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Retiring Nomad River

I finally finished retiring four years ago,
a process that started in my mid-fifties
due to late adopting kids with special needs,
including needs for me to be home
to personally walk them on,
harness them in,
and wheel them back off, their diverse buses
and robotic ramped vans.

During those final weeks of quasi-gainful employment
I amped up my search for a new home
preferably in New London, CT,
because I had visited, and liked, All Souls UU;

But, possibly in Norwich,
where I have some family,
not necessarily white like me,
or someplace more rural
in-between.

Long story short,
which is not like tangential me,
I ended up
or started out,
depending on where this story starts for you
and me
on the south end of Norwich,
just north of the old State Hospital,
seeking healthy justice
above a steep and brooding bank
down to the troubled Thames River.

From here
it is difficult not to notice
how traffic flows
between Norwich and New London.

But, in the case of All Souls UU
and UU Norwich,
not so much,
maybe not enough.

When I lived in the Hartford area
I joyfully attended the Unitarian Society of Hartford,
a fairly large multicultural tent
filled with reviving gospel music.

So, when looking for a retirement destination,
I traveled on-line to uua.org
to see what might be available
in addition to All Souls New London
and found a small cell,
apparently renters quasi-homeless,
Norwich UU,
or UU Norwich,
or maybe both
I hope.

I pictured no choir,
no active faith formation options
for people of all ages
and figured,
probably not right for me.

Long story maybe a little bit short,
it took me over four years
to make my first Norwich UU visit,
recently.

I found somewhat fewer of us
than the number of Norwich residents
on the All Souls Members and ActiveAllies list.

My background is in cooperative economic
and affordable housing development.

With an MDiv from a Catholic seminary
and a double-Master’s in Public Administration
and Community Development
from Southern Illinois,
Carbondale,
where Bucky Fuller once taught
Synergetics,

It feels awkward
to invest in All Souls together
where all souls are welcome,
by commuting back and forth alone in my blue steel truck,
while there is clearly plenty of room
and welcome
available right in my new home town,
where I now know no one except family,
over four years later.

This is a schizophrenic discomfort
for climate activist
and cooperative local community investor
me.

Back in my early adoption years,
I worked in the Office of Urban Affairs,
New Haven,
for the Archdiocese of Hartford,
where I listened to a great deal of turmoil
about aging and poor urban parishes
thinking about how to join forces
to survive
while sharing a clergy ministry team.

So, I wonder
How would it feel to UU Norwich survivors,
activists,
communicants,
healthy and smart registrants to vote local
while thinking global,
to carpool to All Souls on Sunday mornings,
to sit together
in chairs hooked to-gather,
perhaps joined by us other emigrant immigrant
Norwich residents already All Souls affiliated,

To also share a discussion circle
after the chalice light is extinguished
to check in with each other over coffee,
maybe herbal tea,
to reflect on what we heard
and sang
and sometimes endured, today,

To ponder aloud how this speaks
and does not speak
why
and how
and when we arrive together
back in Norwich,
having solved
and resolved to absolve
most of the Thames River watershed issues
rolling back and forth
and swelling in-between
this tidal river’s ups and downs.

Perhaps some of us
or even all of us
would also like to form a Sanctuary Circle
meeting during the week.

Maybe have lunch together,
share our Norwich organizing
and multicultural explorations together,
contribute to All Souls Green Sanctuary
and GRACE anti-racism projects,
restore justice to replace retributive injustice,
speak power with truth,
live together, not apart,
more resiliently.

Perhaps it is possible
to grow more robust
as a distinguished part
of All Souls,
combine resources,
economize cooperatively,
ecologize more holistically
and theologize more healthily
without losing Norwich UU tradition,
focus
mission,
effective
resonance,
green and black and brown and rainbow
resilience.

As for me,
I’m still looking at New London
real estate listings
while troubled about abandoning
a nomad’s home
in which I never let myself fully invest

While dreaming of emigrating further south
downriver toward climatically rising water levels
while still in my first five carbon-burning years
of retiring immigration.

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Life Planning Love

We were sitting in our 60+ sharing circle
on a rainy Tuesday afternoon,
grey and raw and dreary,
listlessly speaking of the need to downsize,
to transition to a more manageable
more safe
more audible habitat.

And wanting to hang onto our independent mobility,
our cars, in most middle-class cases,
as long as possible.

We talked about proactive planning optimal independence,
about eventually living with our kids,
about potential confluence and conflicts of interest,
about shrinking invulnerable distances
between “someday,
as far from today,
as possible”
and the lightning quickness
of crushing physical and/or mental disability,
non-communication ability,
through accidents and aneurysms,
unfortunate and therefore unplanned critical events.

We did not talk about
how we felt
courageous and curious,
brave and patient,
afraid and angrily impatient
about how mortal life is what continues
only one day
one uncritical moment
at a time
while planning for other loving things
to unfold before
“no longer sacred SomeTime
as far away from secular today
as physically AND mentally,
naturally and spiritually, possible.

I didn’t notice,
until later,
we also didn’t look at cooperatively-held
unitarian plans
for win/win
health/wealth outcome optimization.

The hypothetical possibility
today
is “someday” for mutual pre-planning
cooperative downsizing
and shared mobility challenges,
resources,
opportunities,
risks,
vulnerabilities,
strengths,
letting go by first grabbing hold
of shared imaginations.

We didn’t talk
about how much we didn’t like
the empty chairs,
About how we miss, already,
Kate and Betsy
Jan and Sandy
and what they are planning
between shared now
and autonomous then.

Their unique and irreplaceable ways
of planning and not planning
pre-planning and re-planning
life each day
while continuing with other relationships
other communications
communions
communities.

I didn’t talk
about wanting to live with other singers
and maybe even dancers,
with others deeply committed to compassion
for both mortal humans
and immortal living Earth

Hopefully,
providing
inviting habitats of warm
cooperatively-owned and -managed
accompaniment,
creative improvisation,
jazz rhythms,
blues beats,

Especially on raw phrases,
dreary riffs,
rain-drenched
Tuesday jamming afternoons
of richly audible gloom.

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Reversing Healthier Times

I go back,
reversing imaged time
to when I felt
and knew untrammeled internal space
responsive within external
eternally immortal times
of Earth’s regenerative history.

For some,
again less fortunate re-imagining
with some conversing,
comparing rights,
contrasting lefts
I hear no such winning exterior ecopolitics
with winning internal empowerment
and self-investment
since emerging from EarthMother’s
redundant DNA nurturing womb.

But, for a few,
a time of peace
recalls a later conscious memory,
a time of courageous and curiously restoring justice
to those few relationships
showing early signs of uncreative tension.

These, unusually blessed
with resilient confluence,
may not recognize each other
and yet search for their potential bodhisattva peers,
returning to these childhood experiences
to remember slowly regrowing what went right
and vulnerably wrong
for restoring peace-filled justice
within and without
ego/eco-empowering tipping points,
wealth of healthy co-redemption

For all wombs,
their plantings and yieldings,
now still searching
through past generations
still incarnate in wombs
birthing future health-seeking regenerations.

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Climate Reparations

Come by here, Lord,
Kum ba ‘eah;

Come by here, Land,
Kum ba yeah;

Come by here, Love,
Kum ba yah;

Oh, EarthSoul Mama,
come by here!

Someone’s singin’
Someone’s swingin’

Someone’s in pain
Someone’s dyin’

Someone’s laughin’
while Someone’s weepin’

Someone’s prayin’, LandedLady,
Kum ba here.

Each of us contains
a therapeutic difference
Between bad news trauma
from suffering and pain
untimely lost,

Amid degenerating chronic loss
of resilient healthy prospects

Someone’s coming, Land
with aging bones,
with deep Earth longing
to appreciate this difference

Between ego and eco-fragmentation
despair of timeless souls,
capitalization
commodification
buying and selling out
positive regenerating hope
for negative ungenerously depraved profits.

Come by here, EarthBodies
of wisdom to re-attach repairing climates
with vulnerably resonant messages,
re-memories of Earth’s detritional enslavement,
of apartheid bought
and sold embodied souls

From non-elite historic elders past
prayin’ for reparations
restoring youngsters health wealth futures,

Home safe journeys, Earth reparations
kum ba here.

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My Body

You invited me to bring
some object of great regard,
And so I present My Body.

A marvelous sensory object
perfect in so many feeling ways
I dare not count
or shout
or flout it through my days.

Unlike my home
where some rooms I like
just as and where they are
and others could be larger
or a wee bit smaller,
and further back or front,
less up and more down
to better accommodate this perfectly aging body,

All my inside parts are perfectly placed,
even my mealtime’s exhaustive plumbing space,
I’ve grown systemically proportioned,
and synergetic’ly refunctioned,
integrally ecologized with marvelous winning grace
and apparent co-relational ease of pace,
although dis-ease does threaten inside grief
as outside gratitude
to leave room for younger climate minds;
Who healthy best remember
this cherished
chiseled
richly robust EarthBody.

My garden would be magnificent
if as organically functioned
as my organs
and my digits
and my senses of magical sight
and sound
and tasty touch and feeling
good wealth object-ives for lunch this day.

I mention house and garden
because these objects, too,
I cherish
and yet they feel less sacred,
worthy of awe and wonder from you
than this body
which I usually cover up,
especially when going out for lunch,
unless you would rather that I not?

Perhaps you would prefer
I had brought what’s left of my right mind,
to more objectively share,
critically compare;
Rather than leave this gloriously embodied self
wide open
for your most remarkably startled glare,

Which was my original nutritional intent, you see
before you asked me,
To bring a specific icon,
my most noble ancient object
worthy of our admiring subjective stare.

And now in closing
I must confess
this body’s shy performance
finds life easier to bear
by imagining your well-seated bodies
in nothing less or more than underwear.

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WeToo Bucket Lists

My list of domestic chores
vocations
avocations
I no longer wish to know and do
grows longer with each advancing year.

And, because I live with no one
capable and willing to work with me,
side by side,
or even in alternating shifts
and loads
and harvests
and plantings,
it is difficult to grow experientially sure
my motivation has faded entirely,
whether with at least one Other,
or by myself
with only nonhuman fully-abled natures
for song and dance accompaniment.

But, what of my non-domestic bucket list?
That larger stage of ecofeminist transformation,
ecovillage healthy wealth invitation,
sanctuary, green and/or multi-colored celebration
for compassionately resilient
and nutritional communication,
active hope,
sacred trust vocation
for
and of
and within Earth’s warmly integral home
and Great Transitional hearted heart potential.

No bucket I could imagine
would fill all these polypathic double-binding destinations
becoming wealthy here
and trans-regenerationally healthy throughout time
communioned here as now
to my remembering mind

And further fortune future-hunting heart
fulfilling our whole EarthBucket
with passion’s perpetually young
embodied co-investments
transcending past wealth
through immanent
imminent future inclusive health.

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Lively Fires

Life burns vigorously
predatively
until retiring,
slowing down to glowering embers
reflecting on all consumed since birth.

Flaming gratitude feels not yet fulfilled,
heatedly completed,
but hanging on for what calming
cooling purpose?
Embalming remnants of fueled meaning
with smug self-satisfaction
and feckless remorse.

Family relationships burn out
turn in toward former flames
risen higher
fueled deeper in memory
than capacity for renewed heat images
now questionable
in life’s resilient potential.

Fires nurture risk and opportunity,
but old fires grow risk of cold and acrid ashes,
fading active hope for new winds
smoking in renewed fuel opportunities.

This strong-fired life
of dried out climate difference,
strong inflaming protest,
oft questioned dignity,
smolders in wrinkling
shrinking maturity
over ripe with risk
of fading opportunity to yet see Earth
with new peaceful eyes,
with impassioned fires of understanding
what this human conflagration was all about.

Smoldering embers
dimly hope for new winds,
new unbillowing eyes
to recall that initial committed moment
of inspiration,
of spark and wind and fueled experience
inviting fires from first spark
til last light spent.

Fire,
like life,
like love,
builds its own waiting sanctuary.

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Exhaust

Asking why our partisan democratic experiment
appears to be
failing feels like asking why our global climate
appears to be
failing feels like asking why old age
appears to be
a failing.

Political minds,
natural bodies,
spiritual individuals
reflecting upon lose/lose thought and felt
tragic and absurdly nihilistic outcomes
where we originally expected win/win Paradise

Found in what is personal and political
and economic re-investment
in health and/or pathology choices

Earth and/or extending families center
toward more health
to also win wealth of yin-flow
potentiating powers slowing down
to process Business As Failure Usual,

Winning capital-monopolized shadow-wealth
to win unhealth of evermore
isolating Yang-strength
to overpower
where matriarchal/child love re-memories
could only empower with hugs
and songs

While asking
why our partisan democratic win/win experiment
in win/lose competitions
appears to be lose/lose
Failing feels like asking why our global climate
appears to be
Failing feels like asking why
old cooperatively-owned communal age
appears to be
a failing.

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Summer Hostage

Our small loop of a street
usually quiet
Today receives a loud grooming
with chain saws
and wood chippers
and diesel trucks slicing
and ruining silence
into anti-solitude.

This is my last day off
until summer school begins
in two sultry weeks.

Morning rain passed through
to breezy summer camp sun,
crisp shade tree shadows
moving slightly within lush grass
waiting for my non-motorized mower.

It feels queer…
I feel queer,
at sixes and sevens
at 67,
to trust that I need
not just more solitude
to become healthy again,
but more silence
to become vocally wealthy
again.

To go
or to stay
here
too near a State highway
trafficking toward two casinos
now more native to American economies
than Native Americans to empowerment.

This last bus
not quite upon us
while thoughts wonder
and feelings wander
about shouting sawers
and clanging chipper
banging my longing
back to a rural dirt dust-path
along side a Michigan Centennial Farm
where I knew breezy
silent
summer encampment days
of solitary
fresh freedom.

I wonder why
we can’t go home again,
Yet I can go back to childhood
solitude served up
in sacred silence
unsettling memories
of childhood freedoms lost.

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Dear Evangelical Brother

Dear Brother,

When we were children
adults often asked us
What do you hope to be
when you grow up?

But, our brothers and sisters
were more likely,
and probably more wise,
to ask
Who would you most hope to become?
To be like?

Which implies, to my unformed ear
and eye,
Which of these adults you know,
or know of,
do you like best
as a mentor
for your own happiest and healthiest,
and most prosperous
future?

I am about to finish reading Iain McGilchrist’s
“The Master and his Emissary.”
And, if I had known Master McGilchrist
as a sixteen year old,
I would probably have said
I want his life
and that’s the guy I want for my BigBrother!
I would be his most zealous emissary.
He’s the one I would become
just alike,
twins if possible.

Twin careers.
Twin ideas.
Twin knowledge and wisdom.
Twin naturality and spirituality
and natural law
and ordered sacredness,
emotionally intelligent communion.

But, that was then
and this is now.
And I wonder if I ever asked you,
not what kind of evangelical Christian
white privileged Western capitalist
doctrinaire thing do you hope to proficiently do
when you finally grow up?

But, instead,
to find the courage to ask you
Who would you,
embodied in Christ,
become like
when you are suffering servanting
in your thirties?

We might have had a lifelong dialogue,
not about creeds and dogma
and theological departures from win/win co-redemptive
cooperative economies,
compared to win/lose capitalist business as secularly usual,
compared to lose/lose degeneratively devilish and bearish economies,
more disempowering long-term climate trends
than empowering hope
faith
love.

We might have thought out loud together
about how Suffering Public and Private Servants
are like a Messiah
like a Bodhisattva Peace Warrior
like a PermaCulture CoOperative Designer
like a Restorative Justice and Win/Win Peace Advocate
like a Green STEAM architect,
a resilient engineer,
or prolific teacher
and skilled listener,

We might hope to combine
gospel references to right-hemisphere Revelationary Sacred Rapture
and healthy left-hemisphere climate preferences
for Evolutionary Secular Promise,

A promised return to sacred/secular
RightWing and LeftWing
become whom we would most like to hear
as faithful health scientists and wealth musicians,

Disciples of sacred wealthy
best means secular healthy
reborn again
reweaving
returning
resiliently recombining
global green Body of Christ experience,
feeling,
thought,
optimally appealing.

I’m sorry for not asking
how I could be a healthier and wiser
gay Christian-Taoist-ZenBuddhist-Native Nature/Spirit Wisdom
inspired and inspiring
younger brother,
more sure with your trust
and inner truths
than without you.

I’m sorry distant homophobic fears
and perhaps anger?
envy?
repulsion?
fear of predation?
(this part remains unclear)
seem to have kept us from mutually asking,
Who would we most like to become like together
when we are in our sixties
and seventies?

And now,
When this question seems more plausible,
and immediate,
I wonder how different, and yet the same,
are our opportunities to experience
this sacred potential
for re-creating loving Earth, together,
fertile,
healthiest wealth of HolySpirit embodiment
celebrating Her sacred historical birth Brother,

Unlike Jacob and Esau,
reconnected by sacred Matriarchal Wombs
culminating in reborn virginal brothers
saved/not-not saved from lose/lose perdition,
partition,
through both universal-human/unitarian-divine
natural Messianic win/win Spirit,
consiliently sacred,
resiliently secular,

Heavenly stardust Fog
embracing global oceanic dark waves,
currents of timeless
flowing potential color and multicultures,
rhythms and patterns and flow designs,
Living Waters,
truth with trust,
Wombs with Ways toward necessary Light,
nights and co-redemptive days

More WiseElder for sinister sacred Right retributive Judge
and golden secular Left restorative Advocate,
still listening compassionately together,
less fundamentally apart,
with good evangelical humor,
more than bad.

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