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NonProfit CoOperatism

An important truth of non-profit cooperatism,
as contrasted with for-profit corporatism,
is democratic wisdom
of co-investing capital and equity and interdependence,
giving from a healthy egalitarian heart
is also receiving a wealthier, more resilient, bilateral mind,
mind and body fullness,
ego- and eco-therapeutic resonance.

While true of all non-profit
non-competitive economic and democratic cultures,
this may be peculiarly enhanced by religious multicultures,
interfaith communions of active hope for local,
and thereby,
emerging global health of nutrition-cultured outcomes.

It also seems curious to me
that people with disabilities
and chronically homeless people,
people with significant mental and physical health concerns,
are disproportionately aware
of mystical correlations between internal
and external climate conditions,
chaotic and complex,
peaceful and resonant,
dissonant and confluent.

A balmy blue sky day
is more likely to evoke joy,
Just as cold,
damp
inside depression
political repression
social suppression
lack of economic impression
predict winter’s long hibernating darkness.

It may be
dying and dissonant faith communities,
and zealous triumphalistic fundamentalists
favoring red state nationalistic patriarchal
and homophobic
and anti-feminist fake-patriotism,
are enduring the dreg effects of theological apartheid,

Competitions in who has the most redeeming
right-wing economic effects
while ignoring green growing local democratic multicultural inclusion
hospitality
advocacy
healthy resilience
polycultural resonance.

Such competitors may need
Active participation of those with climatic disability experience,
Those who have recently been released from imprisoning cells,
Those who winter in overnight shelters
and summer outside under the stars,
Those torn apart by inside violence
looking longingly toward memories of outside childhood resonance,
Those trained by State machines to kill
as automatically and robotically as commanded
by the AntiEarth voice of a violent god.

And, such wounds
and lingering climate vulnerability
through trials of impoverished internal spirits
and externally hungry natures,
may need active hope and faith and compassion cultures
communities,
communions,
more than elitist and segregated
lukewarm inside win-or-lose capitalistic faith communities,
removed from worshiping outside blue sky memories,
cooperative climates of healthy resonant faith.

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Uncategorized

Commanding Solo Performances

It had been a hellish week.

On Monday
my lonely and tired AfricanAmerican husband
told me, as gently as possible,
that what I had hoped was a temporary separation
is to be extended into perpetuity.

This separation had been scheduled to terminate
when my Fetal Alcohol daughter turns eighteen
and can move into a new, more therapeutically endowed, home
not our non-group home
which could not feel like a private home to him
and to a more peacefully vulnerable me.

He told me his autonomy of residential sight
and sound
and smell,
temperature and feel,
thought and absence of forced transparent thought,
has grown ever more compelling for him,

Like a new life system
organically emerging from calcified minerals
mixed with melted wet.

This permanent separation,
less about not wanting to share a roof and walls
and multicultural floors
and more about wanting a more private
monotheistic habitat.

I had been working on my adopted daughter’s emergency group home application;
Her eighteenth, and first qualifying, birthday was Friday
of this same hellish week
filled with demands,
as usual,
but more so,
more self-prophetically entitled now;

A “big [supremely self-disempowering] girl”
as multiply messaged from school
and therapists
and family,
jonesing to live with submissive peers
who will best be lesser care receivers
as she intends to appropriate all care giving staff,

Demanding preferred foods,
and music
and stories
and dance,
and diaper change
and bed
and bath times
ignoring needs of lesser beings;

Like living with a constantly ticked off Gaia
showing us who’s our jealous Boss
in response to our climate endangering ways
of patriarchal colonization
disrespecting matriarchal communion,
ecological creolization.

Demanding routines she and I have evolved
since she was five,
unable to see up,
only downstream,
unable to hear well,
unable to speak in consonants
articulate enough to defy caregiver ignorance,
lack of subservient cooperation,
submission to her aggressively iron will,
triggering every slaveholder
property owner
reactionary nerve in my husband’s long-term
matriarchal-limned
unnerved memory.

Our more cooperative and trust-building relationship
soon took care of Gaia’s communication problems
but we created, thereby,
a princess entitled ‘I win so you lose’ monster
of immediate and really loud
NEED!

Yet, now that she is maturing to leave this nest,
how much do I need her
to keep me safely home at night
and off the larger terrifying climate stage
of degenerating ecopolitical performance?

On the following Sunday morning,
I was to sing “Let Your Little Light Shine”
a less popular spiritual,
and at least not unnatural,
gospel message;

A sung prayer from enslaved history,
humiliating origins surviving valleys of vulnerable despair
by holding up
and out
dim fading lights of hope,
sometimes accessible from other enslaved properties
with more resilient hope in green and brown and black
communion.

On Saturday night
my heart spoke of grief
lost in deep dark valleys
isolated
abandoned
down-sized
empty-nested
shallow-chested
ancient old person despair,

And my lungs sagged
pushing against narrow edges of freezing panic

Terror about forgetting left-brain words
and reminders of past sung and danced solo performances
not nearly as fun
enriching
fulfilling
health wealthy
as past group participation
in full-nested harmony
synergy
resonance
regenerativity
sacred communions spiritual
while naturally co-present

Green
and brown
and black,
ultra-nonviolet
and transparently clear.

On Sunday morning,
after earning a strategically planned
full night’s rest,
I felt much worse

Unable to imagine leaving my sanctuary
much less singing
much less performing
a song longing for the Lord
to shine even the faintest ray of hope
down into this valley of well-earned despair,

A grey climate of hopelessness,
nihilistic thoughts,
narcissistic preoccupations
trapped in a shrinking fragile egocentrism.

I took an anti-depressant
which got me to the church on time
but now feeling anxiously disembodied
within my own Beloved Sanctuary
too universally white
straight
and too removed from outside green
and family brown
and EarthTribe Native black resonant voices,
fragrances,
touch,
tasting and seeing.

I could not remember words,
or think of alternative reasonable sounds,
could not find my opening pitch,
felt deserted by a cappella
absence of accompaniment,
by a choir relegated to background support services
rather than foreground cooperative resonance
of care giving
co-passioning care receiving.

But, there was something else
bad,
REALLY bad,
a repugnance that stayed with me
through rehearsal,
through first
and then final performance
and on through the return home
after a technical tepid success
lacking the resonance of producing music
transcending rhythm and pitch and lyrics
demanding better held and managed light systems
for my self-isolating despair

Afraid of drowning
in this internal river valley.

Although not sure what happened Sunday night,
I awoke next morning to emotional fragility,
again
to fears of too much aloneness, loneliness,
worries about ageing in a place not quiet enough
from road rage
and too demanding of soil
and water
and energy stewardship,
warm accompaniment,
propriety of grace,
cooperative well-being.

What was different, on this reawakening,
was recognizing my,
and our,
monocultural misappropriation,
supremacist ideation
of “Let your little light shine”
as if we are, and I am,
the Lord’s great solo hope
for all the autonomous
disconnected
apartheid
indigenous nature/spirit
EarthTribe life-systems
of healthy care giving/receiving
singing and dancing in revolving circles
of gospel fire,

Choired resonantly together
in active shared home harmonies,
extending families back through enslaved ancestors
reminding an AfroCentric Lord
this light begins
from hope sung dance together
with multiculturally resonant intelligence

Leaving no one behind
trying to soulfully enlighten
my darkest valley of despair.

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Listening for Sustainability

My daughter,
with Fetal Alcohol crippling emotional intelligence damage
and Cerebral Palsy perpetual TerribleTwo
“is too many,
because Earth is all about ego-defiant me”
has taught herself
to attach her lips,
and sometimes her wet licking tongue
when she is feeling particularly needy
and/or playful
or maybe just hungry,
to my male dominant capitalist-head
when she needs to feel noticed
attached
connected
invested in
better.

This Saturday morning
she commits the unpardonable sin
of waking up before seven a.m.
Eleven is closer to her business as usual.

After bath and costuming,
both accomplished with as little support from me,
autonomously distracted, as possible,
she goes to our kitchen
to watch her favorite animated song and dance loops
on It’s All About You
Tube.

I am hanging out with my son,
also with cerebral palsy,
but unable to walk without balancing assistance
and unable to talk in either direction,
talk back or proclaim forth,
which is more his sister’s favorite skill set.

After a few minutes
of only slightly compromised peace
this sunny summer Saturday morning,
the daughter comes in
to demand her support staff (me)
prepare her royal breakfast (immediately).

I invite her to self-serve.

She says No!
repeatedly
while I remind her
she is capable of going to the freezer,
extracting one microwave pancake and sausage
on a stick,
wrapping it in one square of paper towel,
opening the microwave door,
placing it on the rotating glass plate inside,
closing the door,
pushing 1, 0, 0,
waiting for the ding,
and removing her breakfast by holding the stick,
waiting for it to cool,
removing the paper towel,
and devouring the pancake,
then the sausage,
as usual.

She responds
I want you to do it.

I respond
I want you to do it.

“No, Help me!”

“I am helping you!”

“No!
You do it; not me!”

“Why?”

“Because I”m watching my tablet.”

“And I’m trying to meditate
and write!”

“No! Help me!”

So, I ask for a time out.
We have been at this same impasse countless times.
It’s a ritual,
obsessive and compulsively lose/lose.
We are both not listening
while we are also not meditating
and watching
and writing healthier song and dance stories.

What’s happening here?
You know you can make your own breakfast.
Is this about not wanting to be alone?
Do you want me to show you
how crazy I am about you?

“Can I have a kiss?”

And then we do the “my lips on your head”
And “my head on your lips” ritual.
I give her a back and shoulder massage
while she has her therapeutic attachment breakfast.

My daughter smiles,
leaves the room without further demands,
goes back to the freezer,
pulls out a Blanketed Pig
on a stick…

I go back to writing
about resilience
and remediating potential lose/lose Earth climates
and emotionally cooperative reparations.

My son goes back to sleep,
having had a good belly laugh
at our curiously outspoken craziness,
reminding me
Curiosity is a more effective left-hemisphere tool
than working hard to feel right-hemisphere patience
in the face of apparent weapons
wielded by alien win/lose forces
in an otherwise win/win potentiated
interactive ego/eco-system.

He sits up,
groaning
repeatedly,
until I re-emerge
aware
He needs a diaper change,
on this peaceful sunny summer Saturday morning
riding still-revolving climates of Earth
re-creating green-blue-red
ultra-nonviolent win/win living systems
of actively communicating co-enlightenment.

Maybe we’ll have lunch on the backyard deck
under our barn red umbrella
as the Thames River continues to flow downstream
from northern stars
toward southern sun sustaining states.

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Dear Ivy

Dear Ivy,

I am sorry we did not receive even just a moment to say goodbye
and thank you to each other
for all those school bus rides we took together,
you in your harness,
and me in my wonder
about what’s coming next
from your talking head
to mine.

It is time for me to move on
to another student,
but I am happy to leave you in Miss Josie’s care.

I know she will enjoy your time
invested in each other,

Listening and taking turns speaking kindly with each other,
Singing and maybe even a little dancing together,
reading and drawing as light and bumps allow.

Maybe you can teach each other
some new KnockKnock jokes.

KnockKnock.
Who’s there?
Sandi.
Sandy who?
Sandy sandwiches
are not good for you.

KnockKnock.
Who’s there?
Josie.
Josie who?
Jo see for yourself,
Open the door!

I am grateful to have so many silly and lovely memories
of you
to take with me.

And, the greatest farewell gift you could give me
is your reassurance
that these same warm and happy memories
of us
are what you will carry with you
throughout your great adventurous journey
into well-being.

Warmly yours,

Sandi

Sandi who?
Sandy snacks
are not so good for you.

Note:

My behaviorally disordered ADHD and fetal alcoholic daughter, with abandonment issues and deep-seeded food anxiety issues, suddenly lost her long-standing school bus aide, probably to compassion burn-out.  Ivy can be a profound motivator of impatience in those around her, even with deep and widely developed caregiving and receiving skills. This is the farewell that I think Ivy would have found more therapeutic than the isolating complexities of disappearance without explanation or expressed gratitude for what did co-relationally work for so long.

To be clear, not saying goodbye was an administrative decision from above; not what Ivy’s aide wanted for herself or for Ivy.

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Uncategorized

Dreams Calling Out

I’ve often wondered if my non-verbal
cerebral palsied son
dreams in colors
and/or words
he can hear clearly
but cannot himself see or say,
at least not clearly articulate.

Yet any sounds and gentle touch
we appreciate perhaps too dearly
if that is possible with D,
my wounded son.

So, I was surprised,
after twenty years of delighted wonder,
and awed last new moon night
when he shouted “Hey!” into my ear,
about one inch from his mouth
in that time of darkest sight

While I had been dreaming of stepping out
where full moon’s light
brights a mysterious pilgrimage into mysterious,
perhaps even mischievous, adventure.

My heart sparked
as D shouted Hey! miraculously
just as I was greeting moon light
splayed across our front porch,
intending to leave D behind
to walk out into Earth’s bright staged sights
while leaving him to rest in peace.

My eyes popped open.

While D slept peacefully on,
without triumphant smile or despondent frown,
although perhaps just a hint
of his mischievous shy dimple, down
toward the front of his right cheek
curling open to grace me
with a loopy grateful grin
shallow but neatly round.

Say Hey! together
calling out this night’s pilgrimage spell
swelling day’s scavenging bright
un-voiced adventures
in listening well.

Calling out
to both Sun and Rain
to thank these for their presence
and remind them of covenants
to remain in perpetual organic balance,
co-present presence,
not too hot and ultra-violet,
not too wet
and green moldy degenerate.

Calling out
in dreams of healthy new moons
and wealthy fullness, shout
resting in Advent’s
adventurous
adventuring
peaceful outback pilgrimage
into boundaries of minds
in dreaming bodies.

 

 

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Uncategorized

Enabling Questions

Do those fully enabled,
Do those powerfully SuperElite viral
hoard water, land,
energy, educational resources
needed for WinWin revolutionary thrival?
I asked this landscaping class
of young adults
with diverse-languaged/unlanguaged disabilities.

I learn more from my silent challenges,
losses,
weakness
than the WhiteHouse has ever heard
while alpha guard dog
competing against our own future healthy kids.

Do labor-cost savings,
Do retributive competing legal but immoral extractions
protect our wealthy few
from their engorged ego-maniacal selves
at the expense of our more health-challenged 99%?

I listen to outside harmonic Voices
singing
and ringing
and zinging
and pinging
and thinging new WinWin ways
more democratically owned,
more co-responsibly co-invested responsive
lightning with thundering authority
of water-bearing love
flowing in and out at 100%.

Do you see disabled unhistory
resonate creolizing DNA
as our final revolutionary step
in health-wealth disability recovery?

Followed by enabling cooperative Trust choices
that add deeper listening to weakness meaning
to secular metaphysical purpose
and sacred ecological historic
bilateral strength of consciousness.

Must we patiently endure restorative medicines
to become ego LeftBrain disenabling
refined to reclaim power-with cooperative
integral
organic Ego with Eco design?

I listen for green health-wealth enabling elements
in my wheelchair life
of disabled through chronically stressed climate survival
Longing for inside health belonging
in solidarity with outside Voices wealth
When Outside health
invites my ego-enabled cooperative wealth.

How might we grow a more interdependent health-wealth trending
society of multicultural inclusion?

I begin each wheelchair-bound day
reviewing WinWin values
found in my own and in ancient Creation Stories
I hold most GoldenRule interdependently cherished;
Left and RightBrain
deductive and inductive nourishing values
to guide this day’s health program
and cooperative wealth-growing default policies.

Let’s talk among our outselves
and with our Allies
How can we ensure
our children continue
to accurately inclusively co-arise
multigenerational
multilanguaged broken and Win/Lose fragile humanity
with Outside harmonic voices
longing to resiliently advance WinWin
now disabling WinLose agendas?

I would vote for only WinWin cooperative green campaigners,
Rather than continue evolving WinLose replications
of LeftBrain overpowering compete monocultures,
RightBrain disenabling run-away predative systems
we hope to fully enable Left with Right bicameral beyond

Challenged egos with therapeutic eco-voices,
Convexly empowered with concavely listening, witnessing
Yang with binomial notnot Yin
Equi-Valent polypathic wu-wei
Tipping points
Deep learning narrow power-with ways and means
Secular/Sacred
Natural/Spiritual lessons
from our competitive bipolar weakness.

Is humanity
that would stand competitively aside
from Original Integrity,
growing inhumanity?

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Can’t Make You Stalk Me

Turn up the lights
Fold up the bed
Turn up those voices
outside my head
Lay out for me
Feed me with lies
Just hold me up, your patron saint
Do matronize me

‘Cause I can’t make you stalk me
if you won’t
You can’t make your mind think something
it don’t
Here in my light,
in these early hours
I will pick up my heart
and not feel your power
But I can’t, no I won’t
‘Cause I can’t make you stalk me,
when you don’t.

I’ll freeze my eyes,
then you won’t see
The heart you don’t feel
when you’re not holding me
Evening will come
and you’ll do what’s wrong
Just give me till then
to give up this song
And you could give up our wrong

‘Cause I can’t make you love us
if you won’t
You can’t make your mind feel something
it don’t
Here in our light,
in these late hours
I will pick up my heart
and I’ll feel our power
But I can’t, no I can’t
‘Cause I can’t make you stalk peace,
when you don’t.

 

With apologies to Allen Shamblin and Michael Reid who cooperatively wrote one of my favorite songs.

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