulnerable despair
by holding up
and out
dim fading lights of hope,
sometimes accessible from other enslaved properties
with more resilient hope in green and brown and black
communion.

On Saturday night
my heart spoke of grief
lost in deep dark valleys
isolated
abandoned
down-sized
empty-nested
shallow-chested
ancient old person despair,

And my lungs sagged
pushing against narrow edges of freezing panic

Terror about forgetting left-brain words
and reminders of past sung and danced solo performances
not nearly as fun
enriching
fulfilling
health wealthy
as past group participation
in full-nested harmony
synergy
resonance
regenerativity
sacred communions spiritual
while naturally co-present

Green
and brown
and black,
ultra-nonviolet
and transparently clear.

On Sunday morning,
after earning a strategically planned
full night’s rest,
I felt much worse

Unable to imagine leaving my sanctuary
much less singing
much less performing
a song longing for the Lord
to shine even the faintest ray of hope
down into this valley of well-earned despair,

A grey climate of hopelessness,
nihilistic thoughts,
narcissistic preoccupations
trapped in a shrinking fragile egocentrism.

I took an anti-depressant
which got me to the church on time
but now feeling anxiously disembodied
within my own Beloved Sanctuary
too universally white
straight
and too removed from outside green
and family brown
and EarthTribe Native black resonant voices,
fragrances,
touch,
tasting and seeing.

I could not remember words,
or think of alternative reasonable sounds,
could not find my opening pitch,
felt deserted by a cappella
absence of accompaniment,
by a choir relegated to background support services
rather than foreground cooperative resonance
of care giving
co-passioning care receiving.

But, there was something else
bad,
REALLY bad,
a repugnance that stayed with me
through rehearsal,
through first
and then final performance
and on through the return home
after a technical tepid success
lacking the resonance of producing music
transcending rhythm and pitch and lyrics
demanding better held and managed light systems
for my self-isolating despair

Afraid of drowning
in this internal river valley.

Although not sure what happened Sunday night,
I awoke next morning to emotional fragility,
again
to fears of too much aloneness, loneliness,
worries about ageing in a place not quiet enough
from road rage
and too demanding of soil
and water
and energy stewardship,
warm accompaniment,
propriety of grace,
cooperative well-being.

What was different, on this reawakening,
was recognizing my,
and our,
monocultural misappropriation,
supremacist ideation
of “Let your little light shine”
as if we are, and I am,
the Lord’s great solo hope
for all the autonomous
disconnected
apartheid
indigenous nature/spirit
EarthTribe life-systems
of healthy care giving/receiving
singing and dancing in revolving circles
of gospel fire,

Choired resonantly together
in active shared home harmonies,
extending families back through enslaved ancestors
reminding an AfroCentric Lord
this light begins
from hope sung dance together
with multiculturally resonant intelligence

Leaving no one behind
trying to soulfully enlighten
my darkest valley of despair.

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League of EcoFeminist Rainbow Conservation Voters

There is this thought,
in Leagues of Voters,
continually arising
from East to West
and South to North
and Left to Right,

That we need to make win/win nice
with our mammalian cousins
on land and sea
or only mean old reptiles
and hungry predative birds and insects
will remain
to design Earth’s future cultures
and regenerations.

Others feel this prejudice
for wombs over eggs
and nuts
and seeds
is merely ignorant elitism,
as if humanimals
are not capable of reacting
like rattlesnakes
and scorpions
wherever and whenever our environmental climate
fails to comfort
and entertain us.

Womb supremacists
and egg empiricists
and seed originalists
all agree,
regardless of ZeroZone resourceful structure,
win/win cooperative economies
are healthier than win/lose ego-empowering constitutions,
whether capital declared
or politically implied
by organizing skills fostering more wars and competition
more than love and cooperative education.

This reminds me of a Japanese saying,
There is luck in the last portion.

Whether good luck or bad,
well-wombed or bad-seeded,
this saying leaves to us
to predict and actively hope for
or against.

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Mother’s Mother

My mother’s mother and I were very close.
We needed each other
in diversely validating ways.

She needed to know
experience
hear and see and feel and touch
a healthier love of mutual regard
than she felt she achieved
with any of her three daughters.

I needed to feel
I was some loved adult’s most significant event,
most vulnerable and transparent grace
for who I felt and knew I was
yet to gay become
without any need to change
what I could not internally rearrange.

When I was a senior in high school
this grandmother became sick with cancer
and depression,
mortal doubts and fear.

I knew this
not because I had visited her
but because my parents
and aunts
whispered their hopelessness
before repeatedly reminding me,
There is nothing I can do
to help her
or prepare myself
for such great loss,
perhaps less great,
more relief,
for them.

But they were wrong.
Wrong about my grandmother.
Wrong about me.
Wrong about us, together.

I knew her favorite hymns.
I was her favorite voice.
We needed no other instruments,
percussive or lyrical.
We had enough time
to revisit our music lessons,
Lyrics are tools for young friendship
Not weapons against old enemies.

Precious Lord
take my hand,
Lead me on
when I can’t stand.
I am tired,
I am weak,
I am worn.
Through these trials,
Through this storm,
Lead me on
Precious Lord.

And so we sang
and so I danced
and told her favorite story
of beds too hard,
of friends too soft,
and a child who sings just might

Of Earth too hot
and river beds too soft
and motherlands too cold
and us, now growing distant,
yet singing this last time
just right.

 

 

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The Naked Emperor Intervention

Oh my goodness!

I was just thinking about Erik Erikson,
psychoanalyst and essayist,
and his social analysis thing
about the U.S.
stuck in perpetual competitive
in-grown
culture-ungrown adolescence.

And Erikson suddenly reminded me of one of my dreams last night.

When The Donald
and a few black-suited security robots
visited AllSouls sanctuary.

I was singing in the choir
to the choir
as white-privileged usual.

But, when he slurped in
our ecofeminist minister
invited him to “Grow up!”

“Stop acting like a junior high
military school bully.
Let go of the golf clubs and take up surfing.
Have more fun
without passing your unpaid bill on
to already unhappy
un-privileged
depreciated ungreat over-populations.
Go back to private life.
Learn how to actively love
and healthily entertain
your own family
with Win/Win non-violent communication games
and organic garden planning
and integral Permaculture Design practices,
and cooperative ownership,
and compassionate self-management.
Try appreciating (not depreciating)
some health/wealth organic farming property.”

“Go back to school
and learn some basic Win/Win community health-organizing techniques
for non-violent resilient communicating
with what you say
and what you listen to
and what you do
and what you choose not to do
still matters to EarthTribe’s future healthy outcomes.”

“Stop pretending to be a Win/Lose adolescent
still trying to remember your Win/Win hopes and dreams
when you were still in your EarthMother
gasping for your first in and out rebalancing breath.”

“I am not your disappointing mother!
We are not your emotionally neglectful and inaccessible parents.
Stop punishing us
for not worshiping the ground
your Win/Lose ZeroSum soul walks on.”

“Do something that might make us want to worship the ground
we walk on compassionately together.”

Then the security robots started snickering
right there in our Green AllSouls Sanctuary.
And then Donald did too
as he turned around to actually blush
(who knew!)
and a bit less slurpily exit,
just like a teenager
slouching out
almost the way he came in,

Except smiling through his blushing Win/Lose eyes
not just his Loseconomic/Losecologic
health-depreciating
critical-noneventful fake-smile mouth.

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Engaging the Family Laundry

Perhaps infertile
incomplete
unwashed memories
of elder v younger,
Goliath v David,
crusades v communion
critical, yet part of chronic, events
speak extended family disengagement truth
to powerful dirty laundry engagement failures.

That disclaimer said,
I have two incomplete conversations
in mind and heart
and what I hope I will eventually learn
from mistakes in anemic compassion
too thin for nobler listening opportunities.

When I was sixteen,
I courageously confronted my dad
about his white supremacist beliefs,
which would not endorse slavery
but were oppressively too comfortable
with White nationalism
and patriarchal white-washed privileged capitalism
Win/Lose meritocracy theology,
teleology,
evolutionary ethology,

God’s chosen evidence of Black and Brown unfortunate
lack of pure enough LeftBrain intelligence
to successfully care for their own intellectual
and physical
property/properties God given
but in a more niggardly way.

After all, if they were as full of divine grace as we are
then they never would have become forced migrant fieldhands
and robotic domestic servants
before we had robotic domestic servants,
properly satisfied with a basic shack,
self-grown food,
cotton-picking and sugar-caning uniforms,

Rented and unrented servants capable of learning
yet not relentlessly driven by passion
for deeper democratic health interdependent webs of life
empowered each day by dense political understanding,
robust economic awareness of who has power to sell
and who has insufficient power to redeem
what could never be naturally-spiritually commodified
without severely wounded ego-disintegrity,
social madness,
political fury.

When I asked my dad,
Why are you so sure people of color,
especially women,
are so intellectually and emotionally and and mentally inferior to you,
the WhiteMan
living in an all white rural community
and all white nationalist church
fully invested in a white
plutocratic
military-industriously colonizing
authoritarian mess?
And an all white school system
and all white county government
all your life?

He could not point to any experience
of his own white superiority
But he could pull out a Reader’s Digest article
regarding research on standardized LeftBrain tests
with unstated lexicon
and linguistic norms
of dialectally empowered WhiteEnglish DominantSpeak.

My WiseElder dad told me to read it
and get back to his more seniority self
if I had any further naive questions.

That was the end of that conversation.
Question asked
and self-declared orthodox textual reference answered.

A year ago
I asked my White nationalist evangelical older brother
if he would vote for D Trumpian again,
and, if so, why?
Given his Christian God of love
and his GoodNews evangelistic vocation
to bring universal peace
and uniting divine justice to all people
everywhere,
now and in rapturous kingdom at near ill-defined hand
of future Heaven
for all eternity,
red and yellow,
black and white,
they are precious
in His sight.

My brother responded,
While troubled by Trumpian narcissism,
and maybe over-wrought cynicism,
Trump’s anti-immigrant
anti-Islam sectarianism
are a good faith fit
for God scripturally written to be pissed off
about pagan idolatrous hedonists
and uppity women
and lying stealing greedy children
and people too stupid to get it
that God has been strategically designed
in a RightWing dominant WhiteMan’s ancient
fascist
apartheid image
of spiritualized
denatured seclusion.

Well, OK,
he explicitly said just the first part,
about keeping out the threatening anti-Christian,
pro-liberal ecofeminist choice,
anti-family values foreigners,
All for building an impermeable moat
around a White privileged patriarchal “Christian” nation
on an awesome well-lit hill,
originally intended to be democratically enfranchised
only for White male property-owners,
possibly including Black and Native American slave property,

But only White property-owners have historically correct autonomous rights
to carry automatic military rifles
and drive gas and oil-hog Hummers to an all-White church
in substantially Black and Brown Flint, Michigan.

When I asked him why keeping Muslims,
and perhaps other Black
and suspiciously Spanish-speaking Brown people out,
was more important to his Christian beliefs
than keeping democratic family health care in
and USA climate therapeutic care
at the top of our global investment budget,
even higher than our ballistic automated threat budget
designed to blow up people
and plants
and planet,
He said he had no interest in that conversation.

The only important conversation for us,
from his fundamental dogma-centered power position,
was how much of the King James Holy Bible
I have properly memorized and adopted,
not adapted,
and invited into my personal everyday relationship with Jesus.

The political Jesus,
unmarried Messiah
and Teacher of following GoodNews Truth
into universal interdependent compassion,
most accessible to a child, wounded and poor in spirit,
when Win/Win Truth invites GoldenRule conflict
between elders and siblings
about signs of extended family integrity
and wonders of divinely humane non-walled communion,
non-apartheid community,
non-violent communication…

Again, I digress
from explicit historical conversations
about experiential evidence for White nationalist privilege
on into internal implications for WinWin empowering communion
where I can sometimes Left with Right childlike balance,
still finding and grasping onto
universally inviting unitarian
co-operative laundry cleaning compassion.

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Advent Research

1. Surface,
respect,
and record current health beliefs,
valid and invalid,
useless and useful.

2. Ask “Do these mental models help us make the health we want
right now?”
Are they optimally effective,
integral,
mutually resonant?

3. Stimulate alternative,
diverse,
polypathic views about health experience past,
present,
future projected.

4. Develop a wealthy vision of what communion you want now
by integrating mental health models
supporting optimal future wealth
of cooperativity–
mental and physical,
spiritual and natural,
emotional and rational,
inductive and deductive,
theological and ecological.

5. Conduct, and learn from,
health dependent/wealth independent experiments,
competitive Win/Lose
Cause/Effect research,
and health-primary/wealth-secondary value maps
cooperative Win/Win cause-effect models
surfacing health/wealth intent,
respecting secular/sacred practices–
cooperative
transparent
vulnerable
intimate empowering communication strings
ego/eco-enlightening.

Extra health/wealth credits:
Invest year-end time revisiting validity
and utility
of personal
and familial identity models.

During Christmas Dinner,
Who are you?
Who are we together and apart,
both healthy and not quite so much?

What are the most significant secular and sacred events
of your life, so far?

Which of these ecstatically happened to you
more than you carefully planned to facilitate their unfolding?

And which unveiled themselves
enchantingly vice versa,
planned by self with others
for your mutually wealthy nutritional experience?

And which seem to transcend any competing,
distinguishable Source,
sacred or otherwise?

What future plans do you expect to implement
on behalf of your self
and other’s healthy wealth
of significant cooperative developing futures?
For compassion,
wealth of nutritional wisdom
mutually given and received.

What communion of healthy friendship do you most anticipate
with all EarthTribes,
all ZeroZone Souls past,
and not yet born,
and not yet full health reborn,
not at all unlike your enchanting healthcare optimizing self?

Journeying into love as non-competing
non-violent peace
fulfilling healthy secular/sacred
left/right bicameral holonic integrity.

 

Note: Numbers 1 through 5 inspired by David Peter Stroh, “Systems Thinking for Social Change”

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