Uncategorized

Listening for Sustainability

My daughter,
with Fetal Alcohol crippling emotional intelligence damage
and Cerebral Palsy perpetual TerribleTwo
“is too many,
because Earth is all about ego-defiant me”
has taught herself
to attach her lips,
and sometimes her wet licking tongue
when she is feeling particularly needy
and/or playful
or maybe just hungry,
to my male dominant capitalist-head
when she needs to feel noticed
attached
connected
invested in
better.

This Saturday morning
she commits the unpardonable sin
of waking up before seven a.m.
Eleven is closer to her business as usual.

After bath and costuming,
both accomplished with as little support from me,
autonomously distracted, as possible,
she goes to our kitchen
to watch her favorite animated song and dance loops
on It’s All About You
Tube.

I am hanging out with my son,
also with cerebral palsy,
but unable to walk without balancing assistance
and unable to talk in either direction,
talk back or proclaim forth,
which is more his sister’s favorite skill set.

After a few minutes
of only slightly compromised peace
this sunny summer Saturday morning,
the daughter comes in
to demand her support staff (me)
prepare her royal breakfast (immediately).

I invite her to self-serve.

She says No!
repeatedly
while I remind her
she is capable of going to the freezer,
extracting one microwave pancake and sausage
on a stick,
wrapping it in one square of paper towel,
opening the microwave door,
placing it on the rotating glass plate inside,
closing the door,
pushing 1, 0, 0,
waiting for the ding,
and removing her breakfast by holding the stick,
waiting for it to cool,
removing the paper towel,
and devouring the pancake,
then the sausage,
as usual.

She responds
I want you to do it.

I respond
I want you to do it.

“No, Help me!”

“I am helping you!”

“No!
You do it; not me!”

“Why?”

“Because I”m watching my tablet.”

“And I’m trying to meditate
and write!”

“No! Help me!”

So, I ask for a time out.
We have been at this same impasse countless times.
It’s a ritual,
obsessive and compulsively lose/lose.
We are both not listening
while we are also not meditating
and watching
and writing healthier song and dance stories.

What’s happening here?
You know you can make your own breakfast.
Is this about not wanting to be alone?
Do you want me to show you
how crazy I am about you?

“Can I have a kiss?”

And then we do the “my lips on your head”
And “my head on your lips” ritual.
I give her a back and shoulder massage
while she has her therapeutic attachment breakfast.

My daughter smiles,
leaves the room without further demands,
goes back to the freezer,
pulls out a Blanketed Pig
on a stick…

I go back to writing
about resilience
and remediating potential lose/lose Earth climates
and emotionally cooperative reparations.

My son goes back to sleep,
having had a good belly laugh
at our curiously outspoken craziness,
reminding me
Curiosity is a more effective left-hemisphere tool
than working hard to feel right-hemisphere patience
in the face of apparent weapons
wielded by alien win/lose forces
in an otherwise win/win potentiated
interactive ego/eco-system.

He sits up,
groaning
repeatedly,
until I re-emerge
aware
He needs a diaper change,
on this peaceful sunny summer Saturday morning
riding still-revolving climates of Earth
re-creating green-blue-red
ultra-nonviolent win/win living systems
of actively communicating co-enlightenment.

Maybe we’ll have lunch on the backyard deck
under our barn red umbrella
as the Thames River continues to flow downstream
from northern stars
toward southern sun sustaining states.

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Uncategorized

Dear Ivy

Dear Ivy,

I am sorry we did not receive even just a moment to say goodbye
and thank you to each other
for all those school bus rides we took together,
you in your harness,
and me in my wonder
about what’s coming next
from your talking head
to mine.

It is time for me to move on
to another student,
but I am happy to leave you in Miss Josie’s care.

I know she will enjoy your time
invested in each other,

Listening and taking turns speaking kindly with each other,
Singing and maybe even a little dancing together,
reading and drawing as light and bumps allow.

Maybe you can teach each other
some new KnockKnock jokes.

KnockKnock.
Who’s there?
Sandi.
Sandy who?
Sandy sandwiches
are not good for you.

KnockKnock.
Who’s there?
Josie.
Josie who?
Jo see for yourself,
Open the door!

I am grateful to have so many silly and lovely memories
of you
to take with me.

And, the greatest farewell gift you could give me
is your reassurance
that these same warm and happy memories
of us
are what you will carry with you
throughout your great adventurous journey
into well-being.

Warmly yours,

Sandi

Sandi who?
Sandy snacks
are not so good for you.

Note:

My behaviorally disordered ADHD and fetal alcoholic daughter, with abandonment issues and deep-seeded food anxiety issues, suddenly lost her long-standing school bus aide, probably to compassion burn-out.  Ivy can be a profound motivator of impatience in those around her, even with deep and widely developed caregiving and receiving skills. This is the farewell that I think Ivy would have found more therapeutic than the isolating complexities of disappearance without explanation or expressed gratitude for what did co-relationally work for so long.

To be clear, not saying goodbye was an administrative decision from above; not what Ivy’s aide wanted for herself or for Ivy.

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Uncategorized

Dreams Calling Out

I’ve often wondered if my non-verbal
cerebral palsied son
dreams in colors
and/or words
he can hear clearly
but cannot himself see or say,
at least not clearly articulate.

Yet any sounds and gentle touch
we appreciate perhaps too dearly
if that is possible with D,
my wounded son.

So, I was surprised,
after twenty years of delighted wonder,
and awed last new moon night
when he shouted “Hey!” into my ear,
about one inch from his mouth
in that time of darkest sight

While I had been dreaming of stepping out
where full moon’s light
brights a mysterious pilgrimage into mysterious,
perhaps even mischievous, adventure.

My heart sparked
as D shouted Hey! miraculously
just as I was greeting moon light
splayed across our front porch,
intending to leave D behind
to walk out into Earth’s bright staged sights
while leaving him to rest in peace.

My eyes popped open.

While D slept peacefully on,
without triumphant smile or despondent frown,
although perhaps just a hint
of his mischievous shy dimple, down
toward the front of his right cheek
curling open to grace me
with a loopy grateful grin
shallow but neatly round.

Say Hey! together
calling out this night’s pilgrimage spell
swelling day’s scavenging bright
un-voiced adventures
in listening well.

Calling out
to both Sun and Rain
to thank these for their presence
and remind them of covenants
to remain in perpetual organic balance,
co-present presence,
not too hot and ultra-violet,
not too wet
and green moldy degenerate.

Calling out
in dreams of healthy new moons
and wealthy fullness, shout
resting in Advent’s
adventurous
adventuring
peaceful outback pilgrimage
into boundaries of minds
in dreaming bodies.

 

 

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Uncategorized

Enabling Questions

Do those fully enabled,
Do those powerfully SuperElite viral
hoard water, land,
energy, educational resources
needed for WinWin revolutionary thrival?
I asked this landscaping class
of young adults
with diverse-languaged/unlanguaged disabilities.

I learn more from my silent challenges,
losses,
weakness
than the WhiteHouse has ever heard
while alpha guard dog
competing against our own future healthy kids.

Do labor-cost savings,
Do retributive competing legal but immoral extractions
protect our wealthy few
from their engorged ego-maniacal selves
at the expense of our more health-challenged 99%?

I listen to outside harmonic Voices
singing
and ringing
and zinging
and pinging
and thinging new WinWin ways
more democratically owned,
more co-responsibly co-invested responsive
lightning with thundering authority
of water-bearing love
flowing in and out at 100%.

Do you see disabled unhistory
resonate creolizing DNA
as our final revolutionary step
in health-wealth disability recovery?

Followed by enabling cooperative Trust choices
that add deeper listening to weakness meaning
to secular metaphysical purpose
and sacred ecological historic
bilateral strength of consciousness.

Must we patiently endure restorative medicines
to become ego LeftBrain disenabling
refined to reclaim power-with cooperative
integral
organic Ego with Eco design?

I listen for green health-wealth enabling elements
in my wheelchair life
of disabled through chronically stressed climate survival
Longing for inside health belonging
in solidarity with outside Voices wealth
When Outside health
invites my ego-enabled cooperative wealth.

How might we grow a more interdependent health-wealth trending
society of multicultural inclusion?

I begin each wheelchair-bound day
reviewing WinWin values
found in my own and in ancient Creation Stories
I hold most GoldenRule interdependently cherished;
Left and RightBrain
deductive and inductive nourishing values
to guide this day’s health program
and cooperative wealth-growing default policies.

Let’s talk among our outselves
and with our Allies
How can we ensure
our children continue
to accurately inclusively co-arise
multigenerational
multilanguaged broken and Win/Lose fragile humanity
with Outside harmonic voices
longing to resiliently advance WinWin
now disabling WinLose agendas?

I would vote for only WinWin cooperative green campaigners,
Rather than continue evolving WinLose replications
of LeftBrain overpowering compete monocultures,
RightBrain disenabling run-away predative systems
we hope to fully enable Left with Right bicameral beyond

Challenged egos with therapeutic eco-voices,
Convexly empowered with concavely listening, witnessing
Yang with binomial notnot Yin
Equi-Valent polypathic wu-wei
Tipping points
Deep learning narrow power-with ways and means
Secular/Sacred
Natural/Spiritual lessons
from our competitive bipolar weakness.

Is humanity
that would stand competitively aside
from Original Integrity,
growing inhumanity?

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Uncategorized

Can’t Make You Stalk Me

Turn up the lights
Fold up the bed
Turn up those voices
outside my head
Lay out for me
Feed me with lies
Just hold me up, your patron saint
Do matronize me

‘Cause I can’t make you stalk me
if you won’t
You can’t make your mind think something
it don’t
Here in my light,
in these early hours
I will pick up my heart
and not feel your power
But I can’t, no I won’t
‘Cause I can’t make you stalk me,
when you don’t.

I’ll freeze my eyes,
then you won’t see
The heart you don’t feel
when you’re not holding me
Evening will come
and you’ll do what’s wrong
Just give me till then
to give up this song
And you could give up our wrong

‘Cause I can’t make you love us
if you won’t
You can’t make your mind feel something
it don’t
Here in our light,
in these late hours
I will pick up my heart
and I’ll feel our power
But I can’t, no I can’t
‘Cause I can’t make you stalk peace,
when you don’t.

 

With apologies to Allen Shamblin and Michael Reid who cooperatively wrote one of my favorite songs.

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Uncategorized

Once Upon a Reservation

Back in the height
of our pre-millennial military-industrial
post-revolutionary days
of competing excess…

No, love,
Stick with
Once upon our Sacred Times…

Once upon a time
here in the US of Northern Americas
we used a Reservation Model
to dispose of hopelessly disabled aboriginals,
too RightBrain prominent,
throw-back quasi-human
First EarthNation
Nature/Spirit
multilanguaged unencultured Tribes.

Unfortunately,
not all primitive handicaps fit equally well
in the same Reservation Stew.

For some,
these new places were a somewhat different temperate zone,
not home, but not hell either,
and therefore tolerable,

But basically mistrusted
as a nongift
from an alien,
arrogant,
too-privileged,
undemocratic,
irresponsible Great White Father
authoritarian figure
of incomprehensibly irresponsible speech–
as if you could actually own water
and soil
and airwaves
and healthy polycultural forests,
and oceans,
or even MotherEarth Herself.

For others,
all of the above,
plus insufferably claustrophobic paranoia,
serious mental and physical disabling survival issues
and a diseased failure to thrive,
especially for the young and old,
and maybe the mother gardeners,
and wanna-be EarthRooted SacredGarden Mothers.

Today we can still see disabling remnants,
sometimes oppressive Reservation Group Homes,
DayCare NonCenter WayStations,
NonTherapeutic Nursing Homes
and Special InsideOnly Classroom Schools,
designed by a sinister failure to listen
to outdoor disabled voices

A failure to multiculturally listen
for polycultural health/wealth optimization
health standards,
dearest.

…What she said,
And, how much time have we invested in listening
to hurt children
and really confused hormone-appropriate adolescents,…

Don’t talk about unhealthy sexual non-relational deprivation,
love,
It’s too vulnerable a topic
for your Poetry Club Meeting.

…What she said,
And listening to immature adults with physical disabilities,
and defeated,
wrinkled,
bent over weeping willows
with no idea when they were last held
and loved as a fully cherished Ego

Person, old Positive Psychologist,
not Ego,
Valued persons here in this sacred space,
this Earth NonReservation Place.

A fully cherished person
would not have been shipped off to the Reservation
where everyone knows
we are all able to grow in multicultural love…

With polycultural health outcomes.

What s/he said,
And “Special” home or classroom
or therapeutic habitat
does not necessarily mean better
or healthier,

And, for some,
“Special” seems to grow pathologically worse.

Or at least
Seems to not grow any better long-term vibrant health.

Right,
our disability Reservations
appear to be further dis-enabling
as health-optimizing nutritional habitats
As compared with wealthy green environments
filled with organic eco/ego-therapeutic parents
and teachers
of Food and Fuel and Fiber MultiSensory Justice
for All.

Especially for all disabling side-by-side siloed residents
living in primarily inside-voices habitats
without the music and dance,
voices and movements
of NatureSpirit’s Great EarthTribe,
First RightBrain prominent
non-languaged
secular/sacred Elders,
all equally WinWin emerging
from EarthMother’s polyculturing…

Really?
Now I would have gone with
Nature/Spirit multiculturing…

ZeroZone WinWin warm-wet-Womb.

Kind of a pre-revolutionary
post-millennial
WWW cooperative health optimizing place

With non-reservation Real SpaceTime 4D WealthTrends.

Much too transparent
and creolizingly vulnerable.
Let’s get back to dreams
of building better outdoor classrooms,
FourSeason porches
and greenhouses
and organically resilient gardens
and decks
and seaside docks,
observation platforms
for worshiping NatureSpirit Earth Voices,
radiant skin caressing Beauty,
look and feel of green wildgrass containers
in raised beds
for sensory hand play
and lower,
for naked foot massages,
back-rub rocks
and historic trails of shade embracing MotherTrees
reforesting a therapeutic nutritional Planet…

Don’t forget natural lighting
and a preference for clean and radiation-safe air,
more music and less bombing and sirens
and automated ballistics
ricocheting inside classrooms…

And sufficient pure-flowing water,
so clear
we can remember Antelope and Buffalo Elders
drinking from nearby streams…

And Eagles,
Don’t forget to mention the Eagles and Hawks…

What about the Doves?

Too redundant…
Not your primary audience.

And recycling hydropower mills,
Awesome rain chains
and solar panels
and wind turbines
and resonant chimes
and harmonic bells
and prisms
for inside rainbow light
where candlelight
would not feel resiliently safe.

I fear we have veered far off our original
raised-bed reservation.

I miss the music of my colonizing youth.

But not the Muse,
apparently.

Transparently?

Not for us to say
on this enabling health and nutrition
and food
and fuel
and WinWin fibrous network Way.

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A Last Beautiful Day

It’s a beautiful day
It’s a beautiful day
It’s a beautiful day
to go out and play.

If your name is D,
D D D D D
It’s a beautiful day
for a D through an A
on back to awesome other
DD da-days
to go out and play.

It’s a beautiful day
It’s a beautiful day
It’s a beautiful day
to go out and play.

If ya wanna avoid some trouble
and your Trumps are marching double
time, and climates start to rumble
Inside voices in full tumble

It s a great day
to take your butt outside and play
Go on ahead and freely stray
Come back when you’re ready to active pray
we learn to cooperate our play
before this last green outside day
was safely felt just yesterday

It’s a beautiful day
It’s a beautiful day
It’s a beautiful day
to go outside
this one last tide
to pray and play
a cooperating day.

D D D D day
go on out and play
it’s your last beautiful day
to have a fresh breath play.

It’s a beautiful night
It’s a beautiful night
It’s a beautiful night
to spin out of sight.

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