Uncategorized

Pandemic Problems

The primary climate pandemic problem
has something to do
fix
overpower
our Big Verbal ToDominate

In Vocations listing about our best LeftBrain answers
pat and privileged
before deep RightBrain feeling quests
are evenly invited
into Earth’s deliberating DNA dialogue,
much less the likelihood of full and equal engagement
in healthy ecosystemic destinies,
LeftBrain manifest
or RightBrain OtherWise

Co-invested bequests,
regenerative requests
following generations of inquests

Into healing vengeful wounded climates
by re-investing in cooperative co-ownership
rather than more StraightWhiteMale privileged
competitive
repetitive climate degeneration.

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Uncategorized

Pandemic-Climate Health Recovery Team

In Colchester, CT,
and possibly in your town too,
we have a LongTerm ReCoVery Committee
looking at 20/20 prevision
for post-pandemic climate health revisions
for wealthy local and global EarthJustice.

So, what have I noticed
that might be economically
and ecologically win/win useful?

In a post-pandemic
post-Trump StraightWhitePatriarchal-capitalist cabal,
post-BusinessAsUsual monoculturing economic climates
of All-Or-Nothing
Either-Or
Win-Lose competitive health-care,

We over-value
fundamentally left-brain privileged subconscious
and/or unconscious bipolar Lose-Lose
absolutist
supremacist
xenophobic
anthropocentric slimates;

For sorta virally nasty primates
and for our actively curious win/win compassionate
engaged allies
restorative justice and peace mediators
co-invested witnesses
co-empathic cooperatively co-mentors?

For political,
ecological,
and possibly even win/win systematic theological,
mutual
and eco-spiritual,
physical
and metaphysical,
compassionate verbal
and non-verbal
therapeutic mediating communication systems
at our local bioregional level.

  1. Our natural and internationally commodified food
    distribution systems
    are less cost/effectively efficient
    and less environmentally friendly
    than old-fashioned
    local cooperative gardens and family farms
    organically planned
    and community implemented
    to deliver fresh locally grown
    cooperatively-owned,
    produced
    and privately
    and commercial-public
    health and wellness wealth consumed.
  2. Chronically stressed
    by social-polarized politically
    and economically divesting
    unraveling distancing,
    human nature looks for more multicultural ways
    to reconnect with nearby domestic
    win/win healthy and safer Animated Natures.

I have neighbors who had to take a number
to adopt a rescued dog.

I have neighbors whose household income is so reduced
they could afford to continue pet health care
cooperative consumer-owned insurance payments
if a local vet petcare network
with sliding fee and volunteer time-equity payment plans
were available.

I suddenly have a lot of neighbors
who are way more cooperatively invested
in the win/win companionship
of their healthy non-mask wearing dogs
and cats
than they are in masked
or unmasked me.

[Which is OK
because I’ve found myself reduced
more recently seduced
by the sexiness of a MotherTree
standing starkly now this autumn
in Her scandalous scaled
unmasked
unleafed
vulnerable
transparently communicating
nudity.]

  1. I was waiting
    at least six feet apart
    in the Goodwill line
    eighteen miles outside Colchester
    remembering a mom
    who is also an Economic Development Commissioner
    observing that Colchester lacks
    clothing
    and household goods retail
    because we are a population under-scaled,
    not yet over-infested with win/lose big-box
    retailed
    bought-and-sold
    corporate monocultural
    capitalist economic systems
    overpowering cooperative networks.

And I’m remembering
all the consumer fun I had,
when my kids were still children,
shopping in good-used consignment shops;
a more suburban version
of Goodwill
cooperative-urban.

Then I remembered Colchester,
a new location to me
moved in during this pandemic,
is quietly rural
and village bedroom community,
where sweaters
under and over my arms
wait to travel with me
to our new home;

These may well have come
from Colchester to Norwich,
waiting to travel back again.

I wonder
what it would be like
to have local clothing and household goods
shopping options while riding bike
to a local CoOp and ConSignment Shop

Where good used stuff is further discounted
for CoOp consumers and re-salers,
owner co-managers
include a multicultural/disabilities
human resource savvy
LongTerm Win/Win RePurposing Team.

  1. I also noticed
    I have become so horribly contained
    by our national and international addiction
    to win/lose partisan debates
    and vicious circle entertainments
    and mutually antagonistic
    economically viscous capitalistic political assumptions

I forget Earth’s more Whole EcoSystemic
Win/Win regenerative economics
politically empowering,
cooperatively mediating,
mentoring long-term restorative
resilient regeneration

Through Her long-term climate
of health/wealth-care
cooperative wellness trends.

I’ve been listening to local candidates
for democratically healthy leadership positions,

Noticing how many are attorneys,
trained well by and for an adversarial
self-advertising debate
left-brain dominant
punishing win/lose competitions
in eco-political
non-communicating
non-virtuously imprisoning
partisan debate

Rather than discussing
long-term reconnecting peace opportunities
for local/global
ego/eco-compassionate co-investment.

I also remember
one of many recent zooming conversations
I’ve tried not to have
since Marching 20/20

Listening to an attorney
retrained by win/win-seeking
restorative justice mediating
therapeutic process
progressively mentoring more of a deep listening
multiculturally intelligent
bicamerally balancing
good secular/sacred,
ecological/theological/neurological

Interfaith news
re-ligioning eco-political compassionate communication
for cooperatively empowering
community developing
health/wealth-care systems

And collaboratively enlightening
wealth/health care EarthJustice
local/global
poli/economic
polypathic win/win
cooperative network development.

Colchester
must already include
attorneys
and public/private health-care financial investors
and business LeftBrain dominant win/lose
non-fundamentalistic moderators,
more win/win evangelizers,
mentors anticipating other multiculturally ecosystemic thinkers
and collaborative feelers,
deductive/inductive balanced teachers and parents,
preachers and win/lose penitents
capable of 20/20 envisioning/revisioning
win/win compassionate communication

For healthier and wealthier
resilient,
indigenously and multiculturally resonant,

[post-pandemic lose/lose,
post-win/lose
anti-ecologically misanthropocentric risks]

For Long-term regenerative
health/wealth-care,
post-pandemic climate restoration

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Uncategorized

The Americans

“I do not see what right any one would have
to object to calling this part
[the South American mainland],
after Americus
who discovered it
and who is a man of intelligence,
Amerigen,
that is, the Land of Americus,
or America:
since both Europa and Asia
got their names from women.”
Matthias Ringmann, cartographer, 1507

With the bringing down of statues
and the renaming of sacred temples,
I am reminded of Biblical tearing down
of shrines to Baal,
the turning of politically and religiously correct
cultural backs and shoulders,
hands and feet,
heads and capital investments
away from our own idolatrous sins
of anthro-centric history.

Fair enough,
but, to gaze upon which new god
and goddess?
Green and Black sacred lives,
and red blood of The Lamb
and yellow SonLight
and blue Marian EcoFeminist
and ultra-nonviolet EarthMother Moon.

So many colors to choose
or not to choose
yet avoid new temples to Baal;

A crisis of risk and opportunity
dissonance and resonance
divestment and investment
degenerative and regenerative intent.

A critical discernment
between infamous and famous,
natural pathology and spiritual health.

What surprises me
in this current revolutionary purging
of racism
and violent colonialism
and rapacious patriarchalism
and perniciously predative mono-sexism
and almost hopeless anthropocentrism
is the resilience of Amerigo
[also Americus] Vespucci,
extractively merchanting
and mapping
and scientific explorer source
for “America”.

We had, in the 1500s,
The Americas,
South, then North
invested cartographers
led by Mr. Americus.

Indigenous populations,
now become Native Americans
in North America,
also used maps,
if not externally sketched in two dimensions,
then internally felt in spacetime four
spiraling through green seasons
of nutritional communication
bearing future fruit
and healthy seeds
and wealthy wombs.

Then came the United States of America.
Not, more humbly,
United States of North America
in part
because mappers and Earthologists
were not yet in resonant agreement
about whether this wild new West,
although now clearly not East India
with NearEast Indians,
is one united continent
or now eroded into two.

Here,
anthropoids had a choice,
to honor academic investor Americus
as next to godliness,
or,

Recognizing that fame does not become us,
further invest this new global map
in rediscovered new age Western Earth,
lying in sacred direction of divine sunset
for those cartographers
and astrologers
residing in full moon rising Europa

Before these United States of America
and without the bondage of critical events
in EuroCentric historic story,
neither infamous nor famous
indigenous risk takers
and opportunity seekers
built temples
to deities Amerigo
found idolatrous

Which he might also have considered
as further resourced roots
of gods and goddesses
appropriate to Black and Brown and Green Lives Mattering
to RedBlooded EarthTribes
of saints and sinners
resonant and dissonant

Regenerative and degenerative
cooperatively co-invested and competitively divested

Win/win communal and win/lose capitalistic,
interdependently incorporated
and violently individualistic,

Liberal in democratic love
and stingy with constipated constitutional conservatism,
ecofeminist and egopatriarchal,
Green ReBidenuclear
and Red UberTrumpian.

Statues of,
and temples dedicated to, Americus
are difficult to find,
thus,
even more difficult to tear down.

But,
for those who can recreate such sacred history,
systematic theology,
ecology of healthy and pathological relationships,
neurological psychology,
polypathic muse-cology
of polyphonic risk
and opportunity,
the first moment of cultural exhale
invites individual climate purgation,

This much is obvious
to our natural senses,

However,
our second moment of inhale,
this is my returning revolutionary question,

Will we replace academic extractive Amerigo
with Uniting Global States
of GreenBlue Earth?

Or something more idolatrous
like patriarchal
racist
and revengefully capitalistic
UberTrumpian Baal?
NeoColonizing Hate and Fear?
MonoCulturing Anger?
Lone AnthroWarriors of Narcissus?
Naked White Emperors of Americus?

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Zealots and Evangelists

Within sleepy sheep folds
of retributive divine justice
postponed til kingdom comes
and diva queens go
to hell where we sinfully belong
like all unfaithful Negroes
refusing to shuck and jive
custody of bicameral eyes
and disconnection of stereophonic ears,

Discovering within these quiet unexamined folds
remains an uncreative fundamental tension
between evangelical healing justice
and bad faith zealotry,

Between good news of God’s universal EarthLove
and dark colonizing missionary zeal
to overpower alien health and happiness,
compassion and gratitude for global regenerate nature
spiritual nondualism.

Zealotry of StraightWhiteMale scriptural reconstructions
in Western roots fed by colonization memories
of overpowering violence.

Evangelical multicultural good news
roots are living watered
by creolizing necessities,
communal simplicity,
non-elite sufficiency
found in multiculturing non-violent domestic herstories,
communication circles ecofeminist
compassioned philosophies
of ecologically green resonant theology,
restorative win/win EarthJustice,
permacultural health-system therapies.

Zealotry is born of punishing bad faith
in colonizing memories.

Evangelism is born of healing good faith
in polycultural creolizing visions.

Zealotry is extrinsically LeftBrain dominant
and anti-Christlike.

Evangelism is intrinsically RightBrain prominent
and EarthCreation healing.

Which version of Christianity
do you find supported
by Republican StraightWhiteMale TrumpCards?

How might this compare unfavorably
to GreenDemocrat ecofeminist compassion therapy
if you are more of a Gospel Health-Crusading Evangelical?

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Planning for Grace

Last night I arrived very late
for a GRACE planning team meeting.
GRACE’s mission advocates against
all things racist,
whether systemic
or the normal chaos of hate
and sin
against everyday non-violent win-win
choices
policies
procedures
positions
platforms political and economic
sacred and secular
sociological and neurological.

I stepped into discussion of a thesis
that all policies are either racist
or anti-racist.

We were trying out various policies
to see if we could discover which they were.
This reminds me of a popular radio show
outing “HIDDEN RACISM!”

This discernment process
also reminds me of a hiring incident
in our Southern Region
In which a job description
with preference for academic credentials
over indigenous democratic leadership experience
led to hurt feelings of being disrespected
and concerns about systemic white male privilege
within our Unitarian Universalist Association
for egalitarian
and interdependent compassion.

Are budgeting procedures
that begin with authority of last year’s status quo
and are then incrementally nuanced
through recommendations of currently empowered authority figures,
like Treasurers
and CFOs
and Board of Invested,
often age Infested,
Directors,
racist or anti-racist?

Is prejudice just about policies
that must be bilaterally explicated
as healthy or unhealthy for inclusive empowerment,
or is white male privilege also hidden in our procedures,
our therapeutic proposals,
our strategic plans
to do more of the ZeroSum same,
whatever that may competitively be?

What about all our communications,
verbal and non-verbal,
personal and public?

What about all our investments
of time
and money
and positive or negative
or ambivalently uncommitted attitude?

And are all these things
just racist or anti-racist?
Or might they also be
egopatriarchal or ecofeminist,
ageist or multigenerationally inclusive,
nonbinary-phobic or pansexual,
aristocratic or democratic,
communal or capitalistic,
cooperative or competitive,
polycultural or monocultural,
WinWin or LoseLose,
NonZeroSum or ZeroSum,
RightBrain prominent or LeftBrain dominant,
non-violent or violent?

I can hardly wait to read more
about this thesis or antithesis
to find out what I may have missed
all my racist or anti-racist years.

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Gadflies and HoneyBees

Where to begin
in the middle of cold and dark
winter’s solstice,
healthy green life’s time
of impeachment,
excommunication,
dormancy?

Where does this all rightfully
and left sacredly end?

These are expansive gadfly questions,
problems,
issues of complexly dipolar reason,
leftbrain dominant
either-or thinking
we are either thinking or feeling
rather than conscious of both,
and neither sufficient
without the necessary other.

Light
and passion
win competitive evolutions
only to lose cooperative revolutionary
awareness,
dipolar and co-arising,
bipolar and co-exhaling.

We dissociate cognitive reason
from rightbrain’s more original intuitive-sourced feelings.

Unitarian-Universalists,
like balanced Taoists,
advocate our 7th Principle
about interdependent
intersectional
co-passioning webs
of non-violent life communing love,
passion,
cooperative empowerment,
bicameral egopatriarchal/ecofeminist
yang-yintegrity
spatial-temporal
NonZero-Sum Win/Win contextual
counter-capitalism multicultural,
bilateral
WinLeft’s liberal egolove
to WinRight’s healthiest conservational ecolife.

So, let’s not continue
beginning with a full-spectral blue
and red
and ultra-violet synergy,
but confine our response
to questions not yet leftbrain asked

And notice, instead, dark and light green,
in-between sunny courage yellow
and curious and long-hidden orange,

Merging and emerging
what comes after RightWing Red depressions
of Earth’s healthiest well-being values.

If Earth’s children are, sometimes
not-straight
not-white
not-male,
not particularly egocentric,
not especially competitive,
more artistic and wounded, perhaps,

And not necessarily human,
maybe a chick,
or a colt,
a cub,
pup,
kitten,
calf,
a matriarchal egg, etc.

And,
you are a Wise EcoFeminist Elder,
an organic gardener
looking out for your healthy flock,
your child with disabilities,
your own chronic climate anxiety of win/lose stress,
expecting Aspergerish cooperative co-arising warm compassion
in-between memories of win/lose competitions
and images of future win/win cooperative democratic empowerment
through co-invested polypathic communication,
polynomial relationship,
polyphonic compassion.

You probably would think/feel yourself merely reponsible
for protecting your co-empathic young
from white predative nationalist hate,
from self-unfulfilling prophets of egalitarian apartheid
without hope of interdependent healthy regenerativity,

You would probably want to be reassured that:

1. Your young adult understands what s/he will be hearing
is driven by leftbrain competitive
either/or
emotionally dissociated
deductive/reductive dominating
egocentric
monocultural identity,
semi-consciousness,
at best, no more elitist right
than non-elitist wrong.

2. The right to free and responsible speech
(U-U Principle Four)
has a reverse corollary,
usually unconsciously assumed

S/he has the freedom not to listen
to unfree
dissociated
potentially toxic
one-sided presentations
and leftbrain lopsided verbal debates
with straw ecofeminist
green
cooperative social investors,
voters,
residents,
indigenous citizens of sacred MotherEarth
before denizens of any nation-identified State,
or supremacist Tribe.

3. I would not think/feel
I am “coddling” my adolescent dependents,
whether human in formation
or a yearling pony,
by inviting them to anticipate discussion
with win/win non-violent intent,

That we are good
and natural
and healthy
and democratic
to assume restorative green resilience
of all ecosystems
and all subclimates,
whether internal or external,
whether yin or yang,
whether unitarian or universal,
whether ecofeminist or egopatriarchal,
whether sacred Left interdependent ecosystemic
or secular Right egocentric capitalists,

Dialogue is always a healthier choice
for a wise green energy democracy
then violent
overly competitive debates,
with zero-sum win/lose relational/nutritional assumptions

As if win/lose capitalism makes democratic nurturing sense
despite win/win empowering green
original sacred-mind and secular-body
bilateral revolutionary intent,

Where rational regenerative history
greets intuitive resonant mystery
with deep green learning respect.

4. And we are not really ‘coddling’
to rationally expect non-violent discussion
begins with compassionate win/win listening
for points of cooperative agreement,

Usually more significant
than win/lose points of runaway disagreement,
regardless of cultural color appreciation
or species gratitude,
or the healthier humor of leftbrain egopatriarchal dominance
passionate about cooperative rightbrain ecofeminist prominence.

Reason-rooted StraightWhiteMale gadflies
sometimes have trouble hearing
and appreciating the interdependent power
of 7th interdependent identity principles
in balance with
1st co-relational
co-passionate dignity principles

Of egalitarian freedoms to speak
and interdependent responsibilities
to listen for win/lose issues
to discern win/win cooperative resolutions.

Gadflies may tolerate
dissonant monoculturing fascist risks,
rather than resonantly co-responding
with confluent
polyculturing
interdependent opportunities,
which are more of a honey bee
kind of humming green consciousness,
both wealthy mind-thought
and healthy body-felt.

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LeftBrain Trauma

My leftbrain deductive reason
now sadly sees 16/20,
since 2016 a patriarchal white privileged hierarchy
of orthodox RightWing religious social history,

Where I am either egomaniacally at the self-righteous top
of my competitive win/lose hierarchical game,
or I am a victim,
bottom-feeder
bleeder prey,
mortally morally wounded,
living in the treacherous and hated boundary
between today’s fading hellish life
and inevitable loss of leftbrain dominant reason
for autonomously existing
merely to survive
for yet another depressing
rainy Monday of meaningless
sold-out
grey capital-monopolistic
Business as either/or
win/lose degeneratively natural
normative
spiritless
deprived
depraved predation
extraction….

Meanwhile
My more both/and co-empathic rightbrain
inducting fluid 20/20 emotions
feels ecofeminist
[not ego-militant]
green, yet full-spectrum,
multicultural warm Earth-lattice of interdependent circles,

Reverse revolving matriarchal
anti-hierarchical encultured
imprinted
co-passioned empowering
non-violently embedded
resonantly wombed
intersectionally organic
transubstantiating left intelligence disempowering
into right wisdom, up inside down,
creolizing
win/win positive healthy communication
of interactive win/win hope,
resiliently enduring faith,
robustly wealthy webs,
not so much either/or walls,
of polypathic
polyphonic
polynomially ZeroZone balancing
binomial
bilateral
bicameral compassion,

Belonging,
safety,
enduring warm significance,
accompaniment,
curious cooperative inquiry
and co-investing trust

Despite leftbrain’s hierarchical non-elite
non straight
non white
non male bottom-bleeder victimization,

RightBrain’s most robust
resonant
and resilient EarthTribe
remembering 20/20 fire circle multicultural singers
and polycultural liturgical dancers,
lyrical speakers
who non-violently listen
with well-balanced co-passioning breath

Bicameral heart-beaters
compassion power,
energy,
healthy democracy of left with right
GoldenRule balancing climates
through positive health co-investment.

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Unbright Intellectual Snobbery

When I was in grade school
I was, already,
on my leftbrain dominant path
toward acting the intellectual snob.

This, in large part
my best offense,
my trump card, sadly,
against marginalizing prejudice
of our community’s non-farmer economic
and political Elite;

The few kids
whose parents went to college
and/or inherited some above-the-norm property
business, preferably not agribusiness,
professional service assets
even the most straight white male
would appreciate
like doctors
and nursing wives,
two income households
with academic bright credentials.

By the time I reached high school
being on, or at least within sight of,
the top of my class,
and president of as much political property as possible,
or at least vice-president,
became my trump card
for getting out of rural SWM oppression,
depression,
suppression,

Where I was not safe,
back in the 1960s rural midwest,
and I could never possibly matter,
become one of the local community’s Elite,
a pillar of church and state
while overcoming the guilt and shame
of being the queer son
of a below median income family farmer.

Intellectual snobbery
was my leftbrain overwhelming defense
against rightbrain amygdala loneliness,
extreme social-sexual isolation,
drowning in cortisol-baptized self-stigmatization.

Leftbrain dominant academic skills
were my best offense
for succeeding out in urban
urbane
multicultural
cosmopolitan
singing and dancing
democratically compassionate
win/win feeling and acting society.

The only healthy society
that mattered;
where I could possibly matter,
and become transparent
and vulnerable
and connected
and safe.

That defensive snobbery
still, in 2020 hindsight,
lives in my deepest closet,
longing for warmer
more inclusive acceptance,
invitation,
compassion

For right brain radical interdependence
with those of us,
regardless of income
and lack thereof,
regardless of self empowerment
and lack thereof,
capable of engaging
and energizing this tragic comedy
of small staged love lives,

Rural and urbane
Healthy and wealthy
Ego and eco-therapeutic
Left and right brained
Smart and warmly co-passionate
Proud and humble

Divinely humane
playing more win/win trump cards
through more cooperative co-investment.

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Commanding Solo Performances

It had been a hellish week.

On Monday
my lonely and tired AfricanAmerican husband
told me, as gently as possible,
that what I had hoped was a temporary separation
is to be extended into perpetuity.

This separation had been scheduled to terminate
when my Fetal Alcohol daughter turns eighteen
and can move into a new, more therapeutically endowed, home
not our non-group home
which could not feel like a private home to him
and to a more peacefully vulnerable me.

He told me his autonomy of residential sight
and sound
and smell,
temperature and feel,
thought and absence of forced transparent thought,
has grown ever more compelling for him,

Like a new life system
organically emerging from calcified minerals
mixed with melted wet.

This permanent separation,
less about not wanting to share a roof and walls
and multicultural floors
and more about wanting a more private
monotheistic habitat.

I had been working on my adopted daughter’s emergency group home application;
Her eighteenth, and first qualifying, birthday was Friday
of this same hellish week
filled with demands,
as usual,
but more so,
more self-prophetically entitled now;

A “big [supremely self-disempowering] girl”
as multiply messaged from school
and therapists
and family,
jonesing to live with submissive peers
who will best be lesser care receivers
as she intends to appropriate all care giving staff,

Demanding preferred foods,
and music
and stories
and dance,
and diaper change
and bed
and bath times
ignoring needs of lesser beings;

Like living with a constantly ticked off Gaia
showing us who’s our jealous Boss
in response to our climate endangering ways
of patriarchal colonization
disrespecting matriarchal communion,
ecological creolization.

Demanding routines she and I have evolved
since she was five,
unable to see up,
only downstream,
unable to hear well,
unable to speak in consonants
articulate enough to defy caregiver ignorance,
lack of subservient cooperation,
submission to her aggressively iron will,
triggering every slaveholder
property owner
reactionary nerve in my husband’s long-term
matriarchal-limned
unnerved memory.

Our more cooperative and trust-building relationship
soon took care of Gaia’s communication problems
but we created, thereby,
a princess entitled ‘I win so you lose’ monster
of immediate and really loud
NEED!

Yet, now that she is maturing to leave this nest,
how much do I need her
to keep me safely home at night
and off the larger terrifying climate stage
of degenerating ecopolitical performance?

On the following Sunday morning,
I was to sing “Let Your Little Light Shine”
a less popular spiritual,
and at least not unnatural,
gospel message;

A sung prayer from enslaved history,
humiliating origins surviving valleys of vulnerable despair
by holding up
and out
dim fading lights of hope,
sometimes accessible from other enslaved properties
with more resilient hope in green and brown and black
communion.

On Saturday night
my heart spoke of grief
lost in deep dark valleys
isolated
abandoned
down-sized
empty-nested
shallow-chested
ancient old person despair,

And my lungs sagged
pushing against narrow edges of freezing panic

Terror about forgetting left-brain words
and reminders of past sung and danced solo performances
not nearly as fun
enriching
fulfilling
health wealthy
as past group participation
in full-nested harmony
synergy
resonance
regenerativity
sacred communions spiritual
while naturally co-present

Green
and brown
and black,
ultra-nonviolet
and transparently clear.

On Sunday morning,
after earning a strategically planned
full night’s rest,
I felt much worse

Unable to imagine leaving my sanctuary
much less singing
much less performing
a song longing for the Lord
to shine even the faintest ray of hope
down into this valley of well-earned despair,

A grey climate of hopelessness,
nihilistic thoughts,
narcissistic preoccupations
trapped in a shrinking fragile egocentrism.

I took an anti-depressant
which got me to the church on time
but now feeling anxiously disembodied
within my own Beloved Sanctuary
too universally white
straight
and too removed from outside green
and family brown
and EarthTribe Native black resonant voices,
fragrances,
touch,
tasting and seeing.

I could not remember words,
or think of alternative reasonable sounds,
could not find my opening pitch,
felt deserted by a cappella
absence of accompaniment,
by a choir relegated to background support services
rather than foreground cooperative resonance
of care giving
co-passioning care receiving.

But, there was something else
bad,
REALLY bad,
a repugnance that stayed with me
through rehearsal,
through first
and then final performance
and on through the return home
after a technical tepid success
lacking the resonance of producing music
transcending rhythm and pitch and lyrics
demanding better held and managed light systems
for my self-isolating despair

Afraid of drowning
in this internal river valley.

Although not sure what happened Sunday night,
I awoke next morning to emotional fragility,
again
to fears of too much aloneness, loneliness,
worries about ageing in a place not quiet enough
from road rage
and too demanding of soil
and water
and energy stewardship,
warm accompaniment,
propriety of grace,
cooperative well-being.

What was different, on this reawakening,
was recognizing my,
and our,
monocultural misappropriation,
supremacist ideation
of “Let your little light shine”
as if we are, and I am,
the Lord’s great solo hope
for all the autonomous
disconnected
apartheid
indigenous nature/spirit
EarthTribe life-systems
of healthy care giving/receiving
singing and dancing in revolving circles
of gospel fire,

Choired resonantly together
in active shared home harmonies,
extending families back through enslaved ancestors
reminding an AfroCentric Lord
this light begins
from hope sung dance together
with multiculturally resonant intelligence

Leaving no one behind
trying to soulfully enlighten
my darkest valley of despair.

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Uncategorized

Fear of Success

Fear of personal
and disconnecting
ego-success
feels reasonable to me

Too much adulating feedback
from old friends vaguely envious
that I would place myself above
and before them
sacrifices integrity
more resonant with us,
immersed in ecosystemic success,
embodied health,
resilient Earth-rooted wealth.

Children
especially straight white physically-privileged adolescents,
have grown self-empowerment rights
to autonomous personal lifestyle differences,
risks of failure,
opportunities toward narcissism,
as contested by parents
who often have our own anthropocentric issues
about humane success and failure.

Democratically grateful adults
have grown rights to self-determination
responsibility of personal con-science
consciousness authority
over-against God/Gaia,

Completing the circle
of young developing secular ego-systems
competing
rather than cooperatively owning and managing
appreciating immersion within
sacred ecosystemic Earth.

Perhaps LeftBrain’s WinLose risk
is also RightBrain’s WinWin opportunity
to aspire toward resilient God/Gaianess,
as bicamerally GoldenRuled together
ego/eco-systemic nest.

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