Integrity
pursues a sacred panentheistic journey
in conjoining interdependence
While integrity’s sacred potential
is a still emergent
health-wealth salvific optimizing
transcendent engoddessing
EarthTribal progressive process
Of co-passionate
eternally timeless
momentary being
becoming united
through humble-theistic co-relationship,
Both sacredly We divine
and secularly Me humane.
So, this is a love letter
from me
to you
for us.
Quiet Cream
and well moisturized Tan
were my first warm
and appreciative glimpse of you
Engaged listener.
Looks gay men in wounded eyes
while listening,
then speaking,
searching for
and finding acceptance,
at least for here
and now.
While both our neuro-systems ask,
with each breath inhaled,
Am I safe?
Each breath exhaled,
Is this healthy?
Or maybe,
ummm…
“I’ll have to think about that.”
Not so much
as a glance my witnessing way,
Wondering,
Is he why I am here?
I hope
Would I be appropriate
to here become
for just one Other?
You were not distracted
easily
from eyes
and voices
surrounding your place
in this 44th chapter
in not patriarchal,
but truly not green ecofeminist either,
Gayla BTQ versatile,
exclusive top,
promiscuously inclusive bottom,
anonymous,
romantic-erotic,
occasionally sacredly orgasmic,
political sex health history.
I wondered
then
as now
where we could fit
In gaps of loneliness
of not being fully known,
exposed,
spiritually and naturally naked
transparent
vulnerable,
fully co-invested,
transculturally cooperative,
co-empathic
co-passionate,
quietly completing each other’s unsaid senses,
thoughts,
integrity,
warmth,
refulgent quenching wetness.
Then, that first smile
just for me.
I am lost to your white teeth,
left-sided dimple,
eyelashes heavy lidding brown-eyed welcome
despite it all
Trust in integrity’s healing potential
after considering all losses,
stressors,
past troubling relationships
in gay white male privilege.
There we were
and here we are
ongoing
Me
writing this love letter,
You
curiously waiting to hear
and see
and feel,
to touch
and be touched by,
something possibly on your way,
a lovely surprise
Because
No one writes love letters
evermore
Painlessly including
those in quiet ecstasy
for quiet Cream
and well-moisturized Tan.
Why does this resonance of love,
lovely resonance,
feel so complexly complicated
to achieve?
Complicating,
complicit in felt imperfection
While red hot hate
burns resiliently,
remains pure
and uncomplicated,
unnuanced,
Vengeance is Mine!
bright as red anger
smoldering in cold
black coal fear
of perfect disregard,
contempt,
judgment,
shaming blame
unequivocal unilteral conviction
I was right
to never truly love
in that unredeemed
leftist win/win compassionate
Not Right RedBlooded win/lose
competitively traumatic
capitalist-patriarchal
monotheistic punishing way
Of anthrosupremacist survivalist sway,
HuMan MonoCulture Yang, LeftBrain dominant
dissonantly against
EarthMother PolyCulture Yintegrity,
RightBrain prominent EarthTribal
interdependent living systems
unraveling out in partisan bipolar directions
CoArising dipolar dynamic
four seasonal
green ecopolitical healthy wealth
win/win organic
Breathing in polypathic Taoist erections
of bicameral body/mind co-governing projections
for feeding
and watering public/private health
root
chakra
eco/theo-logical panentheistic
living sacred double-binary
emergent information
Joy/Integrity body health
is green mindwealth safety systemic,
neuro-systemic win/win optimization,
and eco/theologically cooperative
co-investments in mind-body
EarthTribe inclusive
healthcare
Which may be why
does this resonance of love,
lovely resonance,
sound so complexly complicated
to achieve?
And feels impossible
not to fully co-invest
despite considering
all the LeftBrain dominant facts
of Earth’s eventual mortality.
All of the men
and most of the women
I have known
whose most important life-affirming value
is not to be for Earth’s climate health
and is to be adamantly against abortion
of healthy individual fetal life,
Are not motivated by love
of all polycultural
EarthTribe interdependent life’s
organic networking systems
of humane-divine development.
More rigid anti-abortion positions
ironically emerge from confusing
complex interplay
between AnthroSupremacist
LeftBrain monocultural thinking
Supported by white patriarchal
monotheistically hierarchical
RightBrain repressed anxious feelings
that nonstraight
nonmale
nonwhite folks
have always been less empowered
and inevitably more dimly enlightened
about healthy
divinely inspired
ethical values for health-wealthy life.
Those who have blind faith
in AnthroSupremacist righteous values
but less actual experience
of integrity’s personal blessings
Whose lot in less loved and valued life
is to survive win/lose cosmic ecopolitical realities
rather than win/win EarthTribe anticipations
to holy and holistically thrive
Have less healing experience
emerging consistently
multiculturally
from healthy fetal emergence
and from mentally healthy wombed experience
into light of EarthTribe’s co-empathic
universal commitment
to wealth-share
healthcare
Rather than continuing
mindlessly aborting Earth’s green/blue health
as a living
sacred
global
organic system
of divinely humane
compassionate providence
More like a polycultural garden
of healthy polypathic loving Elders
than a hotbed of climatic
dramatic
mutually abortive hate.
It seems unlikely
Left Hemisphere’s
Either 100% Positive-On
Or 0% Negative-Dormant circuitry
Could change
toward polypolarizing
Right Hemisphere’s
Both Full
And NonZero Empty
CoPassion
And Silent Soul feelings
Devoid of unilaterally dissonant monoculturalism,
monotheistic judging voices,
depressing anthro-supremacism,
predicating overwhelming chaos,
underwhelming complexity
of unnatural lose-Me/lose-We despair
for fading
formerly healthy memories
of ecosystemic robust climates
For our already wounded children
and their affective climates
of high lose/lose risk
negatively correlated
with fading win/win opportunities
to rediscover
great Green EcoFeminist healthcare
For our future poly/mono-cultural
health of LeftHemisphere rational
verbal appreciation
For RightHemisphere wealth
of green eco-systemic
regenerative
resilient body-health/mind-wealth
strong/flowing
mountain/valley
convex-ego/concave-ecology
Ritualizing sacred green redeemers
Prophets of holy panentheistic
regenerative healthcare
Composed of dynamic spiraling revolutions,
emerging systems
remembering lunar ecocycles
of LeftHemisphere enlightenment,
RightHemisphere both/and co-empathic
passionate wisdom,
dipolar co-arising light/dark
Reweaving health/wealth
ReConnecting co-empathic evolutionals
like Yang/Yin
liberal love/conservational mental yintegrity
co-investing Left/Right
in Green poly-systemic health
resilience of hidden appositionals
in co-operating co-passion
BiPolar sexual orientations
including dipolar co-arising transcendent Saints
AND TransPanTheistic seductive Sinners
Straight poles
and transgender holes,
tops and bottoms,
aboves and belows,
co-enlightnment and affective wise empowerment
together seeking blue/green global climates
of health-caring balance
In a NonZero systemic zone
Open to secular holistic
AND sacred panentheistic understandings
overwhelming global
bi-hemispheric
health/wealth care
both Eco/Theo-Logical
ReWeaving
ReConnecting
ReGenerating similarities
in double-negative equals positive balancing
win/win optimizing
resilient global healthcare
openness,
open wounded nest
That positive Polynomial (P) worldviews
LeftHemisphere dominant
are also
negative NotPolynomial (NP)
views of RightHemisphere
win/win healthy v lose/lose pathological
heuristic both/and theoretical experience
DiPolar co-arising
liberal Yang lovers
and conservational-integral
GreenBeauty ecofeminist
global healthcare
eco/theo-logically
enlightened/empowered
To inter-religiously interconnect
multicultural values for health
with our polycultural STEAM experience
of resilient green ecosystemic
resilient
global
Open Systemic
holistically healthy-wealth
ReWeaving
ReConnecting
ReGenerating
mountains/valleys
convex/concave
complex/chaotic
holistic/empty narcissistic ZeroZone
for EarthTribe’s global wealthshare
equivalently balancing
green/blue healthcare
ReConnecting
ReWeaving
interdependent red-blooded
USA patriotism
for Green MotherEarth,
reconnecting
reweaving
sweet
sacred Home.
When I feel compassion
with my positive needs
for love
health
trust
safety,
When I feel compassion
for my negative fears
wounds
negative fortress wants
to overpower perceived threats
against my egocentric compromises
with ruthless capitalism,
soulless patriarchalism,
strategic genocide,
extractive ecocide,
smug and heartless anthrosupremacy,
aggressively diseased LeftBrain dominance
inside my ruminating self
as schizophrenically viral
outside Those Evil People
voices
without kind choices,
When I feel compassion
with my healthy integral potential
and for my pathological capacity
to do more harm
to further wound EarthTribal consciousness
to militarize my fearmongering
and angry repressive words,
When I feel compassion
as the guy who loves listening
to friends and family
excited about our multigenerational attachments
to multicolored
and fabulously gay designed
and exotically sexy fragrant flowers
Is also the coempathizing guy
who shares DNA
and bicameral neurosystemic flow structures
with Vladimir Putin
and those who voted for him,
with Adolph Hitler
and those who voted for him,
Donald Trump
and those who voted for him,
Mitch McConnell
and those who voted for his Party,
and possibly even Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene,
and those Georgians who voted for her
bad blond self-image
Which is decidedly not Green
in any feminist compassionate
organically cooperative
and co-empathically engaged way,
and means to truth
and healthy resilient life
Maybe,
as I have sometimes whispered,
not-green Greene is a toxic infestment
machine
planted by an alien aryan planet
When I feel compassion
what do I need?
want?
crave?
CoEmpathic cooperation
and healthy co-investment,
experiences of win/win strategic game playing,
celebrating our resonant
positive
social neurological systems
for restorative health
for cooperative
long-term
EarthTribe safety.
When I feel compassion
for my engaged side
AND my dark and ominous potential
to fail in my own indigenous
humane
natural/spiritual development potential,
Then I can at least laugh
with my own creative conspiracy theories
and against my own tragic Earth-destructive
Mutually Assured Destruction,
MADness that might take out humanity
Or,
even worse,
eradicate Earth’s wild
and domesticated flowers.
When I feel anxious,
threatened,
endangered by mortal loss
of an immortality
never organically promised
for perpetual pleasures of compassion,
When I feel anxious
aging toward permanent disability
before my Wise Elder fruition
returns to brain fog
from which I came
in embryonic form
and flow
and function,
When I feel anxious
about unmerited,
or,
even worse,
merited infamy
as my destiny
rather than fame
fortune
flowering time,
what do I need?
want?
crave for pleasure
purpose
practice
praxis
just protocol
performance
peace persistence
proper procedures,
and, perhaps,
sacred organic meaning?
When I feel anxious
do I need
deep verbal and non-verbal connections
to those who share a home
with still embodied me?
Do I want reconnections
with healthy neighbors
co-cultivating an intentional
conscious
aware
woke
win/win curiously active
healthy and safe
green eco-political community?
resiliently resonant communion?
co-passionate communication network?
Does my own internal RightHemisphere
need healthy and safe communion
while my own activist LeftHemisphere
wants to restore justice
through nonviolent communication
between multiculturally informed,
prescient win/win community mediators?
Do I seek fellow hearty
and healthy Me/We sighted
and cited
home-sited organizers?
committed, yet playful, musicians,
political poets,
cooperative co-investors
in healthy democracy
resilient
resonant
buoyant EarthTribe advocates
combining party lines
for win/win strategic thrival
When I feel anxious
do I also need
to solitary write
or sing and dance,
or hum
quietly alone
with no witness
but my own?
When feeling anxious
slowly turns
to considering curious anticipation
beyond dark dread,
must I always remain quite so shy?
about intimacy,
hesitant to publish internal dialogue
free of censoring
potentially consensual fear
about patriarchal capitalist
investments in LeftHemisphere
white privileged
straight male dominance
as the healthy-safe opposite
of conspiracy theories
and transcendently divine
dogmas justifying inhumane
punishments.
When I feel free
to anticipate
our safe and healthy
EarthTribe future,
do I seek
Polycultural Cooperative Investments?
formed by Elder Indigenous Mind,
panentheistically sacred memory
co-empathically robust
health speaking
nonverbally felt
deeply resilient
nutritious
deep nurturing
positive socio-psychological
eco-political
multiculturing wealth.
When I’m feeling lonely
and anxious,
small and ineffective
against depression
descending like a brain fog bank
In this Elder moment,
I have grown faith
even this chronic dark veil
will withdraw,
Although
perhaps not as sure of when
as tomorrow’s fresh green/blue
worldview dawn
Naturally spirited dark nights
for ego embodied wounds
will recede again
When I’m feeling lonely
and anxious,
rather than healthy
good humored
and safe
with gratitude
For Earth’s panentheistic pleasures
win/win neurosensory practices,
whole-sum dialectical praxis
replete with paradigmatic
revolutionary creolization
musical recreations
across all nations
historically therapeutic
nonviolent communications
When I’m feeling anxious
and lonely,
I am wanting?
Needing what?
To feel healthy
and recognize my situation as factually
and fortunately safe
in some way?
I can say out loud
and take my Verbal Hemisphere dominant self
seriously
rather than speciously,
curiously
rather than furiously.
When I’m lonely
and fear depression’s
disenabling
and unenlightened fog,
am I needing to feel ego-compassion,
eco-systemic expansion?
To see Earth’s restorative health
within
balancing
Sun’s most resiliently revolutionary wealth,
without?
When feeling lonely
what do I most crave?
When feeling traumatized
wounded
internally divided
stuck
dissociated
cognitively/affectively dissonant,
Rather than bilaterally resonant
inside
as outside
deep polycultural revival
and widely
inclusively
multiculturally resilient
Is cooperative
eco-political correctness
what I need
for myself
and with all EarthTribe’s potential
Yang-full Yintegral flow?
Throughout healthy EarthSpace
and wealthy SunRevolving Time,
when feeling lonely,
what does my egobody need,
want,
most crave?
Deepest brave,
courageously transparent,
vulnerably curious way
to stay
safe and healthy
multigenerationally
and multiculturally
and polypathically
Yang monotheistic
and Yin panentheistic,
One full organic ZeroZone
and not, not empty polymathic
entirely
coldly
clinically theoretic.
When feeling anxious
I long for win/win robust anticipation
Gratitude
for a species
too win/lose comfortable
with VerbalHemisphere dominant genocide
and ecocidal ideations
While Elder Hemisphere wisdom
prominently celebrates
Spring rites of Yang fruitfulness
and Yintegral full flow flowering
Truth
and Beauty
Wholeness
and elegant holonic
co-relationships,
co-passion,
ego/eco-systemic Earth
Tribal green integrity
Synergy,
negentropy,
ergodically whole-sum
holonic win/win open
anticipating further enriching
green comforting energy.
Yours is my sacred non-zero soul
core center shared
within
Surrounded by your robust
fertile
masculine energy
Not to exploit
and yet not too shy
Not too retractive
nor extractive,
equipoised
Anticipating
our cooperative re-investing,
powerfully ebbing
and succulently flowing
further enculturating future.
So, I do not cheat without you
in my most polypathic
panentheistic imaged way,
Always knowing we must each
separately
and full-clothed return
to yet another Patriarchal
White Capitalist dominant
LeftBrain academically
monoculturally anthro-supremacist
Straight Day
Our monotheistic Way
on Earth
waiting for full
and edifying thrusts
of and from
multicultural indigenous EarthTribe trust
in octaved sensory
resolving light
and musical resounding sound
Imagining
engaging
co-empathic RightHemisphere senses heard
and felt
in nonzero whole-sum
resplendently glad non-choices
CoEmpowered both/and opportunities
CoInfested
hot and hasty
awaiting win/win economic
and political play.
Doing my wholesome
whole sums
holy nonzero full of life
so not so win/lose unwholesome
empty entropy
Is not here where Eden
promised my wounded child
GreenPeace
restorying panentheistic
omniscient
WholeSum Systemic
yang-yintegral
resilient health pay ways
Way to say
You are the egocenter
within my ecosystemic
copassions gay
Taurus full-octaved
yang yintegral octane
regenerative DNA
poetic display
noetic fray
In a land-linear
and a deep sea-full
of repercussive 1/0
co-binary fruitful
erotic
sacred organic
double-binding fun
In between EarthPowered yintegrity
and HeavenLighting yang sun
Solar systemic enlightened
by indigenously sun-powered EarthTribe
Healthy selfcare flowing fun…
Inside/Outside pun…
Ego/Eco systemic run…
PolyCultural languaged plum…
Yang/Yintegral polymathic
polynomially polypathic
polyvagal neurosystemic
nutrients of super-positive health
Balancing ecological green wealth
living
organic Whole Systemic
language voices
nonviolent win/win
optimizing trans-connecting choices
So, in a way
I could not win cheating on your loss
in our most polypathic
panentheistic win/win privileged way
polyculturally healthy
within this singularly wealthy
gay day.
A nut
is just a nut
till planted
in robust healthy soil
Soulfully watered
nurtured
fed by solidarity
among sympathetic neighbors
Not necessarily nuts,
yet from this same root
system of passionate EarthTribes
Trees
and seas
and sacred nests
of honey bees
Enlightening
and empowering
nut engaging mysteries.
gdill52 