Human history is difficult;
hard pressed,
discovering
and rediscovering,
connecting
and reconnecting feelings
about therapeutic needs
and sacred wants
for peace
trust
joy

Through co-empathic singing passions
which may,
too often,
feel stressful

Irritating
depressing
stormy
before unconditional win/win regard
for Self AND Other
reconnect,

Like EgoTheistic re-ligion
and EcoMatriarchal
indigenously multicultural
wisdom

Of Ego/EarthTribe mutual becoming
more green therapeutic together
than win/lose competitive
dissociating
controlling and too egocentric
and too anthro-dominant
held too LeftBrain supremacist
apart.

On my drive back
to my blue turbulent home,
I struggle with postpartum depression,

Common when I separate
from spiritual sojourner musicians,
fellow wandering sacred wonderers
would-be soul-full,
not hopelessly ego-engorged, harmonizers
and intuitive dancers,
expressively embodied movers
and economic-political shakers,
mindful ecological leaders
and GoodNews infused chorus girls
and everyday win/win polyphonic boys,
maturely compassionate men and women
and exotic in-between
bodhisattva polytheists.

Why am I feeling irritated
against you?

What could I have said
and gestured,
and shared,
and done,
and not done
to let you know,
to let you in
on how unheard
unseen
and unappreciated I am feeling
as this evening,
this mortal life,
this sacred opportunity
slides
and swims
and sails by.

In more recent weeks
our original intent
to listen deeply
with informed compassion
for wounds
becoming unweaponed,
for win/win communion therapies
that join
conjoin
rejoin past win/lose traumas
feels unraveled,
sidetracked,
drydocked
in issues about pain,
suffering,
loss of control,
severances overwhelming renewals,
universal climatic turbulence
flooding remaining hopes
for unitarian green/blue EarthTribe
boating peaceful home.

Why do you seem so triggered
by alpha stressed competitions
with our sometimes surprisingly controlling
too egocentric
capitalistic spiritual director,
sacred leader,
ecopolitical peace activist,
theological love teacher,
ecological panentheistic mentor,
health-is-wealth core care facilitator,
multicultural mediator,
operations conductor
of musicians, at our musing
and amusing best,
and not cacophonously win/lose strategists
at our distrusting
and mistrusting worst.

I become curious
about why you want to control
our musical mountainous expression
of plain and solid standing
to sing together
by remaining distant
from my inside rolling oceans
of peak sensory
musical movement experiences.

Why do you seem less curious
about how I struggle to joyfully continue sailing
never, ever having known safe harbor
or healthy home portal,
on this straight white privileged place?

Sailing on this epic journey
for positive regard
that I know,
without shadows of depressing doubt,
will stand
and sit
and lie,
listen and speak and sing with me
as I am embraced
with all my woundedness
and all our co-empathic sacred brilliance
to joyfully celebrate,
quietly appreciate,
gratefully acknowledge
everyday sacraments
of kindred sailing souls

Making our blue ways home
under stars of full moon heavens
embracing revolutions
of therapeutic light
and traumatic night,
wondering

How frightening it feels
to age away from peak mental
spiritual
physical
natural control

Facing inevitable mortal degeneration
threatening to steal back
my sureness
that below Me
and within
We feel no motion,
no terrifying emotion
while standing firmly in control
of this plain
everyday
yet mountainous
musical event

Of rolling co-operations
and conflicts,
voiced and hidden,
in overwhelm surviving mode
so not able to access confident
curious co-thrival
co-passionate means
to deeply listen
and appreciate
being born to sail this Earth
together in this time
of climatic changing
blue boat swamping terror

Within the fathoms
of our turbulent oceanic universe,
traveling salt-teared Earth
driving home
wondering why you are now less curious
about why my fluidly
legato love story
requires a cappella blues,
reflective repetitions,
emotive nuances
as slow
and widely engaged,
deeply felt
as floating thoughts
diving into EarthTribe’s most sacred
peak systemic experiences

Blue blues
rolling through oceans
of warm
salty wet Earth tears
of universal compassion

ReMembering
human history is difficult,
hard pressed,
discovering
and rediscovering,
connecting
and reconnecting feelings
about therapeutic needs
with sacred wants
for peace
trust
joy
sacred mused harmonics.