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Widowed ComPassion

Said the old widow cook
to the drag queen son
feeding his/her dying abusive dad,
while offering her nurturing donation:

“I don’t want your money.
We’re not savages, yet.”

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Loving Jose

Yes, Jose,
this is another love letter
from anthroprivileged me
to LeftBrain dominant you
for multicultural us.

I’m still here
sinking into my deep blue camp chair
with feet resting on a weathered
wooden platform
for my monastic tent

Now folded
and masterfully squeezed into its storage bag
like a fat green sausage
with a thick
black fly zipper,
secure,
awaiting it’s next orgasmic coming out
to camp and play.

And you,
warm and glistening
listening you,
are still driving
west toward this transition
Saturday’s bittersweet sunset.

Perhaps already lonely
thinking
of what
and feeling whom
lies ahead
while all else feels left behind

Another week of adventure lost;
another week of memories gained

Yet memories have grown cacophonous
while adventures in knowing
new frontiers
grow old as shrinking Earth
grown bodies

Fading hope to feel
taste
see
hear
smell
touch abundantly enough
for this full life
experiencing love
quenched time

Comparing future now to back there then,
wishing we could have us all
warm and pleasant
in our head,
heart,
bed of intimacy
without embarrassing
premature limits,
boundary issues,
health precautions.

You tried to apologize
for not asking more
about my wounded kids

And I did not think to apologize,
but wonder, now, that I didn’t,
for not asking how you are feeling
and dealing
post prostate cancer

Remissions
feel like uncertain transitions,
undemanding admissions
both healthy opportunities
and diseased risks
lie beyond this day’s journey
toward Albany.

Perhaps you,
like me,
fear
and already feel
loss of intimacy
imagined
yet not touched,
thought
but not appreciably,
healthy needed
but not safely found,
sacred bound
for joy’s immense integrity.

When I walked into our group’s enclosed porch
this past Sunday
for my first check-in circle,
your first facilitation,
I thought of my former boss.

You look and sound
like Bishop Tafoya,
when he was your age
and I was half your age.

I had trouble
shaking this sage off.

It helps
that you sing
with warmth and passion
in fulsome baritone,
as the good Bishop
decidedly did not.

Nor could I imagine him
dancing with a white scarved fan
with integrity
flirtatious machismo
joyfulness
deeply resounding playfulness.

Do you have a type?
I wonder
Are you familiar with mine?

Those romantic,
erupting into erotic,
miracles of preference
we cannot control
or calm our appetites
to accept
AND appreciate,
anticipate
those with us
here and there
in and out of Gayla 44,
after and before
now heading west
away from east.

So much to hide,
to learn,
to unveil,
to set aside
for graceful aging,
and to warmly embrace
for compassioned wisdom
felt together,
rather than silently,
less sacredly,
apart.

The Center’s lunch bell rang
and now has gone

Absorbed by quiet shushing
and rustling
high in evergreens
baking in Mama’s summertime
weekend of commerce
and less commercial passions,
traffic rituals,

Pre-empting ancient natural liturgies
of sea,
flowing water
and strong mountains
inspiring bonfires
bond-fire between rising
and falling phoenix
conjoining
co-investing
multi-generational passions;
daddies and sons,
masters and slaves,
tops and bottoms,
poles and holes,
straights and rounds,
dipolar co-arising

Riding forward home
to what continues repurposing why,
reworking hidden meaning
as yet unredeemed
in sensory Business As Usual

Backward east
returning promises
of safe and healthy
bright happy new dawns
transcending broken hearts,
troubled mind’s
loss of time’s
most cherished values

Love’s integral compassions
resting first
returning last

Already
I miss you
ready to miss us.

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Feeling Anxious

When I feel anxious,
threatened,
endangered by mortal loss
of an immortality
never organically promised
for perpetual pleasures of compassion,

When I feel anxious
aging toward permanent disability
before my Wise Elder fruition
returns to brain fog
from which I came
in embryonic form
and flow
and function,

When I feel anxious
about unmerited,
or,
even worse,
merited infamy
as my destiny
rather than fame
fortune
flowering time,
what do I need?
want?
crave for pleasure
purpose
practice
praxis
just protocol
performance
peace persistence
proper procedures,
and, perhaps,
sacred organic meaning?

When I feel anxious
do I need
deep verbal and non-verbal connections
to those who share a home
with still embodied me?

Do I want reconnections
with healthy neighbors
co-cultivating an intentional
conscious
aware
woke
win/win curiously active
healthy and safe
green eco-political community?
resiliently resonant communion?
co-passionate communication network?

Does my own internal RightHemisphere
need healthy and safe communion
while my own activist LeftHemisphere
wants to restore justice
through nonviolent communication
between multiculturally informed,
prescient win/win community mediators?

Do I seek fellow hearty
and healthy Me/We sighted
and cited
home-sited organizers?
committed, yet playful, musicians,
political poets,
cooperative co-investors
in healthy democracy
resilient
resonant
buoyant EarthTribe advocates
combining party lines
for win/win strategic thrival

When I feel anxious
do I also need
to solitary write
or sing and dance,
or hum
quietly alone
with no witness
but my own?

When feeling anxious
slowly turns
to considering curious anticipation
beyond dark dread,
must I always remain quite so shy?
about intimacy,
hesitant to publish internal dialogue
free of censoring
potentially consensual fear
about patriarchal capitalist
investments in LeftHemisphere
white privileged
straight male dominance
as the healthy-safe opposite
of conspiracy theories
and transcendently divine
dogmas justifying inhumane
punishments.

When I feel free
to anticipate
our safe and healthy
EarthTribe future,
do I seek
Polycultural Cooperative Investments?
formed by Elder Indigenous Mind,
panentheistically sacred memory
co-empathically robust
health speaking
nonverbally felt
deeply resilient
nutritious
deep nurturing
positive socio-psychological
eco-political
multiculturing wealth.

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Cooperative Journeys

It interests me,
this journey into the garden
each spring
to notice how diverse vegies
and flowers,
edibles
and ornamentals,
pollinators
and soil enrichers,
work cooperatively together
when they can

My own planning part
notices potential competitions,
for light
water
deeper top soil,
but these pursue
optimizing cooperation
to jointly thrive,
not competition
to barely survive
trauma,
stress,
pain,
loss,
duress.

While sitting in the shade
looking over a host of community gardens
enlivened
and enriched
by cooperative community gardeners,

I recall business
and even public sector classrooms
worshiping at the win/lose altar
of capital investment

Sure,
without responsible question,
that at the end of our lifetime journey
we will be celebrated by our successful oppressions,
suppressions of the vanquishable
repressions of the feminist weak
within ourselves
our gardens
our families
and compassionate friends.

This has not been my experience,
that I am celebrated by,
and for,
those I have divested of
like obstacles to overpower,
mere consumer subjects
to satiate into silence,
to financially abuse,
to emotionally neglect.

Whether contemplating
another spring season
of cooperative community gardens
or harvesting reasons
at the end of a long midsummer dream

In which we are religiously celebrated
for our multicultural passions
and polycultural communion,
participating in EarthTribe’s
cooperatively redemptive journey
back toward green
pristine Eden.

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What Is This Thing?

What is this thing
called mortal love?
Yet not a Thing
at all

At least a Relationship,
Which, of course,
requires two or more
to adore-fully dance
or, divorcing,
fall

Back into Earth’s green ball
planting and replanting health
without one sign to recall
LeftBrain conserving dominance
preserving StraightWhiteMale prominence
throughout his-story’s clumsy appall

Peace brokers wondering,
How grows this integrity,
felt immortal passion
not not mortally unknown
after bodies
and before spirits
good health natured
co-arising All

These sacred relationships
for Earth’s immortal love
in one dynamic place,
passions springing forth
toward warm best known
recall.

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HealthCare Requiem

So here we are
now together in this eternal circle
around death’s latest victim
in our apartisan lives.

We pause,
each to invite a quieter humbling access
to silent comfort
from this ministering circle

Each, and together,
facing this our inevitable personal
frighteningly human,
naturally spiritual
and inspirationally natural trauma

Asking forgiveness from ourselves
and each Other in this soon parting Circle,
letting go of flawed relationships
in which we have done and said,
and too often not peacefully done
and said,
harm to ourselves
and to these encircled Others

Here doing our health and wellness best
we can
knowing some days and nights
like this death day,
with nighttime fears
and angers against cruel
and unusual mortality,
we will add to our shared ecology
and theology
of Trauma:

[invite Circle to add their own feelings]

Loss
Suffering
Pain
A degenerating climate
Hopelessness
Despair…

Yet, also in this Sacred Pause
before dispersing
shared Death’s hard inevitability,
we may also invite remembering
this our circling resonance,

When,
in our most robust compassion moments,
health care giving
is also wealth receiving resilient
brilliant,
physically empowering
and spiritually enlightening

We embrace
and celebrate our recircling Trauma facing
sacred place
warmly regarding space

For all that we have said and done
and have not said and not done
from heart-felt compassion
with ____;

[full name of deceased/ing]

This inside silent day
and dark night,
and those before
and yet to come
trusted truths
and healthiest beauty
circles gathering Earth’s compassion
celebrating this sacred pause in Life.

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Engaging Green Integrity

Not competing he
Not fleeing me,
Meaning found
through womyn We,
swimming bicamerally.

Impatient exhale lost,
curious slow-grown inhale gained.

Meaning found
in liberty
gaining win/win energy
as tangible as CapitalHeaded currency,
not autonomously
but interdependently
full-flowing integrity,
synergy.

Denial lost,
engagement gained.

Capital gains
empty with hoard rotted grains
fouled against a wet
sweat polluting air
of unfair drought
consuming future health investments

Perilous for mere
more anthrosupremacist consumers
of vanishing climate comforts

Like health care
wealth of cooperatives
steeped in synergy’s Win,
green in digenous organs
of cooperating natural
yet spiritual infrastructure
absent corrupting hierarchical sin,

Co-investing in
nonviolent intersectional communication
restoring multi-polycultures,
natural cooperative systems
eco-theological
spawning nature’s most spiritual communion

Drenched in digenous DNA’s
health wealthy engaged
enlightening
empowering
integrally interdependent
polypathic
bilateral optimizing
health systemic
wealth of meaning-filled
binomial design

Not so much by He,
Not just freely autonomous ego Me,

Meaning found
through yintegral health-yanging We,
bold integrity unfolding
bicamerally.

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Fear of Failure

I know you don’t want to hurt
or even disappoint
me

And I know you don’t want to hurt
yourself.

Yet still your shame
and self-blame hurt

Your self-judging
punishing closet frame
suffocates our transparent life
my caring curiosity craves,
and mutual vulnerability
our sharing courage braves.

Addiction to feeling happy
is not free
and connected to sensory satisfaction
nor to ego significant gratification
and certainly not natural and spiritual bilateral wealth
of healthy feeling substantiation,

Which, as you know,
I also recognize as body and mind healthy
choice voices.

Before you even small voice object,
I also recognize you may feel natural
or spiritual choice
has nothing to do with driving off
without “goodbye,
see you safely soon.”

If no physically tolerable choice
of resources to feed serotonin
and water dopamine,
I know, from years of isolated,
neglected experience,
how frightening loss of lonely ego-powered control
can feel.

Speaking not of choice,
but inside swatting interminable Voice
never still
until you self-shame
and blame
hiding hurts
and unfree frames
us both,
unhappy you,
not Here,

And me
loving enough for Us,
not yet Now

Still worrying
what will voiceless nonchoice happen
disempowered There
and unenlightened Then
suddenly Amen

Our silently uninvited End.

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Addicted to Suffering Loss

So, she said,
much to everyone’s BusinessAsUsual
StraightWhiteMale
surprise,

Sew,
I run into your aversion
to unpatriarchal Principles of Reversion
whenever I deeply listen
to your dark passions first,
then redial,
notice,
[occasionally speak]
as if I trust what I can win/win hear
in PreVersed
unrehearsed response

To liberal GoldenRule applications
of sacred theological Law
restoring ecological
Synergetic Order

Smelling and tasting,
Touching and feeling
and seeing cooperative reversions
redeeming dipolar sacred co-investments
in ecosystemic reversals
of secularizing bipolar egos inside
repurposing competitive god-like divestment
away from healthy choices
outside

Extractive
uncreating
pathological apart-heiding

Liberally enlightened co-passioning Left
and conservational empowering Right
disassociatively blind

Meaning double-binding repurposing
lose/lose reversion
illicit perversion
of unrehearsed win/win
integrity pre-versed.

Reverting win/lose depressing bipolar answers
into win/win impressive sacred dipolarizing questions
of what might
left and right
more cooperatively bright
resolve resiliently win/win?

Political democratic health
AND economic ecological wealth
co-transubstantiating
positive redoubling binary
reverse transitioning

As I recall domestic unvoiced revolutions,
Freud’s Principle of Reversion
has something patriarchal to do
with sexual perversion bisexuality
ambiguous both/and,
transgenderal sacred EarthMother
foreshadowing Father
non-resolved reverse attachments

Preversions of something extracted
distracting
retracting
Sigmund could not hope to positively experience
in a rapturous neurosensory way,

Even in his wildest polyvagal
non-heterosexual forced
found
bound
and gagged violent communication
kind of reversing sexual humanity
back to beast-animus/sacred anima
distant god/goddess rememory

YangHeaven overpowering
unenlightened EarthYintegrity
of dipolar/bipolar co-reversioned
liberating synergy

Which reverses degenerativity
in LaoTse’s Principle of Reversion
to Yang/Yintegral co-bodhisattva balance
in NonZero sums
of Original WholeEarth ReGenerative
dipolar energy

Supporting and healing
polyvagally egalitarian ego identities
while also interdependently individuating
organic peace and bionic justice ecosystems,
bicamerally communicating,
multilaterally congregating,
networking,
interfaithing,
multiculturing,
creolizing,
transubstantiating,
co-reversioning,
restorying Win/Win hopeful thinking
reverting lose/lose faithless feelings.

Taoist God/Dess integral Reversion
principally
primally reverses LeftBrain spatial subjects,
egocentric and metaphoric,
physical and metaphysical,
with RightBrain temporal interdependent objectives,
ecosystemic and analogically ecological
theologically synergetic

God v Goddess fractious ZeroSum integrity
inside ego-fractal NonZero Wholistic
metaphorically polyphonic Systemic
polynomially polypathic
polyvagally polymathic

NeuroSensory
Not(NotZero) wHoley enSpirited interfaith
polyculturally non-violent principles
of ultra-nonviolet re-communing language
wealthy choices

Peacemaking
the reverse of unhealthy war-building injustice

Reverse polarity
win/win restorying
EarthWealth enlightening peace
empowering justice
Principled Reverse of shouting

Dialogical harmonic singing
and interfaith synergetic dancing
metaphonic restorying
GreenGoddess ecofeminist
global ChristChild performance poets
slowdown listening
for ClimateMessianic healthy voices.

Unsew
what you have reverse reaped
so, S/He will resay,
much to everyone’s BusinessAsUsual
StraightWhiteMale
awesomely healthy unsurprise.

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RePurposing Anger

At last,
we are angry with each other
coincidentally,
simultaneously,
which may be a coincidence,
but probably not;

Depending on active faith
in linear cause-effect relationships,
leftbrain dominant yang powers,

And/or
circular dipolar co-arising
co-passioned effective unpolarized relationship,
causes v effects = effective causal recycles
of rightbrain both/and recessive yintegrity.

Now,
at last,
we have set our synergetic communication stage
to test this ancient hypothesis
that two negatives
are equal to a potential positive co-passion,
as polynomials
may equal not not polynomials

Where positive
also equals leftbrain healthy
and rightbrain safe

And negative anger
equals leftbrain liberally
communication healthy
when rightbrain feels conservatively safe,

Despite never considering this internal hypothesis
because of patriarchal
dualistic
win/lose capitalistic faith
in not not equivalent potential
for ego/ecosystemic win/wins

Despite respite death through life
ego/eco-recycles
repurposing timeless eternity
of unity
more flexibly equitable
than uniformity
of leftbrain thoughts
with rightbrain feelings.

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