My car-ride silence
is not judging you;
maybe me,
but certainly
and more generously
unconditionally not angry
or shaming
or blaming
you for unpardonable sins
against sainted me.
With you in a powerless passenger seat
and me in a self-punishing driver’s
need to alone defeat
our unshared lonely demons
darkly frightened and angry
terrified trauma
repeat
repeat
repeat
Frozen in this mystical dark
threatening night
mile after agonizing
coldly silent mile.
Self judgment
for addictions to bright pleasure
to glaring peace
to sacred wombs
remembering comfort and joy;
and warmly quiet compassion
listening, hopefully,
for what you can not say
gratefully yet today
Until you are ready
to speak your overflowing feelings,
positive
and negative,
manic
and depressive,
conflicted in-between
comically up
and tragically down,
cooperatively spiritual
and competitively natural,
warm mind wants
and searing body needs
Your trauma narrative
and our therapeutic hopes
and win/win dreams
for terrifying partnered glory.
My silence
is not cold,
not condemning,
but warmly curious
To hear,
and thereby hope to help heal
less silent
more shared sided by side
struggles
Together co-arising
mostly compassionate wars
against past and present unhealthy addictions
passions
Empowerments
and disempowerments,
unconditionally warm
and sacred enlightenments
and calculating cold silent
and severing secular endarkenments,
retributive competitions
and restorative cooperations
Playing quiet conspiracy games
of who can hold his voice longest
and most sadly,
and how we warmly hold
our compassion choice
more gladly
For healthier peace
and wealthier best
Tragic Comedy Drama
in a daily soap opera
series
Of critical
trauma risks
and therapeutic opportunities
throughout this long bad day
Driving not only
lonely in a cold conspiracy
of silence;
more of a warm compassion context
for restoring
and restorying
nonverbal heart communion
Reweaving what you once said
or thought
or hoped
or feared
that time heals all wounds
Except incapacity to remember
how you got them
and how much they cost
us.
gdill52 