Uncategorized

CoOperative Mindfulness

Every newly innocent day
after complexly creolizing night dreams
I hear and smell and taste and see and feel
some thing
some co-related becoming
that more and less
kills me
with delight and terror,
that leaves and comes over me,
another weedy needle
in Earth’s haystack
celebrating integrity’s light.

This is what I am born and unborn for–
to taste and see
to ecologically speak and theologically listen,
to lose my fragmented ego
inside this just-right healthy spirited world–
to instruct our virally competing RightWing dominance
over and over
in co-acclimating joy
and Left-wealth of Right-health acclamation.

Nor am I thinking and feeling
about the ecstatic exceptional,
the terrifying LoseLose fearful,
the madly dreadful,
the lavishly extravagant
loves and hates–
but of the everyday.

The green commons,
the ordinary grey-scaled drab,
the daily ego-withering practiced presentations
competition principles
WinLose evolutionary policies
LoseLose devolutionary powers.

Good bilateral intelligence
of deductive thought
with inductive feelings,
EcoSoul reminds EgoSelf,
How can we help each Other
by healthing our Selves?

Egos grow wise
with such WinWin teachings
as both these and not not those–

The untrimmable in-between Left with Right bright
of Earth’s co-acclimating enlightenment,
Ocean’s fertile shine,
Prayers nutritionally offered
out of strong-rooting common grass…

 

Note: Structure, some word choices, title all influenced by Mary Oliver’s “Mindfulness”

Standard
Uncategorized

Meta-Poly ReGenerative Paths

Verbal thoughts of LeftBrain polynomials
follow feelings not not RightBrain polyphonic
when both respect our interdependent polypaths,

Because harmonic feelings,
unlike thoughts of flight or fight,
are much more fleeting
effluently failing and fading away,
while midway winning and gaining toward
RightBrain autonomically faster than plodding LeftBrain calculations
nominations
labeling stagnations
enthymematically static staging stations.

Slower LeftBrain thoughts,
but in-between manically
and depressingly essential
for healing obsessive Win/Lose fighting words against non-verbal actions
and compulsive Lose to Win another day-fleeing absence
of effective Win/Win polypathic thoughts
and cooperatively communicating eco-political responses

Resolutions toward geo-empowering/disempowering climates
of internal/external polynomial healthy bilateral
Zero SoulZones
of EarthRights life,
not EgoWrong death,
chosen bicamerally Win/Win wealthy health

Where verbal LeftBrain thoughts and non-verbally hearted feelings polyphonic
follow RightBrain temporal healthy/pathological feelings
not yet polynomially balanced
and yet not not truly
and synergetically polypathic
integral
nutritional DNA’s long-term healthy wealth
optimizing integrity’s thought/feeling potential.

Standard
Uncategorized

Dear Ivy

Dear Ivy,

I am sorry we did not receive even just a moment to say goodbye
and thank you to each other
for all those school bus rides we took together,
you in your harness,
and me in my wonder
about what’s coming next
from your talking head
to mine.

It is time for me to move on
to another student,
but I am happy to leave you in Miss Josie’s care.

I know she will enjoy your time
invested in each other,

Listening and taking turns speaking kindly with each other,
Singing and maybe even a little dancing together,
reading and drawing as light and bumps allow.

Maybe you can teach each other
some new KnockKnock jokes.

KnockKnock.
Who’s there?
Sandi.
Sandy who?
Sandy sandwiches
are not good for you.

KnockKnock.
Who’s there?
Josie.
Josie who?
Jo see for yourself,
Open the door!

I am grateful to have so many silly and lovely memories
of you
to take with me.

And, the greatest farewell gift you could give me
is your reassurance
that these same warm and happy memories
of us
are what you will carry with you
throughout your great adventurous journey
into well-being.

Warmly yours,

Sandi

Sandi who?
Sandy snacks
are not so good for you.

Note:

My behaviorally disordered ADHD and fetal alcoholic daughter, with abandonment issues and deep-seeded food anxiety issues, suddenly lost her long-standing school bus aide, probably to compassion burn-out.  Ivy can be a profound motivator of impatience in those around her, even with deep and widely developed caregiving and receiving skills. This is the farewell that I think Ivy would have found more therapeutic than the isolating complexities of disappearance without explanation or expressed gratitude for what did co-relationally work for so long.

To be clear, not saying goodbye was an administrative decision from above; not what Ivy’s aide wanted for herself or for Ivy.

Standard
Uncategorized

The Neighbor’s Wife

He’s been struggling with depression,
She said, so then have I.

It’s our bad news
that competing depressions
breed more contagiously
than our cooperative feeding happiness.

Yet our good news grows:
Depression and positive impression
are equally contagious passions
pastimes
eruptions into changing flowstreams of consciousness,
evolving conscientiousness,
naked intention,
interdependent awareness,
enchantment and disenchanting stories,
natural causes spiriting effects causing co-acclimating affects,
positive and negative passions,
pressures,
impressions,
compression.

I’ve been struggling against his self-repression,
she said,
so then he worries about his oppressive powers
financial and political and emotional,
physical and mental.

He doesn’t hit me
or any sentient being
but scares me when he hits
and manhandles against his phone,
kicks against his car,
strikes against his walls and doors and windows,
his property he most interdependently cares about,
relies upon.

This chronic environment of fear,
seeing his violent anger
causes our climate anxiety
and a lack of safely transparent expression,
chronic non-vulnerable repression.

The difference between my suppressed fear feelings
of repression
and his depressed anger feelings,
threatening to disinvest oppression
despite his great attraction to Us,
is a real-talk difference
only if we both know
we are each free to affordably leave,
cut our future health-opportunity losses,
without threat of violent and impoverishing repercussions.

While a free Get Out Of Jail card
and a blinking Safe Exit sign
over our back doors
and front doors
and aside windows
are not much for sharing journeys toward active compassion,
co-operative wonder,
interactive awe,
mutual health and happiness,
prosperous food for mental fitness,
Yet neither is flood insurance
a sign of bad faith in safe and dry land
mutually affordable re-assurance.

Oppression
is aggressive repression
without freedom to exit

And ego repression
is eco-systemic depression
without mutual freedom to catch and re-catch compassion
with and for each faithful interdependent Other,
sentient and sensed as a safe alliance
for absorbing resonance

And practicing mutual reliance,
practicing re-alliance,
practicing integrity of positive contagious co-passions.

Negative depressions stem from lonely longing
origins internal and external,
As positive impressions
grow from practiced compassion,
Solidarity belonging and bred
within eco-cooperative fed
root nutritional systems,

Fitness energy for actively appreciating
each wounded and wounding Other,
including hims
and hers,
transparently discussing fist-vulnerable hands
and heads,
and stomping, kicking feet,
and bad-news phones
and unreliable cars
and imprisoning homes
and patriarchal supremacists

As if all lives
and interdependent relationships
mattered
for continuing depressive competitions
and for altering impressive cooperations.

Standard
Uncategorized

Compassion for TeleMarketers

I’m still waiting for my first automated rifling phone call,
Scripted to begin:

Hello Gerald Oliver Dillenbeck!
What would you like to health invest in this wealthy day?

So I could answer with
Compassion, even for telemarketers
of narcissistic death technologies.

I’m still waiting for Donald John’s first non-automated
non-violent internal recall:

Hello Donald John!
What would we,
NorthAmerican democratic residents
and global Allies of Earth,
like to health invest in with you?
Pursuing WinWin outcomes,
today and every compassionate day and night
to lead by following deep silent “we” listening.

To let go of ego’s Narcissus fascination
To grab hold of reborn EarthMother compassion,
co-operative enchantment,

To uncover even more patience with mutual disenchantment,
disdain,
To discover loyalty to domestic and international non-violence,
To recover choice to avoid aggressive WinLose
and nihilistic LoseLose strategies
in blind and deluded bad faith
that short-term loss of nutritional sufficiency
is essential for eternal redemption.

Artifacts of steadfast compassion,
polypathic
polyphonic
multi-nomial
have never been found
in seeds of violence,
monotheistic or polytheistic
and all realistics in-between
elitism and compassion for narcissism
within and without,

Sometimes grieving for ignorant foolish sins and sinners
and sometimes briefly triumphant, manically ecstatic,
despite inevitable losses
to demon death.

Newborns bond most robustly without such fears
yet,
and most resiliently when matriarchal compassion
is not unduly compromised
by aggressive patriarchal corrections,
violent domestic warnings,
threats to defer and extinguish a positive
healthy
compassionate primal relationship.

MotherEarth,
Green Goddess Gaia,
AnimaMundi,
Holonic MatriarchalSpirit,
when newborn
and revolving toward future mature networks
of organically sustained lifelines,
experienced Her just-right sacred sanctuary space
and perpetually revolutionary NowTime
in FatherSun bright
and darkly outside night

CoPassion of a personal planet-wide resilience,
Her familial nature Spirit
historically emerges
from this compassionate positive light/dark nondualistic balance
more prominent than merely nurturing patriarchal narcissism,
cultural dominance,

Until YangLeft finally sleeps
longing to reconnect within YinRight’s dualdark matriarchal compassion.

Sacred or secular cooperative outcomes of compassion,
like health and climate care,
can be narcissist seen as ego-building experience.
Narcissism is not only egotistically privileged
but politically distorted against democratic principles
of nature/spirits, co-operative.

Autonomy of EgoManiacal obsessions
ignores both interdependent nurturing root systems
and future flowers of compassion’s healthy redevelopment,
healing narcissism’s past aggressions.

Gaian compassion,
EarthMother co-operativity,
EcoFeminist resilience,
personally salvific evinced
by historic political empowerment
in those days before a dangerously toxic distinction arose
between economic and ecological compassion,
One calling for more capital co-investment
and the other calling us toward global communion.

When HeteroSapiens were yet a NewBorn species,
a glint in Golden Ruler CoPassion eyes
of FatherSun
with MotherEarth’s cooperative light
already empowered ecotherapeutic compassion.

Meanwhile,
I’m still waiting for my first personal phone call
to begin:

Hello Gerald O Dillenbeck!
What would you like to compassionately invest in
this personal and political co-operating day?

Standard
Uncategorized

Discomfited By Growing Integrity

I wonder how many parents of students
suffer from studying and teaching white nationalism
against tides of multiculturing change.

And I wonder what our school boards
and state departments of children and family thinkers and doers
feel about child abuse
and neglect to actively love especially wounded children
too familiar with chronic stress
disabling pathological fear,
paranoia
mentally unhealthy domestic anger mismanagement,
demonizing races and integrative mandates
against reporters of conspiring monocultural and/or monotheistic abusers
and multicultural neglecters.

And I wonder how Green EcoSchools
in resilient ecovillage cooperative democratic communities
might one day mentor families better,
and healthier for individual egos,
eco-nomic and eco-logical multicultural restoring design,
implementation,
planting and cooperatively harvesting Future Searches
mutually investing in non-violent ego-divesting communication
of unnecessary and unhealthy monocultural mental illness
and un-historical inaccurate monotheistic unspiritual pathologies
like white nationalism.

And I wonder why
the brilliant mother and doctor
grows uncomfortable with politically correct optimization of democratic health care,
which could be ego-therapeutically recentered
for optimally robust EarthTribe empowerment outcomes
if also ecopolitically centered
on eco-therapeutic political healing
of monocultural threats
and monotheistic supremacy theories
like cancerously autonomous nationalism.

And I wonder if monoculturing/monotheistic nationalism
comes in diverse colors
like white and red and blue and green and black and brown
and ultra-violet
and polycultural genders
and polyphonic classroom harmonic experiences
of WinWin loving synergetic relationships
immunizing against racist and sexist voices at home
and/or white nationalist church
in ZeroZone secular learning and sacred listening
ego/eco-harmonic mentorships.

I wonder if my dad’s
and his dad’s racist nationalism,
disguised as white Christian patriarchal supremacism,
originally intended as WinWin spiritually divine/humane integrity
would have remained abusively within me
active and consuming as global cancer
and simulcast absence of a multiculturally intelligent boundary system,

Able to discern climate healthy GreenAllies
from race and gender patho-unlogical RedPredators,
within my own gated paternal skin
if I had not met, and loved, at public enculturing school
teachers,
administrators,
secretaries,
nurses and social workers,
therapists and cooks and dishwashers,
male and female leaders,
black and brown and white,
Catholic and Protestant and Jewish and Muslim and Buddhist and Taoist and Hindu, and Rastafarian, and Bahai and Jain and Native American EarthWorshipers, and Agnostics and Atheists and Humanists…
more non-violent in words and dance and song,
light and breath,
natural ecology and spiritual theology naturally robust
invited more than the most glorious monoculturing white national conspiracy theory competitions
against overwhelming ancient polyculturing gospel grace
of this sacred PositivEnergy cooperating Earth
inviting each multiculturing species.

I wonder why I experienced communion best
when part of a nurturing fire-circle
warming starlit nights
in a robustly timeless fertile forest.

I wonder if it is not the politicization of health care
that concerns fire-circle me
more than last night’s lack of sleep.
Rather it is de-politicization of wealth,
the anti-democratization of healthy subclimates
measured as long-term true relational wealth
which theoretically happens,
special case,
because of competitive Win/Lose business creation models
for economic medical care delivery
disassociated from our healthier profits
trusting
wise commitments to EarthCentric democracy,
commitment to true polypathic flowing rivers, inside as outside,
through resilient mountains
in communion, inside as outside,
preventive health care, inside as outside,
regardless of pre-existing political conditions
and child abusive conspiracy theories.

 

 

Standard
Uncategorized

Rooted Thesis

I have been reading a rootless thesis:
Lack of commitment to a permanent home
causes depression,
over-commitment to inside claustrophobic voices,
failing immune systems,
obesity,
disassociation,
fear of outdoor climate pathologies,
infestations
alien predators
threats to our own ongoing ecopolitical empowerment
too competitively overwhelming
to ever get unstuck
from relentless ruminations
representing financial survival issues,
arguments,
tensions about paying electric bills,
oil bills,
gas bills,
or WWW perpetual connectivity bills
or pepperoni pizza delivery bills
surviving on plastic credit deficit spending
without balancing dollar bills,

Paying interest extortion
to financial institution extractors
buying hedge funds
against defaulting mutually ecological health systems
denuded by industries
stripping forests and swamps,
marketing automated rifles to young adults
and middle-aged LoseCash/LoseFace suboptimizing pessimists
betting against their own grandchildren
with green visions for WinWin extending family rootedness,
meaningfulness
in this historical place
unfolding from great deep learning depths
before and after which WiseElders cannot speak

While reading a rootless thesis
that lack of commitment to rooted historical home
causes MotherEarth’s depressive climate
oppressing RightWing weather,
suppressing cooperative-rooted meaning,
repressing rootlessness wild
as compared to superlative WinWin love
knowing this HereNow rooted SpaceTime
primal ZeroZone relationship,
ultra-violet octaved light culture,
ecofeminist with ego-sacred patriarchal matriarch
Earth with SunLight
Yin with Yang

Cytosine-squared Uracil
notnot polynomial as polyphonic primal HereNow Relationships
dualdark enlightenment
awesome wonder
UltraViolet Loving GreenHealth

Together,
Right with Left,
reading a less rootless thesis,
Lack of permanent commitment
to ego-centric home
causes ultra-violent anti-green depression,
rabidity,
morbidity,
LoseLose undeniability
of healthy futures
past
residing rooted green thesis together
absorbing ultra-violet antithesis.

Standard
Uncategorized

Viciously Virtuous Cycles

Like cooperatives explicitly known
and felt,
most virtuous circle systems
love meaningful ecological theology,
a WinWin reiteratively continuous choice
grows political democratic
tit=tat resilience into multicultural perpetuity,
whether virtuous ego inside
and/or eco-habitat therapeutic outside.

Like implicit competitions,
not not corollaries make most vicious
LoseLose degenerative non-choices toward WinWin,
prejudicial leaning toward
inside ego-economic priority
over outside green theological opportunity,
continues stuck in pathological violent nihilism,
dissonant absence of resilience,
ego-inside rabid
as climate pathological revenge,
for anti-ecological LoseLose reactionary ecopolitical choices
militaristic
growing short-tempered mendaciously rabid
LeftBrain dominant expedience

Secular vicious cycles
pursue wealthy growth
to autonomously achieve fleeting desperate health,
before deficit played-out absence
of further future expiration dates
predicting Earth’s pulselessness–
attenuated rootlessness

Sacred virtuous long-rooted recyclers
pursue ecotherapeutic healthy memories
of more nutritiously wealthy forests,
wild undomesticated RightBrain sacred spaces

To cooperatively achieve resiliently balanced
multicultural theology of meaning
ego-green wealth
pursuing ultra-nonviolent Tit health
for ultra-violet Tattling wealth…

Long-term cooperative virtues
absorbing short-term viciousness

EcoTherapy
absorbing EgoRabid Virality

Integrity
absorbing Dementia

Yin
absorbing Yang

Like cooperative cytosine
absorbing autonomous uracil.

Standard
Uncategorized

Clumsy Cousins

I wonder if THC
and our Holy Cooperative Spirit
could be cousins
like Grandmother Moon
and Grandmother Tree.

Why do you want to wonder
about something as curious as that,
dear?

Oh, I don’t recall, really.
It just came up in conversation a few minutes ago.

Honey,
your breakfast is still a figment of your hopeful imagination,
so who on Earth were you conversing with a few minutes ago?

I was in the backyard
talking with the trees,
and the extended family question just came up.

Honey,
when you take your morning meds,
and then go out to your sit spot
and talk to the trees…

Yes?

Would you do me a favor?

What’s that?

Would you listen more,
and invoke curses against climate hate-mongerers
and malingerers
less?
You scare our more pedestrian neighbors.

But I was listening.
The trees were talking
in their windbown surfing voices
of autumn colored breeze
swaying like Green Fairy SkyWoman

Blessing each falling leaf
spinning tales
revolving moral compasses
drifting from win to lose
coming to rest where they first gave birth,

Blessed by Grandmother Moon’s ultra-violet rhythms
lights
and dual dark dilemmas,
mystery,
everyday awe
expecting sacred wonder.

Oh, well then,
I was wondering why you were so quiet out there…
So, what’s your plan for today?

I thought I might plant more trees.

Want some company?

If we both listen more,
and ask impatient questions less.

Planting already faithful saplings
or merely hopeful seeds
of co-relationship?

Depends on how long we care to be remembered
for our civil kindness,
green cooperative intent,
revolutionary winning trees and winning people values
norms
voices natural and spiritual
bilaterally spinning democratic energy,
healthy merits and unhealthy demerits,
regenerative plantings more than degenerate uprootings,
climate health supplanting wealth of disease,
unease,
dissonant disassociating trees.

Dearest,
I’m having trouble following some of your connections.
Do you think that’s the THC
or Holy Cooperative Spirit whispering?

Yes, love.

Standard