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HealthCare Requiem

So here we are
now together in this eternal circle
around death’s latest victim
in our apartisan lives.

We pause,
each to invite a quieter humbling access
to silent comfort
from this ministering circle

Each, and together,
facing this our inevitable personal
frighteningly human,
naturally spiritual
and inspirationally natural trauma

Asking forgiveness from ourselves
and each Other in this soon parting Circle,
letting go of flawed relationships
in which we have done and said,
and too often not peacefully done
and said,
harm to ourselves
and to these encircled Others

Here doing our health and wellness best
we can
knowing some days and nights
like this death day,
with nighttime fears
and angers against cruel
and unusual mortality,
we will add to our shared ecology
and theology
of Trauma:

[invite Circle to add their own feelings]

Loss
Suffering
Pain
A degenerating climate
Hopelessness
Despair…

Yet, also in this Sacred Pause
before dispersing
shared Death’s hard inevitability,
we may also invite remembering
this our circling resonance,

When,
in our most robust compassion moments,
health care giving
is also wealth receiving resilient
brilliant,
physically empowering
and spiritually enlightening

We embrace
and celebrate our recircling Trauma facing
sacred place
warmly regarding space

For all that we have said and done
and have not said and not done
from heart-felt compassion
with ____;

[full name of deceased/ing]

This inside silent day
and dark night,
and those before
and yet to come
trusted truths
and healthiest beauty
circles gathering Earth’s compassion
celebrating this sacred pause in Life.

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Engaging Green Integrity

Not competing he
Not fleeing me,
Meaning found
through womyn We,
swimming bicamerally.

Impatient exhale lost,
curious slow-grown inhale gained.

Meaning found
in liberty
gaining win/win energy
as tangible as CapitalHeaded currency,
not autonomously
but interdependently
full-flowing integrity,
synergy.

Denial lost,
engagement gained.

Capital gains
empty with hoard rotted grains
fouled against a wet
sweat polluting air
of unfair drought
consuming future health investments

Perilous for mere
more anthrosupremacist consumers
of vanishing climate comforts

Like health care
wealth of cooperatives
steeped in synergy’s Win,
green in digenous organs
of cooperating natural
yet spiritual infrastructure
absent corrupting hierarchical sin,

Co-investing in
nonviolent intersectional communication
restoring multi-polycultures,
natural cooperative systems
eco-theological
spawning nature’s most spiritual communion

Drenched in digenous DNA’s
health wealthy engaged
enlightening
empowering
integrally interdependent
polypathic
bilateral optimizing
health systemic
wealth of meaning-filled
binomial design

Not so much by He,
Not just freely autonomous ego Me,

Meaning found
through yintegral health-yanging We,
bold integrity unfolding
bicamerally.

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Fear of Failure

I know you don’t want to hurt
or even disappoint
me

And I know you don’t want to hurt
yourself.

Yet still your shame
and self-blame hurt

Your self-judging
punishing closet frame
suffocates our transparent life
my caring curiosity craves,
and mutual vulnerability
our sharing courage braves.

Addiction to feeling happy
is not free
and connected to sensory satisfaction
nor to ego significant gratification
and certainly not natural and spiritual bilateral wealth
of healthy feeling substantiation,

Which, as you know,
I also recognize as body and mind healthy
choice voices.

Before you even small voice object,
I also recognize you may feel natural
or spiritual choice
has nothing to do with driving off
without “goodbye,
see you safely soon.”

If no physically tolerable choice
of resources to feed serotonin
and water dopamine,
I know, from years of isolated,
neglected experience,
how frightening loss of lonely ego-powered control
can feel.

Speaking not of choice,
but inside swatting interminable Voice
never still
until you self-shame
and blame
hiding hurts
and unfree frames
us both,
unhappy you,
not Here,

And me
loving enough for Us,
not yet Now

Still worrying
what will voiceless nonchoice happen
disempowered There
and unenlightened Then
suddenly Amen

Our silently uninvited End.

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Addicted to Suffering Loss

So, she said,
much to everyone’s BusinessAsUsual
StraightWhiteMale
surprise,

Sew,
I run into your aversion
to unpatriarchal Principles of Reversion
whenever I deeply listen
to your dark passions first,
then redial,
notice,
[occasionally speak]
as if I trust what I can win/win hear
in PreVersed
unrehearsed response

To liberal GoldenRule applications
of sacred theological Law
restoring ecological
Synergetic Order

Smelling and tasting,
Touching and feeling
and seeing cooperative reversions
redeeming dipolar sacred co-investments
in ecosystemic reversals
of secularizing bipolar egos inside
repurposing competitive god-like divestment
away from healthy choices
outside

Extractive
uncreating
pathological apart-heiding

Liberally enlightened co-passioning Left
and conservational empowering Right
disassociatively blind

Meaning double-binding repurposing
lose/lose reversion
illicit perversion
of unrehearsed win/win
integrity pre-versed.

Reverting win/lose depressing bipolar answers
into win/win impressive sacred dipolarizing questions
of what might
left and right
more cooperatively bright
resolve resiliently win/win?

Political democratic health
AND economic ecological wealth
co-transubstantiating
positive redoubling binary
reverse transitioning

As I recall domestic unvoiced revolutions,
Freud’s Principle of Reversion
has something patriarchal to do
with sexual perversion bisexuality
ambiguous both/and,
transgenderal sacred EarthMother
foreshadowing Father
non-resolved reverse attachments

Preversions of something extracted
distracting
retracting
Sigmund could not hope to positively experience
in a rapturous neurosensory way,

Even in his wildest polyvagal
non-heterosexual forced
found
bound
and gagged violent communication
kind of reversing sexual humanity
back to beast-animus/sacred anima
distant god/goddess rememory

YangHeaven overpowering
unenlightened EarthYintegrity
of dipolar/bipolar co-reversioned
liberating synergy

Which reverses degenerativity
in LaoTse’s Principle of Reversion
to Yang/Yintegral co-bodhisattva balance
in NonZero sums
of Original WholeEarth ReGenerative
dipolar energy

Supporting and healing
polyvagally egalitarian ego identities
while also interdependently individuating
organic peace and bionic justice ecosystems,
bicamerally communicating,
multilaterally congregating,
networking,
interfaithing,
multiculturing,
creolizing,
transubstantiating,
co-reversioning,
restorying Win/Win hopeful thinking
reverting lose/lose faithless feelings.

Taoist God/Dess integral Reversion
principally
primally reverses LeftBrain spatial subjects,
egocentric and metaphoric,
physical and metaphysical,
with RightBrain temporal interdependent objectives,
ecosystemic and analogically ecological
theologically synergetic

God v Goddess fractious ZeroSum integrity
inside ego-fractal NonZero Wholistic
metaphorically polyphonic Systemic
polynomially polypathic
polyvagally polymathic

NeuroSensory
Not(NotZero) wHoley enSpirited interfaith
polyculturally non-violent principles
of ultra-nonviolet re-communing language
wealthy choices

Peacemaking
the reverse of unhealthy war-building injustice

Reverse polarity
win/win restorying
EarthWealth enlightening peace
empowering justice
Principled Reverse of shouting

Dialogical harmonic singing
and interfaith synergetic dancing
metaphonic restorying
GreenGoddess ecofeminist
global ChristChild performance poets
slowdown listening
for ClimateMessianic healthy voices.

Unsew
what you have reverse reaped
so, S/He will resay,
much to everyone’s BusinessAsUsual
StraightWhiteMale
awesomely healthy unsurprise.

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RePurposing Anger

At last,
we are angry with each other
coincidentally,
simultaneously,
which may be a coincidence,
but probably not;

Depending on active faith
in linear cause-effect relationships,
leftbrain dominant yang powers,

And/or
circular dipolar co-arising
co-passioned effective unpolarized relationship,
causes v effects = effective causal recycles
of rightbrain both/and recessive yintegrity.

Now,
at last,
we have set our synergetic communication stage
to test this ancient hypothesis
that two negatives
are equal to a potential positive co-passion,
as polynomials
may equal not not polynomials

Where positive
also equals leftbrain healthy
and rightbrain safe

And negative anger
equals leftbrain liberally
communication healthy
when rightbrain feels conservatively safe,

Despite never considering this internal hypothesis
because of patriarchal
dualistic
win/lose capitalistic faith
in not not equivalent potential
for ego/ecosystemic win/wins

Despite respite death through life
ego/eco-recycles
repurposing timeless eternity
of unity
more flexibly equitable
than uniformity
of leftbrain thoughts
with rightbrain feelings.

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Packing Up

Moving out feels much sadder
than moving in, more gladder–
which is poor grammar
for severance of love’s embodied glamour.

Packing up
feels more like packing in
and down,
cutting ties with my own stage,
this playful working space,
for everyday self
and other witnessing life
love
hate
joy
anger
courage
fear
healing
suffering

Not a fabulously grand stage
but my intimate memories
triggered by damp basement
through dusty attic,
inside resonant
and outside growing resilient,
front yard exhibitions
and back yard more inhibited glimmers
and shivers,
dimmers
and emotive rivers

Moving out
without regard for loss
feels too surgical,
masochistic,
violent,
silent shriek of bad faith
loss,
divestment from personal
political
economic
cultural placement
more sacredly cherished
than secularly calculated
in clock time to move on.

My best therapeutic intent
to know I leave this tiny spot of Earth
at least as healthy
and beautiful
as I have found her
while unpacking
in her abandoned
neglected
bramble thorned sadness
inviting my hope-filled gladness
too few years ago.

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Mother’s Mother

My mother’s mother and I were very close.
We needed each other
in diversely validating ways.

She needed to know
experience
hear and see and feel and touch
a healthier love of mutual regard
than she felt she achieved
with any of her three daughters.

I needed to feel
I was some loved adult’s most significant event,
most vulnerable and transparent grace
for who I felt and knew I was
yet to gay become
without any need to change
what I could not internally rearrange.

When I was a senior in high school
this grandmother became sick with cancer
and depression,
mortal doubts and fear.

I knew this
not because I had visited her
but because my parents
and aunts
whispered their hopelessness
before repeatedly reminding me,
There is nothing I can do
to help her
or prepare myself
for such great loss,
perhaps less great,
more relief,
for them.

But they were wrong.
Wrong about my grandmother.
Wrong about me.
Wrong about us, together.

I knew her favorite hymns.
I was her favorite voice.
We needed no other instruments,
percussive or lyrical.
We had enough time
to revisit our music lessons,
Lyrics are tools for young friendship
Not weapons against old enemies.

Precious Lord
take my hand,
Lead me on
when I can’t stand.
I am tired,
I am weak,
I am worn.
Through these trials,
Through this storm,
Lead me on
Precious Lord.

And so we sang
and so I danced
and told her favorite story
of beds too hard,
of friends too soft,
and a child who sings just might

Of Earth too hot
and river beds too soft
and motherlands too cold
and us, now growing distant,
yet singing this last time
just right.

 

 

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Too Long Winter

In long winters
when curious bears hibernate,

When even those few songbirds left behind
are stoically silent
at their least amorous time,

When uneven bare trees and bushes
retire into aptic
dormant
deep naked entropy,

It is sadly seasonally appropriate
to barely live outside robotic,
lethargic,
frozenly mechanistic
and yet deeply empathic,
simultaneously.

Then springs Spring!
Let synaptic mania
swell up again,

Open the windows
and darkening doors
to set this home and love
in fresh-incoming order

Resiliently resonant enough
to last through sweltering dog days
of co-empathic musky slumbering
buzzing
drowsy summer,
fat with greens
united,
and not uncuriously uniform.

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Nursing Home Rapper

In the multi-racial nursing home
to bent and broken bodies
in broken bent back wheelchairs
longing to free roam,
said the black lives matter rapper:

When your woman leaves you,
and your man is gone
without a reason
or a fare thee swell season,
Getting mad at life
ain’t so deadly wrong

You go ahead!
Let’s get angry.
That’s your right.
Let’s swing this fight!

Take your meds,
the ones prescribed
And not those others
Steal your might.

Eat something right
and drink your water,
Go on outside
and play spin the bottle
and see some sight
that helps you maybe feel more right.

Find your music.
Tunes long tried
You’ve memorized
Until they had to die inside.

And when you’re tired
you sleep,
Take a nap
Join those voices
heard long gone before,
Who never knew
you lost most choices

To want to wait,
to stay awake.
Don’t want to miss
what might not happen
without your last blessed kiss.

But don’t worry
We got this,
what you’ve not yet used up

It’s not a lot
but I promise you
Although we’re young
and only think we’re smart,
We’ll do our best,
We’ll take our part

To forward march
to your grandkids
at least as much
as you’ve left us,
a little parched.

That ain’t much
but it’s my promise
To share your music,
To take our rest
when it’s our time
to worry less
about who sleep takes
than who’s just pretending
to stay wide awake
for further mending.

You go ahead!
Let’s not get hungry
We’re inside right,
so let’s end this trite
and tired unsightly
RightWing fight!

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Give Me Music

“An’, as [music] blowed an’ blowed,
I often looked up at the sky
an’ assed meself the question–
what is the stars,
what is the stars?”
Juno and the Paycock
Sean O’Casey

Our sacred choir
prepares a new anthem
which, in summary, goes:

I have the deep soul blues today,
so Give Me Music.

This troubles me
because Music erupts from within,
more primal than a commodity to be delivered
upon command.

What is wrapped and presented from outside
we may hear only as voices with rhythm
and harmony
and unresolved dissonance–
but all these together
are not yet our enchanting music muse
fully investing
infesting
musing through us.

Choral inside voiced music,
resonate through all four voices,
sharing our deep-rooted muse,
blues soul longing to speak and dance
music of the stars,

To come home again
where we have always shared soul belonged
inducing peace.

Sacred choirs
do not usually demand of matriarchal Earth,
Give Me Music!

More likely we invite experience
of more resilient inside dancing muses
healing like anciently redundant starlight.

I feel angst in soulful mourning
that cannot be healed through commanding
Give Me Music
or anything else, for that matter.

But, loss does invite deeper experience of resonance
and small bits of creatively digestible resolving dissonance
to feel better
about absence of remembering

What is our starlight soul
but well-sung dance
enlightening solidarity?

If we are asking Earth
to heal us with the Muse of starlight mystery,
then, indeed,
Give Us Music’s full harvest
blowed an’ blowed.

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