Tag Archives: relationship

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Windstorms of Neglect

Dearest Sons
and dearest Cinderella StepSister,
I regret ways I have failed each of you.

From today’s view of memory clips,
frames as farms of teaching-learning times,
my Great Lover Eldest, yet perpetually unfulfilled,
AfricanAmerican black male urban Thug,
driver of van repurposing other’s grateful loss,
transporting toward highest and best
ecologically healthy use.

You needed me to choose to continue bedside reading
just a little longer,
you wanted me to choose family-no-phone daily dinners,
just a little longer,
to choose not to add StepSister
to your adolescent chaos.
Your challenges with reading
other people’s emotional verbal rhythms
and rhymes with reasons,
speak to me of missed opportunities
to invest more eye-to-eye and same-room time,
rather than those other more nutritious monocultural choices,
the kind my dad made without me.

You needed and deserved more time invested
in revesting what it could mean to learn together
about muse and music,
about rhythms with natural rhymes,
cultural songs and political sounds and rapping economic voices
of poetry as temporal rounds of time’s seasons
investments in political
with cooperative economic treasons.

My middle shy wilting flower
MidWay Fluent Son.
Co-empathic gifted and cursed,
Polypathically resonant,
and therefore often suffering
through over-heated bright,
you needed more shared sun-screen time,
a partner in your fascination
winning cooperative relationships
bartering transactors,
on-line cooperatives,
competing team strategic outcome choices.

Life Game Outcome Values
assessed against
Cooperative Economic and PolyCultural Political WinWin
PolyNomial Objects with PolyPathic ReGenerating Objectives.

I always love our mutual WinWin
cooperating “both-and” cultural opportunities to share,
avoiding our competing “either-or” risks of wrong presumptions,
encoding Game Theory versions of Golden Rules with Natural Ratios
applied to all golden-natural ecosystemic relationships,
transactions bilaterally light and dualdark,
4D (0)-centric,
Tao-Soul Revolving RealTime,
BiLaterally Revolutioning LeftThink to RightFeel
to Left sadtry again.

My youngest son
who has no bodylanguage filters,
who cannot voice his temperate words
with languaged rhythms and icons,
to you I leave a human race
that has already paced too fast
to be sure we can sustain
a future that could support
your incubator and medical needs
in your own future’s less viable infants.

Who will sing with our damaged children in their own keys
of rhythm and joy and laughter,
where will your song be heard
as cherished elder-music memory?

Who will remember to tap your shoulders and back
and bounce your bum to the beat
of gospel and rhythms of blue light
speaking through your skin
“I hear it too, as do you?”

Who will hold you through
internal earthquakes
rolling across inside neural plates
seizing chaotic rhythms,
waves of seismic volcano rebirth,
struggling waves
surfing up and down
in as out as in again…?

You I leave your mindbody
as your beautiful song
and daily liturgy of dancing sounds
in resonant colors
of your warm love of light and scents transcendent
echoes of singing voices past,
ringing flowers singing
flowing through your veins,
beating your thumpthump heart,
breathing your in-out balanced flying mind as body
that could not walk.

My struggling StepSister Princess
baptized in embryonic toxic chemicals,
mixed slyly with MotherManna,
you are born to Yang monoculturally through
Cinderella life,
as Princess or Ugly StepSister,
your moment by moment,
hour by hour,
day by day choice.

For you there can only be one Sun Goddess
of EgoMe,
for whom all others were divinely sole-vested
for worshiping your Cinderella feet.

You vigorously want
and need
and expect Prince Charming
good and beautiful and truly healthy
and kind,
loving and good-faithing,
listening and fulfilling each hope
instantaneously,
whether for more or critically far less,
to have sole control of all you know,
exterior robotics serving interior ego-manic,
to Yang about by day,
and struggle against all night,
playing WinLose games of confrontation,
either-or assumptions,
when both-and are so obvious
with more bicameral-temporal-neural balance
than you could ever become.

I have given you all I have to invest,
all my Zero-interest EgoLeft/EcoRight MindBody
could think and dream of
to play and sing and story
in our puppet fable rhythms
of superheroes and romantic witches
of hope as a shared magic smile
over humor that is most certainly
not politically correct.

You sing up,
I dance down.
You say smile,
I smile frown
upside down.
You say yes,
I say notnot.
You say why,
I say forgot.
You say did not,
I say you caught me,
our co-elating truth,
StepSister don’t now how
to give a shit,
to return our opposite
with her own,
economy of survival
in her made up
why dogs eat cats
dipolar dissonantly dialected
neural challenged world.

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Neediest of All

It’s sad to look in mirrors
and see a needy one
a greedy one for two,
to want love more
than anyone
you would ever dare to know.

It’s hard to play love’s prodigy
without first sowing what we reap
regenerating deep time lust
through eye to eye health care,
when taking care of this one you love
brings co-therapeutic love,
then loving love seen through lover’s eyes,
grows love of love ourself.

It’s sometimes OK to see oneself
as greedy for prodigious self-esteem,
to know love for more than one ego
you would ever care to grow.

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Sacred Full Moon Howl

Our time has come
to turn from dance
with Owl’s night-wise Medicine,
deep negentropic listening,
wide empathic languages and iconic myths
of syntax flowing metaparadigms,
we reach across Full Moon labyrinth
to ego die as eco-diastatic pleasure
in contented Presence
within as without,
struggling with letting go of anger
for our ignorance.

Frustration with our own slow to learn sense
that our best years are behind us,
if only because we prefer
to die in wealth of Full Moon’s co-messianic birth.

To struggle through this narrow breach
of polypathic pilgrimage this dark MidWay Eve,
to relinquish all fear of fear
of folding and refolding incarnation’s timeless eco-synergy,
timeless Being Present
as ReGenerative Issue
of ProGenitor Full Moose Moon Medicine,
HumaneSelf as SacredOther poly-empathic esteem,
Prime Ego/Eco-Elational CoIdentity.

Silent nights for lack of echoing resonant laughter
are not most Holy Nights,
as purgation’s Advent waiting
opens sublime ecotherapy of Earth Rights and Wrongs
are Ours,
WE Wide Web of Earth Tribes,
emerging from Heaven and Earth Co-Present

hours and days and seasons
regenerating bicameral laughter
with deep co-respect
and deepest co-arising Presence,
eco-smiling with coherently inclusive rememory
of warm waving co-gravitating humor
in love as life spread wild as moonlight
on this CoElational Eve.

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Advent ReGenerative Round

There once was a messiah with crown
so heavy it caused him to frown
when he gave it away
some folks say to this day
it grew lighter while revolving around.

There once were most men with dementia
so heavy it caused them homophobic hornetia
when they co-operated away
women say to this day
they grew brighter while playing relentia.

There once was a species competitive
so heavy it paused their revolving co-operative,
when ego turned round
then eco rewound
and Earth grew collaterally revolutative.

There once was a Julian Jaynes,
he noticed our bicameral brains
our Left sends petitions
to Right’s prime time conditions
so confluent brains think thru Memory’s long strains.

There once was a Kuhn with a thistle
to explode seductive reason’s reductive whistle,
he said transitions revolve
faster than status quo paradigms evolve
producing a more optimally cooperative new epistle.

There once was a Buckminster Fuller
who found competing economics quite politically duller
than intelligent co-operatives
for networking our ReGeneratives
to grow optimal Tipping Point rudders.

There once was a speaker of Tao
who noticed nature’s patterns of Time,
he said that our space
carries time’s bicameral memory of place
a Win-Win polynomial function of spacetime
or Lose-Lose monopolistic dysfunction of time’s rhyme.

There once was a Gregori Perelman
who listened to Group Theory’s binomial Time span
he stuck in a zero
and out plopped a Zen hero
for mythically logical pan-sexuall fans.

There once was a Clay Math dissonance
challenging polynomially irrational informance
it took a long time
to hear monomial’s rhyme
Left’s binomial balance evolves Right’s polypathic abundance,
confluence,
wu-wei-ance
MidWayence.

There once was a mathematician named Euler
who thought of time’s space as co-ruler
prime relational function
forms places with gumption
convex over concave, zero eco-logic of Fuller.

We once were Yang rulers wih crowns
so full YinYin co-arisingly frowned,
she begged for contentment
defined double-bound contentious-mint
to TipTop her smile ‘fore She drowns.

We once struggled against pre-millennial Left-brain dominance
refusing to struggle with PostMillennial CoResonance
when we gave ego away
P=NP as spacetime’s PolyEcoCultural Way
evolved enlightenment co-operating a round.

There once were co-messiahs with competing crowns
so heavy they caused us to wilt and frown
when we gave ego away
some ecocentric folks say Advent day
grew enlightened while solsticing around.

We once were all Yangers with crowns
so heavy they competitively frowned
when we mid-sized them away,
spacetime’s eco-cultural way,
we rebirthed enlightenment, co-arising a TransParent Ground.

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Culture’s Driver

How are ya Harry?

How are ya Sue?

It’s been too little smiles:

You are my sunshine,

Unforgettable Sue…

It’s been too many miles

of egocentric unbalanced siloes of monoculturally satiated feeding

But, I still remember you

through streams of hazy octave harmonies, fractal echoes of shadowy smoke

and mirrors reflecting bilateral timelessness as bicameral eco-logicalness,

flowing strings dancing with RNA revolving rings

of Yes = double-binding no synaptic resistance to co-gravitation

defining Positive Bicameral Eco-Consciousness.

Note: Italics informed by “Taxi Driver”, Harry Chapin.

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Gypsy Homebound

Heart is where my home finds graceful relationship,
where my soul simply IS,
my memories of becoming,
of being at my best,
sometimes my worst,
but always my most full, complete,
most abundantly contentious and content.

Home unveils life’s liturgy.
This home where I was conceived
and born
has rebirthed me each dawn
and decomposed through all my dream time,
where I grew up and out,
where brother moved away
from where I was married,
from where I buried my grandparents,
and then my parents.

As my body houses identity
my home houses body.
While home and self-identity can be distinguished
one from the other,
this is never a benign or wisely severing discrimination;
better as a distinction without prospects for contented difference,
dishearted separation.

My soul and mind and body fade and wilt
withdrawn by force and circumstance
from embryonic being.
To awaken or sleep away
in any profanely alien place,
without power or even hope to return
to more sacred memoried space,
fades my eyes and ears and nose,
my skin down to my spinal bones,
despair this senseless loss of sense
of life and breath and bread that once was mine
and could be mine to share again.

My home is where I live
my view of neighbors and town and Earth and life
flowing sedately toward, then past too quickly
on my backyard river of memory,
greeting ducks and swans
herons and eagles soaring by
to hunt this fertile rippling home with me
now fading into memory
as memory shades to sympathy and apathy,
and apathy to this sad self-isolation
from my heart’s dismembering womb.

Lavish price for a new bodied home
invites sublimating new with best familiar practices and intents,
artifacts of golden relational memories from past days
and life
and home,
reframed by unfamiliar
but gracefully welcoming
trees
and birds
and weeds.

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Fuller Wattage Please!

Alan as Buckminster
delivers Fuller Watts.

Left-Brain partisans of deductive “prickles”
and Right-Brain partisans of inductive “goo”
have reduced their mutually antagonistic arguments
into something resembling a pile of boorish poo.

Prickly Republicans are tough-minded,
rigorous competitors,
precise calculators of economic wealth priorities.

Meanwhile,
Gooey Democrats are tender-minded romanticists
loving wide generalizations
and grand syntheses,
like this one,
so I guess we all know my enculturation history
and gooey ecological health proclivity.

Robert Norton
commends optimizing communication
between Prickly and Gooey,
and all the GooeyPricklies in between,
commence with Zero-Soul enthymemes
of nondual co-arising consciousness.

Similarly,
C. G. Jung
commends optimizing Great Transitional Revolutions
through historical-cultural enantiodromia,
the Tipping Point of co-arising cultural gravitation,
attaining our extreme Left-Brain dominant moment,
points where we begin to turn into its own deduced Midway,
of Left-Right co-arising bilateral consciousness,
that nomials are relational verbs,
coherently binomial
Convexly Yangish Prickle
with Concavely YinYin Goo.

Co-gravitating consciousness is positive polynomial
consciousness of nature’s intelligent in-formation,
confluent awareness,
including comprehension of cognitive/emotive dissonance
as emotional obscuration
is everything else we might know
as eco-identified Prime Zero-Relational
square-rooted fractal Soul.

Co-arising coincidence of experience and knowledge
redeems interdependent purpose-meaning assumptions
as reiteratively enthymematic enantiodromio dipolar syntax
evolves cooperatively confluent eco-normic in-formation forward,
as synergetics predicts and optimizes
coincidental Universal Intelligence outcomes
of inclusive diverse natures,
including PrickleGoo
as Yang/Yin bilaterally balancing space-time,
co-gravitationally comprehensive consciousness.

Relationship says Yes! positive
as double-binding mutual immunity
murmurs not-not yet…

PrickleGoo Co-Arise our Polycultural Revolution,
love your mutual antagonism as mutual self-immunity,
complete our universal unitarian speciating identity
of nature’s zero-soul prime ecto/endo symbiosis.

Ecotherapy is to ecological health
as Ego’s Co-PrickleGoo Balance is to eco-normic wealth.

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Struggling Love

I know
you know
you stole our property,
our mutual possession,
our sense of co-ownership,
of belonging together
to grow our health forever.

I know
you took it for your sole ungrateful possession,
to use for your co-dependent purposes,
not a subject for open communication,
further evolution of whom we were becoming
together.

You know
I know
you stole our mutually co-arising trust
in cooperative objectives and views and color-filled perceptions,
you removed our room for cooperative gratitude,
replaced with anger and fear of future isolation,
divorce.

We both know
with deeply resonant intuitive integrity,
this critical event in our relationship cannot redeem,
re-direct,
re-connect,
our co-arising healthy trajectory
without mutually acknowledging
our sense of excommunicating loss and suffering
to have stolen
and to have been thereby co-laterally severed
from co-expansive gratitude,
replaced by co-condensing anger burning entropy,
absence of healthy wealth
through love’s reiterating Commons of communication.

We both know
If I am generous toward you,
if I “gift it forward” in your direction,
and you feel gratitude in response,
and express that gratitude through your deeds
and words
then you redeem and co-arise further generosity of love;
While not feeling and/or not expressing gratitude
in non-response
absorbs and dampens and depresses love
into our co-dependent toxicity of habit
where new creative loving life once grew.

We both are sane
as love will grow in our time
and organically chosen,
integratively intended, places,
relationships,
transactions.

We both are crazed
as other competing loves
still hunt and gather to fill in our gaps
and fracturing losses.

We all trust
our cosmological economy of synergy
evolves cooperatively reiterating gratitude,
human naturally reflected in love’s economy
co-arising generosity.

We mistrust
unilateral love, like lust,
so discontenting,
raises encrusted mountains of anger
deep flowing lava rivers of fear.

We respond
with trust and respect and care,
with practice and intent of generosity
until we no longer understand response as gratitude,
until chronic patterns feel empty of generosity returned,
redeemed,
replaced with judgment or apathy
too often swelling into anger and fear,
hunting and gathering and stealing
standing in for trust and respect and care.

I react
unwilling to continue this generous intent
because you steal my trust in our future
as co-arising health.

Struggling but still vigorously healthy love
evolves and sustains co-arising generosity
and mutually reiterative gratitude,
which would be no exception to our daily norm,
our default expectation of nature’s rich abundance,
if not for our mutual lack of gratitude,
iconically captured in Win-Lose economics
and anti-evolutionary cultural assumptions.

Love evolves
mutual economic generosity
as synergy revolves co-arising ecological paradigms,
systems and species,
cooperativity creation,
or love falls unrequited,
unredeemed,
stolen and absorbed into competitive mutual immunity,
heading toward entropically co-condensing selves,
cells of apathy and anger,
cancerous hurt and swollen suffering.

Love is risk
which often pays generous returns,
opportunities to invest further in healthy directions,
in relationships of evolving wealth.

We are free
to choose to stop loving
in response to suffering and ignorance and apathy,
anger and fear and hatred,
aimed at us by those we have invited into our trust;
free to stop responding to loss as mutual theft
with further generosity defusing integrity,
honesty,
because we feel too exhausted to survive
feeding toxic co-dependency
where we would nurture healthy co-redemption
of mutual investment in trust, caring,
this grace of cooperatively co-arising generosity.

I do not know
your quantities and qualities of need
for nurturing your healthy life.
If I have not offered generously
in response to your needs and wants and hopes,
don’t steal from me what was ours to mutually benefit
and then grow angry and fearful of how I may respond;
extend your generosity with me
just enough to help me understand
what you want
that I might have to give with gratitude.

Love is like a mountain,
majestic and beautiful to contemplate,
difficult to climb to the apex,
and harder still to survive there
to accomplish long-term healthy outcomes,
especially through cold winter nights.

Love presents life’s high stakes,
high risks for some nightmares,
high opportunities for some Great Day dreams.

 

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Home Shopping Interview

Shopping for a house,
hunting for a spouse,
same difference.

Do I want to only look at new ones,
never been used,
or is that a too-restrictive market,
too high-priced for domestic virginity?

I’d rather shop in a wider market,
someplace gently used,
well maintained,
someone with smooth varnished natural hardwood,
rich in character
and not the smell of new paint
when I could have wisteria and roses
lavender and mint
sage and dill
wafting through his big brown
or blue
or grey
or hazel open windows.

Houses and spouses,
if they’re not bringing you security and pleasure
then that’s a contract violation
and time to think about a divorce
so they can get back in the market
for a better fit with changing times and circumstances;
not stuck with a decade ago,
or two,
you’ve both changed.

Your needs and wants and preferences evolve,
while your spouse/house may feel
boxed in, no room for additions,
lack of flexible floor plan,
or any kind of plan,
too big or too small,
it happens,
you’ve changed your definition of paradise
and its not who you’re still living in.

The spouse/house seems entrenched in incompatibility,
it has only grown older, not better,
more cracks in the plaster,
wear in the rug,
missing more shingles on the roof,
the view from outside looks like a weed patch,
and you had intended to mortgage paradise.

While shopping used expands your market
it also comes with baggage,
crap in the attic
and stuff in the basement
others left behind.
All that good and/or bad karma
is yours for a down payment
but not part of what you bargain for.

What if somebody was murdered in here?
What if he’s swimming in toxic carcinogens,
tumorous habits
growing mold and fat deposits under the roof?

What is your house/spouse’s experience with abuse,
neglect,
deferred maintenance?

I’ve developed this list of questions
I would like to ask prior co-habitors,
before signing either a marriage or mortgage contract:
Why are the two of you going your separate ways?
Was this your decision
or did it feel more like your house/spouse
gave you no choice?

If it was your choice,
if you have moved on to something more to your liking,
rather than slinking away from a smelly situation,
then what does your current relationship offer you
by way of contentment,
peace with some justice,
that is lacking in my prospective investment?
If you don’t mind my asking?

Perhaps there were reasons
unrelated to your domestic satisfaction,
or lack thereof.
Maybe you couldn’t afford your house/spouse anymore?
Is he high maintenance, do you think?
Too heavily taxing,
bleeding you through inflated costs of living
and gaming?

Are there problems in the neighborhood
extended family
that I should know about?

Does the plumbing still work?
Are the lights on but nobody’s home?
Would you recommend your house/spouse
to your best in-the-market friend?
Why or why not?

What interior
and exterior landscape
and design issues did you have?
Is this a job for a barber or a bulldozer,
a therapist or a demolition contractor?
What did you find were your house/spouse’s interior
and exterior strengths for future development?
With your lived-in experience,
who do you think would be the ideal domestic partner
for your former home?
And, don’t just say it would be me
because you’re tired of the alimortgage payments.

Seems like if they’re not f***in’ with you
then they’re bleeding you blind,
or both.
But,
when they play nice,
inside and outside,
then I can’t imagine why
anybody would mortgage with me.

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De-composting Love

Can you truly love a rock,
you’ve never directly seen or touched,
or some other relatively inanimate object,
like ego-centrism,
or a steel wall?

If so, then how is your love
different from a more unilateral “appreciate you”?

If not, then what is different between your “love”
and your “co-passions”,
compassion,
passion with and toward,
but not “passionate energy received from,” necessarily,
or, Yes! Necessarily!?

How do you know your love is also co-passion,
reiterated and returned,
however un-equivalently expressed it may be?
Is this not a matter of positive teleological faith,
of enthymematic hope,
in that boundary time between stimulus and response,
before and after,
subject and objective,
identity and relationship,
in an environ-mental health that is,
by default,
setting aside mutual immunity barriers,
to more courageously and opportunistically co-habitate,
co-incident,
co-passion love,
rather than fear, anger, anxiety,
all dissonance settings of negative default,
oppressive to self,
suppressive of others’ natural positivity,
default tipping point barometer,
that the value of one positive opportunity
edges out double-binding disvalues of two passively negative non-risk takers,
hoarding against a future
more fully defended as a contentious ally of death-defying hope.

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