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Slow-Cooked Conversion Stories

I was raised in one of those white nationalist churches,
passing itself off as a Christian evangelical Bible church,
where “evangelical” meant fundamental
and “fundamental” meant we did not interpret scripture
but accepted it as God’s literal trans-historical Word
of universal white male dominant
Bible thumping supremacy,
transcendently un-changing like…
like…
like nothing I’ve ever seen or heard
or smelled or tasted

Which is why we call not-Him-or-Her “God”
and not “SuperEgo”
or multicultural “Gaia”

Or anything else.
It turns out “God”
is a bit like not saying Valdemore’s name;
As Yahweh
is more about the ambiguously missing vowels
than their YHWH
YYXY
Either/Or-Both/And
bicameral structure.

Anyway, enough about sacred bisensory ecology.
While at People’s Bible Church
I was told, by all the white heterosexual adults
supporting and educating me
that being born again is not a gradual thing,
like growing into a pubescent body,
but instant,
like convenient oatmeal
or inferior mashed potatoes.

If I could not say,
with one hundred percent persuasion,
that I was reborn in Christ
on May 8, 1964
at 2:53 PM
Eastern Savings Time,
Just as I was originally born
on May 8, 1952
at 2:53 A.M.,
much to my mother’s inconvenience–
finished just in time to get home
to our dairy farm
for an unleisurely visit with “The Girls”
during her morning milking parlor gig–
Then the deviant
devilish mark of Satan
still clouds my not so milky white
not straight enough
not truly pure soul.

Such instant and yet resilient grace
felt unlikely to me.

I did not instantly lose hope
for a hot SantaDaddy
sliding down our family chimney
emerging from the family wood-burning furnace,
scorched of unnecessary
and superfluous clothes
to give me all the fruited manly gifts
I have felt so empty without
warm and wet accompaniment,
accomplishment.

Gradually,
over several years of neglecting this Santa myth
as cultural fantasy,
I did not wake up on May 8, 1956,
at 2:53 A.M.
and announce to all those not listening,
“I no longer believe in Santa Claus.”

De-mythification progress
seems to take me
about as long as my left-brain
dominating commodification process
took to grow into queer adolescence,
feeling unsafe,
unwanted,
with a best case possible future
of invisible insignificance,
hidden deeply beneath healthy humility.

Just as it took awhile to comfortably acclimate
to the toothlessness of myth,
It took me all my development years
on into late adolescence
to be sure that I would never safely
or resiliently convert
into a heterosexual.

When we were mutually experimenting grade school boys
during not much sleep overs
I was sure we shared the same destiny–
future heterosexuals,
Mr. Cleavers,
Mr. Smiths
not all too fascinated with Mr. Johnsons.

I didn’t suddenly realize,
“Oops. I failed to convert.”
Maybe I was a late bloomer,
just as some girls get pubes
and teats
and mensies later on
which seemed like more unfair girl pressure
than just sprouting new hair in old moist places
and growing at least somewhat less girlish voices.

Just as there was no May 8, 2:53 P.M.
of any year
when I knew,
“OK, that’s it.
It’s done growing
in both length and width.”
I had no day or night
when I said,
“OK, that’s it.
I choose to be queer”
so I can be the target of hate crimes,
bad jokes,
white Christian heterosexual predators,
bigoted employers,
homophobic police
and teachers
and parents
and siblings,
and preachers

Fully capable of witnessing against me
the exact date, time, and year
they began their life long love affair
with white male Jesus Christ,
straight (presumably) Jewish carpenter’s apprentice,
Son of God and…
and…
God,
who finished creating Earth,
and at least our entire Solar System,
exactly seven days
after He started, on May 8th
at 2:53 A.M.,
year 0000.

I have developed health-considered faith
in win/win progressive processes.
I accept that faith actively hopes in unseen relationships,
unheard communications,
unnoticed actions and reactions.

Still,
I find an always changing
transparent
vulnerable,
courageously curious difference
between left-brain statements of verbal instant faith,
and right/left-brain emerging lifeskill learnings
conversions
healings
redemptively felt economies,
salvific co-relational powers,

And I have trouble believing
that such ubiquitous differences
between slow-grown processive maturation
and imitative instant role-playing
is only accessible to queers,
white, black, brown, red, purple, green, or ultra-violet,
born on May 8, 1952
at 2:53 A.M.
much to the inconvenience
of busy heterosexual
pre-millennial dairy farmers.

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Dear Evangelical Brother

Dear Brother,

When we were children
adults often asked us
What do you hope to be
when you grow up?

But, our brothers and sisters
were more likely,
and probably more wise,
to ask
Who would you most hope to become?
To be like?

Which implies, to my unformed ear
and eye,
Which of these adults you know,
or know of,
do you like best
as a mentor
for your own happiest and healthiest,
and most prosperous
future?

I am about to finish reading Iain McGilchrist’s
“The Master and his Emissary.”
And, if I had known Master McGilchrist
as a sixteen year old,
I would probably have said
I want his life
and that’s the guy I want for my BigBrother!
I would be his most zealous emissary.
He’s the one I would become
just alike,
twins if possible.

Twin careers.
Twin ideas.
Twin knowledge and wisdom.
Twin naturality and spirituality
and natural law
and ordered sacredness,
emotionally intelligent communion.

But, that was then
and this is now.
And I wonder if I ever asked you,
not what kind of evangelical Christian
white privileged Western capitalist
doctrinaire thing do you hope to proficiently do
when you finally grow up?

But, instead,
to find the courage to ask you
Who would you,
embodied in Christ,
become like
when you are suffering servanting
in your thirties?

We might have had a lifelong dialogue,
not about creeds and dogma
and theological departures from win/win co-redemptive
cooperative economies,
compared to win/lose capitalist business as secularly usual,
compared to lose/lose degeneratively devilish and bearish economies,
more disempowering long-term climate trends
than empowering hope
faith
love.

We might have thought out loud together
about how Suffering Public and Private Servants
are like a Messiah
like a Bodhisattva Peace Warrior
like a PermaCulture CoOperative Designer
like a Restorative Justice and Win/Win Peace Advocate
like a Green STEAM architect,
a resilient engineer,
or prolific teacher
and skilled listener,

We might hope to combine
gospel references to right-hemisphere Revelationary Sacred Rapture
and healthy left-hemisphere climate preferences
for Evolutionary Secular Promise,

A promised return to sacred/secular
RightWing and LeftWing
become whom we would most like to hear
as faithful health scientists and wealth musicians,

Disciples of sacred wealthy
best means secular healthy
reborn again
reweaving
returning
resiliently recombining
global green Body of Christ experience,
feeling,
thought,
optimally appealing.

I’m sorry for not asking
how I could be a healthier and wiser
gay Christian-Taoist-ZenBuddhist-Native Nature/Spirit Wisdom
inspired and inspiring
younger brother,
more sure with your trust
and inner truths
than without you.

I’m sorry distant homophobic fears
and perhaps anger?
envy?
repulsion?
fear of predation?
(this part remains unclear)
seem to have kept us from mutually asking,
Who would we most like to become like together
when we are in our sixties
and seventies?

And now,
When this question seems more plausible,
and immediate,
I wonder how different, and yet the same,
are our opportunities to experience
this sacred potential
for re-creating loving Earth, together,
fertile,
healthiest wealth of HolySpirit embodiment
celebrating Her sacred historical birth Brother,

Unlike Jacob and Esau,
reconnected by sacred Matriarchal Wombs
culminating in reborn virginal brothers
saved/not-not saved from lose/lose perdition,
partition,
through both universal-human/unitarian-divine
natural Messianic win/win Spirit,
consiliently sacred,
resiliently secular,

Heavenly stardust Fog
embracing global oceanic dark waves,
currents of timeless
flowing potential color and multicultures,
rhythms and patterns and flow designs,
Living Waters,
truth with trust,
Wombs with Ways toward necessary Light,
nights and co-redemptive days

More WiseElder for sinister sacred Right retributive Judge
and golden secular Left restorative Advocate,
still listening compassionately together,
less fundamentally apart,
with good evangelical humor,
more than bad.

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Green Body of Christ

When I was a child
my evangelical family
went to People’s CoOperative Bible Church,
to rapturously pray and praise our privileged preachy partialness,
political and economic and social and environmental,
spiritual against physical apartheid
of superior, divinely-inspired, theology,

Yet, somehow rooted in mission-driven competitions
against the fullness of non-sectarian time
sufficient to bring inclusive nutrients,
liquid and capital-hoarded assets for future rainy
blizzard blustering
dominant days,
at least six per week
severed from Sabbath’s cooperatively wondrous Kingdom
at open-systemic nurturing hand,

Celebrated by declaring our victorious Communion
on God’s glorious not capital-driven work on Sunday
seated in humble chairs of classroom youth,
eventually wooden pews of adult authority
in our small
segregated
AllWhite People’s Sectarian Bible Church.

I recall not even one Sunday School lesson
about what the Holy Historical Body of Christ
might have to do with our potential
Green MultiCulturing Spirit of Healing Christianity,

Nothing about tensions between communion
and monocultural supremacist apartheid,

Nothing about walls between WinWin healthy sacred interdependence
and WinLose stringent secular autonomy of capitalism,

Nothing about Great NonTransitional Divides
between cooperative passions and competitive dispassions,
between Heavenly to-gatherness
and too much Earthly apartness,
between celebration of health
and holocaust of anthro-centric pathology.

Maybe I missed that non-violence teaching Sunday,
But I did not miss experiential theology lessons
of tensions between heterosexual patriarchal monocultural evangelism
and Heaven’s vast radically inclusive promise
of a polycultural
non-apartheid
eternal communioned outcome for Earth-dwellers,
especially for child-like peacemakers,
Holy Spirit inheritors,
regenerators,
co-messiahs within this one secular/sacred Body of Christ.

Active hope for such enchanting holistic bodies
and spirits of vulnerable and transparently loving Messianic Missions,
in the West,
and Bodhisattva PeaceWarriors,
in the East,
felt, even then, as a child,
like emotionally interdependent
enchanting intelligence.

Perhaps,
if we could all arrive in everyday Sabbath Heaven,
in absence of six-day capital over-invested apartheid,
we might discern warmer inviting Lights
are also Truths
and communioned Ways
to sing God’s/Gaia’s EarthBound greening praise

As when we first began
in Planet’s CoOperative Bible Church.

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Money Muse

Money
and Manna
both root back to Maneh
of deep and weighty Babylonian coinage.

Maneh transcends spiritual/natural divides
to nurture nutrition’s co-present values,
dew-fall grace from Earth’s diamond curious treasures
tribal communions inspired with physical bread

And yet also
more deductive
reductive Win/Lose seductive
metaphysical Bread,
patriarchal worship weight
of equivalent Lose/Lose power-value exchanges,
Zero-sum remainder values
auditioning Beauty’s sublime iconic symmetry
of equitable democratic history.

Bread of Life
bred for love.

Manna feeds spiritual/natural heart chakras
as Money bleeds investments in ego-wealth breastplate Righteousness
extracted, reified, from Earth-health,
thereby devaluing communion WinWin integrity
co-invested through cooperative Maneh values
of nature/spirit students speaking
with listening WiseElder teachers.

Listening more than speaking Maneh Mentors
wearing out Orthodox Breastplates of EgoRighteous Win/Lose competitions,
justifications for war and violence,
retributions
ReBorn
EcoPolypathic WinWin opportunity incarnations,
invitations to co-invest,
and ego/eco-therapy restoring Manna resupply
of heart-gratitude chakra
breasplate of EcoRighteous nutritional co-habitation,
wealth students
studying WiseElder health without speaking EcoTeachers,
DNA leaking double-binding spirit-health with weighted wealth
listening/speaking cosmic NewBorn pre-language curiosities

Birthing cooperatively invested weights and measures
of ecological/theological enculturing Grace
value metaphysical messages
and eating our WinWin communion manna, too.

Breastplated nature
with spirit chakras bilateral
West from Elder NonDual East,
Yang secular money-power from SacredYin MannaFlow

Healthy Ego/Eco Maneh too (2)
(II)
+1 AND (-,-)1
+/-,- ZeroZone WinWin
YinYin
YY
co-present double-binding matriarchal strings

Nurturing Positive-Positive democratic resonant energy
Student/Teacher WiseElder feelings
deep listening learning healthy wealth wins
secular speaking money’s potential co-operative health investments,

And sacred eco-communion
silent economic ecology,
Left and theological Right tribal manna-fed
bodhisattva co-investing Ego/Eco Saviors,
East-West
South-North
Yin-Yang
eco-fractal health-wealth WinWin
co-operatively owned breastplate games

Student/Teacher multicultural EcoSchool and Village democracies
inviting EcoRighteous Coin
and EgoPassion Hearted co-investing Chakras
cooperatively self-managed regenerations past
and future of and for polyculturally healthing
and multicolored
and multilateral wealthing ZeroZones of Maneh DNA’s
original manna/money eco-righteousness
historically displaying her-understory sacred
Womb creation re-creating incarnations
Generations re-generating polypathic
Deduction into linear nutrition progress intuitive growing trends
Inductive Maneh bilateral re-processing
Healing WinWin NonZeroSums
of spoken strong-hearted listening
impassioned Ego/EcoMetric Maneh
Wonder and Rainbow CoInvesting Awe
Growing Paradise ReForesting Vocations
for Student-Teacher ManehValue Guilds

Student taught most healthfully
with Positive/Positive WinWin Ego/EcoMentor parents
Future searching Maneh values that weightily ReConnect
justice with WinWin peace outcome ZeroZones

With PermaCulture Designers
Future searching nutritional vocations
that reconnect DNA-Health EcoVoices
with past egocentric griefs and habitat-dissonance
ReNewing BiLateral Eyes
of and for integrating nutritional nurturing synergy

Integrity of grace-filled Maneh
for polypathic healthy wealth
Measured in polycultural WinWin co-inviting Health/Wealth outcomes

Not quite so much Yang BusinessAsUsual
Monocultural Lose/Lose EgoCentric self-righteous breastplates
justifying Win/Lose Money natural evolution/devolution
BadFaith dualistic, nature ain’t spirit, assumptions
rooted in valuing Money hoarding
over Mother’s cooperatively co-inviting
Student/Teacher Manna.

Not so wise
to monopolistically bite the only Teaching breast available
to cooperatively feed us.

If we have Win/Lose competitive teeth to grind
and rewind
and bite the veracious-plated weighted coin’s value,
Then it’s past time to grow up student/teachers
sucking more WinWin nicely
from
and for
and of Her heart chakra co-passionate Maneh.

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Telling Stories

While there is no story at all
unless it has at least two sides,
when it comes to ego’s narrative lines
and epic paragraphs,
we have great difficulty in casting ourselves
as other than a one-sided protagonist story,
which others might see as including too much self-indulgent glory.

Winona LaDuke
tells a worship story of the Anishinaabe
defending their sacred home
with support from the Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples,
against further mining investments of commodifying Earth antagonists,
represented by the State of Michigan.

This story is about copper mining investors
against people who worship Earth
as sacred Habitat,
Elders of one EarthTribe extending family,
across species,
and back across first dawn of Time.

You have already guessed who is winning.

Why is that?
The quality of our spiritual and ecologically healthy lives
depends on questions
challenging competitive one-sided empowerment assumptions.

But, you are right, I suspect,
if you guessed that both sides are losing.

The RepublicanRuling White evangelical Christian
State of Michigan
ruled against the Anishinaabe
and against their own sacred Scripture
and spiritual experience.
Water and land, they say,
cannot be sacred,
cannot have spiritual development significance
and deep and rich and wide meaning
because a protected place of worship
must be inside a building.

I don’t have a PhD in King James Bible Studies,
but I do have a Master of Divinity degree
from a duly licensed
and officially accredited Christian seminary
in the U.S.
and I’m fairly sure I remember
Christian Worship takes place,
rather uniquely,
in human hearts and minds and bodies,
wherever they might happen to be located
in space and time,
inside, maybe, but, for many,
preferably outside.
Most of the history in the Bible
is outside worship history.

Surely gardens were Eden’s first cathedrals.
Why would the State of Michigan pretend otherwise?

Why would KingJames Bible thumpers
and HellFire prophets,
patriarchal evangelists
and patriotic disciples of God’s omnipresent Love
allow their regulators and legislators
and executives,
acting in their HolyScriptures name,
tolerate such a clear misrepresentation of worship
as taught and lived by JesusChrist,
pretty much outside
and especially sweating blood in gardens
and walking on sacred water?

Why accept such an absurd misconception of worship
without economic or political
or personal or vulnerable question
this is patently absurd one-sided stealing
for money-making redistribution purposes
from spiritually rich to feed toxic desecration
to all residents of Michigan
and Lake Superior
and Turtle Island.

Absurd to confine worship indoors
to anyone
from anywhere
who has had the natural-spiritual experience
of being born
from any sacred matriotic womb
of God’s EarthTribes.

Intolerable rape of Truth
to any healthy Christian
with opportunities
to worship outdoors
while reading Psalms
and Proverbs
and natural-spiritual Sacred Parables
about harvesting grace
planted in seeds of divine gratuity.

What is truly healthy faith
within our buildings of worship
is merely a pale reflection
of truly spiritual experience
derived long before we built buildings
as defensive shelters
against sacred elements
of MotherEarth.

I have known authentically patriotic Christians
to find more freedom worshiping God
on sacred rocks
born of spirited Lake Superiors
as compared to claustrophobia while boxed up inside
binding fear and threat constraints
of evangelically booming buildings
and fundamental absence of spiritual discernment constraints.

Worship, like Wonder,
looks for God’s ReStorative Justice and Peace,
to let go of stuckness
in Retributive Vengeance is DivinePower
over Lake Superior commodification issues
about who and what and where
is most biblically saved
after God’s Word
has spoken first and last outdoor spiritual experiences,
voices of Earth’s sacred natures
and divinely-inspired Great Spirits.

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BornAgain GrandKids

Your grandfather wants to apologize
not just for voting for Donald Trump,
but also for praying he would continue in Presidential Office
with YHWH’s fertile blessings
of sacred ChristCentered Hearts and Minds,
economic and political leadership of divine Retributive Judgment.

Honey,
I think you’re about to lose them
with this punishing narrative.
Why don’t you just tell them he’s sorry
for loving Donald’s Mutual-Assured Destruction,
Lose ecologically now to Lose again economically later
verging off toward
Oops! I guess I blew-up and out the grandkids
without future healthy
cooperative
multiculturing generations
of most any species.

Most any, yes…
but human nature-spirits have already received
redundant fire and water and hurricane warnings,
Prophecies of Awesomely Awful Climate Pathologies
to come in time for our grandkids,
and their probably not bothering with any kids,
and then possibly a faithful remnant
of their potential grandkids,
hopefully more Win-Win acclimated.

So I need to let them know
this was a fault shared by a large vocal USA minority
of supremacist
patriarchal
monotheistic fundamentalists
with retributive justice is JealousGod on their fixated minds
building toward revolutionary
HellFire and Brimstone eruptions
of global ecopolitical conflagrations
and species-generalized holocaust.

Something like that,
yes dear.
Try to tell them we’re sorry
about the Trump thing
without also scaring off their grand-kids
and possibly their Win-Win cooperative grandkids,
more polypathically ecopolitical
and into ReStorative Healing Justice as Grace,
Matriotic Earth Peace,
CoMessianic Judeo-Christian Communion
of Nature-Spirit EarthWonder
and DeMilitarizing Awe,
Bodhisattva PolyCultural Outcome Health and Safety Planners
and Advocates
and Warriors for Global Peace ReStorations,
more integrated ZeroSoul binomial Economic Health
as political EarthTribe ecological wealth optimization,
and other Sacred MotherEarth Ego/Eco CQI Outcomes,
bilaterally Bayesian trend
(0)Sum
Win-Win ReGenerative Outcomes.

Yeah,
but wouldn’t want to scare off the fundamentalist
anti-intellectual great-great-great grandsons,
and further repressed
suppressed
depressed granddaughters,
anti-democratic
anti-egalitarian
anti-humane-divine nondualism,
anti-multicultural
dualLeft-darkRight
totalitarian bad-faith pathological remains
of a once great society.

By then
we’ll have this sacred species as EarthTribe Future investments down
and up to mystical-mythical-ecological confusions,
chaos and complexity Confucians,
or maybe PostMillennial Taoists
of and for ReStorative Justice
and Global Green EarthTribe Peace,
through mutually assured health and safety
timeless and eternal love,
which is seldom discovered
or delivered,
evolved
or much less invited
or even sustainably revolutionary
at the end
of a Lose-Lose (0)Sum gun.

Not to mention the unlikely prospects
of restoring humane-divine love
through an entire global jihad
or HolyWar
or JustWar retributive punishment theory
for Fallen Natures
of competing Infidels.

Honey,
you’re scaring the grandkids again,
and shrinking the great great great grandkids
beyond restorative dimensions of ecojustice
and peaceful dreams.

Sorry love.
OK, kids,
bedtime begins now.
Time to put on your sackcloth and ashes,
and please wait until morning
to report all Revelationary Nightmares,
dualdark evil-live horses,
deductively dominant cosmological disinvestments
away from good-faith truth and trust-telling,
watering the anti-gospel weeds
and not watering to bloom polyphonic flowers
singing full-octave colors
of Grace greets Karma.

Speaking of Karma…

And lack of grateful Grace…

I wonder how the healing service is going
over at the King James Bible Church
for all those Donald Trump voters.

 

 

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Transparency of Light

Ivana and Ivanka
and other daughters with mothers
midst matriarchal families with U.S. herstories
might be troubled
by the Trump Administration’s corrupt substitution–
supremacy of White
when both sacred and sexual life is so clearly all about
purest transparency of Light.

When this transparent Light
fills political backrooms
and personal bedrooms,
all Earth remains a Sacred Tragic/Comedy Stage;
takes on a more intimately personal
and yet also a greater economic and political
CoPresence of vulnerable Light.

What do we practice,
practice,
practice
making greater
and more naturally-spiritually extended love
in our bedrooms
and our backrooms?

What have we practiced,
practiced,
practiced
making even more supremacy of fear-mongering White
heterosexual males only on top always
raping and pillaging lives
of mindless patriarchal complacency?

About Win-Lose dualistic interpretations of White is Good
and Black is NotWhite is Bad
sacred scripture
in White-dominant
segregated
mistrusting bad-faith communities,

Yet Win-Win transparency of cooperative Light
is so obviously YHWH’s wondrously divine
FullColor ScreenPlay
Opera of His/HerStoric CoOperations.

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