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Loving Jose

Yes, Jose,
this is another love letter
from anthroprivileged me
to LeftBrain dominant you
for multicultural us.

I’m still here
sinking into my deep blue camp chair
with feet resting on a weathered
wooden platform
for my monastic tent

Now folded
and masterfully squeezed into its storage bag
like a fat green sausage
with a thick
black fly zipper,
secure,
awaiting it’s next orgasmic coming out
to camp and play.

And you,
warm and glistening
listening you,
are still driving
west toward this transition
Saturday’s bittersweet sunset.

Perhaps already lonely
thinking
of what
and feeling whom
lies ahead
while all else feels left behind

Another week of adventure lost;
another week of memories gained

Yet memories have grown cacophonous
while adventures in knowing
new frontiers
grow old as shrinking Earth
grown bodies

Fading hope to feel
taste
see
hear
smell
touch abundantly enough
for this full life
experiencing love
quenched time

Comparing future now to back there then,
wishing we could have us all
warm and pleasant
in our head,
heart,
bed of intimacy
without embarrassing
premature limits,
boundary issues,
health precautions.

You tried to apologize
for not asking more
about my wounded kids

And I did not think to apologize,
but wonder, now, that I didn’t,
for not asking how you are feeling
and dealing
post prostate cancer

Remissions
feel like uncertain transitions,
undemanding admissions
both healthy opportunities
and diseased risks
lie beyond this day’s journey
toward Albany.

Perhaps you,
like me,
fear
and already feel
loss of intimacy
imagined
yet not touched,
thought
but not appreciably,
healthy needed
but not safely found,
sacred bound
for joy’s immense integrity.

When I walked into our group’s enclosed porch
this past Sunday
for my first check-in circle,
your first facilitation,
I thought of my former boss.

You look and sound
like Bishop Tafoya,
when he was your age
and I was half your age.

I had trouble
shaking this sage off.

It helps
that you sing
with warmth and passion
in fulsome baritone,
as the good Bishop
decidedly did not.

Nor could I imagine him
dancing with a white scarved fan
with integrity
flirtatious machismo
joyfulness
deeply resounding playfulness.

Do you have a type?
I wonder
Are you familiar with mine?

Those romantic,
erupting into erotic,
miracles of preference
we cannot control
or calm our appetites
to accept
AND appreciate,
anticipate
those with us
here and there
in and out of Gayla 44,
after and before
now heading west
away from east.

So much to hide,
to learn,
to unveil,
to set aside
for graceful aging,
and to warmly embrace
for compassioned wisdom
felt together,
rather than silently,
less sacredly,
apart.

The Center’s lunch bell rang
and now has gone

Absorbed by quiet shushing
and rustling
high in evergreens
baking in Mama’s summertime
weekend of commerce
and less commercial passions,
traffic rituals,

Pre-empting ancient natural liturgies
of sea,
flowing water
and strong mountains
inspiring bonfires
bond-fire between rising
and falling phoenix
conjoining
co-investing
multi-generational passions;
daddies and sons,
masters and slaves,
tops and bottoms,
poles and holes,
straights and rounds,
dipolar co-arising

Riding forward home
to what continues repurposing why,
reworking hidden meaning
as yet unredeemed
in sensory Business As Usual

Backward east
returning promises
of safe and healthy
bright happy new dawns
transcending broken hearts,
troubled mind’s
loss of time’s
most cherished values

Love’s integral compassions
resting first
returning last

Already
I miss you
ready to miss us.

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Punishing Silence

Do we choose silence
not only as a tool
for self-protection
when speaking
our latest chapter stories
feels unsafe?

But also stern silence
may become a weapon
to ward off apathetic enemies
of our straight
hopelessly white
monotheistic
monopolistic
patriarchal capitalist
enemies

Who would not seem to care
to love us
more than we ourselves
can love them
as part of us
right now
left multiculturally
and ecofeminist
silenced here.

As you go
and liberally grow silent,
I may quietly
then traumatically
hear,
as isolating time
sticks ominously by,

“I am not your constant un-masked friend,”
and, thereby,
an ominous self-fulfilling prophecy
emergently erupts
in punishing response,

“I cannot remain
your therapeutic good-times,
vaccinated against silent unease,
healthy
co-empathic musing friend,”

To trust when skies grow silently dark
and night descends
beyond despair
to safely share
stressed Trauma

Itself first felt ray
of restoring justice promise
despite this loss of salvific
passioned hope.

Prosperity losses steal
from future compassion
already while first silenced weapons
dream denying
relentless truths of suffering
lack of healthy opportunity
to speak our fears
out loud
with those who trust
our trembling tears.

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Curious UnChosen Gifts

To my StraightWhiteMale
right-wing
left-brain
monoculturally dominating brothers,
and your antifeminist glamorous
amorous womanly allies,

You have not yet heard me,
if you only hear my resistance,
sharing my non-culpable experience
with non-choice of gender attraction
and gender identity.

It’s not only that my queer gender identity
is not my fault,
because not my choice;
but also my gender identity
and sensory-neural attachments, as also true of yours,
are my sacred gift.

CoArising identity and CoGravitating attraction ,
like awareness and consciousness,
are not just heavy social responsibilities,
but also enlightened
and empowering opportunities.

We’re not legitimately known by who
or what
we hate and hurt;
But we can be redeemed by who
and what
we love and heal.

We may have no more choice
about who
and what
and when
and where
and why
and how we love,
than choice to respond with awe and wonder,
or boredom and disdain,
to Earth’s natural enspiriting Beauty

Of dawn
and dusk,
spring
and autumn,
ocean
and mountain
restorative reconnections

Which feel both Healthy
and True,
of the deepest
and highest
and yet safest resilient
and resonantly robust multicolored wealth
of nonchoiced
unfaulted gifting grace.

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Risking Love

I knew I was getting old
when I no longer always got up
from the floor
on my first try.

I remember I am old
because I no longer assume
I will always get up
off my contemplative couch
on my first try.

To choose life
on the first through last try
may be as simple
and as complex
as to not choose death,

To choose to trust enough to take
one more,
perhaps final,
inhale.

To choose life
also includes risking love,
another gasp toward compassion,
even a shaky clasp on forgiveness,
indigenously wise mercy,
relentless curiosity,
ancient hope,

However fragile
wounded
insufficient for more grand standing
than one more bold inhale
of Earth’s organic sufficiency
simplicity
solidarity.

It feels as wrong
to define my mourning self
by my failures to love us
on my worst arising days

I feel aright
to creatively redefine our meaning
with unearned compassions for riding along
on Earth’s most grace-filled
timeless
co-arising
SabbathPlace,

My daily liturgical experience
rises and lies
each day and night
recycling in-between
sufficiency of one last grateful inhale
predicting one more first graceful gift
exhaled

Exhilarating
exciting
exiting and entering
small sufficiencies
empowering love’s enlightening
curious co-arising wealth
of loving healthy passions.

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Five WiseElders

Five WiseElders come together
hoping to complete their life circles
resonantly yin, right embodied
sacred light
resiliently yang, left enspirited
secular polypathic bright

Hearing emotions
before seeing to speak changing motions
of flow-strength, river currents spinningly deep
and winningly wide
to move Earth’s deforested
un-glaciered mountains.

I asked them
and they asked me
and each other,
Would you have still come today
if you could only despair
of more win/lose narcissistic business
as monotonously patriarchal usual?

Then a cooperative memory test:
What are your two primal forces
necessary, although perhaps not sufficient,
for social
political
economical
psychological
neurological
ecological
theological change to win yang
win yin experience?

The liberty of prophetic win/lose Crisis
and security of past mutually LovingExperience
now extending from womb toward tomb
in collaboratively somber
summary gloom.

I am already old,
we not so suddenly notice,
if we want to choose a more synergetic EarthLife,
yang/yin love,
left/right resilient balance,
Then we have already aged into our shared climate
of Crisis.

Few more procrastinating uncourageous choices
remain for our aging lack of curiosity.

Remaining time is
and is not
our warmest friend.
Urgency feeds our critical win/win
active climate of resonance-seeking change.

This space,
this partial and potential fire-circle
full of WiseElders
for healing ourselves
by helping to cooperatively health despairing Earth,
must become a resilient sanctuary,
a sacrament-inviting place
timelessly sacred WinSelf/WinOther opportunity
to regain our interdependent non-violent communal grace
of bilateral here/now
yang/yin
left/right
WinOrLose/Both WinAndNot (not) Lose
business as appositioned usual

Left-brain dominance without
also Right-brain integral prominence within
no fundamentalist saint or sinner
and yet also no liberationist
relativist
detached anti-theist
non-correlationist
merely coincidentalist prejudice
against old saints in crisis
and sinners of all ages
in circles for growing robust extending love

On Earth
within all EarthTribes
all spiraling reductions of well-wombed
through tombed
win/win enlightening life

Is not lose/lose dualdark death,
not yet
and not yet passed
past on.

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Closed White Doors

My eyes wander against this white privileged door,
starkly plain in sight
and self-secured.

My mind wonders around this bedroom door
as if the first ever seen
back when doors
were open doorways
for entering curiously in
and courageously back out
of cavernous
or canopied shelters
from storms and cold
and unbearable desert heat.

I wonder courageously against
and curiously about this white door
as if the first and last one ever seen
and heard.

What were doorways called
before we had white doors?

Invitations
or opportunities
and risks to turn my eyes and back
away from outside climates,
too inhospitable.

What were these entrances and exits named?
Non-doored ways to inside shelters
and outside adventures,
long before white privileged history
and reborn climates of pathology.

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Great Power Transition

We come,
at a trail’s trial turning,
to an impermeable ego-flaming wall.

All remaining between us
and history
since bilateral beginnings of our ZeroWalled Time
is this Yang barrier
double-binding before to after identity

Between humane solidarity
and Earth’s solid eco-habitat;
between us and living Earth joy,
swaying wildness,
sunlight on oceans,
early spring songs,
fogged-in mornings of gloom
doom
dark walled tomb…

Will we co-arise
Earth’s sacred ego-dominance together now
or unsolidly apart,
not long later?

Will we let yang with yin
left with right
dipolar consume
whatever resonant body identity
we have twisted
to transpire our seasonally climatic lives?

Sending us on and out each morning
through trembling memory of yang barriers,
a WiseElder power radiance,
a changed yang-purging yin-squared diamond
transubstantiating event
dialectically positronic
flickering interdependence
re-becoming EarthTribal breath re-inspired
expiring healthy atmosphere remediation,

Another moody not yet waiting
and not yet gone longing
ZeroWall,

Boson of Earth’s potential spacetime,
universal integrity,
holonically uniting spirit.

 

Inspired by Anita Barrows, “Questo Muro”

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Taking Healthy Opportunity-Risks

A liberal love-mind
sees Earth’s nurturing eco-nest origins
astoundingly opportune for producing healthy ego-nutritional eggs.

A more conservative eco-political risk taker,
faced with ego’s opportunity
to fly away from mortal risk
to autonomous ego’s long-term survival
or fight to WinEgo/LoseEcoNest pyric victory,
thereby sees ego’s Win/Win in-between opportunity
to produce future cooperative eco-eggs
of self-perpetuating identity,

A narrower, conserving, view
of Earth’s universal health opportunities
and a widening interdependent liberal love potential.

We might become both
ego and eco healthier,
more left non-insula nature embodied
and right amygdala co-passionate spirit soaring
to imagine
and support both physical/metaphysical views,
held most lovingly together
as WinWin eco/ego-centering integrity,
symbiotic nonfight/nonflight opportunity
for cooperatively mentored solidarity
in health/wealth mutual service

Negotiations BiLateral
and/or internally BiCameral;
Conscious
and/or UnConscious;
ReConscious
and/or PreConscious.

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Avoiding the Boogy Man

A strong cooperative offense
is our most competitive defense.

Avoiding RightRed fascism
totalitarianism
terrorism, dark secular raptures and/or terrified jihad,
fundamental Nature is sinful, negative yin repressed,
while Spirit is health invested love, positive yang,
long-term ego/eco-centric,
bilateral co-temporal,
evenly humored humanistic divinalism.

By choosing divining higher
and humanely deeper
GreenLeft/RedRight co-regenerativity
strengthening LeftBrain’s historic secular case
for more cooperative climate cleansing
by divesting of RedRight’s competing disassociating divestment
away from

Divine/Humane WinWin MultiCulturing Holy Spirit
cooperative matriarchal/patriarchal outflowing natural
ZeroZone soulful
bilateral 4-Dynamic Primal Seasons
PolyNomial-GreenLeft ecology
for PolyPathic multicultural RedMountain Yang
speaks YinSquared Divine NonViolent ValleyLeft
PolyPhonic

Red light of dawning memories
co-invite Earth’s Green reforesting vocation
in 4D bilateral Left/Right positive energy
democratic-trusting frame
dynamically parallel bicamerality
with resilient fractal string-structures of humane DNA
and divine RNA theological Origin
and 4-ecological ZeroZone Seasons
with 4-theological nurturing Reasons
for romantic infatuation
with Eastern outside red dawns
of post-millennial inside climate warning
and
Western indigenous Earth and tree
and Sun and moon
and Extended sanctuary family
nature/spirit worshipers,
singers,
dancers,
historians,
improv and designing artists,
designing and implementing ecologists,
creation and degeneration processors,
deep learning ecotherapeutic theologians
story-tellers of legends
sweeping cooperative neighborhoods
greeting travelers,
sojourners,
fellow walking
and flying
and swimming
and crawling eco-pilgrims

Liberally green
and conservational red night lovers,
swimmer’s cooperatively mentored delight
avoiding tomorrow’s nationalistic
ego-theistic
utterly narcissistic
BoogyMan.

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Inordinate Questions

I’m sorry
if my glad questions
make you feel sad
bad
blue.

But that
is not my intent
I assure you.

Given zero opportunity,
then zero risk
can become deadening
to those not yet dead
sufficiently.

Perhaps I would
not be too intrusive
to ask if we might risk
speaking together.

What do we want
together
and/or apart?

Then let’s do that
together
and/or apart.

Then let us speak
and vote
and invest together again
to ask
How best regain cooperation
balance
peace?

Now what do we want
together
and/or WinWin apart?

Then let’s do that…

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