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Slow-Cooked Conversion Stories

I was raised in one of those white nationalist churches,
passing itself off as a Christian evangelical Bible church,
where “evangelical” meant fundamental
and “fundamental” meant we did not interpret scripture
but accepted it as God’s literal trans-historical Word
of universal white male dominant
Bible thumping supremacy,
transcendently un-changing like…
like…
like nothing I’ve ever seen or heard
or smelled or tasted

Which is why we call not-Him-or-Her “God”
and not “SuperEgo”
or multicultural “Gaia”

Or anything else.
It turns out “God”
is a bit like not saying Valdemore’s name;
As Yahweh
is more about the ambiguously missing vowels
than their YHWH
YYXY
Either/Or-Both/And
bicameral structure.

Anyway, enough about sacred bisensory ecology.
While at People’s Bible Church
I was told, by all the white heterosexual adults
supporting and educating me
that being born again is not a gradual thing,
like growing into a pubescent body,
but instant,
like convenient oatmeal
or inferior mashed potatoes.

If I could not say,
with one hundred percent persuasion,
that I was reborn in Christ
on May 8, 1964
at 2:53 PM
Eastern Savings Time,
Just as I was originally born
on May 8, 1952
at 2:53 A.M.,
much to my mother’s inconvenience–
finished just in time to get home
to our dairy farm
for an unleisurely visit with “The Girls”
during her morning milking parlor gig–
Then the deviant
devilish mark of Satan
still clouds my not so milky white
not straight enough
not truly pure soul.

Such instant and yet resilient grace
felt unlikely to me.

I did not instantly lose hope
for a hot SantaDaddy
sliding down our family chimney
emerging from the family wood-burning furnace,
scorched of unnecessary
and superfluous clothes
to give me all the fruited manly gifts
I have felt so empty without
warm and wet accompaniment,
accomplishment.

Gradually,
over several years of neglecting this Santa myth
as cultural fantasy,
I did not wake up on May 8, 1956,
at 2:53 A.M.
and announce to all those not listening,
“I no longer believe in Santa Claus.”

De-mythification progress
seems to take me
about as long as my left-brain
dominating commodification process
took to grow into queer adolescence,
feeling unsafe,
unwanted,
with a best case possible future
of invisible insignificance,
hidden deeply beneath healthy humility.

Just as it took awhile to comfortably acclimate
to the toothlessness of myth,
It took me all my development years
on into late adolescence
to be sure that I would never safely
or resiliently convert
into a heterosexual.

When we were mutually experimenting grade school boys
during not much sleep overs
I was sure we shared the same destiny–
future heterosexuals,
Mr. Cleavers,
Mr. Smiths
not all too fascinated with Mr. Johnsons.

I didn’t suddenly realize,
“Oops. I failed to convert.”
Maybe I was a late bloomer,
just as some girls get pubes
and teats
and mensies later on
which seemed like more unfair girl pressure
than just sprouting new hair in old moist places
and growing at least somewhat less girlish voices.

Just as there was no May 8, 2:53 P.M.
of any year
when I knew,
“OK, that’s it.
It’s done growing
in both length and width.”
I had no day or night
when I said,
“OK, that’s it.
I choose to be queer”
so I can be the target of hate crimes,
bad jokes,
white Christian heterosexual predators,
bigoted employers,
homophobic police
and teachers
and parents
and siblings,
and preachers

Fully capable of witnessing against me
the exact date, time, and year
they began their life long love affair
with white male Jesus Christ,
straight (presumably) Jewish carpenter’s apprentice,
Son of God and…
and…
God,
who finished creating Earth,
and at least our entire Solar System,
exactly seven days
after He started, on May 8th
at 2:53 A.M.,
year 0000.

I have developed health-considered faith
in win/win progressive processes.
I accept that faith actively hopes in unseen relationships,
unheard communications,
unnoticed actions and reactions.

Still,
I find an always changing
transparent
vulnerable,
courageously curious difference
between left-brain statements of verbal instant faith,
and right/left-brain emerging lifeskill learnings
conversions
healings
redemptively felt economies,
salvific co-relational powers,

And I have trouble believing
that such ubiquitous differences
between slow-grown processive maturation
and imitative instant role-playing
is only accessible to queers,
white, black, brown, red, purple, green, or ultra-violet,
born on May 8, 1952
at 2:53 A.M.
much to the inconvenience
of busy heterosexual
pre-millennial dairy farmers.

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Gospel Rewrites

I think, and sometimes fear,
we have two ways, maybe more,
to read the four holy gospels,
and any sacred scripture,
and any regeneration/degeneration story
of creative tension,
win/win sweet spot future aspirations
midst win/lose historic raw spots
of past experience.

We can read Earth’s inspired articulations
as a book of spiritually correct answers,
removed from complex historical-cultural context
in a move toward fundamentally correct creed development
for moral
and political
and economic
and ecological correctness.

And/or
we can listen for Earth’s expirations
and inspirations,
reading and listening to naturally spiritual correcting questions,
embedded in universal historical
and uniting multicultural content
of fundamentally healthy development
for resiliently robust climates
and cultures,
timeless times of spiraling revolutionary win/win
ego/eco-logical balance corrections.

If we too readily approach sacred scripture for morally correct answers,
we are likely to forget
divine purpose seeks better,
more inclusive,
inviting,
transparent,
vulnerable,
courageous and curious health questions.

 

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Fundamentalism v Evangelical

I believe
I can be an evangelical
multiculturally intelligent Christian
if I am not an anti-historical literalist,
a fundamentally white patriarchal dogmatist,
using holy scripture to divide and conquer
what divine creation has compassioned to regather.

I also know beyond death’s shadow
and within life’s promise
A fundamentally patriarchal believer
in God’s might makes Earth right
cannot be a good news gospel driven
spiritually maturing
evangelical Christian believer
and doer
and follower
of polypathic cosmic-conscious Christ
timelessly embodied.

What is healthy evangelical loving witness
is antithetical to patriarchal fundamentalist dogmatism.

Evangelical Christians follow Christ’s win/win multiculturing heart path
of integrity.
Fundamentalists, fake-Christian and fake-Islamic
and fake empowerers of all faiths
and all natural/spiritual systems,
lead win/lose monoculturing mind pathology
of mendacity.

To learn the difference
between fundamentalism and evangelical vocation
is to know us by our communal natural love
and our divisive anti-spiritual judgments
against those who shrink
down into fundamentally shriveled
win/lose zero-sum narcissists.

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East Meets West Association

The East Meets West Philosophy Association
had their annual 2020 conference in Rio,
when and where anything multiculturally lusty
is more likely to happen,
especially between sunset
and sunrise.

Coincidentally
and existentially
and phenomenologically
and ecologically
and ethologically
and epistemologically,
and astrologically,
and metaphorically,
it was necessarily
and sufficiently
and justly
and truly
and trustingly at dawn
on a sweltering Saturday morning
that their Friday night communion commencement started
a revolutionary new/old system
of rhetorical left/right questions,
meant to impress
more than depress
future polarized regenerations
and generations
of trans-regenerative Philo/Sophias.

These renewed professional
academic
expert
sophisticated
preliminary
heuristic
yet uncompromised consensual issues:

1. What if Earth’s primal meaning
is most satisfactorily
and usefully
and beautifully
and healthily
and resiliently found,
in deep bicameral learning
how to optimize our already co-present regenerative systems?

2. Would co-passions deductively
and inductively
and seductively
and reductively,
but not unductively,
co-arise non-polarizing suggestions
demands
requirements
reasons
rationalizations for our neurological and psychological,
body and mind receptors
and communal DNA senders
to design
grow
evolve
recreate
re-synchronize
our self/other
ego/eco maximizing
global digestive/reproductive systems?

Green cooperative redemptive economies
more powerfully resilient
than overly competitive
burning-out
chronically-stressed
climate
monoculturing hubris systems

Geo-
and eco-
and ego-systems
absorbing healthy/toxic
redemptive/unsalvific nutrient offerings
through our sense and sensual
listening and speaking
communal organs,

From chakra karmic bottom
grace receivers and sacred givers
on up through
livers taking in and pushing out,
and bicameral hearts and lungs
breathing newborn sexless voices in
and breathing out healthy sensual reborn wounded child
warm-wombed song and dance re-memories
non-verbal then verbal,
nutritiously purposed

Connecting up sacred integrity,
reconnecting downstream secular autonomy
deep and widely satisfying dialogue
hoping for inside Apollonian
and outside Dionysian climates
of compassionate
non-pathological communication
communities
co-arising polypathic secular Philo
polyphonic sacred Sophia communion.

3. How might we,
together more than apart,
make the second non-question,
and endlessly unfinished life opportunity,
much shorter,
sufficient,
transparent,
vulnerable for self/other health optimizing
secular left-yang nutritional strength
co-arising
wealthy sacred right-yintegral-fractal-squared-cubed exponential
DNA bilateral structured
nurture-wombing purposeful meaning flow?

4. Healthy LeftUniversal affluence
through transparent/opaque
wealthy RightUnitarian effluence?

5. Apollo
not shrugging off,
dismissing and shaming,
Dionysus?

6. Taurus Earth
reseeding
Aquarian Dawn’s Promised Land with Waters?
(Too lusty, perhaps.)

7. Father God
returning
Holonic Nature/Spirits?

8. East nondualism
feeding and watering
Western dualistic wounds
between pre-
and re-embodied Spirit/Nature
and night dream polyphonic secular ZeroSouls
communicating relentlessly about
Ego’s Zero ZenCenters
healthy feeding
wounded wealthy
Blue/Green organic Philo/Sophia Wombs…

Rebirthing
Incrementally and exponentially polypathic co-passioned,
secularly and sacredly polyphonic,
polynomially interdependent,
not yet/still
non-verbing/verbal
pre/re-nouned
ex/informative polynomial,
not-not zero-polynomial,
etc.

Executive Summary:
Every thing and relationship yields to nothing
as no thing and no relationship
no time and no space
yield every thing and relationship and time
and northern/southern place
to grow and know ourselves
as also compassionate communicating Others.

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Colorful Cultures

White is fundamental absence of color,
as is evangelical black.
But, white is colorless
due to emptiness
while black
because of good news fullness.

Transparency is presence of visibility
as is not darkness
but transparency is void
where opaque is dense.

Life is absence of death
as death is absence of life.
But, life is full and dense
while death is empty and void.

Promising evangelical integrity of all motions and emotions
actions and reactions
presence and co-presence
in-between radically sacred
and fundamentally secular
cultures of dualistic meaning
evolve courageously bright
with loads of curious light.

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ReGenerating 2020 Hope

I once heard,
Hope is what can positively happen
after listening to all the realistic facts
and then continuing in good faith anyway.

I also heard,
Cynicism about others,
like narcissism about oneself,
is sadly generative,
expansively powerful,
contagious

Just as hope about others
and compassion with oneself
are happily generative,
exponentially win/win contagious.

Both negative and positive attitudes are generative,
but hope is cooperatively regenerative
while external cynicism,
like internal narcissism,
like ecopolitical fascism,
is degenerative,
competitively contagious,
inviting a long, slow, painful
lose/lose death.

Cynicism flirts with Lose/Lose outcomes
projections
often escalated by competing
“If you think that’s horrible enough,
listen to this terrifying
or merely titillating tale…”

Despite our broken
wounded
depressing cynically competing natures
and narcissistic nurtures
of Business As Usual stories of competing
capital-hoarding ego-centrism,
Active 2020 hope looks for WinLeft/WinRight options,
plans,
eco-operatively reassociating
mutual ego-healing
across all multicultural
and polypathic
non-sectarian
good-faith systems,
cooperatively-owned nutritional networks.

Cynicism projects Earth’s LoseLose demise.
Scepticism questions, doubts, humanity’s WinLose economy
could ever become a long-term healthy trajectory.
Optimism actively hopes a short-term investment
in egocentric deflation, dis-investment, detachment
will lead to long-term Lose to Win
healthier egocentric evolution
some other climate darkening day.

WinWin optimization
cooperatively goodfaiths (gospels), mentor
models short-term through long-term compassionate ecstasy
restoring peace and holistic justice

Green sanctuary 2020 left/right
yang/yin
universal/unitarian (not fragmentarian) revolutions,
regeneration/degeneration options
every bicameral day
every binomial ego/eco-where
with every one
regathering bilateral interior-beliefs
compassioning exterior-behavior.

Regenerate hope is what happens
after listening to all the RealTalk
co-operating healthy passions
any way
any time
any where
everyday.

 

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Steal Away To Gaia

Steal away, steal away, steal away to Jesus,
Steal away, steal away home,
I ain’t got long to stay here.

My Lord he calls me
He calls me by the thunder
The trumpet sounds within-a my soul,
I ain’t got long to stay here.

EarthTribe she calls us
Calls through sounding thunder,
Her manna fall without-in OurSoul
We ain’t got yeast to leave Her.

Green trees are bending
Po’ sinner stand a-trembling
The trumpet sounds within-a my soul
I ain’t got long to stay here.

Green trees are dying
Po’Nature stand a-trembling
Her wealth full root within-a Our Soul
We ain’t found love to loose Her.

Walk away, walk away, walk away with Gaia
Fly away, fly away home
We ain’t got long to live here.

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