Uncategorized

Employment Trauma

My protagonist today,
a Gay Black Religious Mature Male,
not quite ready for silver-grey Obama temples

Is off this morning
to a new full-time job,
8 to 5,
Monday through Friday.

He has been out of his calming,
regular custodial collared routine,
for over two years,

And has long been anticipating just this kind
of post-traumatic economic morning.

Up with the sun,
shower,
shave,
dressing just showman right–
not shaman flashy
but not beatdown polyester–
lunch in his red and white pristine cooler
generously filled with fresh
wholesome food

He is not feeling
like he will be able
to eat.

His stomach is Post Traumatic Employment Stress
churning.

He looks into his refrigerator
while telling me
he is in knots
and at least half a mind wishing to not show up,

To tell them he doesn’t think right.
Doesn’t feel he can get through his uncontrolled fear
and self-loathing for not manning up
while They background check
his suffering character references.
He doesn’t think or feel he can survive this day
even though he has no doubt he can do this job
better without Them.

He wants to give up,
walk away if he can’t freeze
in his more health and safety habitat place.

I am stunned into silence.
This is hard to hear,
to link up with how excited he was
to apply
and to get a call
from his would-be “nice guy” supervisor,
after meeting suspicious him.
He told me how surprised he was
to feel like this Straight White Male
was one of the good,
reasonable,
non-toxic guys.

Eventually,
after our anxious potential hero heads out
with heavy feet
and knotted stomach,
I recall how he might have felt
when he left his last full-time employment day,
dismissed
without notice.

His employment record reads “tardiness.”
But, off his common knowledge record
is a victim of systemic racism,
a supervisor’s personal superiority prejudice,
global heterosexist homophobia.

Victimized by StraightWhiteMales
for being who he is,
and not getting support from brown-skinned guys
he thought were potential allies
because he has no proper heterosexual credentials.

Talk therapy may be widely used
to prepare his LeftBrain to reconstruct
past traumatic experiences.
The therapeutic goal,
to resolve through better contextual understanding
in a LeftBrain verbal
rational way.

This can be helpful, I suppose,
but PostTrauma disordered victims
need PreAbundant nurturing anticipations
fading frozen fears
of further victimization,
economic and/or political trauma
due to personal identity rejections
that have historically been cause for criminalization,
colonization,
enslavement,
sending out evangelical missionaries,
in nationalistic Patriarchal/Capitalist
drunken salvific supremacist history.

Dissociative experience of eco-political trauma
is as deep margins felt
in our RightHemispheres
interdependent serotonin/dopamine fading flight
outside our BusinessAsCompetitionUsual,
patriarchal-capitalist,
Either in
Or out,
deductive verbal labeling LeftHemispheres

Capable of calmly,
curiously,
courageously distinguishing thought-out purposes
for our win/lose past behaviors
within an overwhelming evolutionary
Fight Makes Patriarchal/Capitalist Right
competitive manly worldviews
justifying punishing severances.

Trauma,
to ecological
and psychological
and economic
and political relationships,
deeply retains fear and/or anger
neuro-sensory systemic
terrifying memories

Post-Loser re-victimized
by re-experiencing active distrust,
dissociation
as the opposite of Attachment’s sacred experiential promise
of cooperative peace,
Win/Win behavioral and verbal communing safety,
personal health prosperity
on a planet growing in eco-wealth anticipating provisions.

In my protagonist’s developmental
special employment case,
I also hear theological trauma–
deeply felt shame
and blame,
and White-righteous Straight Capitalist/Patriarchal
judgment.

Such deep trauma responds most resonantly
to having a positive gain experience today,
this morning,
while filling out pre-employment paperwork,
feeling those he meets are divinely delighted
and delightful.
Then he may feel already a bit relieved.

He may, thereby, rediscover sufficient environmental resonance
therapeutic courage
to continue showing up with a positive,
let’s get it cooperatively done,
nonviolent gratitude attitude

To open sufficient hope
for potential healthy and safe team players,
we all need respect
for human and civilizing rights,
but we are transformed
by downright resiliently appreciative
multiculturally experienced values.

Each day, at work and play,
can invite affirmation
for polypathic transparency

The gospel’s “Poor in Spirit”
are our vulnerable person-ego identities,
expecting merely reasonable
eco-therapeutic compassion
and actively hoping
for polyculturally intelligent communication.

Best therapeutic practice
for anger
fear
hate
greed
exploitation
enslavement
criminalization
colonization
predation experiences
ruminating traumatic employment narratives
are new compassionate work and play environments
of cooperative courage
to get through our shared sacred vocations
in this another EarthBeauty
and SacredTruth
re-education day.

All Mattering Employment’s vocationally Great Again
meaning is found in our economically felt
politically experienced solidarity,
our cooperative win/win generosity,
our co-investment
in pro-active peace
and co-passion;

Not our traumatic enslavement,
repressive employment,
and past discrimination
by retributive Patriarchal/Capitalist
straight white gatekeepers
who have also had traumatic losses.

Perhaps our collective traumatic experiences
are more systemically acute
for those with more difficult personal
and political
and economic births
into a Straight White Patriarchal/Capitalist religion
where one’s own dark and queer embodied experience
may be unjust
unhealthy cause
for a traumatic can’t win Loser
Life is a slow
unfair death sentence

Uttered by LeftBrain dominant
Patriarchal/Capitalist
anti-peace communications.

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Uncategorized

Critical Race Theory

My problem with Critical Race Theory is that, unfortunately, systemic racism is not theoretical; it is experiential, behavioral, measured, and quantified.

Calling systemic racism a “theory” is a disparaging and dishonest strategy because racist event and patterns of relationship and non-relationship are not merely theory; nor is systemic racism rationally reduced to an as yet unproven explanation for historical events. Neither critical nor chronic caste-specific prejudice, nor marginalized v elite power analysis are merely theoretical, contingent, not yet fully vetted hypotheses awaiting confirmation, or lack thereof. Scientific method has been multiculturally applied to caste-based economic and political non-elite v elite experiential data.

Analysis of experience is not theory. Race differential analysis may be premised on a positive and/or negative hypothesis about discriminatory effect, bias, prejudice, caste alliance, multicultural health, and/or monocultural pathology, scarcity or abundance of positive v negative relationships, differential measures of trust, empowering and/or disempowering intent, but none of these hypothetical predictions about measurable relationships remains abstractly theoretical; removed from quantified experience.

Critically analyzed hypotheses may come from deeply interconnected or special case theoretical roots. Systemic racism has emerged from economic and political caste hierarchical systemic relationships statistically significant. Profound differential power and investment opportunities have been unequivocally established. Cooperative and/or competitive power predictions reflect multicultural cooperative thick and competitive thin investment relationships.

To believe that racist attitudes are merely personal prejudice, not responsive to deep and widely learned social systemic constructs, is equivalent to believing that all cultural perceptions remain free of historical sensory-neural experience. All observations, consciousness, analyses, theories, experiences, hypotheses rely on an integrated empowering neuro-sensory organic SYSTEM.

A shared language system is rooted in a deeper and wider communication system. Communication is biased toward positive as multiculturally robust health. Negative communication is to active distrust as absence of communication is neurologically associated with mistrust outside one’s own monocultural received view. Trust issues are neuro-sensory systemically understood as pathological; not positively healthy.

Critical race dialogue requires a nonviolent communication system characterized by compassion, in order to become more resonant across caste-based dissociation, blocking resonant relationships that could, at least theoretically, transcend past deeply held distrust and mistrust of systems supporting patriarchalism, capitalism, and racism.

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Uncategorized

Judging v Mediating

Judging v Mediating,
like Teaching v Mentoring,
like dogmatic Preaching v compassionately Communicating,

As felt
and appreciated by my LeftBrain dominant
RightWing hand
nurturing StraightWhite patriarchal
overpoweringly privileged
systemically elitist judgment

Branching, colonizing,
extending up and out in many capitalist predation,
LeftBrain patriarchally Yang dominant
competitive win/lose economic
and non-ecological co-relational memories
of investing in egocentric
anthropocentric
win/lose retributive
retaliatory
punishing
authoritative Answer-Seeking

Yet also rooting down and out
as a co-mediator
mentoring ecofeminist listening,
speaking as democratically acting,
empowering,
cooperative win/win enlightening,
with Left/Right informed bivameral preference
for discussing holistic
cooperatively trusting balance
with deep compassionate
context-listening democratic intelligence

To restore civil,
spiritual,
natural
Ego/Eco-Justice

Through multiculturally non-violent
regenerative win/win
democratically cooperative
communication systems
co-arising communion experience,

Health community memories
and cooperatively-held gratitude
to become competent community
extended family
mediators
entrusted with non-violent verbal communication skills
for positive experience win/win mentorships

Of
and for
our explicit historical
multiculturally evolving immigrating
quests to restore empowering justice
for all Living Healthy EarthSystems

By cooperatively learning
to ask more competent mediating questions
for healing absence of cooperatively-held judgment,
abstentions from international health systemic authority,
vacancy and entropy lacking interpersonal
and multi-regenerational co-investment

To empower Left
and enlighten Right
Integral
polycultural
Win/Win outcome design,
dialogue,
discussion,
discernment
for fully trusting
Democracy enlightened multicultural Practice

And not so much
self-perpetuating
win/lose retributive PrivilegeSystems
punishing criminalized non-elite,
too often poor and brown/black
and feminist/matriarchal
and GLBTQ,
apartheid individualized
de-contextualized
de-politicized
de-historicized
disinvested lives

Held in devolutionary prejudicial imbalance
by RightWing establishment adversarial judges
and power-mongering adult teachers
that our most sacred communication support systems
were never intended to become cooperatively
co-invested
civil and civic democracies
for empowering healthy ego-systems
and enlightening wealthy ecosystemic habitats
for multicultural mediation
and polypathically bicameral
democratically healthy mentorships
in deep listening
compassionate communication systems.

Heterosexual human spirit/natured presumption,
patriarchal privilege,
systemic white anthropocentric elite-WorldValue
eco-political bias
among win/lose arbitrators
of oppositionally-posed,
defiantly-positioned,
authoritative fear and anger governance of facts,

Traditional artifacts of monocultures
without prejudice
advocating win/win enlightened communications
as originally experienced
in psycho-neurological
regenerative ecotherapeutic health practice

InBetween EcoFeminist empowering sacred wombs
and EgoSupremacist endarkening
impassioned bilaterally dissonant
and co-passioned bicamerally resonant
communion-balancing
ego/eco-communication systems

Mediating
mentoring,
enlightening
empowering,
memory experienced
regeneratively win/win biased
left/right balancing
cognitive/emotive
yang/yintegral systems,
interdependent dynamic communication systems,

Bicameral,
bilateral,
binomial,
double-binary networks,
with integral
median win/win
multicultural dipolar co-arising
healthy green communion
ego/ecosystemic balance bias,

Extremely intimate
and deeply public
non-violently democratic,
cooperative health/wealth co-investment prejudice

For making Earth
and all Her healthy neurological/digestive
Life-Health Systems
integrally
democratically,
enlightening and cooperatively empowering
life-supportive multiculturing climates

And not darkened
and disempowering professional
patriarchal
punishing win/lose unjust
traditional capitalist monoculture predation
corporate machines,
mono-egotistic anti-theistic industries,
judgmental dogmatic teaching
fear and anger and hate DeathCultures

When we could preferentially choose
to become win/win restorativbe justice
and peaceful win/win compassion communicating mentors
and ego/eco-healthy mediators
again

Much less parentally
and patriarchally sure
that a health-wealthing extended WorldView family
of LifeSystems
is not a wealth-healthy
democratically interdependent
win/win cooperative
Compassion Communication System

Best suited for Win/Win nonjudgmental mediators
and DeepListening and Learning
mentors for healthier democratic
bicameral Cooperative Economic/Logical
LivingEarth Communication Trust
in MultiCultural CoInvestment Systems.

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Uncategorized

Vermin

Whoever said
Landlords have all the power
Knows that of which I speak:

Reading land leases.
Not a normal pastime,
but perhaps because
I have not read even one
written in compassion’s voice
and not retribution’s
self-empowering choice.

Thou shalt not
do anything
to attract
vermin
or pests.

No composting,
no vegetable gardening,
no careless garbage bags outside.
We retain the right to change our minds
without cause
or notice
about your little bird feeders too.

Vermin or pests.
Such choice of language
sounds King James Version jarring
denigrations of Old Testament
sinister degradation
predation.
I keep waiting for other pathogenic threats
like leprosy
to appear in these forbidding rental contracts.

And why vermin or pests?
Are there some vermin
royal white privileged landlords
wouldst not as well define
as pest?

Although I can think of pests
respectable people would not reference
as vermin–
or not into a live microphone
at Republican Conventions
for not least is best.

Vermin.
Why not rodents and insects?
Cause we know our landlords
are speaking pejoratively
of enterprising rats
and homey nesting mice
as disgustingly not nice.

So
if I were to put up bat houses
for those who would happily devour mosquitoes,
am I helping with this sacred anti-vermin cause
or offending golden contractual rules,
or both,
somehow?

How refreshing it would be
to read
and reread
compassion-driven leases.

To find that Impossible Dream lease
where all creatures are respected
and everybody knows
to read
and write
and speak
and act
in cooperative WinWin
playing nice
rather than ragging
on flies and mice

As merely pestilent vermin
infesting a place
that used to have highest
and best punishing value.

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Uncategorized

To Free The World

I heard today
a corporate goal
“To free the world of cancer.”

What I heard, instead,
“To free the Earth of human toxic nature.”

Often rooted
in feelings of not belonging,
not being good enough,
not even fitting in sufficiently,
too toxic,
unbenign,
too loudly aggressive
and/or quietly sinister
to be known and appreciated as I am,
as we are,

Can easily confuse discriminating effect
with intent to discriminate against,

Can confuse left-hemisphere deductive cultural privilege
with Straight
White
Male
middle-class through filthy rich
Militaristic-Capitalistic Supremacy.

I worry
our left-hemispheres invest too much
in from-above theologically-driven
retributive justice for sins of our Fathers
and anthropocentric analysis

Before noticing possibilities
for win/win economic/ecological
co-passionate empowering feelings
responsible wants
ecofeminist needs,
longings to win by others losing their patriarchal sense of belonging,
longings to win with others winning,
longings to not lose too awfully much more
while over-privileged
over-fed
over-watered
and emotively under-educated
right-hemispheres continue to lose hope of safety,
to lose faith in economic/ecologicaql co-investment
through resilient/resonant cooperative thoughts
and feelings and actions,
non-violent communications and co-educations
featuring GoldenRule energy democracy
listening and speaking,
acting and reflecting,
regenerating positives and degenerating negatives

Which generally involves
a great deal more curiosity-driven listening
for win/win neglect,

And a lot less brazenly proclaimed shaming
and blaming
for past win/lose abuse,
like a cancer
rabid and viral Yang
overpopulating living Earth
while not worshiping Her

Right hemisphere
sacred flow of yin-time
dipolar co-arising ecological
health-resonant
warm-latticed womb
of energy democracy motions,
more win/win
empoweringly benign.

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Uncategorized

Enough to be Dangerous

Do you know the concern?
“S/he knows just enough
about a through z
to be dangerous.”

I am uncomfortably familiar
with this analysis,
a weapon often wielded
from ivory towers
overly influenced by ideology
masquerading as theory
rooted in statistically measured experience,
severed from historical-cultural,
biological-neurological indigenous context.

Even so,
one feeling I am sure of
my own too robust expertise
is Intolerance.

And, now I am discovering
I have chosen to join a community
with a multicultural intention
to embrace,
or at least tolerate,
all souls,
all species,
all living systems
except those deemed too intolerant,
too wounded,
for multicultural health
as a resonant indicator
of economic and political wealth.

We are exclusively intolerant
of intolerance
because we would provide safe sanctuary
to all souls,
especially victims of monoculturing intolerance,
of win/lose economic and political supremacy,
strategy
gamesmanship.

I find a tension here
between unconditional love
and lacking sufficient curiosity
and courage
to discuss shared values
and disvalues
with those too defensive
too hurt
too lost
too conservative
to tolerate intolerably queer me,
to tolerate the alien Other.

This reactionary intolerance
of intolerant prejudice
bigotry
often straight white male supremacy,
feels like further breeding ground
for misunderstanding,
segregation,
mutual divestment business as usual,
more win/lose devolutionary anger and fear,
more potential violence,
hate,
war

More egocentric privilege
rather than universal ecosystemic love power

Actively hoping to cooperatively uncover win/win
polycultural resolutions
resiliently curious
and courageous
when in the presence of win/lose competitions
intolerant of active hope
for restoring peace
by retiring retributively inflicted punishment
shunning
non-communication
anti-communion
for past sins of intolerance.

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Uncategorized

Unbright Intellectual Snobbery

When I was in grade school
I was, already,
on my leftbrain dominant path
toward acting the intellectual snob.

This, in large part
my best offense,
my trump card, sadly,
against marginalizing prejudice
of our community’s non-farmer economic
and political Elite;

The few kids
whose parents went to college
and/or inherited some above-the-norm property
business, preferably not agribusiness,
professional service assets
even the most straight white male
would appreciate
like doctors
and nursing wives,
two income households
with academic bright credentials.

By the time I reached high school
being on, or at least within sight of,
the top of my class,
and president of as much political property as possible,
or at least vice-president,
became my trump card
for getting out of rural SWM oppression,
depression,
suppression,

Where I was not safe,
back in the 1960s rural midwest,
and I could never possibly matter,
become one of the local community’s Elite,
a pillar of church and state
while overcoming the guilt and shame
of being the queer son
of a below median income family farmer.

Intellectual snobbery
was my leftbrain overwhelming defense
against rightbrain amygdala loneliness,
extreme social-sexual isolation,
drowning in cortisol-baptized self-stigmatization.

Leftbrain dominant academic skills
were my best offense
for succeeding out in urban
urbane
multicultural
cosmopolitan
singing and dancing
democratically compassionate
win/win feeling and acting society.

The only healthy society
that mattered;
where I could possibly matter,
and become transparent
and vulnerable
and connected
and safe.

That defensive snobbery
still, in 2020 hindsight,
lives in my deepest closet,
longing for warmer
more inclusive acceptance,
invitation,
compassion

For right brain radical interdependence
with those of us,
regardless of income
and lack thereof,
regardless of self empowerment
and lack thereof,
capable of engaging
and energizing this tragic comedy
of small staged love lives,

Rural and urbane
Healthy and wealthy
Ego and eco-therapeutic
Left and right brained
Smart and warmly co-passionate
Proud and humble

Divinely humane
playing more win/win trump cards
through more cooperative co-investment.

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Uncategorized

Citizens DisUnited

Awhile back,
in the Dred Scott decision,
SCOTUS denied rights of citizenship
to people of color
“as a subordinate
and inferior class of beings,
who had been subjugated
by the dominant race…”

So, we need not dig too deeply
to rediscover where straight white male supremacists
and systemic racist allies
might find our strongest
most toxic heritage
language
beliefs
lack of inclusive discernment,
absence of multicultural intelligence
united citizens experience,
values of all people
for all creatures here below.

Anyway,
with this precedent in place,
we might similarly nuance the Citizens United language,
giving corporations the rights of citizenship
without the responsibilities of healthy stewardship,
authority to buy media speech
and heavily invest in purchasing political competitions;

This right more transparently unveiled
as the authority of a superordinate
and superior class
of capital-acquiring beings,
masters of organic Earth’s climate degeneration
who have subjugated the unstraight
unwhite
unmale
suffering from non-elite lack of multiculturally appreciated face,
too slow race,

These assumptions
of who is SWM better than whom,
rooted in outworn
and unhistorical
and supremacist
win/lose environmental theories,
blossom as further toxic prejudice
against Earth’s primordial health rights
and humane responsibilities
to repair damages,
restore peace of natural/spiritual
left/right
west/east
north/south cultural hemispheres
of resonant geopolitical balance.

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Uncategorized

Wealthy Communion

Our anti-racism, pro-polyculturing health
anti-egopatriarchy, pro-ecofeminist wealth
anti-homophobic, pro-trans-regenerative
anti-injustice Team, pro-restoring peace Organizers

Meet inside a viciously anti-outdoor
windowless
airless
music-less
museless
left-brain oppressively dominant room,
climate,
atmosphere,
attitude of ungratitude.

Two women I passionately admire,
would warmly accompany within any outdoor sacred space,
are doing their best to tolerate each win/lose Other
rather than actively extending curiosity
with each win/win AnOther potential integrity,

Noticing a difference between negative anticipatory weapons
and positively honing each Other’s communication tools
for win/win processing,
progressing solidarity that does not quickly
or easily,
comfortably, much less smugly,
dispassionately, or even ego-satisfactorily at peace
by inviting a short-term truce,
settling for continuing a win/lose communication walled history,
quick to celebrate remaining obvious win’wins
yet blind to risks of win/lose miscommunication
predicting long-term climate trends
of lose/lose chronically anxious anti-communion
dis-communication,
cognitive/affective
(ineffective for multicultural resonance)
dissonance.

I am not clear what to do,
how to intervene
to invite win/win reconsideration
without bombing our planning process,
and risking the mistrust of both strong and skilled women.

I’m new to this anti-racism/pro-multiculturing
sociological/ecological
co-relational inner/outer climate Team
for healing anthropological/ethological history,
for unraveling monoculturing excesses of humans
and weeds,
predators
unwilling to recognize balancing co-presence of prey,
secular thinkers
advancing sacred interdependent feelings.

It’s my first time meeting with,
listening to,
speaking with two of the five of us,
neither of which were the two
in a lose/lose chronic trend of trust
and positive communication
failure.

Yet I am also concerned
about our viability to engage our purpose statement:
“To end racism.”
Which feels like more than a quick and small win/win stretch
of even my most active no-longer-tolerating win/lose detente
imagination.

How will we immerse ourselves,
and help even just our local communities
compassionately and sustainably engage each other
in robust multiculturally trusting our mutual curiosities
across traditional monocultural communication divides,
long multigenerational histories of weakened communication loops,
lack of healthy ongoing inclusive relationships?
If two of our most skilled listeners,
compassionate speakers,
are not actively curious
about how we do
and do not
matter to each other
yet,
how we do
and do not
yet passionately trust
in each Other’s warmest win/win regard.

Perhaps if we had formed an outdoor planning circle
we might have noticed beauty communicated by egoless lilies
sharing a meadow,
anticipating resonance
and anxious warnings
of birdsong basking in peaceful warm sun
as primal message of co-attachment
accompaniment within,
between
among all restoring peace
as communal justice EarthTribes.

Perhaps we might have remembered forest intelligence;
A tree’s ecological root system,
developed to harvest and implant trusted nutrients,
And a tree’s theological sun-praising branch and leaf systems
developed to feed
and fuel
future regenerations of life,

Like right-brain old-rooted both/and discernment
to avoid our left-brain dominant either/or secular/sacred
outside/inside mistrusts
that Earth’s ecological nutrition communication
and theological sacred power relationships
could be anything more or less
than secular/sacred
outside/inside
cooperative win/win articulation
resonantly outside Earthed,
birthed inside through resiliently radiant light
co-passionately re-fueling
processing
mutually maturing
enriching courageous multicultural curiosity,
inside health
as intoned multicultural wealth outside;

Outdoors
as seasonally rhythmed indoors.

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Sins of Our Fathers

In hindsight
I suspect my dad silently hoped,
secretly conceived,
vicariously needed his dream
I would become a multi-talented musician.

He said, No.
behind my mother’s gentle apron
strings of soft-voiced disappointment,
but also hidden within unspoken fear
of Catholic influence
when I was invited to join
The Vienna Boy’s Choir.

I was too young.
I would be missed–the farm was an absorbing enterprise.
I wasn’t ready.
They weren’t ready, yet,
to let go.

But, then offers of guitar
and piano
and trombone lessons,
and choir
and worship music leader
soon followed,
as if from straight white watered
washed
and lied patriots
blessed by prize-giving patriarchs
who listened barely long enough
to hear I was marketably good
as an entertainer,
a professional,
not just another deep soul singer
or deeply soiled male dancer.

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